NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

A and I went out to see our friends in the band last night. As always, a great time..saw one of my very favorite people, didn't know that she'd be there. She's in recovery something like 15 years, plays guitar like Clapton, just the coolest woman out there (I have a bit of a crush lol). So good to sit and talk with her. Even though we were in a bar, I was just fine with it as I usually am..

Anyway, we were invited to a woman's home afterwards. Get there and holy hell the minute I saw that glass of red wine sitting on that table I started longing for the damn thing. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Watching folks pouring another glass, drinking it.

I hate that even after almost 8 months of sobriety, and working my program, and knowing that yes, I DON'T want to drink, the minute when I think I got this crap licked, it rears its ugly head up at me just when I least expect it.

I posted in another thread that after doing my step 3, the obsession was lifted from me. It obviously hasn't been. I gotta keep working on this thing..

Oh, I didn't drink. Even though it was singing to me..

Karen

Pinkcuda

Read the last paragraph on pg 84. You will find that it is in, or around, step ten that the compulsion is lifted. Then start on the last paragraph on pg. 100 and read into the first sentence of the second paragraph on pg 101. 2 paragraphs is my recommended reading for the day. Hope it helps.

Anna

Hi Karen,

I think it's normal to get surprised like that from time to time. The difference for me is knowing that I don't have to act on the impulse. I can make a choice. And, I think it's always good to reminded why we work so hard on recovery. This disease never quits.

kelsh

It has been a long time since I drank, but this summer in Alaska, we were staying in a trailer behind a lodge that served meals and had a bar. I still felt uncomfortable with the alcohol being served at my table and the people that were intoxicated. I had a suitable reason to be there for my meal but I still watch my P's & Q's. I know of some people with 18 to 20 years of Sobriety that have picked up that first drink. Most of them got right back to AA but some didn't and are still out there.

It takes a consious working of this program and saying our prayers....not just hurrying through them....to keep sobriety.

kelsh

GrouchoTheCat

Well,

AA was almost named 'The James Club' after the book of James in the New Testament.

I read it thoughtfully last night, keeping in mind the steps and the program.

I highly recommend it.

snowgoose

No, Karen, even if the compulsion is pretty much lifted, it may rear it's ugly head from time to time. And then things will return to normal. But I find I have to be vigilant. That's the reason for the particular signature line I use. I too was fortunate enough to have HP lift the compulsion - like you, pretty much - for which I am so grateful. When it returns I get a needed reminder. Wouldn't want to get too complacent, after all. I am a performing musician, often playing at weddings where the booze flows freely. Early on, the 'cellist in my group, a man also in recovery, watched me like a hawk to help out. I'm sure he would have removed anything alcoholic from my hands but he never had to. Eventually I became stronger and he no longer worried that he would have to 12th step me. We can't always remove ourselves from those situations but it does help if we basically make wise choices not to be where there is temptation.

CarolD

Glad to see you came home sober!

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I have to say it was a bit of a shock. The folks that we hang out with are really teetotalers, none of them drink wine (which was my DOC) but this was a new woman who invited us, so I honestly wasn't prepared. Usually if I know I'm going to be around wine drinkers, I psyche myself up prior to going, or choose not to go.

I spoke with A about it today, she wished I would've said something last night, we wouldn't have stayed as long as we did. My sponsor is out of town..I'll call her tomorrow.

I'm really ok. Just threw me for a loop!

Karen

baggervance

remember this thing is cunning baffaling powerful and very paient.My wife had a bloody mary playing golf week ago took two sips said her stomach hurt and dumped it. Ill never understand earth people why not just kill it and drink through the pain no will power I guess.

chip

Hi Karen,
I agree with everyone who says it's normal for addictive thoughts to creep in from time to time. Hey, we're alcoholics right? It'd be weird if we never thought about drinking. You obviously did the right thing by not drinking and sharing with other alcoholics.

I work in a bar. My HP has taken away my obbsession and compulsion... but sometimes when I take my will back...it can return. I need to depend on my HP to keep me sober. There may be times when we (alcoholics) have no mental defense against the first drink...that's when we need our HP to kick in and keep us safe from it.

When I see an alcoholic drink, and I realize I'm longing for something, I know that I'm longing for something that I won't get out of the drink. I could drink a thousand drinks and never satisfy my thirst. The real thing I long for is to be alright. I want to feel like I'm alright, and I want to be happy. I know I'm not going to be happy all the time, but I know I have a much better chance at happiness if I'm sober.

I also know that I sure liked drinking for many, many years. I look at these thoughts for what they really are. Of course a glass of beer will look good to me... I'm an alcoholic! I'm training myself to look away, and keep my inner eyes trained on my HP. This usually works well for me. Every day that I've prayed for a sober day, my HP has given me a sober day. I say this prayer daily.

I try to take my first, second and third step everyday. If I have certain thoughts, I go back to the beginning of my program and re-affirm my sincere desire to stay sober. I remind myself that alcohol is poison for me, and it can look good because it's suposed to look good. It's just no good for me.

Thanks for the opportunity to share.
chip

Tazman53

Karen first things first, you did not pick up! If we do not pick up we will not get drunk! LOL Pretty damn simple!

You have gotten some good remarks on this, and opinions as well.

I bolded the most important part of this I think in this case. I have had the obsession lifted as well. Think about what obsession is, there is a difference between it and temptation. If I had a very atractive lady come on to me, I would be tempted, but if I spent every waking hour thinking about her and how badly I wanted her I would be obsessing about her.

BTW your A is a good one, next time let her know, nothing wrong leaving a bit early, especially since she cares more about you then hanging around in a situation that you find tempting.

If you are not sitting around all day obsessing about that drink then would you not concur that the obsession as promised has been lifted? Think about this whole sobriety deal as getting into shape, the longer one works out the better the stronger they get, sobriety is the same way, the longer one works thier program the stronger thier sobriety gets.

Keep this in mind as well:

Notice in the bolded part there is no mention of instantanious perfect fulfillment of them and that it also says "if we work for them.".

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Thanks everyone..especially Chip and Taz..Good thoughts.

Karen

carl11

man....momma....does that sing to me.....I was at an initiation of new pledges for my frat ( I am an advisor/mentor)...anyway, the brother alumni’s whose house we used to run the initiation, , he had several bottles of wine in a counter top rack.....it wasn’t long before I was thinking of a way to get him to open one....others, alumni etc. didn't bring alcohol, because the pledges are under 21 and we didn't want anything getting out of hand...but man...I kept dropping hints, subtle and not so subtle… etc....almost made an ass out of myself...jesus...