No being scared sober
A new dawn and new chapter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
No being scared sober
You know what really gets me? Is how come we cant scare ourselves sober? It's not like I drink and start thinking "oh man I hope I have a really nasty hangover after tonight!" But time after time it seems I find some valid excuse to plunge back in. But man these morning afters are a killer! Siting here wondering if I'm losing my mind. Shaking, bouts of anxiety. Just a few moments ago I felt like running circles around my house screaming like a mad man. It's not the first time feeling like this. But with these symptoms and having even worse feelings before I'm amazed that it's not enough to scare me sober. Oh yeah sure right now I'm hell bent on quiting but what about a week from now when I'm feeling better again? I know those cravings and desires will be coming back and calling my name again. I have notes I wrote to myself while in my state that I keep in my wallet for times I feel like drinking. I have page after page of saved websites all going into the damage and risks of alcohol. I have about a million and one excellent valid reason to not drink. But all that dint seem to mean squat and I always seem to find myself once again siting on my couch and on the coffee table my choice of poison.
Anyway just wanted to vent and rant in any small way that I could for a while.
Anyway just wanted to vent and rant in any small way that I could for a while.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
You ever read about the 'subtle insanity' of alcoholism?
Normal drinkers can be scared out of taking that first drink. An alcoholic is 'insane' in this regard (and maybe ONLY in this regard).
The big book has a solid 2 chapters devoted to this. Read about Jim, Fred, the jaywalker etc - can you relate? Seems like no thought process that you have is gonna keep you away from that first drink (based on your post above)...might be the alcoholic of the type that only a 'spiritual experience' will save.
Normal drinkers can be scared out of taking that first drink. An alcoholic is 'insane' in this regard (and maybe ONLY in this regard).
The big book has a solid 2 chapters devoted to this. Read about Jim, Fred, the jaywalker etc - can you relate? Seems like no thought process that you have is gonna keep you away from that first drink (based on your post above)...might be the alcoholic of the type that only a 'spiritual experience' will save.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Leesburg,NJ
Posts: 255
Yeesh...just stop today...all day...one day at a time...
Take baby steps. Works fer some. Or you can just ignore me and keep running laps around yer living room. Get a big number on your chest...like 5. I like the number 5. You can pick 6...or 76...or whatever. Just pick a number though...then you actually look like you are trying to achieve SOMETHING!
Prayers and blessings.
Take baby steps. Works fer some. Or you can just ignore me and keep running laps around yer living room. Get a big number on your chest...like 5. I like the number 5. You can pick 6...or 76...or whatever. Just pick a number though...then you actually look like you are trying to achieve SOMETHING!
Prayers and blessings.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
one would think that losing over half my guts, twice going into total organ shutdown from numerous attacks of pancreatitis (and nearly dying), blood pressure and cholesterol through the roof, terrible depression and anxiety and two DUIs, almost being homeless repeatedly, loss of jobs, partners and family would have scared it out of me too......
dont be me.....
dont be me.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
We're human. We have the gift of being able to block out pain and trauma as a means of survival. It probably starts at birth. Could you imagine just how traumatic it must have been to be born? There are no documented cases of anyone ever remembering this event.
So we tend to block out the bad things in life and remember the pleasure. It's all in a days work.
So we tend to block out the bad things in life and remember the pleasure. It's all in a days work.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Oh yeah sure right now I'm hell bent on quiting but what about a week from now when I'm feeling better again?
It's just .. today.
Just be ... where your hands are.
That takes some practice at first but most of us get the hang of it.
And we come hang out here, where we have friends who help us to remember those times we forget.
Or something like that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. (BB, "There Is A Solution" First Edition)
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. (BB, "There Is A Solution" First Edition)
I see that you are researching you problem online. Now that you are assessing your problem, maybe now it is time to get into action.
There are many recovery programs out there and there are many that are happy to help. The first move must be yours.
Tom
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Brad you sound a lot like me, and as Tom brought out, I seemed to be unable at times to remember the hell that alcohol put into my life, I seemed to forget all the bad and remember those early days of my drinking when alcohol gave me what I wanted!
My experience has been along the lines of what Steam spoke of, in early sobriety I focused on the posotive things that sobriety gave me, I kept a 3X5 card with me with a gratitude list on it, the list contained all of the GOOD things that being sober brought me.
All though I no longer carry that 3X5 card I maintain an attitude of gratitude!!!!
