How to deal with Family member required detox...
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1
How to deal with Family member required detox...
I have a family member who recently detoxed from alcohol (November 2007). She spent over a week in the Hospital. She was not identified as having an alcohol problem before that.
Anyway, I'm wondering what folks have experienced after this. More specifically, with regard to being around others that drink.
Is it pure torture for my SIL when the family gets together and has a cocktail or two? She doesn't want us to have to change around her... but I can't figure out what her real feeling might be.
Anyone have any insight as to how she might be feeling when this occurs?
Anyway, I'm wondering what folks have experienced after this. More specifically, with regard to being around others that drink.
Is it pure torture for my SIL when the family gets together and has a cocktail or two? She doesn't want us to have to change around her... but I can't figure out what her real feeling might be.
Anyone have any insight as to how she might be feeling when this occurs?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome...
I think it all depends on the individual
The only way to know is to ask her.
Glad to know she is staying sober
and that your family is supporting her efforts.
You might want to check out the
Friends & Family of Alcoholics Forum
I think it all depends on the individual
The only way to know is to ask her.
Glad to know she is staying sober
and that your family is supporting her efforts.
You might want to check out the
Friends & Family of Alcoholics Forum
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Personally - it doesn't bother me at all to be around folks that are drinking, if they start getting drunk and rowdy and such, I tend to leave. You didn't mention if your loved one is doing anything more than just having detoxed (ie - recovery from alcoholism as opposed to separation from physical dependency). I know before I took part in the recovery process, I was dying inside when people were drinking - not only telling them that it didn't bother me, but telling myself the same, when indeed I was headed for relapse - building resentment towards those who could take it or leave it alone.
Today - having gone through the 12 steps and implementing the tools in my life - I can sit in a bar and have a conversation with someone - the thought of drinking never crosses my mind (not that I make a habit of hanging out in bars - but I cannot live a life where I avoid it).
I hope this was helpful, I am sure people will have many varying experience with this..
Today - having gone through the 12 steps and implementing the tools in my life - I can sit in a bar and have a conversation with someone - the thought of drinking never crosses my mind (not that I make a habit of hanging out in bars - but I cannot live a life where I avoid it).
I hope this was helpful, I am sure people will have many varying experience with this..
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
My own experience is that I am still uncomfortable when everyone else is drinking. Having someone with me who isn't drinking takes that stress away, I can enjoy myself. I'm only a little over 5 months sober so perhaps this will go away in time. I won't go where the majority of people are getting drunk.
I think it may also depend, among other things, on what her drinking triggers were. Family get togethers were never a big trigger for me. Maybe it really doesn't bother her.
I think it may also depend, among other things, on what her drinking triggers were. Family get togethers were never a big trigger for me. Maybe it really doesn't bother her.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I think the suggestion that you just ask her about it (kindly) is the best way to go. And if she's not really comfortable around people drinking, would the others change to suit her? My family is not a drinking family - I'm the first alcoholic - but I believe if they were, and knew it made me uneasy, that they would change a bit to accomodate my new sobriety.
Or if having another sober person there would help her feel more at ease, would you be willing to be the other sober person? It sounds like you care for your SIL. I'm glad she has someone who cares so much about her and her recovery.
:ghug3
Or if having another sober person there would help her feel more at ease, would you be willing to be the other sober person? It sounds like you care for your SIL. I'm glad she has someone who cares so much about her and her recovery.
:ghug3
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Bigmember my hat is off to you, early sobriety is a bear for an alcoholic and for you to be concerned enough about helping in her recovery to come here and ask for advice says a lot about you as a person!
All of us handle others drinking around us differently. Some of us just can not deal with it ever, others seem to have no problem from the beginning, for many of us with time it is not a big problem.
My wife and immediate family were beyond supportive, my wife drinks every time the moon turns blue so she simply has chosen to not drink around me when the moon is blue! The rest of my immediate family also did not drink around me when I first got sober.
I have worked the 12 steps of AA and as I was working those steps my obsession to drink was lifted. One of my daughters "warned" me that there would be drinking at her wedding reception and asked if I would be okay with that? I told her that if it started to bother me I could always leave, she said she would understand. Anyhow I had no problems at all, I actually caught myself leaning on the beer keg while we were shooting darts, my son jokingly said "Be careful dad, it may bite you!"
Talk to her one on one as you have said and just let her know you care and want to make things easier on her, make sure she understands that you could care less if you drink or not. In early sobriety some of us feel like we are a party pooper, I have learned we are not, but early on I felt like I was.
All of us handle others drinking around us differently. Some of us just can not deal with it ever, others seem to have no problem from the beginning, for many of us with time it is not a big problem.
My wife and immediate family were beyond supportive, my wife drinks every time the moon turns blue so she simply has chosen to not drink around me when the moon is blue! The rest of my immediate family also did not drink around me when I first got sober.
I have worked the 12 steps of AA and as I was working those steps my obsession to drink was lifted. One of my daughters "warned" me that there would be drinking at her wedding reception and asked if I would be okay with that? I told her that if it started to bother me I could always leave, she said she would understand. Anyhow I had no problems at all, I actually caught myself leaning on the beer keg while we were shooting darts, my son jokingly said "Be careful dad, it may bite you!"
Talk to her one on one as you have said and just let her know you care and want to make things easier on her, make sure she understands that you could care less if you drink or not. In early sobriety some of us feel like we are a party pooper, I have learned we are not, but early on I felt like I was.
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