Finding this hard...
"Grateful to be Sober."
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
Finding this hard...
Hi all,
Im really struggling as of late, i nearly got two months sobriety but relapsed last fri - as ive talked about in threads. However now im back to 1 week sober and i feel good for that, but i dunno,...this week has just been hard. I'm full of fear...always full of bloody fear and angst.
I also know how important it is to stop with the self pity - it really was bad just before i drank. But i still found this hard- it's all self obsession. I wanna cry all the time or scream. Im just walking round in some sort of daze- im really not happy at all.
I try to keep positive and happy but its so hard at times- i just feel like i have nothing to look forward to. I know it will come through A.A. and the program. But it's so long away! I also feel like there is no one really i can share wiht - my sponser i guess but shes been v busy this week. I know i must be a bore feeling so low all the time and ill try to liven up for ppl and be happy but it doesnt work. Im left feeling patheitc and worried that ppl are bored of me and dislike me- i feel like such a burden. God this is soooooooooooo depressing sorry folks. I just really NEEDED to share this as im so lost- i dont know what to do. Im going to my mtngs tonight, then up for work early tomoz then a nother mtng, then an essay on sund, then another mtng. It's just all a bit tedious at the min... but i want to be happy i do!
Im really struggling as of late, i nearly got two months sobriety but relapsed last fri - as ive talked about in threads. However now im back to 1 week sober and i feel good for that, but i dunno,...this week has just been hard. I'm full of fear...always full of bloody fear and angst.
I also know how important it is to stop with the self pity - it really was bad just before i drank. But i still found this hard- it's all self obsession. I wanna cry all the time or scream. Im just walking round in some sort of daze- im really not happy at all.
I try to keep positive and happy but its so hard at times- i just feel like i have nothing to look forward to. I know it will come through A.A. and the program. But it's so long away! I also feel like there is no one really i can share wiht - my sponser i guess but shes been v busy this week. I know i must be a bore feeling so low all the time and ill try to liven up for ppl and be happy but it doesnt work. Im left feeling patheitc and worried that ppl are bored of me and dislike me- i feel like such a burden. God this is soooooooooooo depressing sorry folks. I just really NEEDED to share this as im so lost- i dont know what to do. Im going to my mtngs tonight, then up for work early tomoz then a nother mtng, then an essay on sund, then another mtng. It's just all a bit tedious at the min... but i want to be happy i do!
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
ask yourself this......
"If I had just gotten hit by a car, flat on my back in the hospital, tubes running outta my nose and ass, would I try to put on that "Im so happy" face, pretend to be positive and smile your cheeks away"?
I dont think so.
You have a chronic, fatal disease that is ripping your emotions to shreds, a mental illness that wants to destroy your mind and a physical disease that will eat your body to nothing.....and you think you need to put a false front on and be something your not?
Stop being what your not, start feeling what you do, and you will get better.
FEEL......BE.....TAKE ACTION.
Recipe for good mental health.
"If I had just gotten hit by a car, flat on my back in the hospital, tubes running outta my nose and ass, would I try to put on that "Im so happy" face, pretend to be positive and smile your cheeks away"?
I dont think so.
You have a chronic, fatal disease that is ripping your emotions to shreds, a mental illness that wants to destroy your mind and a physical disease that will eat your body to nothing.....and you think you need to put a false front on and be something your not?
Stop being what your not, start feeling what you do, and you will get better.
FEEL......BE.....TAKE ACTION.
Recipe for good mental health.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 190
"I know it will come through A.A. and the program. But it's so long away!"
What is the source of that information,?
that it takes so long we ought to despair, ?
thats not the AA I know,
but I've seen the alternative ' drag it out as long as possible AA".
If AA was what most unimformed people think it is I wouldn't be alive today.
Almosy 7 years ago I started telling my tale of misery to a woman I was only casually familiar with, we had a cup of coffee and she immediately asked if I was an alcoholic, turns out she had 13 years and had all the right answers for my feeble protestations. She said all these problems are the unmangaeability in step 1. That I could get well if I worked the steps.
I said I need relief right now, today, I don't have time to go to meetings for months until I "feel" better, she pulled out her Big Book and showed me AA #3, "he took up his bed and walked". She showed me Bill's story, 9 days into Towns and he's having a spiritual flash. 2 weeks with Dr Bob and Bob is making all his amends in one day. Earl T works the steps with Doc Bob in one afternoon, this was something I never imagined.
Later on, Clarence Schneider takes newcomers through the steps in a weekend, then as AA explodes in Cleveland (due to publicity and inflooding newcomers) he takes groups of 20 through the steps in seminars, newcomers with barely a week under their belt in AA, fresh out of the steps themselves are taking other newcomers through the steps.
Thats what AA is about, thats how it works and why it works.
You could be in the solution before you attend your next meeting.
That is the message of the recovered alcoholic.
What is the source of that information,?
that it takes so long we ought to despair, ?
thats not the AA I know,
but I've seen the alternative ' drag it out as long as possible AA".
If AA was what most unimformed people think it is I wouldn't be alive today.
Almosy 7 years ago I started telling my tale of misery to a woman I was only casually familiar with, we had a cup of coffee and she immediately asked if I was an alcoholic, turns out she had 13 years and had all the right answers for my feeble protestations. She said all these problems are the unmangaeability in step 1. That I could get well if I worked the steps.
I said I need relief right now, today, I don't have time to go to meetings for months until I "feel" better, she pulled out her Big Book and showed me AA #3, "he took up his bed and walked". She showed me Bill's story, 9 days into Towns and he's having a spiritual flash. 2 weeks with Dr Bob and Bob is making all his amends in one day. Earl T works the steps with Doc Bob in one afternoon, this was something I never imagined.
Later on, Clarence Schneider takes newcomers through the steps in a weekend, then as AA explodes in Cleveland (due to publicity and inflooding newcomers) he takes groups of 20 through the steps in seminars, newcomers with barely a week under their belt in AA, fresh out of the steps themselves are taking other newcomers through the steps.
Thats what AA is about, thats how it works and why it works.
You could be in the solution before you attend your next meeting.
That is the message of the recovered alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
Hi Mandi,
I know a mandi with an i. She's cool,
Thank you for sharing, Im glad your feeling a little better. Meetings usualy help me feel less alone when im down.
Oh, i agree with the suggestion of not dragging misery around, it keeps me
Maybe its time to put pencil to paper??
Be well,
A
I know a mandi with an i. She's cool,
Thank you for sharing, Im glad your feeling a little better. Meetings usualy help me feel less alone when im down.
Oh, i agree with the suggestion of not dragging misery around, it keeps me
Maybe its time to put pencil to paper??
Be well,
A
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