For me to stay sober I need more then simple knowledge or a bulliten board, I need face to face support. SR is a fantastic supplement to my sobriety, but it is that human face to face contact that keeps me sober and happy today.
You may want to check out a recovery program of some sort that will provide you with what you need to stay sober. I use AA for my recovery program, but there are others, seek them out, work them as best you can, if you find that the one you are working is not helping be willing to try another program and keep doing so until you find one that works for you.
BTW what ever program you choose to work give it at least a few weeks before you try another one. It actually takes longer then a few weeks of sobriety to really get the old head into full working order, but 2 weeks of working a program should give you an idea of whether it will work for you or not.
Keep trying programs until you find one, if none of them seem tyo work then go back to one of them that seemed to help the most and give it more time and more work.
The reason there is more then one recovery program out there is because no program is a one size fits all program, AA worked for me and millions of others, but it may or may not be the one for you.
My experience has been along the lines of what Steam spoke of, in early sobriety I focused on the posotive things that sobriety gave me, I kept a 3X5 card with me with a gratitude list on it, the list contained all of the GOOD things that being sober brought me.
All though I no longer carry that 3X5 card I maintain an attitude of gratitude!!!!
For me to stay sober I need more then simple knowledge or a bulliten board, I need face to face support. SR is a fantastic supplement to my sobriety, but it is that human face to face contact that keeps me sober and happy today.
You may want to check out a recovery program of some sort that will provide you with what you need to stay sober. I use AA for my recovery program, but there are others, seek them out, work them as best you can, if you find that the one you are working is not helping be willing to try another program and keep doing so until you find one that works for you.
BTW what ever program you choose to work give it at least a few weeks before you try another one. It actually takes longer then a few weeks of sobriety to really get the old head into full working order, but 2 weeks of working a program should give you an idea of whether it will work for you or not.
Keep trying programs until you find one, if none of them seem tyo work then go back to one of them that seemed to help the most and give it more time and more work.
The reason there is more then one recovery program out there is because no program is a one size fits all program, AA worked for me and millions of others, but it may or may not be the one for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
OMG I agree with pinkcuda...lol
Human are given an ability to block out past pain...sometimes it works for us, sometimes not.
2 examples...
I was in labor with my first born for two days...unbelievable the pain I was in, yet I went ahead and had another child....AMAZING after my first experience with child birth! The ability to forget the pain resulted in two of my greatest joys in life.
My brother was on his motorcycle when he was hit and pinned under a truck...the driver not knowing what he hit backed the truck up over him again. He spent 3 months in the hospital...lost his spleen, broke his leg and shoulder among other injuries. First week out of the hospital he bought himself a new bike....CRAZY...thankfully he has had no other accidents but my parents still think him insane.
I will say for me, my last year of drinking was so horrible I have no trouble recalling the pain, the memories I hope will last a life time.
Recovery is possible, don't doubt it for a second...you can do this!
Human are given an ability to block out past pain...sometimes it works for us, sometimes not.
2 examples...
I was in labor with my first born for two days...unbelievable the pain I was in, yet I went ahead and had another child....AMAZING after my first experience with child birth! The ability to forget the pain resulted in two of my greatest joys in life.
My brother was on his motorcycle when he was hit and pinned under a truck...the driver not knowing what he hit backed the truck up over him again. He spent 3 months in the hospital...lost his spleen, broke his leg and shoulder among other injuries. First week out of the hospital he bought himself a new bike....CRAZY...thankfully he has had no other accidents but my parents still think him insane.
I will say for me, my last year of drinking was so horrible I have no trouble recalling the pain, the memories I hope will last a life time.
Recovery is possible, don't doubt it for a second...you can do this!
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
Have you ever made it without drinking long enough to see the awesome benefits? I can say that the countless times I made it 3-7 days were never really good days. They were days filled with anxiety, longing, self hatred and misery. Even my 3 month dry drunk was never really very good. But this time I have a new understanding and an awakening to a whole new life. One filled with hope, joy and just plain fun!!
I don't know what program you are or aren't following but I can drop to my knees each day and thank my HP for my renewed life.
Believe me there is still stuff out there that I need to deal with but for today I choose not to drink!!
I don't know what program you are or aren't following but I can drop to my knees each day and thank my HP for my renewed life.
Believe me there is still stuff out there that I need to deal with but for today I choose not to drink!!
