LegalLady

for some to get, why do we have to go through so much pain and termoil. If its a disease like everyone says it is why do we have to go through so much stupid idiotic mental anguish. Some people can get over the addiction and some people like myself just struggle and struggle. Those who get over it say those of us who can't make excuses I don't know, I'm messed up. Maybe I'm just at a loss. Maybe I'm that 90 percent that don't get it. Do you tell cancer people they make excuse. I'm tired and angry at myself and just really mad at me. I'm so mad at me I can't stand it.

odaat

LegalLady, I'm sorry you are hurting. I can understand how you are feeling. My sponsor told me I was making excuses the other day, and I was so angry at her. After a few hours, I realised that I was angry at me, not her. Its hard to admit when we are making excuses, but I'm getting better at it. I keep telling myself HOW I will do this is Honesty Open-mindedness and Willingness. Sometimes we've got to do the things suggested, even if we don't want to, and even if it doesn't help right away. I've been told that if I keep putting in the right actions, the right feelings will come eventually.

I also have to remember HALT - don't get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Do you think you'd feel better if you had a 20 minute nap?

mike_mass

That's just the way it is. Some people take to sobriety easier than others. There is hope though...many people have recovered after struggling for years.

snowgoose

LL, I would second what MikeMass says; many people have recovered after struggling for years. In my case, putting down the bottle was not easy initially but staying away from it got easier. HP was good enough to pretty much remove the compulsion when asked. But my addictive personality seeks other avenues - not drugs of any kind any more, but whatever will take me away from facing Life on Life's terms. Food, spending money, reading, playing computer: Whatever. When my spirituality is healthy (which it is not always), I remember to stop and ask HP to keep me in touch with what I must do today, which of course is exactly what my devious mind is trying to escape from. Yes, the problem is me. The excellent program that is AA is helping me, though.

CarolD

I just don't know why either!
It took me 5 years to get a 1 year AA medallion.

I was up & down ..in & out of AA like a Yo-Yo.


After I read " "Under The Influence"
I took that information
Re connected to God and AA...
have not had a drink since.

Here is a link to excerpts from
"Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I do hope it will help you too.

SaTiT

it's just the nature of alcoholism. if it was easy we all wouldn't be
here would we.

Stop beat up on yourself..that's the cunning ,baffling , and powerful
part of alcoholism too.

Opportunity in chaos. if there wasn't pain or sufferning,
we would still be doing it. On the contrary to what
some people just blurrs out.... alcoholics are very, very strong
will people. That's the paradox that gets us in trouble..thinking
or trying to out power it.

We just have to learn how to harness that power and direct it
in possitives manners.

Or bascailly our ego gets smashed oneway or the other.

humilty is not the same as humiliations..
so sometimes we gotta sit down or slow down and look it up in the dictionary.lol
Or we can learn the hard way.

We learned the hardway becuase became less senitive to pain.
well, being numb out of our freaken minds for years just add more
numbness.

So i guess that why they say..keep it simple and oneday at a time.
it's obtainable. and of course "don't pick up no matter what"
through the good times and bad times,
becuase life is a trip and only god knows why.

bugsworth

LegalLady, I identify with your feelings of anger towards yourself. It can be soul crushing. Everyday you don't pickup you get back a piece of yourself. There was a time I couldn't look into my own eyes in the mirror, you can't imagine the things I have said to myself. It changes with the very first day you stop. You must want sobriety more than you want to drink. You can do this, know it in your heart, believe in yourself and all the people here who have months and years of sobriety. It is possible and will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. Best of luck.

Pinkcuda

You're not telling us what you're expecting. If you're looking for instant gratification, don't. If you're working the steps(which you should), it isn't until later in the program that you see the results of your effort. Usually around step 9. The Promises come to us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but they always materialize, if we work for them. Pg 84. Pe patient, it will happen.

NoMoBeer

Hi Legal Lady...
All of the things you are feeling are normal...
We do have a disease. A disease of both mind and body. I cannot drink -- once alcohol gets into my system, I truly have a physical allergy, which manifests itself as a CRAVING for alcohol. But worse than that, I have an obsession that someday I can drink like other people, or maybe just one won't hurt, or "wouldn't a drink feel good right now to take away this anger?" I go to AA and practice the principles of the program so that I can keep the mental obsession in check -- I can only do this by straightening out spiritually.... ONce the spiritual straightens out, I straighten out mentally and physically...

But for now, keep it simple. Go to meetings. Get a Big Book, start to read it from the front cover back. Get a sponsor. Get to work on the steps. Don't drink. The anger will eventually subside...

Welcome to our family -- oh yeah, there are plenty of days I still get angry, but I try my best to put the principles of AA to work and live as well as I can.... progress, not perfection.

No Mo Beer