pacomn

i guess im going out slower than some but i cant and often times just DONT want to quit i guess. I go about a week between drinks now but hate almost every minute of it. By "slower" i mean i might not get sick anymore in the middle of the day but i was at one point a few years ago. I was drinking about a liter of vodka a day after work . I know every drink i have im putting another nail in my coffin. I just dont know how id ever quit it for good. It is such a part of my life . I associate it with everything , football-have a drink, good movie on- have a few , out fishing - have a few. Everything i do i seem to enjoy more when im drinking. I try not to drink and i think that it has to get easier over time but it doesn't. I dont know about going to AA because even sharing like this is hard for me.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

Yes...I too did everything with a drink
until I found how much better life is sober.

Here are excerpts from the book
that convinced me to quit.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

This can be true for you too!
Keep posting...we do understand.

laurenrt

I totally understaND. I'm in the same boat. Beautiful sunny day, drink. Stormy night , drink. Blizzard coming , drink. I am trying to get out of this pattern but I go a day or two and seriously could kill somebody to get a drink.

I'm so scared yet lost on actually how to do it.

Just wanted to let you know, you're not alone.

Love, Lauren

Shaneo20

I highly recommend AA. I associated everything with drinking just as you do. If you simply take alcohol out of your life it is essential that you put something in to replace it otherwise alcohol will reenter. There may be alternatives that others can suggest but for me I only know of AA from experience.

Pinkcuda

One thing I've noticed is that God doesn't seem to care how you kill yourself. I've never witnessed him throwing someone back on the sidewalk after they stepped out in front of a bus either. As a gift, you've been given one life, one chance to make the best of it. So far you don't seem to have been doing that. When I asked for help God asked "Why Now?" 45 years since we've really talked and you want help? The only time I hear from you is when you want something. You don't call, you don't write and you never stop in just to say "Hi". God sounds kind of like a Jewish Mother sometimes. I still humbled myself and asked for help. He was right there to help. He forgave me for everything. He didn't hold a grudge, didn't throw the guilt trip on me and didn't let me down. As long as we're willing to help ourselves, he's there for us. Unconditionally. That's where my religion stops. I ask God for help and he helps me. If somebody wants to talk about Jesus getting nailed to a cross for our sins, they can talk to someone else. I don't do that. When somebody wants help with a life they've messed up with Alcohol, I can show them a way out.

BP44

I understand. A thorough first step made it clear that I drank when my eyelids were open. It made it clear that I had lost control over my drinking, that I lost the power of choice once I had taken the first drink and sometimes the choice of whether to take the first drink or not. And the greatest truth of all, I would never be able to drink like a normal person. No matter what I tried, I could not drink like a normal person, and I tried everything to regain control. it was when I couldn't imagine life with or without alcohol that I had a chance to grasp onto a program of recovery. it was then that I was willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober. if you are at that point, AA has the way out. There you will find people just like you who have found a way to recover from alcoholism one day at a time.

pacomn

thank you all so much it helps so much really. i feel so fragile inside ive just tried to hold on for today . it helps knowing maybe out there someone feels the same thank you all who responded with all my heart.

Tazman53

pacomn brother I reached the point where my life was alcohol, I know just where you are coming from, if it did not involve drinking or I could not drink doing it, I did not do it.

The only rule in AA is there are no rules!!!! You do not have to share, as a matter of fact you will learn a lot more by just listening, I sure did! Just grab a cup of coffee, sit in the back and listen, take it all in, take what you need from the meeting and leave the rest behind!

What I have found in sobriety is that today I can do everything I used to do drinking better sober, more importantly I have learned that there are a whole lot of things I can do now that I could not do drinking. Being sober makes the whole world my oyster!

BTW you mentioned football, guess what I found out? There is a 4th quarter and I remember the whole game the next day clearly!!!!

Cathy31

Go to AA you don't need to share until you feel moved to do so. But just BEING there ca I believe help you and be meaningful and special...it was and is for me.

