Paulos

I hate to keep asking these darn anxiety questions but the fact is the anxiety boards are very empty so I come here and plus I'm an alcoholic so that's why. Tell me, has anyone ever had any of these symptoms during any bad medication withdrawal/alcohol withdrawal or combination of both?

Your heart fluttering in your chest as if the valves are falling out, imagine fearing blood spurting out of your mouth then almost tasting it due to your mind tricking you into it, imagine your head becoming very dizzy, imagine fearing death incredibly due to it coming so strongly, imagine getting left arm pain, imagine chest pain, imagine focusing on something fun and ending up having to look away, imagine the feeling that your life is a joke and going to be ruined. I have THIS, daily.

Now that we got that out of the way *don't worry I've had testing done it seems I'm healthy, this is major anxiety and crap*

My ways of dealing when I get a bad anxiety attack or just can't take much more: *#2 is the PAST way of dealing*

#1... when I go into the bathroom and just put my hands on my head I slightly recover
#2... I know if I had alcohol I would be immuned from alcohol for a little while.
#3... when I sometimes go outside my anxiety weakens lightly

I know my post may seem a little vague and drastic but I'm going all the way this time so I feel it's time to get everything out into the open, no holding back.

Rob B

Hi Paulos,
Good to see you keeping it together,
I experienced a lot of your symptoms when I first got sober, as it turned out, it wasn't anxiety or depression, it was untreated alcoholism. We still suffer from alcoholism even after we stop drinking.

I am not pushing AA on you, it's the only thing I have experience with so that's what I will share. I worked the 12 steps as they are described in the Big Book, as a result I had a spiritual awakening. I was able to get off all medication I was taking (talk with your doctor before stopping any prescribed meds)
Here is what doesn't happen today. Panic attacks, social anxiety, fear, heart palpitations, shakes, sweats, the feeling of constant stress and tension.

I believe you could experience freedom beyond your wildest imagination if you could only let yourself believe.

Paulos

You had an awakening *religious I assume or such* however even without that I'm sure the panic/anxiety/fear/shakes/etc do go away anyway in time without alcohol right?

caraway

Hi Paulos, you're doing really well, congrats for hanging in there. It does sound difficult for you but I'm sure you know that alcohol will make things worse in the long run. As Rob says, these things do get better the longer you are off alcohol.

Of course there are people who are not alcoholics who get panic attacks (my husband is one) and I know from him that they can be very unpleasant. He's alot better now that he's retired. At one time the doctor gave him some anti depressants and some mild beta blockers. I was given beta blockers (1/2 inderal LA 80mg but probably a different name where you are) for my migraine. I don't take them regularly now, but when I was working I found they had the extra help of stopping me get into a sort of anxiety feeling which if I did get into I would find hard to shake off.

Anyway, if you discuss it with your doctor, and say that you are trying to keep off alcohol and this is making it doubly difficult.

AA is a good place for an alkie to be too. Its full of human beings, and yes we can be difficult to cope with, but I've found that in AA you can learn to do just that. It can be hard but at least you'll be sober.

reed

AA helps keep me sober. I'm working the steps now & learning a lot about myself. Stay casual.

problemchild

Not a doc but you sound like i was, me just plain horrific panic attacks, after all i had lost my best friend ALCOHOL. Some friend huh? Anyways talk to a doc is the first step then if no results see a theripist , do work a program also AA helps me.


Take care, John

That Dude

I know for me the anxiety is the worse thing about alcohol. I can stand the beatings, legal trouble, and the financial insecurity(I don't like them, but the were bearable). I just can't deal with thoughts of insanity anymore. I went to the emergency one time, I thought I was having a heart-attack. It was that damn anxiety. I feel your pain. It will go away, sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. I know the alcohol is a quick fix, but if your anything like me, the anxiety and fears come back times ten. I am just glad I don't have to live like that anymore. We are all blessed.

Thanks,
Dude

29a

I had many of the same symptoms you mentioned. Basically everything except the left arm pain. I also saw the same result as Rob from working an AA program. My need for medication was gone, I no longer live in fear. I do not shake or stutter in public. I no longer feel a sense of impending doom.
This has been my experience with the 12 steps. However, some people do have chemical imbalances that cause these symptoms. A doc should always be consulted first.

adore79

Paulos, the symptoms you describe sound more like panic than just mere anxiety. You could be having panic attacks in which case learning breathing exercises and taking meds is the only way I know of to deal with it.

Rob B

I had a powerful experience, but it had NOTHING to do with religion, The cool thing about AA is that it leaves it up to the individual to come to terms with a God of their understanding, the steps are nothing more than directions as to where to find God, I found him within me, he was there all along and I didn't know it.

I know people dry and miserable sober for years in AA, they still experience all the symptoms you described. I also know folks like you who did the work and are now free. Maybe it's a coincidence. I am glad you are searching for answers, I too am a seeker, keep asking questions and setting aside what you think you know, the truth when honestly sought will always come to light.

