can't fool myself anymore!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: long island,ny
Posts: 190
can't fool myself anymore!
Hi all...i've been going through a bit of a,"rough patch" in my life these days,and i find myself battling over whether to stop at the liquor store on my way home from work or not....
the only thing that seems to stop me,is now I can't think of it as a,"one night stand".......i can't fool myself any more into believing that it'll be,"just one bottle...just tonite"....I now follow that action,that,"one night"and see myself the day after,the week after,the month after.....and it's not where i want to be....I wish i could just have that one glass.....hell,i wish i could have that one bottle...but i know now that I CANNOT.
It's not easy to resist the thoughts and the temptations....but,when i woke up with a clear head today,i am glad i did....Thanks all.KT
the only thing that seems to stop me,is now I can't think of it as a,"one night stand".......i can't fool myself any more into believing that it'll be,"just one bottle...just tonite"....I now follow that action,that,"one night"and see myself the day after,the week after,the month after.....and it's not where i want to be....I wish i could just have that one glass.....hell,i wish i could have that one bottle...but i know now that I CANNOT.
It's not easy to resist the thoughts and the temptations....but,when i woke up with a clear head today,i am glad i did....Thanks all.KT
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
KT that is part of accepting one is really powerless over alcohol, good job hon, keep working at it, keep changing, the combination of the 2 eventually results in the miracle!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
I remember all too well stopping at the convenience store to buy gas and paying at the pump not for convenience, but for fear if I went inside I would buy beer. And then being angry that I could not. Thorough work in Step 1 helped with that. In the end it showed me the hopelessness of my condition. it brought me to a place where I had only two options, to go an toward an alcoholic death, or to seek a path toward a spiritual remedy. There was no other option. This made following step work a bit easier. A thorough, rigorously honest first step is a foundation for all other steps. And for me, I have to have a current experience with step one every day. because of this, and maintaining spiritual fitness, I can walk the world a more free man, without that constant angst and fear. It is in the steps that this happens.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Good Job KT! Acceptance is key. We need to accept that we can't drink, ever. I use to feel as if it was a deprivation, I no longer feel that way. Not drinking is freedom. I am now free to do anything I want. Stay strong, stay focused and stay positive. Best of luck!
one of many
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ellisville, FL
Posts: 200
I remember that feeling. Everynight passing the liqour store after work. I can only tell you this. If you give in to your alcoholism it will only get worse. It is a progressive disease that will take everything good in life away from you. However you can find help and plenty of support to battle this thing. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Hi, KT, your post sounds like the process is happening. Please know that it is hard to do early sobriety alone, and detoxing on your own can be life-threatening. Many of us need to go to a medically-supervised detox. We are here for you. You know that because you've been around SR for a while.
Best from the Snowgoose.
Best from the Snowgoose.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Hey KT !
Somewhere atround my 3rd or 5th step, the cravings were gone. After the 10th step, the 10th step promises also came true for me.
Somewhere atround my 3rd or 5th step, the cravings were gone. After the 10th step, the 10th step promises also came true for me.
We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Sounds like you are taking a big step by admitting that.
I found this to be the truth- the more I drank, the more I wanted to drink. So many times I said I'll drink one more time or I'd stop at a bar for '1 or 2' (yeah right) and ended up drunk and then having to face myself with the horror ( How did this happen again)? I couldn't admit that I had no control over my drinking. There is no such thing as "one more time" or "1 bottle or drink". It's all or nothing. And as an alcoholic- to drink is to die. The body of an alcoholic doesn't process alcohol correctly.
I can't worry about not drinking forever. It is overwhelming and scary. But I can wake up and say I won't drink TODAY. Tomorrow will always take care of itself. My first thing to do each day is commit myself to not picking up a drink that day. That is more manageble.
And I've found that since I stopped drinking, so many more doors and options have opened up for me.
The same can be true for you as well.
I found this to be the truth- the more I drank, the more I wanted to drink. So many times I said I'll drink one more time or I'd stop at a bar for '1 or 2' (yeah right) and ended up drunk and then having to face myself with the horror ( How did this happen again)? I couldn't admit that I had no control over my drinking. There is no such thing as "one more time" or "1 bottle or drink". It's all or nothing. And as an alcoholic- to drink is to die. The body of an alcoholic doesn't process alcohol correctly.
I can't worry about not drinking forever. It is overwhelming and scary. But I can wake up and say I won't drink TODAY. Tomorrow will always take care of itself. My first thing to do each day is commit myself to not picking up a drink that day. That is more manageble.
And I've found that since I stopped drinking, so many more doors and options have opened up for me.
The same can be true for you as well.
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