I actually did it!!!
Eddie Van Halen wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Gaines, Michigan
Posts: 51
I actually did it!!!
My biggest challenge yet to my 30 days of sobriety came up today...and I passed the test!
My wife and kids are going out of town this weekend. I was going to go, but I ended up having to work instead. In the past, this was ALWAYS a time to drink.
Several times during the past few years when I was in my "dry" periods this would happen (she would leave and be all worried about it)...but inevitably I would always drink while they were gone and just lie about it. I was pretty good at hiding the money I spent so she would not figure it out.
Well...when I found out yesterday that I was going to stay home the old stinkin' thinkin' started again. I even had it all planned out - I couldn't drink on Friday night because I had to work early on Saturday so I couldn't risk people smelling it on me. Saturday was going to be the night. Yeah buddy...Saturday was going to be THE NIGHT!!!
How was I going to hide the money? Simple. There is an AA open talk on Fridays with a potluck dinner. I was simply going to go to the grocery store, buy booze, but tell my wife that the bill was for dessert for the dinner. She would never know!!
And the Antabuse? No problem. I take it in the morning, but I just wasn't going to take it for a few days. I would take extra pills out of the bottle just in case my wife was counting them. She would never know!!
Good GOD am I smart!! I can hide ANYTHING!!
But guess what?
I was taking my pills/vitamins this morning and I did not take the Antabuse bottle down out of the cupboad...just like I had planned.
All of a sudden I had a "moment".
I thought..."for God's sake, Jerry...when it this ever going to stop? Aren't you tired of lying? Aren't you tired of being afraid to talk to your wife on the phone and her figuring out that you are drunk? Aren't you sick of making plans to get rid of the bottles and any other evidence? Aren't you tired of playing games to hide the money? Aren't you tired of planning it so you don't have to drive (which I probably would anyways since I probably wouldn't buy enough and then figure out how to hide the cash to go get more...)? Aren't you tired of holding yet another secret?".
So...
I pulled that Antabuse bottle down and took TWO pills instead of one (my doctor said that was OK to take that much at times)...
Praise my Higher Power which I am proud to call God!! He gave me the strength right when I needed it.
This will be in 20 years the VERY FIRST time that my wife has gone out of town that I DID NOT DRINK.
Thank God I am not going to drink today, and with his will I will not tomorrow as well.
Instead of sitting at home Saturday night drinking...I'm going to find a nice meeting to go to. I think there is an open talk at 8:00pm. Not my normal meeting...but then again this will not be a "normal" Saturday for me...I won't be drinking!!
Today is a good day!
My wife and kids are going out of town this weekend. I was going to go, but I ended up having to work instead. In the past, this was ALWAYS a time to drink.
Several times during the past few years when I was in my "dry" periods this would happen (she would leave and be all worried about it)...but inevitably I would always drink while they were gone and just lie about it. I was pretty good at hiding the money I spent so she would not figure it out.
Well...when I found out yesterday that I was going to stay home the old stinkin' thinkin' started again. I even had it all planned out - I couldn't drink on Friday night because I had to work early on Saturday so I couldn't risk people smelling it on me. Saturday was going to be the night. Yeah buddy...Saturday was going to be THE NIGHT!!!
How was I going to hide the money? Simple. There is an AA open talk on Fridays with a potluck dinner. I was simply going to go to the grocery store, buy booze, but tell my wife that the bill was for dessert for the dinner. She would never know!!
And the Antabuse? No problem. I take it in the morning, but I just wasn't going to take it for a few days. I would take extra pills out of the bottle just in case my wife was counting them. She would never know!!
Good GOD am I smart!! I can hide ANYTHING!!
But guess what?
I was taking my pills/vitamins this morning and I did not take the Antabuse bottle down out of the cupboad...just like I had planned.
All of a sudden I had a "moment".
I thought..."for God's sake, Jerry...when it this ever going to stop? Aren't you tired of lying? Aren't you tired of being afraid to talk to your wife on the phone and her figuring out that you are drunk? Aren't you sick of making plans to get rid of the bottles and any other evidence? Aren't you tired of playing games to hide the money? Aren't you tired of planning it so you don't have to drive (which I probably would anyways since I probably wouldn't buy enough and then figure out how to hide the cash to go get more...)? Aren't you tired of holding yet another secret?".
So...
I pulled that Antabuse bottle down and took TWO pills instead of one (my doctor said that was OK to take that much at times)...
Praise my Higher Power which I am proud to call God!! He gave me the strength right when I needed it.
This will be in 20 years the VERY FIRST time that my wife has gone out of town that I DID NOT DRINK.
Thank God I am not going to drink today, and with his will I will not tomorrow as well.
Instead of sitting at home Saturday night drinking...I'm going to find a nice meeting to go to. I think there is an open talk at 8:00pm. Not my normal meeting...but then again this will not be a "normal" Saturday for me...I won't be drinking!!
Today is a good day!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
When we put as much effort into recovery, as we did into the lying/hiding/secrets of using/drinking, it's amazing what we can accomplish!
When I realized what a drain it was on me, mentally and financially, I realized it just wasn't worth it anymore and that was a huge turning point for me.