NoMoBeer

Don't get scared by the 'awakening,' The Big Book describes the spiritual awakening as a "personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism."

For sure, see a doctor about the anxiety, but I have experienced and seen others who do have a full blown personality change as a result of working the steps. I know a friend who was in the program who had horrific anxiety attacks -- he could not even sit through a meeting, and then talked about being so grateful that over time he could sit calmly and live life... it was a true miracle.

NMB

29a

I am the least religous person in the world. but I pray morning night and in between. the big reason aa worked for me is that there are no rules. I don't have to believe in this god or that god. I don't have to do anything but want to quit, period.
I've have a huge anti-establishment, anti-authority problem, I am working through prayer to have it removed. If I showed up at AA and someone told me what to do, I would have never gone back.

adore79

Then who do you pray to 29? I'm getting really confused about everyone talking about HP. I grew up in a household that frowned on any kind of spirituality so it is kind of alien to me. THanks.

29a

I don't really know. My first spiritual experience happened when I was trying to explain god to someone and I couldn't. I was thinking about it after that, and I was i realized how crazy arrogant it was to think that I could understand something as unfathomable as god with my little human brain.
so I stopped trying to understand it. Now I just know whatever god is, it is charge. I call it he because it kind of just comes out. For me I can't define it, i just believe in it because I can see what he can do. I don't need faith because I have proof, and because I have proof I have faith.
These are just my opinions, I don't want to step on any toes, they are by no means "right".
Whatever you choose as god is perfect.

bugsworth

Hang in there Paulos!! It sounds like some hard core anxiety...I think going to your doctor would be the most prudent thing to do. Panic attacks are horrible, I had some in early sobriety but by 90 days I could eaisly identify one coming and was able to work thru them. I no longer have them, it seems with time they go away. That is just my experience so get a professional opinion.

mad1nola

Paulos, I know exactly what you are experiencing. when I decided to get sober the same things happened to me except my left arm became numb (or so it felt). I had never been so afraid in all of my life. I went to the emergency room and of course they thought I had probably had a mini stroke (I neglected to tell them i was an alcoholic--wasn't able to say it out loud). Well, be that as it may the terror continued for a couple of weeks. Afraid to sleep, eat, walk, talk, move--you name it I was afraid. I had been so used to living my life drunk and numb that I had to relearn the simplest of tasks. It does get better. Each day you will notice that you will be less frightened and willing to do more. I haven't joined any support groups other than this one and I don't go to AA. But for many here it helps and maybe you should try it. But whatever you do don't go back to drinking. It is no solution to you problem. Sobriety is such a wonderful gift you are giving yourself even though it seems terrifying now.

God luck and God bless

mad1nola

Paulo
this was a post by Greentea on the How we did it:
Oh, those horrible first thirty days... And those horrible second thirty days... I should have kept a log...

I detoxed while still going to work and hitting at least one AA meeting a day. At least I had people around me who knew to call an ambulance if something happened, (like if I collapsed and started seizing). My boss was very patient with me and allowed for a lot of flexibility in my schedule to accomodate things.

Drink *LOTS* of water, eat lots of nutritional food, and get plenty of sleep whatever you do... Let's see if I can remember it all...

Week 1:
Basically had a "regular" hangover, (regular *only* to a heavy drinker)... everything tasted like cardboard... nerves a continuous jingle-jangle... very "touchy", defensive and reactive... tired yet at the same time agitated... insomnia... nausea... felt like crying, felt like screaming, felt like guzzling a keg... headaches, bodyaches, anguish...

Week 2:
Insomnia... nightmares... nerves quieted a bit but still pretty raw... the "brain fog" settled in... fatigue... wanted to scream but didn't have the energy... nausea... constipation... diarrhea... headaches... bodyaches... everything tasted like sawdust... still very reactive and defensive and liable to lash out... depression knocking on my door...

Week 3:
More insomnia... more nightmares... very fatigued... nerves still raw and twitchy... headaches... bodyaches... lots of joint pain... nausea... more diarrhea... pretty unstable emotionally... taste buds come and go... hard to think straight...

Week 4:
Insomnia starts to ease off... more nightmares... no matter what I do I'm always tired... headaches... bodyaches... nausea eases up a bit... joint pain continues... starting to get regular "bathroom cycles" again... I'd shout at you but I just don't have the energy for it... taste buds are back... the world is pretty bleak and gray...

Week 5:
Insomnia pretty much goes away... still having occassional nightmares... no matter what I do I simply can not get enough sleep and I don't wake up feeling rested... depression settles in... thinking a lot about the past... depression... start to put on weight (which I took as a good sign)... thoughts of suicide... did I mention the depression?

Week 6:
Depression with brief periods of mental hyperactivity... "brain fog" lifts... very unstable emotionally... can't stop obsessing about the past... depression... still can't get enough sleep... still rarely feel rested... thoughts of suicide... depression, depression, depression...