Cathy31
x

Pinkcuda

I took the liberty of copying this from Dictionary.com

"Atrophy"

1. a·tro·phi·a Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-troh-fee-uh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation. Pathology. a wasting away of the body or of an organ or part, as from defective nutrition or nerve damage.
2. degeneration, decline, or decrease, as from disuse:

Do we have "Spiritual Atrophy"?
Do we have "Self Reliance Atrophy"?
Has our belief in ourselves atrophied because we run to a bottle whenever we need it?
Is it possible this can happen?

Fluttering

hi

I remember thining the same thing..
Can you possibly change the thought of giving it up for good to maybe saying...Just for today I cannot drink?

All we have is a daily reprieve...Try not to project too far into the future...We have no control over all the tomarrows..
We can choose ..just for today...to be sober

Glad you are here.

pacomn

ok im almost through day three. thanks for the advise everyone. its about day four or five that is tough for me lately. Guess its when i start feeling like a normal person again that i think "i can have some fun and have a few" im ok as long as i come straight home after work .

CarolD

I know hwat you mean about coming
directly home after work.

I used to take a Taxi 6 bblocks rather than
walk past my favorite bars.

Glad you are hanging in ...

Pinkcuda

Well I'm glad you made it back. I'm looking forward to helping you get over the hump. I'm sure there are others just as willing to jump in and help. At this point, this seems to be the place for you. It's open 24/7 as opposed to meetings that sometimes don't happen often enough.

Tazman53

Good job on day 3, keep in mind that today is the only day to decide not to drink.

pacomn

I stopped at liquor store after a hellish day at work and thought "oh well ill just start over again at day 1 tomorrow its not like i had a big stretch of sober days id be ruining. Well, i fealt so guilty when i pulled the cap off i poured it down the drain. lol not the best money ive ever spent but then again im still counting it as a win. I just want to say again what a great bunch of people you are on here to support eachother in this way. that you take the time to write back to some shlub trying to just make it through day 4. and if you dont mind me asking...when any of you would drink was it in all out bender stretched over the course of days if you could or just every other day or every week? I guess i just dont know if im typical of an alcoholic. If i had drank tonight it would have been the pint and then to bed and then nothing for probably 3 or 4 days again. Is this normal ya think?

CarolD

You did great!!


If you read the link I posted before
you will know there are different stages of alcoholism.

Mine had progressed more than yours has when I quit.
I was early late stage and depression was the main
symptom I had.

You really don't want to go down the dark cold
place I lived in...

I am really proud of your win tonight!
Please read my signature .

Tazman53

Paco I was in about the same stage as Carol when I finally quit, it was that or die for me.

I drank for 40 years, I binged in the beginning, stayed drunk for about 5 years, stayed sober for a little over a year, became a daily drinker mixed in with the occasional binge when I could, quitting for a week or 2 every once in a while, then reached the point in the end of having to drink every day just to feel normal.

Normal? There are many types of alcoholics, in my opinion one is an alcoholic when they start to question thier own drinking.

Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic, if you decide you are then the smartest thing you can do is quit now, because the longer you drink the harder it is going to be to quit.

There are not many endings for an alcoholic:

Sobriety
Jail
Institution
Death

IMO there is only one good ending.

snowgoose

Just want to add my voice to the words of encouragement... hard as it is to quit, it does only have to be "for today", not forever, at least you don't want to think beyond today. That's the wisdom I keep hearing. 24hours. It has been working for me for a string of them now. At first I couldn't imagine that I would be successful in putting down the drink, but I thought about people I knew who had been considered hopeless, who had gone to AA and turned their lives around, had "gone to any lengths" to achieve sobriety, even going to meetings they didn't think they would like. And then they helped others, which helped them stay away from a drink. I know others who gave up drinking without AA but mostly they/we needed the fellowship.

Best to you from the Snowgoose.