Jem's girl

Hi all....DAY 7 TODAY!! (Somehow I made it through the week - how nice not to have a hangover!)

The problem....my best friend is getting married July 5th and this Saturday is the wedding shower....everyone there will be drinking and I am fairly conflident that I will be fine to be there (even if just for a little bit) and I will be able to stay away from alcohol.

I was thinking of making up some kind of a virgin drink for myself, or taking some non-alcohol ciders....I really don't want to miss the shower and I am at the place where I would be honest with people at the shower and let them know "I'm a sober girl" and not interested in having any alcohol.

Am I dreaming in technicolor thinking I can go and not have any alcohol? I don't want to set myself up, but I also don't want to miss the celebration for my friend.



Thanks all!
Nikki

still anne

Glad you wrote thanks for sharing
Little story that might help you. When I was 2 weeks into sobriety I had to go to my nieces sweet 16 party there was an open bar and everyone was drinking. here is what I did I took alot of change with me and a list of AA numbers. Went to a meeting right before I left for the party and let everyone know what I was doing. To this Day with multiple 24's behinde me whenever I am put into a situation like that I drink CLUB SODA WITH A TWIST OF LIME, no one knows what it is and to others it looks like a drink so no one questions it
hope this helps
love & huggs

screen3

You absolutely CAN go and not drink alcohol unless you think you can't, and then I guess you can't. I go out with friends who drink all the time and don't avoid situations where alcohol is present at all because I KNOW I can keep my mouth from ordering a drink and my hand from picking one up.

Think how many wonderful occasions you will miss throughout your life if you avoid them because alcohol is there and your "disease" makes you incapable of controlling yourself. You CAN go and NOT drink and people will respect you for it, and don't let anyone tell you any different. And if you have club soda with lime and someone asks what it is, tell the truth. Who gives a damn what they think?

BTW, July 5 is my birthday. Have a club soda for me and enjoy yourself.

Paulie

Hey Niki -

First congrats on your 7 days - great job!!!!

Second, here is my 4 cents worth...

At 7 days sober I would be asking the same question as you and I give you a huge pat on the back for asking. I understand that this is important to you, it is a dear friend. I like what Anne had to say about going to a meeting right before and taking numbers with you to call someone when you leave if need be. I also like the idea of just drinking club soda. I don't fool myself, and this is my opinon only, with the non alocholic stuff, like virgin drinks and things like that. You said in your post that even staying for a little bit would be fine, and that is what I did in early sobriety. I had a few months clean and was invited to a 30th bday party. I went for a little while and left. As we all well know when drinking is involved usually people drink more as the party continues. So attending at the start of it was always better for me.

Again, this is MY opinion. I have a diseaes that wants me to drink and use and sometimes that disease can be loud and strong in my head. This is your sobriety, you come first, do what makes you comfortable.

What ever you do, follow your heart.

Peter

Congratulations on your seven days sober Jem's girl.

I avoid all functions where alcohol is the main order of business.

I get no enjoyment today from attending a party where drunkenness and raucousness abound.I have been there and it no longer appeals to me.

However I still occassionally find myself in a situation where my presence is required at certain functions.

I usually take someone with me who no longer drinks.

I will arrive early if I can and I will leave early.

I get my own drinks from the bar.

I make sure I have a vehicle at my disposal so I can leave when I want.If I have no car then I make sure I have cab fare and the phone number of the cab company.

I make sure I have phone numbers of all my friends in the programme with me.

Nobody at a party ever seems too interested in the fact that I am not drinking.They usually dont care and most are more concerned with their own drinking.

Neither do they really care if I have to leave early.

If my host cares enough to invite me to their function then they care enough to understand that I do not wish to drink and that I wish to leave early.

Peter

Jem's girl

stillanne, screen3, pauline and peter! You guys are great. I will go and have a great time, go early and leave early and take club soda and a twist of lime.....everyone there are my friends and they will understand and support me, so I think I will be in good hands.