Week 7:
Starting to get into a regular sleep pattern... still lots of fatigue but starting to feel rested some mornings... starting to think clearly again... still lots of depression... still lots of obsessing about the past... always crying inside... lots of futility... have I mentioned the depression?

Week 8:
Thoughts of suicide go away... still lots of depression but starting to find moments of joy or at least a little peace... some nightmares start up again... still sleeping quite a lot... starting to be able to smile occassionally... depression is less crushing and not as constant... feelings of futility come and go...

Week 9:
The depression eases up and isn't nearly as constant but its never far away... still can't get enough sleep... I think the heaches had gone away by this time as did most of the body aches and joint pain... starting to be able to laugh again... still a bit obsessive about the past... nightmares a lot less frequent... starting to feel more rested after sleep but still sleeping a lot...

Week 10:
Starting to come out of the depressive funk... starting to take an interest in things like laundry, people, talking, sunshine, fresh air, rain, AA meetings (participating rather than just attending)... emotions are still everywhere but not nearly to the same extreme... able to smile and laugh even if faked... still thinking a lot about the past... life starting to look a bit liveable...

Week 11:
Starting to take a lot more interest in other people... starting to feel okay with myself... when the depression comes, it doesn't come nearly as strong or for as long... I start being able to set it aside for later consideration, (like before bed), if I indulge it for a few minutes... occassional nightmares...

Week 12:
Able to breath easier... able to function in a room full of people... finding moments of joy in activities... begin going to AA meetings because I *want* to (not because I feel I *have* to)... bouts of relatively mild depression maybe only two or three times a week instead of daily and am able to deal with them a lot more effectively... not thinking about the past nearly as much... starting to feel human again... starting to assert myself a bit...

That takes me to about the 90 day mark and already I was feeling worlds better than I had when I was drinking... Still a lot of "stinking thinking" but I was at least able to think clearly again... Still a lot of thinking about the past but my emotions were stabilizing... Depression still came but I'd feel, well, silly I guess if I'd indulge it for more than maybe ten minutes... Still a lot of thinking about the past and my family, and then my step-sister died... Right after my 90 day mark, I have to face them (family) and interact with "those people" (family) right in my face again and I almost relapsed... A lot of calls to my sponsor, a lot of praying, a lot of wishing I was back safely at home again... I almost relapsed, but by the Grace of God I didn't... Thank You God!!!!!!! ... And I eventually made it home safely... More depression after that... (I think its been about eight months now since the last bout)...

Anyway... I guess that covers my detox... Those horrible first thirty days... Those horrible second thirty days... Life looking better around the 90 day mark, and hope and some joy had returned.

Through it all, I can not stress enough the importance of the following:
1) Drink lots of water
2) Get lots of sleep
3) Eat lots of nutritious food
4) Go to as many AA meetings as you can, (I think I did 120 in 90)
5) Do as much service work as you can
6) Talk with as many recovering alcoholics as you can
7) Find something -- anything -- in the way of "little nuggets of joy" and foster them, focus on them, polish them, nuture them and encourage them as much as possible.
8) Pray... Pray, pray, pray... And then pray some more.

My first day of recovery, my temporary sponsor told me to spend the entire day doing nothing but sitting outside, looking at the world, the trees, the grass, the clouds, the people and simply BREATHE... It was the best advice my temporary sponsor ever gave me.

Remember that I was a pretty "hopeless" case, (at least *I* think so)... Your mileage may vary and you likely won't need as much time just for the detox as I did... God works in mysterious ways and I simply can't thank Him enough for pulling me out of that hell... For hell it was and I do NOT want to go back...

Thank you for letting me share.

You are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope this helps you. It sure helped me get through the rough moments.

Kasey

Yes they go away with time. I have all those symptoms and more. Keep it up Pauly, the only thing that 'stays' is the desire for alcohol, that's why those who have used the AA program stand a better chance to stay sober.

Tazman53

You say this helps the most?

Why not try going outside and hanging out with some sober alcoholics?

I quit for a year and a half my way and it never left me doing it my way. I drank again! When I worked the 12 steps of AA I like Rob had an awakening, not religous, but spiritual, big difference.

Kasey in reality the desire for alcohol has been lifted from me thanks to the 12 steps of AA as it has for many others who have worked the 12 steps of AA, for some of us that has come quickly, for others it has come slowly, but for every person who continues to work to the best of their ability the 12 steps of AA the miracle does happen, the desrie to drink goes away.

Having said that, it can come back when we rest on our laurels thinking "All is well, I don't need to keep living the steps, I don't need to go to any more meetings, I do not need to stay in touch with my HP or my sponsor or even work with other alcoholics."

What we have is a daily reprieve from our alcoholism one day at a time contingent on our maintaining our spiritual condition.

zoomer

I hope you have a good day today Paulos!