I hope you have a great time at the meeting on Saturday!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
When I realized what a drain it was on me, mentally and financially, I realized it just wasn't worth it anymore and that was a huge turning point for me.
I hope you have a great time at the meeting on Saturday!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He who seeks, will find
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Galway Ireland
Posts: 35
well god works in miraclious was indeed. I hope you continue on your journey and it never ends for you. maybe that was you moment when the "light shone" down on you. See it as a sign that somebody is watching over you carefully.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Jerry that is awesome, take full advantage of SR, Meetings, folks in and outside of the fellowship. Early sobriety is a bear, I always used to make BIG BIG drinking plans whenever the family was going out of town. This was a time when I no longer needed to sit in the garage by myself drinking, I could sit in the house and drink until I passed out.
Being alone for me in early sobriety was very dangerous for me, meetings, folks in the fellowship and friends were real life savers early on.
You are doing well, you are doing what you need to do to stay sober.
Being alone for me in early sobriety was very dangerous for me, meetings, folks in the fellowship and friends were real life savers early on.
You are doing well, you are doing what you need to do to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
when it this ever going to stop? Aren't you tired of lying? Aren't you tired of being afraid to talk to your wife on the phone and her figuring out that you are drunk? Aren't you sick of making plans to get rid of the bottles and any other evidence? Aren't you tired of playing games to hide the money? Aren't you tired of planning it so you don't have to drive (which I probably would anyways since I probably wouldn't buy enough and then figure out how to hide the cash to go get more...)? Aren't you tired of holding yet another secret?".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
ummmm, yeah. Used to do the same thing. Get through the morning, get through the afternoon, wife runs out for an hour and I'm grabbing that first drink which always got me going and drunk. Oh, I was such a good sneaky deeky... NOT!
So glad you kept your streak going and didn't drink. You gained something positive to be proud of and build a better base for staying sober the next day. Good for you!
So glad you kept your streak going and didn't drink. You gained something positive to be proud of and build a better base for staying sober the next day. Good for you!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Way to go Jerry!!!!!
Actual after being in recovery for a while I realized that it was a lot less 'taxing' than all the conniving, manipulation, lying, stealing, etc that I put into my alcohol and drug use.
Recovery was actually the "Easier Softer Way" rofl. Took a few years to figure that one out though.
That was great that you got past the 'stinkin thinkin' and are headed to a meeting.
Keep up the good work!!
Keep letting us know how you are doing, it's great for all of us and especially the newcomers.
Love and hugs,
Actual after being in recovery for a while I realized that it was a lot less 'taxing' than all the conniving, manipulation, lying, stealing, etc that I put into my alcohol and drug use.
Recovery was actually the "Easier Softer Way" rofl. Took a few years to figure that one out though.
That was great that you got past the 'stinkin thinkin' and are headed to a meeting.
Keep up the good work!!
Keep letting us know how you are doing, it's great for all of us and especially the newcomers.
Love and hugs,
Eddie Van Halen wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Gaines, Michigan
Posts: 51
Just an update...
The "test" I mentioned in the OP was on Friday. Saturday I was ready to cave in...BIG TIME. I was convinced by noon that I was going to drink that night...antabuse or not.
So what happened?
I called my wife (out of town, remember) and she suggested that I just drive over to meet her and the kids. This was a 300 mile drive, by the way.
At first I was irritated. How was I going to drink now? Everything was going to be f'd up!
But...again...God placed the right thoughts in my mind.
I told her "sure. I will be right there".
Didn't drink that night. Had a great time with my wife and kids. I was on vacation for the last two weeks and had a GREAT time with wife and kids.
...Funny how that happens when you really want it to...
And...
I finally got a sponsor last week. After three weeks of putting it off I finally did it.
Let's pray that life keeps going in the right direction...
45 days sober. That has never happened before. Sure...I have had up to five months DRY. But not sober.
And for me...that has made all the difference.
The "test" I mentioned in the OP was on Friday. Saturday I was ready to cave in...BIG TIME. I was convinced by noon that I was going to drink that night...antabuse or not.
So what happened?
I called my wife (out of town, remember) and she suggested that I just drive over to meet her and the kids. This was a 300 mile drive, by the way.
At first I was irritated. How was I going to drink now? Everything was going to be f'd up!
But...again...God placed the right thoughts in my mind.
I told her "sure. I will be right there".
Didn't drink that night. Had a great time with my wife and kids. I was on vacation for the last two weeks and had a GREAT time with wife and kids.
...Funny how that happens when you really want it to...
And...
I finally got a sponsor last week. After three weeks of putting it off I finally did it.
Let's pray that life keeps going in the right direction...
45 days sober. That has never happened before. Sure...I have had up to five months DRY. But not sober.
And for me...that has made all the difference.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Jerry that is awesome!!!! I am sitting here typing with a really dumb looking grin on my face just because of what you posted!!!
Congrats on the 45 days "SOBER", getting a sponsor, and doing what you needed to do!!!
Thanks for making my day Jerry!
Congrats on the 45 days "SOBER", getting a sponsor, and doing what you needed to do!!!
Thanks for making my day Jerry!
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