How did you survive?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3
How did you survive?
I'm new here.
Would love some advise.
How do you go out with your friends who drink occasionally and not have that first drink? (Then end up in a rut again)
What do you do in those situations?
What do you do apart from declining to go out?
I have no idea what else is there in life... Been trying to quit so hard because my health can't handle it for much longer, but really.... I have no idea what people do socially, when bored, when angry, when celebrating?
Please, let me know how you got through it. What else is there?
Would love some advise.
How do you go out with your friends who drink occasionally and not have that first drink? (Then end up in a rut again)
What do you do in those situations?
What do you do apart from declining to go out?
I have no idea what else is there in life... Been trying to quit so hard because my health can't handle it for much longer, but really.... I have no idea what people do socially, when bored, when angry, when celebrating?
Please, let me know how you got through it. What else is there?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by SleepyBear 
What else is there?
I have found that I can do anything and everything I was doing when drinking now that I am sober. Only thing that changed was...not drinking that first one.
Sober I found out who was my real friend and who were my drinking buddies.
With my friend, it didn't matter if we would drink or not or if he would drink and I wouldn't. Drinking buddies..well they just wanted someone to sit in misery with.
So what can you do?
What would you like to do? Try different things and see what you have been missing out on or maybe find something new you will like. The sky is the limit.
I went back to school as one of the new things I tried.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: ireland
Posts: 56
Hi sleepybear!i go out being 20 i dont feel id be able 2 decline all the time either.i found it hard the first time after getting sober not because i wanted to drink but because im vry vry shy with out drinking.do your friends know that your not drinking?i made a point of telling mine before we went out and they have been very supportive.hope this helps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3
I don't think my friends know that I have a problem. I try to hide it. Lived by myself or hid alcohol in my bedrooms previously.
About 12 years later and the best I can do is not drink for 3 days (now).... I'm not sure what to do with myself. I avoid being social and will lose friends that way, I know.
About 12 years later and the best I can do is not drink for 3 days (now).... I'm not sure what to do with myself. I avoid being social and will lose friends that way, I know.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to see a new member....
I did avoid drinkers and bars and parties
in early sobriety.
They just made me uncomfortable.
I also joined AA to find new friends who
were working towards a healthy sober life.
Welcome to our recovery community...
I did avoid drinkers and bars and parties
in early sobriety.
They just made me uncomfortable.
I also joined AA to find new friends who
were working towards a healthy sober life.
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: ireland
Posts: 56
Try and be honest about it to your friends i was the same drinking in private not alot of people took it seriously when i told them.i avoided those people and stayd with the ones who did.you have to do whats best for you.also as carol said aa is great for making new friends
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Maybe one important thing you can do is not look forward to the point where you can be around friends that drink, but rather look & think about here and now, just for today, and not drinking at all, yourself.
All too often we tend to 'look down the road' too far. And from that distance we feel the burden is too much to bear, and we relapse.
You can do it for this hour, of this day, and that is what counts. Let the future handle itself.
Maybe you will never be able to be around your friends that drink, is that an acceptable possibility? Perhaps just assume that right now, get it off of your mind, and focus on TODAY.
All too often we tend to 'look down the road' too far. And from that distance we feel the burden is too much to bear, and we relapse.
You can do it for this hour, of this day, and that is what counts. Let the future handle itself.
Maybe you will never be able to be around your friends that drink, is that an acceptable possibility? Perhaps just assume that right now, get it off of your mind, and focus on TODAY.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
How did I survive?
I was not able to survive with my alcoholism intact. I had to die to it. Drinking or not drinking - it was no way to live.
I had two options 1>Drink 2>Commit suicide, Then I was offered a solution that had worked in others - they had once been just like me, now were free.
I began taking action based on the suggestions that they were offering (what they had done, step by step...).
Now? I go anywhere, anytime - the thought of drinking, or not drinking never comes to mind. Even if my family or friends are drinking and there is plenty of alcohol, even if I could get away with it - that 'desire' has been removed. I too, have been freed.
