jadopa

I was wondering when the moment was that you said to yourself for sure, "I am an Alcoholic". What was that like? Does it really happen like that? I guess your early experiences, when did you decide you needed help?

nandm

I was questioning if I was an alcoholic by the age of 21. It took me 15 more years of drinking before I accepted I was. For many years I went through the denial of "I just needed to learn to control my drinking." Coming to terms with the fact that I am no better than the alcoholic who is lying in the gutter begging for change to buy his next drunk was the hardest thing for me to do. That was what I always thought a drunk looked like so it was easy to justify my thinking I could not be an alcoholic.

lovingseren

I kinda thought I might be an alcoholic for about five years prior to getting sober. I danced around those thoughts, with other thoughts that I wasn't that bad, and that compared to some people I had seen, I was doing okay.

I continued to dance with my thoughts, comparing, and justifying my drinking.

Fast forward five years, this progressive disease had progressed, I was throwing up blood, I couldn't eat, I weighed less than 100 lbs, I looked awful, and felt even worse.

I couldn't stop shaking, not even to hold a cup of water, and I knew that the "game", the "dance" was over.

I knew then I had to fight for my very life.

Signal30

I knew I was an alcoholic a couple years before I admitted it to someone else (self-will crap). The day I admitted to my fiancee that I needed help, was the day I finally surrendered to my alcoholism. I have been sober since. Daily efforts give me daily rewards.


Tom

Zoobear

I come from a long line of drunks so I guess I never thought about it. I do no that I went much farther down the ladder than most. I reached a point in 1987 where no matter how much I drank I could not sleep, I could still "feel". The pain would not go away. I once feared I would die if I kept drinking but now I was afraid I would not die and it would just go on and on. I sat with a gun on my lap and a bottle in my hand and prayed. When the bottle was gone I called for help. Thanks to God and beautiful people like you guys Im still here.:ghug3

CarolD

By the final 5 years I drank....
I had made sure all my friends were also excessive drinkers.
I was working in the hospitality field...surrounded by free alcohol
in the nightlife ..single and quite the party hearty woman.

Sure...I knew I was an alcoholic....but why quit?

When depression hit...in desperation
I decided to begin AA recovery.

Wisest decision I ever made!

User_Name

I knew I was an alcoholic when I was 17 (started getting drunk @ 15). My friends were all getting drunk with me on the weekends, but I was drinking secretly during weekdays. I would always tell myself that I wouldn't get drunk during weekdays, but every weekday I was drunk. I saw a psych. when I was 17 and he said that I show a lot of signs of being an alcoholic. By the time I was 19 and had moved out of my parent's house I was drunk every single night, and I absolutely knew I was an alcoholic, but I was fine with that since everything was still pretty good (emotionally). I was drinking cheap beer, and when I had no money I was stealing it from the grocery store that I worked at. I drank beer in bed and never really thought twice about it.

What puzzles me is how quickly it got so bad that I wanted to die, and before I knew it I had tried to take my life more than once. Alcohol wasn't cutting it anymore to numb me, so I started looking for other drugs to take me to oblivion. I had dabbled in drugs before, but that was curiosity and I didn't "need" them like I did at the end. I was doing drugs that I never ever thought I would do, and I knew it was wrong but I simply did not care. I was stealing pills from family members and just doing things that I still cannot believe I did. I would get VERY anxious if I only had booze and no other drugs, since I knew booze alone wouldn't allow me to escape.

I am now 23, and I simply cannot believe how freaking fast everything got screwed up inside of me. My emotions are absolutely wacked (although it's getting better), I don't really know how to be honest, and I don't know how to share my emotions with people. I am learning these things through AA, but I still look back and I can't understand how it got so bad, so quick.

I never lost much in the way of material things since I always had people picking up my messes, and I thought that this was a sure sign I could keep drinking. The bottom line- I wanted to die for 4 years, and I was NEVER happy. I wish I had only lost material things, since they seem easier to get back. I lost my sanity, my happiness, my self-esteem, and my will to live. By the grace of god I am now sober and working a program, and I have a sponsor that I know deep down in my heart loves me for me, and is willing to help me.



Wow- this got long but hey, you asked the question.

Sugah

I was always an alcoholic, but the first of my "aha!" moments came when I was involuntarily committed and treated for alcoholism and various other mental disorders. I was nineteen. I promptly forgot that moment and resumed drinking. My second realization was only a year later, and then, I did "put the plug in the jug" for a time, but I never really got sober -- I just substituted other substances for the next few years. I do recall a time in my mid-twenties when I was hurrying to get my vodka bottle under the sink before my kids came downstairs after their baths (it was snack time -- for them and for me). It was an almost, but not quite, sobering moment. I had managed to moderate my emotions enough to be a mother during the day, but I was drunk every night.

Late twenties, after kicking around a biker clubhouse, mad because all my drinking partners had passed out or gone home, I did have something like a true moment of clarity, knew that no one should be able to drink like I was drinking & still be standing, and I stopped drinking that night. I just didn't abstain from the rest of the stuff.

Six years later, the drugs no longer working, I went back to booze. Within two days, I was not only as bad as I had been before, I was worse. Within a month, I was at the end -- death or sobriety, and I chose sobriety.

So, for me, I always knew, but it took a lot to bring that knowledge into consciousness, if you'll excuse the bad pun.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

BellaTeal

The thought crosses my mind often, but I try to ignore it. I've been questioning whether or not I am an alcoholic since I started drinking at 14. I tell myself that I'm too young to be an alcoholic, but I know this disease can strike at any age. I also know that I don't seem to be able to drink like normal people. So I guess I'm still trying to lie to myself, but the truth is becoming clearer and clearer as time goes on. I mean, I'm on this forum for a reason, right?

nandm

One way to look at it is I have never met a normal drinker who questioned whether or not they were an alcoholic.

barb dwyer

I used to have to drive my step-sister to meetings. She'd lost her licence. She also worked for a super-high-level gov't official... and couldn't be seen, she thought ... going to AA meetings.

I was fifteen years old, and had to drive my dry drunk sister to meetings on the other side of Atlanta before I-75 was complete.

I would get a good two hour lecture on MY being an alcoholic because of my personality, because of our genetic history .. and why *I* had a part in HER alcoholism.

I've always known.

User_Name

I am very good at lying to myself. I would go to doctors and would lie about my drinking since I didn't want to admit it was a problem. They would look at me and say "Hmmm, this is interesting, I don't know what the problem is.... you sure you aren't using drugs?"

Almost every alcoholic I have met has lied to themselves, and honesty is a big part of my sobriety. I'm learning how to be honest with others, but most importantly myself.

Normal drinkers (many of my family members) can go out and have 2-3 beers, get some dinner, play darts, and go home and go to bed. I go out, have 19-20 beers, skip the dinner part, get in a fight, puke, pass out and wake up the next day and do it again. I can't just have one, and I realize I cannot drink normally. I have tried to drink normally soooo many times, but I cannot and I have to keep this at the forefront mf my mind.