A small victory
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
A small victory
Yesterday I had the strongest urge to drink I think I ever had, it was more than and urge, almost like something I just had to do, and why not?
It had been a stressful few days with wifes family out of state, great people, but no common ground at all, so I felt kinda left out & lonely most of the time. None of them drink, at all, so I had a beer here & there, but never more than two at a time.
Then came yesterday, we were all home, our first and only day "off" of the holiday, and as soon as the girls went food shopping, and I was alone, my AV started in on me. (actually it had been in the back of my mind all morning). I had all the reasons (excuses, sorry), "I'm restarting my diet tomorrow, a few wont hurt today", "I can sip it and enjoy working around the house", and the best, "I wont over do it this time". Then I tried to reason, told myself I had a lot to do tomorrow, and it would be better to start the week on Monday, instead of Tue (or so). Anyway, most of you here know how that battle can rage. At one point, I had the beer out on the table (to sip on the way to the LS), and at that point, I realized I was in a real struggle, and losing, I was going to do this, and I didn't want to. I think that moment of realization was what gave me the will to fight. I was being beaten, and if I didn't fight, I was going to get beaten.
I tried some of the tricks here to fight the urges, nothing was working, so I went upstairs and prayed, then I came here and read, wrote to someone how I was feeling, and finally I started winning. I put the beer away, went where I had to go, came home and had a productive afternoon, and evening.
I know the war is far from over, and I may not win every time, but each win makes the enemy weaker, but I know each time I lose, it's a worse fight next time.
Sorry for the long post, thanks for listening, I posted this, as many here do, in the hopes my experience will help others to know where this road can lead.
Happy holidays to my SR family!
S
It had been a stressful few days with wifes family out of state, great people, but no common ground at all, so I felt kinda left out & lonely most of the time. None of them drink, at all, so I had a beer here & there, but never more than two at a time.
Then came yesterday, we were all home, our first and only day "off" of the holiday, and as soon as the girls went food shopping, and I was alone, my AV started in on me. (actually it had been in the back of my mind all morning). I had all the reasons (excuses, sorry), "I'm restarting my diet tomorrow, a few wont hurt today", "I can sip it and enjoy working around the house", and the best, "I wont over do it this time". Then I tried to reason, told myself I had a lot to do tomorrow, and it would be better to start the week on Monday, instead of Tue (or so). Anyway, most of you here know how that battle can rage. At one point, I had the beer out on the table (to sip on the way to the LS), and at that point, I realized I was in a real struggle, and losing, I was going to do this, and I didn't want to. I think that moment of realization was what gave me the will to fight. I was being beaten, and if I didn't fight, I was going to get beaten.
I tried some of the tricks here to fight the urges, nothing was working, so I went upstairs and prayed, then I came here and read, wrote to someone how I was feeling, and finally I started winning. I put the beer away, went where I had to go, came home and had a productive afternoon, and evening.
I know the war is far from over, and I may not win every time, but each win makes the enemy weaker, but I know each time I lose, it's a worse fight next time.
Sorry for the long post, thanks for listening, I posted this, as many here do, in the hopes my experience will help others to know where this road can lead.
Happy holidays to my SR family!
S
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
so I had a beer here & there, but never more than two at a time.
Steve were you perfectly content drinking just one or 2 beers?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Carol,
Beer in the house?
I guess it partly my stubborness. I have to learn to be around it, and not use it. It's my problem, not everyone elses. Where I live, there is a liquor store every mile, I think I counted 6 of them on the road to the gym, more on the way too & from work. And even more bars. If the nearest LS were 10 miles away, then it would make more sense to me, but under the circumstances, I cant rely on not being around it to keep me from it.
Just my twisted thinking, I suppose.
Thanks for asking, and for caring!
S
Beer in the house?
I guess it partly my stubborness. I have to learn to be around it, and not use it. It's my problem, not everyone elses. Where I live, there is a liquor store every mile, I think I counted 6 of them on the road to the gym, more on the way too & from work. And even more bars. If the nearest LS were 10 miles away, then it would make more sense to me, but under the circumstances, I cant rely on not being around it to keep me from it.
Just my twisted thinking, I suppose.
Thanks for asking, and for caring!
S
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes Steve...
there is a ocean of alcohol around most of us.
My deal is that my home is my sobriety island.
In early sobriety I got rid of my bar ... stools...
crystal glasses ...decanters in order to move forward.
Been working out great for me,
there is a ocean of alcohol around most of us.
My deal is that my home is my sobriety island.
In early sobriety I got rid of my bar ... stools...
crystal glasses ...decanters in order to move forward.
Been working out great for me,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Taz,
Perfectly content, probably not, but certainly not dying for another. Depending on circumstance, it does not take a great effort for me to stop after 2. Has a lot to do with my state of mind.
Funny thing, if about an hour delay is imposed between my first drink or two, and the availability of more, I often lose my urge.
However, other times, cant wait for that first one, then it's off to the races!
So as you can see, this confusion does little to help my struggle with this stuff. As I often say, I am a work in progress, each day I learn more, and I believe I'm getting better, slowly, but days like yesterday serve to remind me of two things...1) I am on a slipperly slope, and need to be very careful, and the odds are not good up here and 2) I can win the war.