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
[QUOTE=bugsworth;1788012]
Human are given an ability to block out past pain...sometimes it works for us, sometimes not.
2 examples...
I was in labor with my first born for two days...unbelievable the pain I was in, yet I went ahead and had another child....AMAZING after my first experience with child birth! The ability to forget the pain resulted in two of my greatest joys in life.
My brother was on his motorcycle when he was hit and pinned under a truck...the driver not knowing what he hit backed the truck up over him again. He spent 3 months in the hospital...lost his spleen, broke his leg and shoulder among other injuries. First week out of the hospital he bought himself a new bike....CRAZY...thankfully he has had no other accidents but my parents still think him insane.
[QUOTE]
Giving Birth - Try pulling your lower lip over your head !
Bill Cosby
And I wonder WHY I am concidering getting a bike after a year of sobriety ???
The insanity continues......
Human are given an ability to block out past pain...sometimes it works for us, sometimes not.
2 examples...
I was in labor with my first born for two days...unbelievable the pain I was in, yet I went ahead and had another child....AMAZING after my first experience with child birth! The ability to forget the pain resulted in two of my greatest joys in life.
My brother was on his motorcycle when he was hit and pinned under a truck...the driver not knowing what he hit backed the truck up over him again. He spent 3 months in the hospital...lost his spleen, broke his leg and shoulder among other injuries. First week out of the hospital he bought himself a new bike....CRAZY...thankfully he has had no other accidents but my parents still think him insane.
[QUOTE]
Giving Birth - Try pulling your lower lip over your head !
Bill Cosby
And I wonder WHY I am concidering getting a bike after a year of sobriety ???
The insanity continues......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
Bard,
I found I could ingore all the bad things thinking they would never happen to me. That was until I had a friend die from cirrhosis. It was terrible. I saw him just a couple of weeks before he entered the hospital and he seemed like his normal happy self albiet quite a bit heavier than the last time I saw him. He was admitted to the hospital weeks later and never came out. He slowly fell apart over the next month. His intestines literally came bursting out of his stomach. He had uncontroled bleading and infections and spent the last month of his life in and out of conciousness. He left behind a wife and children who where devestated with grief and pain.
I decided if that I would not put my family through that if I could at all help it. I shocked me enough to stop but it took more than the initial shock to keep going. I was fortunate to have to worry about my physical problems long enough (and still do) to get me good and sober and along the way with the help of folks like the ones on this board I realized there was no going back. I am an alchololic and can never drink again. Once I came to that conclusion it became easier for me to move on. It will always be a part of my life, but then again so are a lot of things. It does get tons easier the longer you are sober, so hang in there! You can do it!
I do not know if your are a believer or not but I recently came across a Bible verse that has helped me:
Jeremiah 29:11-
29:11 For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. 19 ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. 21 29:12 When you call out to me and come to me in prayer, 22 I will hear your prayers. 23 29:13 When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul, 24 29:14 I will make myself available to you,’
"A future filled with hope" Isn't that what we all need? Best of luck to you friend. Hang in there and visit here often, there are some great folks here.
I found I could ingore all the bad things thinking they would never happen to me. That was until I had a friend die from cirrhosis. It was terrible. I saw him just a couple of weeks before he entered the hospital and he seemed like his normal happy self albiet quite a bit heavier than the last time I saw him. He was admitted to the hospital weeks later and never came out. He slowly fell apart over the next month. His intestines literally came bursting out of his stomach. He had uncontroled bleading and infections and spent the last month of his life in and out of conciousness. He left behind a wife and children who where devestated with grief and pain.
I decided if that I would not put my family through that if I could at all help it. I shocked me enough to stop but it took more than the initial shock to keep going. I was fortunate to have to worry about my physical problems long enough (and still do) to get me good and sober and along the way with the help of folks like the ones on this board I realized there was no going back. I am an alchololic and can never drink again. Once I came to that conclusion it became easier for me to move on. It will always be a part of my life, but then again so are a lot of things. It does get tons easier the longer you are sober, so hang in there! You can do it!
I do not know if your are a believer or not but I recently came across a Bible verse that has helped me:
Jeremiah 29:11-
29:11 For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. 19 ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. 21 29:12 When you call out to me and come to me in prayer, 22 I will hear your prayers. 23 29:13 When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul, 24 29:14 I will make myself available to you,’
"A future filled with hope" Isn't that what we all need? Best of luck to you friend. Hang in there and visit here often, there are some great folks here.
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