That said, today is the hardest day for me....I am really glad the shower is not tonight, given how I feel right now. I have a job that puts me in somewhat of a precarious position at times, (not that I am around alcohol, but it is a fairly stressful job). The longer I go without drinking, the more insight I get into the reasons (or triggers) for my drinking. One of the triggers is high stress (or fear I feel in risky situations). Today was one of those days, (plus it is Friday and wine drinking usually was a HUGE part of my celebration of getting through the week). I came right to the computer as soon as I came through the door because I knew I needed this site and the people who are out there.

Thanks so much to all of you.....if I hadn't found this site, I know what I would be doing right now. I'll let you know how tomorrow night is.

Nikki xoxoxo

vicki

I had to deal withpeople drinking early in recovery and was helping a friend of mine who was dying of cancer. It was my old friends -they came to see her drunk, loaded and high but, by the grace of God I didn't drink. I was surprised. In the BB , starting on page 100 at the bottom it says, "Assuming we are spritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do." It goes on in detail about us and drinking situations and avoidance of them (old way fo thinking) read thru page 102 to "Don't start to withdraw agian just because your friends drink liquor." For myself, I drink coffee, soda, water etc. No one was that much interested in what I drank, I found out. People that knew me, knew I was in AA and didn't want me to drink-people that didn't know me didn't care. I have told people on occassion-"No. thanks, I have had enough!" (really have- thats an inside joke). "I am alllergic to alcohol" (I am) and just "No, thanks"
I've always found info in the BB as well as from AA people. Everyone has there personal experiences and likes and dislikes. When they are all getting real drunk- I can leave, it's the behavior that gets me, sober people usually can't stand a drunken soiree after awhile. It's hard to have conversation, or any discourse. I'll pray for you and to have a good time. vicki

Music

Hi all,
screem3, you wrote:
"Think how many wonderful occasions you will miss throughout your life if you avoid them because alcohol is there and your "disease" makes you incapable of controlling yourself."

This is the mistake a lot of people make. I'm only incapable of controlling my drinking "AFTER" taking that first drink. NOT BEFORE I TAKE THE FIRST DRINK! This has nothing to do with the disease concept. It has something to do with making a rational decision which can only be made "AFTER" getting sober and getting my thinking straightened out.
People who have not had a drink for a week and drink again, don't have a relapse. To relapse there has to have been some recovery. Drinking after a week is just taking a break from drinking after a week.

Jem's girl,
If you can go to your function and "ask for a soft drink" instead of something with alcohol in it, go. If in fact, you still "want" to drink, and don't think you can "ask for a soft drink" I'd suggest you stay away. That's your decision. The question is: Do you still want to drink? Answer that honestly and go from there.

Jem's girl

Vicki! I laughed out loud at your suggestion, "thanks, but I've had enough"....I'm gonna use that from now on. What a perfect response, (Because I have certainly had too much in the past 7 years!). I like what Music had to say....it depends on where I am mentally/emotionally if I want a drink. Last night was a bad night, but only because yesterday afternoon was a bad afternoon. I know I can go to this shower this afternoon and stay clear of the booze. All the girls there will be happy and celebrating and certainly drinking, but I am going to be honest with everyone and tell them I have quit and my hubby is my back-up plan. If I want a drink and am wrestling with my internal self, trying to convince myself that "one drink won't hurt", I am calling him and we are going for a pop at our favorite place.....thank God for those support mechanisms we have in place. Thanks all....I'll let you know how it goes.

Nikki

Paulie

It will go fine and you will have a GREAT time sober!!!

Want to hear all about it....hope you don't have to play any of those shower games LOL!!!

Music

You'll do fine!
Just go and have a good tiime.

MootPoint

Throwing in a late KUDOS for the 7 days!!

And.. sounds like you have a good plan! Listen to what Peter said... he had some great advice.

So, this is a late reply just sending support (a bit late for advice )

Have a great (and sober) time! and tell us how it went!