a question - your perspective valued
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 225
Thanks everyone! I really do appreciate the input.
Yeah. I get this. The dynamic between us is probably complicated right now. He was really hurtful during the break-up, and we broke up due to some seriously bad (abusive) behavior on his part. However, the nastiness has been one-sided. As it stands, I have told him that I love him, his behavior was totally unacceptable, and if he ever decides to get sober, I would be thrilled and supportive.
I moved across the country, and we've had some contact through email. I really was quite blunt about his drinking & behavior, and he has still stayed in contact. If he doesn't want to talk to someone who knows and acknowledges his problems, he has a lot of people to choose from. But if he wants to hear from me, he knows what he is going to get. (non-nasty honesty)
So I guess that there is no reason that he could rationally think that I am being vicious or hurtful. But then again, it would be kind of weird to bank on rational thinking at this point.
It's nice to know that it doesn't seem like I would be doing any real harm by sending the book. I kind of picture him maybe throwing it on the ground, and finding it under the couch months (or years) later, when he is really ready to read it.
And GreenTea, I really like that you read the book, it didn't have much of an impact, but then went and got it when you were ready for it to. That's a good thought too-- maybe he will throw it out now, but will be aware of its existence when he needs to be. I like that!
It's a long life, right?
Originally Posted by GreenTea 
Well, that really depends on the character of the current dynamic going on between you two, and the way you present it. It *can* be snotty, (or viscious or hurtful). It can *also* be caring and thoughtful. It all depends. It isn't so much *that* you are giving it to your ex, so much much as the *way* its being given.
.
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I moved across the country, and we've had some contact through email. I really was quite blunt about his drinking & behavior, and he has still stayed in contact. If he doesn't want to talk to someone who knows and acknowledges his problems, he has a lot of people to choose from. But if he wants to hear from me, he knows what he is going to get. (non-nasty honesty)
So I guess that there is no reason that he could rationally think that I am being vicious or hurtful. But then again, it would be kind of weird to bank on rational thinking at this point.
It's nice to know that it doesn't seem like I would be doing any real harm by sending the book. I kind of picture him maybe throwing it on the ground, and finding it under the couch months (or years) later, when he is really ready to read it.
And GreenTea, I really like that you read the book, it didn't have much of an impact, but then went and got it when you were ready for it to. That's a good thought too-- maybe he will throw it out now, but will be aware of its existence when he needs to be. I like that!
It's a long life, right?
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