i feel like a pavlovian dog
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: ct
Posts: 55
i feel like a pavlovian dog
when i get out of work i'm so conditioned to reward my self with beer for a long hard day's work,that i don't know how to stop that trigger.i start to (salivate,figuratively)a few minutes before the end of my shift and then once i'm out it's right to the liquor store.i notice that i gives me that lift to my weary body and mind,i feel more energized more relaxed.ofcourse i realize that it later robs me of all vitality the more i imbibe,but it does get me over that transition stage,and temporaily makes me feel better.so i'm conditioned for this reward,don't know how to deprogram myself from this automatic trigger that i get.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: land of 10,000 lakes
Posts: 261
KindaB,
You don't say how long you have been sober.
The urges pass, it does take time. Run the story to the end
once, stop get beer...get drunk...feel bad the next day.
Never ends if you don't stop..I only say this because
I remember well that "reward" but I always forgot
to remember the pain later. Get to some meetings
of "aa" and share just what you did here and be ready
for some head nods, hugs, and maybe even some
laughter. If you don't know where to find a meeting
in your area let me know I'll be glad to recommend some.
Blessings,
Vinnie
You don't say how long you have been sober.
The urges pass, it does take time. Run the story to the end
once, stop get beer...get drunk...feel bad the next day.
Never ends if you don't stop..I only say this because
I remember well that "reward" but I always forgot
to remember the pain later. Get to some meetings
of "aa" and share just what you did here and be ready
for some head nods, hugs, and maybe even some
laughter. If you don't know where to find a meeting
in your area let me know I'll be glad to recommend some.
Blessings,
Vinnie
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 79
Hi Kinda,
Been there, done that. Except for me, it's wine.
Read my thread "little miracles" on the Alcoholics Anonymous board.
And here's a suggestion -- find something else to do right after work. For me, it's volunteering at our local zoo - seeing my beautiful animals almost every day is reason enough to stay sober. Or find some early evening meetings. Or go see a movie. It sometimes takes a while for us alkies to discover things to do with our time -- but you can find something you enjoy doing, and then do it right after work. I know you can do it!
Hugs,
Been there, done that. Except for me, it's wine.
Read my thread "little miracles" on the Alcoholics Anonymous board.
And here's a suggestion -- find something else to do right after work. For me, it's volunteering at our local zoo - seeing my beautiful animals almost every day is reason enough to stay sober. Or find some early evening meetings. Or go see a movie. It sometimes takes a while for us alkies to discover things to do with our time -- but you can find something you enjoy doing, and then do it right after work. I know you can do it!
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Blue,
Glad to see your still coming back and most of all trying to flick that little Demon off your shoulder! Damn I know that feeling! Couldn't wait to get aout of work to grab that sixer which turned into a 12er and feeling like **** the next day that I couldn't just drive on by the store. It's not easy I know, but your almost there, you gotta find a way t keep yourself busy before you go to the store. Make a committment to do something with someone, or come home and jump on the computer here. Have you tried looking for meetings yet? Maybe you should give that a shot. I know all to well that salivating feeling of getting off work and getting home to relax, get enegized, and feel like your rounding out your day in a good way.
When I got sober (only 31 days ago) I was terrified I couldn't do this! What was I gonna do with my time, how do I reorganize my routine of sitting at the table drinking and smoking ridiculously every other day, ( I took a day off for hangovers). How am I gonna function without my best friend Mr. B in my life?
How was I gonna get through talking with friends because I'd be drinking and dialing, without beer?
I was TERRIFIED Blue! You to can do this my friend, just know we are here for you. Those cravings will begin to diminish if you just keep what you want more in perspective! I know you choose sobriety, and you will find the power and strength when your absoulutly ready and not before.
Your almost there, get through each hour after work, and you'll find a happiness in yourself to do it again!
Glad to see your still coming back and most of all trying to flick that little Demon off your shoulder! Damn I know that feeling! Couldn't wait to get aout of work to grab that sixer which turned into a 12er and feeling like **** the next day that I couldn't just drive on by the store. It's not easy I know, but your almost there, you gotta find a way t keep yourself busy before you go to the store. Make a committment to do something with someone, or come home and jump on the computer here. Have you tried looking for meetings yet? Maybe you should give that a shot. I know all to well that salivating feeling of getting off work and getting home to relax, get enegized, and feel like your rounding out your day in a good way.
When I got sober (only 31 days ago) I was terrified I couldn't do this! What was I gonna do with my time, how do I reorganize my routine of sitting at the table drinking and smoking ridiculously every other day, ( I took a day off for hangovers). How am I gonna function without my best friend Mr. B in my life?
How was I gonna get through talking with friends because I'd be drinking and dialing, without beer?
I was TERRIFIED Blue! You to can do this my friend, just know we are here for you. Those cravings will begin to diminish if you just keep what you want more in perspective! I know you choose sobriety, and you will find the power and strength when your absoulutly ready and not before.
Your almost there, get through each hour after work, and you'll find a happiness in yourself to do it again!
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi Kindablue.You got some good suggestions.