I have read your posts, Taz, and know how you pulled your life from the brink. (with a little help from our God) I know I'm safe now, but thanks, Dante, for showing me where I could be, if I dont watch myself.
Best,
S
Perfectly content, probably not, but certainly not dying for another. Depending on circumstance, it does not take a great effort for me to stop after 2. Has a lot to do with my state of mind.
Funny thing, if about an hour delay is imposed between my first drink or two, and the availability of more, I often lose my urge.
However, other times, cant wait for that first one, then it's off to the races!
So as you can see, this confusion does little to help my struggle with this stuff. As I often say, I am a work in progress, each day I learn more, and I believe I'm getting better, slowly, but days like yesterday serve to remind me of two things...1) I am on a slipperly slope, and need to be very careful, and the odds are not good up here and 2) I can win the war.
I have read your posts, Taz, and know how you pulled your life from the brink. (with a little help from our God) I know I'm safe now, but thanks, Dante, for showing me where I could be, if I dont watch myself.
Best,
S
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Steve you may want to do some research on the progression of alcoholism, for many years I could easily go for weeks without a drink, heck in my early 20s I quit for a year and a half, if one is an alcoholic the disease always progresses with every drink, it never gets better................ NEVER!!!! It gets worse with every single drink.
I could not have a drink for the next 10 years and if I started to drink again in a weeks time at a minimum I would be right back where I left off.
When I quit for a year and a half that time I was drinking sometimes 6-7 cases a week, when I started again I was right back in less then a week to where I had left off. Sure I could still go a week without a drink then but if I had one I may or may not stop for a VERY long time.
That saying in the rooms that one is to many and a thousand is not enough holds true for me and many other alcoholics who reached the point I reached when I finally quit.
I pray one day you will know just how freeing it feels to not wonder where that next drink is going to take you.
I could not have a drink for the next 10 years and if I started to drink again in a weeks time at a minimum I would be right back where I left off.
When I quit for a year and a half that time I was drinking sometimes 6-7 cases a week, when I started again I was right back in less then a week to where I had left off. Sure I could still go a week without a drink then but if I had one I may or may not stop for a VERY long time.
That saying in the rooms that one is to many and a thousand is not enough holds true for me and many other alcoholics who reached the point I reached when I finally quit.
I pray one day you will know just how freeing it feels to not wonder where that next drink is going to take you.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Beer in the house...
Hi Steve, :morning
I have to agree with Taz. I quit for a year and don't even know when or where I was when I picked up that first drink...fourteen years later I was seeking help again. It worked so far because I wanted my sobriety more than anything else in my life.
I did the same as Carol. There never is liquor in my house and my husband set the rule of no alcohol was to be brought to the house by family. One son broke that rule and many others in society so has a hard life ahead of him now.
It is thanks to the AA Program that I have my sobriety still today. :comfort:
kelsh
I have to agree with Taz. I quit for a year and don't even know when or where I was when I picked up that first drink...fourteen years later I was seeking help again. It worked so far because I wanted my sobriety more than anything else in my life.
I did the same as Carol. There never is liquor in my house and my husband set the rule of no alcohol was to be brought to the house by family. One son broke that rule and many others in society so has a hard life ahead of him now.
It is thanks to the AA Program that I have my sobriety still today. :comfort:
kelsh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Again, Taz,
Research, you say, Oh, I have done research. And I have seen the things you speak of in both the first and second person. I have been around here almost two years, and although I dont post alot, I'm here, reading and learning. I have also read about all the net has to offer, and other books beside. While I dont buy 100% of everything I read, there are certain common threads that come up over & over. Progression is probably #1.
I'm working my way through this thing, I think I'm better now than I was a year ago. I know the majority here agree that total abstainance is the only way, and for them I can not disagree. For me, I will most likely end up there two. I doubt I'll be the first to prove there is another way. But, fortunately. this is only one part of my life, it does not dominate me (dare I say yet). I know the exits, they are clearly marked, I believe there are three of them. I just have to get there at my own pace.
I hope I didn't offend you with my mention of reading your posts, it was meant as a compliment. I can be quite scarcastic, but there was none there.
Feel free to offer your 2 cents anytime!
Best,
S
Research, you say, Oh, I have done research. And I have seen the things you speak of in both the first and second person. I have been around here almost two years, and although I dont post alot, I'm here, reading and learning. I have also read about all the net has to offer, and other books beside. While I dont buy 100% of everything I read, there are certain common threads that come up over & over. Progression is probably #1.
I'm working my way through this thing, I think I'm better now than I was a year ago. I know the majority here agree that total abstainance is the only way, and for them I can not disagree. For me, I will most likely end up there two. I doubt I'll be the first to prove there is another way. But, fortunately. this is only one part of my life, it does not dominate me (dare I say yet). I know the exits, they are clearly marked, I believe there are three of them. I just have to get there at my own pace.
I hope I didn't offend you with my mention of reading your posts, it was meant as a compliment. I can be quite scarcastic, but there was none there.
Feel free to offer your 2 cents anytime!
Best,
S
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