findingout

This morning I am sitting in a fishing lodge in Grayling Michigan, reflecting on just how nice it is not to have to drink to deal with what happens to all of us.

Yesterday, we had a memorial service/ash scattering for 3/5 of my immediate family: my sister, who died last month from alcoholism, my father, who died 9 months ago from old age, and my mother who died 10 years ago but whose ashes Dad never quite got around to doing anything about. My remaining sister Kathy and my Dad's sister and I are pretty much what is left of the blood relatives and we got together to say goodbye. Also missing was Kathy's nephew, who died last October after losing a battle with leukemia.

I didn't have to drink and I'm greatful for not having to drink. Not only because I don't feel like total garbage this morning, but also because somewhere along the path of the past five years, I appear to have developed a set of coping skills that I never had before. Not counting my mother, whose death really set off my final slide into full blown alcoholism, I lost three members of my family in the past 11 months and I haven't picked up. In my family, we always drank but especially we drank when things got tough.

Some of us still do, just not me. It often said at the tables that our higher powers will never give us more than we can handle. Sometimes I am doubting the truth of that, yet it does seem to be true if we believe it. For sure, my higher power is never going to give me a reason to drink. That bad choice is always going to be mine to make, but I don't have to make it.

Anyways, I am off to eat a breakfast not hungover, not shakey, and sad but not miserable. And once again, I don't regret not drinking yesterday.

GrouchoTheCat

Thanks so much for taking the time to post your thoughts here.

I agree, it really is good to wake up clear headed and calm.

Sounds like you have had a really rough time. It is an inspiration that you were able to go through it without taking a drink.

Thanks

caraway

Hi findingout, good to hear you are still sober after all you've experienced. Sounds like you've really been through a tough time. Good to hear you aren't miserable too.

CarolD

Thank you for sharing another victory with us Tony

Mega Hugs and Prayers
(+) (+) (+)

Rowan

Thank you for sharing. Prayers going out to those you have lost.

Tazman53

findingout thanks for sharing and congrats on staying sober, one of the most valuable tools I have found in the rooms is how to deal with sad...... when I was drinking I didn't get sad, I got drunk because I did not understand that if I dealt with sad the pain did lessen and I was able to find a degree of release in allowing myself to be sad and mourn the lose of someone and getting beyound the sadness rather then drinking the pain away and then sobering up to find the pain is still there because I had never dealt with it so I simply drank it away again, it was a vicous cycle that never ended until I learned how to be sad and to mourn and allow the pain to lessen.