I was not able to survive with my alcoholism intact. I had to die to it. Drinking or not drinking - it was no way to live.
I had two options 1>Drink 2>Commit suicide, Then I was offered a solution that had worked in others - they had once been just like me, now were free.
I began taking action based on the suggestions that they were offering (what they had done, step by step...).
Now? I go anywhere, anytime - the thought of drinking, or not drinking never comes to mind. Even if my family or friends are drinking and there is plenty of alcohol, even if I could get away with it - that 'desire' has been removed. I too, have been freed.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Sleepy Bear,
I still avoid bars and restaurants where I used to drink my self into a stupor. When going out to lunch or dinner I simply choose different places.
At nearly 4 months sober I for the most part am free of cravings, but I do think the same old hang outs would be uncomfortable.
I know that early on even my bed was uncomfortable because I always had a glass of wine beside me.
What I am trying to say is it does get easier.
I still avoid bars and restaurants where I used to drink my self into a stupor. When going out to lunch or dinner I simply choose different places.
At nearly 4 months sober I for the most part am free of cravings, but I do think the same old hang outs would be uncomfortable.
I know that early on even my bed was uncomfortable because I always had a glass of wine beside me.
What I am trying to say is it does get easier.
Sober and Loving It!
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In the land of Sobriety
Posts: 13
I avoided all temptations in the beginning. I didn't go to pubs, social gatherings etc., in my early sobriety. I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think it is important in the early days to stay away... you know? Your friends will still be there when you have some more strength and deeper resolve.
I am going on holidays to visit family who are big drinkers in a couple of weeks. I haven't been around them much since becoming sober. My sister and mom love to get drunk and like everyone else to as well. I know now, with some time away and getting my head on straight, I won't even be tempted. I am totally committed to this new life of mine.
Maybe you need a little time to sort things out. 3 days is leaving you in a pretty vulnerable position.
I am going on holidays to visit family who are big drinkers in a couple of weeks. I haven't been around them much since becoming sober. My sister and mom love to get drunk and like everyone else to as well. I know now, with some time away and getting my head on straight, I won't even be tempted. I am totally committed to this new life of mine.
Maybe you need a little time to sort things out. 3 days is leaving you in a pretty vulnerable position.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I changed my playground. The people I hang out with every day don't drink or don't do it around me. That was the length I needed to go to stay sober. I'm still friends with some of the people I used to drink with but we do other things together now.
It just took time, willingness and a lot of meetings. Thats what is working for me.
It just took time, willingness and a lot of meetings. Thats what is working for me.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
I donno I guess......I think I see this a bit different than MaxieCat. If you really value that social life and your friends, let them know you want to remain sober. If they know you, they will prolly agree with you anyway. But get out and there and be social! I don't think hiding until you are strong enough worked for me....but I know having a strong support system but enjoying yourself......is always good. Once again, if it is a friends thing....you can surely find other things to do than end up at a bar. Otherwise they aren't real friends. I had a lot of that the last couple years, and I wondered why I had no friends. I met up with plenty of people and got phone numbers from people I know who would be more than happy to kick it. But being a broke drunk and hoping to hang doesn't work either, cuz people will get sick of that real quick.
I think get out there and be social.....have fun! Exercise, I donno, but it brings out a better side of me really quick. I soon realized an in shape and active Paul is a happy Paul......
I donno I could write a damn book about my BAD drinking experiences already at 23, and darn it, it shouldn't have to be that way! Best of luck SLEEPY. There are a lot of very intuitive people on this board, take advantage of it. I have been honest with myself for the first time in years, and it feels great. The only person you are really lieing to about your problematic drinking is yourself. If you have not gotten that far, great. But a lot of people succumb to this disease in one way or another, and what may work for one doesn't always work for another.