I can identify so well with that after work desire for a cold beer.But just as Vinnie said I learned to "play the tape through to the end"
When I stopped drinking I felt the trepidation of wondering what to do with my time now that I was sober.
Once again AA really helped me there and I developed a pattern of going to meetings early and hanging out and talking with some of the other members.I also took the time to study the AA literature.
I can remember still being a little skeptical of the AA programme in those early days,but I spent many long hours reading the literature and the more I read the more fascinated I became with AA's philosophy and it's formula for sobriety.
The point is I had to keep my mind busy and not dwell on my "drinking thinking".
I learned to quickly dismiss any harmful thoughts I had about taking a drink and just as you already heard the urges to drink were removed from me.
Hang in there ok.It does get better.
Peter.
I can identify so well with that after work desire for a cold beer.But just as Vinnie said I learned to "play the tape through to the end"
When I stopped drinking I felt the trepidation of wondering what to do with my time now that I was sober.
Once again AA really helped me there and I developed a pattern of going to meetings early and hanging out and talking with some of the other members.I also took the time to study the AA literature.
I can remember still being a little skeptical of the AA programme in those early days,but I spent many long hours reading the literature and the more I read the more fascinated I became with AA's philosophy and it's formula for sobriety.
The point is I had to keep my mind busy and not dwell on my "drinking thinking".
I learned to quickly dismiss any harmful thoughts I had about taking a drink and just as you already heard the urges to drink were removed from me.
Hang in there ok.It does get better.
Peter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: ct
Posts: 55
thanx guys,yes it is time i start going back to meetings.i guess that's what it comes down too,i can post about my drinking to my hearts content,but i've yet to do the work.i have attended meetings in the past and i actually enjoy them,it's just i never commited my self to a program.i'm sure once i get some momentum on this thing it will get easier.it's about losing that damn desire to drink that's giving me such a hard time.i know i should quit but the desire to drink is still there.today i'm hungover
the day is ruined,and it leads to more drinking to help ease the hungover,which leads to another hangover etc.the cycle of destruction
the day is ruined,and it leads to more drinking to help ease the hungover,which leads to another hangover etc.the cycle of destruction
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
when you leave work, can you go a different way home? One that doesn't bypass the liquor store? You have to break that pavlovian cycle!
You say you have been to meetings. Do you still have phone numbers? Can you call any of them? If you don't have any numbers, can you call the AA listing in the beginning of your phone book and they'll set you up with some ppl who'll help you. Maybe even come to your house if you want 'em.
Take care, Kindablue, and keep posting.
You say you have been to meetings. Do you still have phone numbers? Can you call any of them? If you don't have any numbers, can you call the AA listing in the beginning of your phone book and they'll set you up with some ppl who'll help you. Maybe even come to your house if you want 'em.
Take care, Kindablue, and keep posting.
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 19
Holy smokes Kindablue and Sylvrymoon...
I can SO identify! Kindablue - I am dealing with this very thing today! Sylvrymoon - my poison of choice is wine, too. I took my little boy to the toy store after work, just so I could be out of the house, delay the drive past the liquor store and be home later, thus hoping to get rid of those cravings. This is gonna be harder than I ever imagined.....5:00 quitting time is going to be VERY hard, especially those evenings where the co-workers want to go for a glass of wine at the end of the day. Whew....AA is serious when they say "one day at a time"...for me at this point, I think it is "one minute at a time". 
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
Hey all:
I am just tickled to read about your honesty and willingness to make changes in your lives. Really, I am so thrilled for all of you.
I am the now x-spouse of a man who always drank a few "after work" beers. Then, of course, "few" would end up being a 12 or 18 pack every night. I never thought much about it, cause it seemed like just stress relief. It wasn't till he quit his job and the beer drinking started at 8 in the morning that I realized he had an addiction.
My x-spouse will probably never change his ways... he is still convinced that what he is doing is within the range of "social drinking".
I would love for him to hear ya'll talking about fighting the same after-work desire to drink, but, in my heart, I know he'd never listen.
But, that doesn't keep me from being happy for you all.
If you ever get discouraged, don't. Remember that you're far ahead of so many other people out there like my x.
Best wishes on your journey to a better life............
I am just tickled to read about your honesty and willingness to make changes in your lives. Really, I am so thrilled for all of you.
I am the now x-spouse of a man who always drank a few "after work" beers. Then, of course, "few" would end up being a 12 or 18 pack every night. I never thought much about it, cause it seemed like just stress relief. It wasn't till he quit his job and the beer drinking started at 8 in the morning that I realized he had an addiction.
My x-spouse will probably never change his ways... he is still convinced that what he is doing is within the range of "social drinking".
I would love for him to hear ya'll talking about fighting the same after-work desire to drink, but, in my heart, I know he'd never listen.
But, that doesn't keep me from being happy for you all.
If you ever get discouraged, don't. Remember that you're far ahead of so many other people out there like my x.
Best wishes on your journey to a better life............
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Kinda
Yes...I do remember those days...
I lived in a city and my job was 6 blocks from my apartment.
I got off at 10 pm..tired and stressed.
In early sobriety...I took a cab home. I was too weak to pass 2 liquor stores and 7 watering holes without stopping.