To me it took being drug through all kinds of crap for almost 5 years to finally realize, that my dreams and aspirations weren't coming to find me....... Find where your problem areas are....and address them. With the people you love or care about.
I think get out there and be social.....have fun! Exercise, I donno, but it brings out a better side of me really quick. I soon realized an in shape and active Paul is a happy Paul......
I donno I could write a damn book about my BAD drinking experiences already at 23, and darn it, it shouldn't have to be that way! Best of luck SLEEPY. There are a lot of very intuitive people on this board, take advantage of it. I have been honest with myself for the first time in years, and it feels great. The only person you are really lieing to about your problematic drinking is yourself. If you have not gotten that far, great. But a lot of people succumb to this disease in one way or another, and what may work for one doesn't always work for another.
To me it took being drug through all kinds of crap for almost 5 years to finally realize, that my dreams and aspirations weren't coming to find me....... Find where your problem areas are....and address them. With the people you love or care about.
Sober and Loving It!
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In the land of Sobriety
Posts: 13
I agree with you with much of what you wrote, MagicMan.
If one can jump back out there and is strong enough to resist temptation my hat goes off to them. If their friends are willing to do things other than drink, even better.
Me, because I always had low self-esteem and wanted to fit in, I had to stay away. I just felt safer this way. I wanted with all of my heart to find sobriety.
I have recently started to see a therapist, and he thinks that I am iscolating myself too much now, which results in feeling worse about yourself. (anyway, a whole nother story!) There is staying away and unhealthy isolation.........
So, yeah, what works for one may not work for another. I think finding a healthy balance is key. I am working on this one.
All the best, Sleepy. Do what you feel comfortable doing.
If one can jump back out there and is strong enough to resist temptation my hat goes off to them. If their friends are willing to do things other than drink, even better.
Me, because I always had low self-esteem and wanted to fit in, I had to stay away. I just felt safer this way. I wanted with all of my heart to find sobriety.
I have recently started to see a therapist, and he thinks that I am iscolating myself too much now, which results in feeling worse about yourself. (anyway, a whole nother story!) There is staying away and unhealthy isolation.........
So, yeah, what works for one may not work for another. I think finding a healthy balance is key. I am working on this one.
All the best, Sleepy. Do what you feel comfortable doing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 20
Make sure your friends know, and that they're cool with it so they don't offer
One thing I did was set aside a particular NA beverage to only drink when going out so in my mind it was different than usual. For example I only drink diet coke in bars, nowhere else. That's my bar drink. I know, that sounds dumb, but it works for me. Also, be sure you're free to leave whenever you want. I get really bored when everyone else starts getting drunk so then I leave after awhile. I also mentally avoid playing the mental game of, "man it sure would be nice to have...." No. My decision was made before I got here. There's no reason to revisit that decision.
I understand the need to avoid places like that altogether early on... so yeah, use you're judgment on that....
One thing I did was set aside a particular NA beverage to only drink when going out so in my mind it was different than usual. For example I only drink diet coke in bars, nowhere else. That's my bar drink. I know, that sounds dumb, but it works for me. Also, be sure you're free to leave whenever you want. I get really bored when everyone else starts getting drunk so then I leave after awhile. I also mentally avoid playing the mental game of, "man it sure would be nice to have...." No. My decision was made before I got here. There's no reason to revisit that decision.
I understand the need to avoid places like that altogether early on... so yeah, use you're judgment on that....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
It took a long time, but I am "spiritually fit" to go just about anywhere. I didn't get to this point over night. It took a lot of time in recovery to obtain the knowledge, experience, and "moral house cleaning" to be able to get to where I am now. If I don't maintain it, I can lose it.
Even now, if I am in an environment where there is drinking, I make sure I always have an out if I feel uncomfortable.
Focus on your recovery first.
Tom
Even now, if I am in an environment where there is drinking, I make sure I always have an out if I feel uncomfortable.
Focus on your recovery first.
Tom
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