I also kept a small bottle of non-alcoholic mouthwash at work to stop the urge...and drank lots of water.
Keep in touch...and trying meetings again is a good plan.:shades:
I lived in a city and my job was 6 blocks from my apartment.
I got off at 10 pm..tired and stressed.
In early sobriety...I took a cab home. I was too weak to pass 2 liquor stores and 7 watering holes without stopping.
I also kept a small bottle of non-alcoholic mouthwash at work to stop the urge...and drank lots of water.
Keep in touch...and trying meetings again is a good plan.:shades:
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 30
People Places and Things
Dear Blue,
The struggle at the beginning is so difficult and uncomfortable. When I was going through it I had so many people tell me that what I was feeling and all my cravings were normal, and also that in time it does get better. These words meant absolutely nothing to me at the time except to remind me that I was totally miserable and at some unknown time in the future I would start to be less miserable!!!
Keeping yourself occupied, changing your normal route to avoid liquor stores etc... is all great advice. In the beginning what I heard over and over again was people places and things. I had to remove myself from harms way not just think I could handle it or be strong. I definitely had to change my route home from work which was not easy because I live in Chicago and had my entire neighborhood completely wired for alcohol. (and most of the other neighborhoods for that matter)
I consider myself very fortunate because I checked myself into an out-patient rehab program. I knew I could not stop drinking on my own and I didn't trust that I could just start going to AA meetings cold turkey and stick with it. For the first 5 weeks of my sobriety I spent 4 nights a week after work from 5:30-9:30pm in my out-patient program. I had homework and reading assignments. I got phone numbers from the other group members and was expected to actually use them. I had to get a sponsor and go to 3 AA meetings (minimal) a week in addition to the four nights I was already in rehab. When I first found out the specifics of this program I freaked. I thought there was no way in hell, this was way to strict, way to radical, and was I really that bad, did I really need this? Man did I need a drink!!!! Then I thought, well I'll still drink if I need to, and still give rehab a half assed try just in case. Wow, that was a good one! My plan failed utterly when I found out that they did random tests for alcohol and drugs.
A funny thing happened.... Through all this negotiating with myself and all the uncomfortable cravings and withdrawals, I kept showing up. My time was totally occupied, I started changing some people places and things in my life that were triggers and most of all I kept showing up, whether or not I felt like it or wanted to I just kept showing up. Low and behold I started to get better. To me the real miracle of that time was that an alcoholic like myself who was wholly unreliable, blew things off constantly, never made myself do anything if I didn't feel like it (except go to work of course so I could afford my habit), the miracle is I started just simply showing up on time, when I was supposed to and I started doing the work. I found out the technical term for this behavior - taking responsibility for myself. I still don't know how I was able to do this except that I finally gave up the fight. I knew I was beat, I absolutely knew it, and I took the last avenue left to me....I got help.
The struggle at the beginning is so difficult and uncomfortable. When I was going through it I had so many people tell me that what I was feeling and all my cravings were normal, and also that in time it does get better. These words meant absolutely nothing to me at the time except to remind me that I was totally miserable and at some unknown time in the future I would start to be less miserable!!!
Keeping yourself occupied, changing your normal route to avoid liquor stores etc... is all great advice. In the beginning what I heard over and over again was people places and things. I had to remove myself from harms way not just think I could handle it or be strong. I definitely had to change my route home from work which was not easy because I live in Chicago and had my entire neighborhood completely wired for alcohol. (and most of the other neighborhoods for that matter)
I consider myself very fortunate because I checked myself into an out-patient rehab program. I knew I could not stop drinking on my own and I didn't trust that I could just start going to AA meetings cold turkey and stick with it. For the first 5 weeks of my sobriety I spent 4 nights a week after work from 5:30-9:30pm in my out-patient program. I had homework and reading assignments. I got phone numbers from the other group members and was expected to actually use them. I had to get a sponsor and go to 3 AA meetings (minimal) a week in addition to the four nights I was already in rehab. When I first found out the specifics of this program I freaked. I thought there was no way in hell, this was way to strict, way to radical, and was I really that bad, did I really need this? Man did I need a drink!!!! Then I thought, well I'll still drink if I need to, and still give rehab a half assed try just in case. Wow, that was a good one! My plan failed utterly when I found out that they did random tests for alcohol and drugs.
A funny thing happened.... Through all this negotiating with myself and all the uncomfortable cravings and withdrawals, I kept showing up. My time was totally occupied, I started changing some people places and things in my life that were triggers and most of all I kept showing up, whether or not I felt like it or wanted to I just kept showing up. Low and behold I started to get better. To me the real miracle of that time was that an alcoholic like myself who was wholly unreliable, blew things off constantly, never made myself do anything if I didn't feel like it (except go to work of course so I could afford my habit), the miracle is I started just simply showing up on time, when I was supposed to and I started doing the work. I found out the technical term for this behavior - taking responsibility for myself. I still don't know how I was able to do this except that I finally gave up the fight. I knew I was beat, I absolutely knew it, and I took the last avenue left to me....I got help.
Last edited by Ophelia; 06-11-2003 at 10:07 PM.
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