I let u down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
I let u down
I normally post in the anxiety section, b/c i still have battles with that condition. Doing quite well with the coping skills.
Im here b/c i relapsed this weekend. I drank. A lot. Fri-Sun binge.
Where did that come from?
Mon morn here. Very early. Up at 3am. lied in bed until 4am. Finally got up and decided to read and post. Feeling crappy.
When i compare this to how good i felt when i wasnt drinking for weeks, its crazy to wonder why i chose to do this to myself.
Spoke with my doc last week. He offered me an outpatient rehab program some time ago. Thought i was doing so well on my own. I will accept it now.
I let myself down. Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading. Its sort of a release.
Knowing what bingeing does when i come down, is anyones guess why i find it worth the trip. Terrible panic/anxiety, restlessness, agitation, apprehension, shame, guilt, low self esteem, on and on.
Im ashamed of myself. I often post here with good tidings. Offers of encouragement, coaching success and coping skills. I meant well, but it all seems a big front. Im putting on a face.
To those i encouraged, i let down. I was kidding myself for too long. Rehab, AA will help me. I need people. I tend to be a loner, a do-it-yourselfer, a self-helper. I realize I cant do it alone.
Thanks again folks.
Going to rearrange my way of thinking and get help. Docs, therapists, this SR site, all at my reach, but i denied for too long.
Intro
Im here b/c i relapsed this weekend. I drank. A lot. Fri-Sun binge.
Where did that come from?
Mon morn here. Very early. Up at 3am. lied in bed until 4am. Finally got up and decided to read and post. Feeling crappy.
When i compare this to how good i felt when i wasnt drinking for weeks, its crazy to wonder why i chose to do this to myself.
Spoke with my doc last week. He offered me an outpatient rehab program some time ago. Thought i was doing so well on my own. I will accept it now.
I let myself down. Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading. Its sort of a release.
Knowing what bingeing does when i come down, is anyones guess why i find it worth the trip. Terrible panic/anxiety, restlessness, agitation, apprehension, shame, guilt, low self esteem, on and on.
Im ashamed of myself. I often post here with good tidings. Offers of encouragement, coaching success and coping skills. I meant well, but it all seems a big front. Im putting on a face.
To those i encouraged, i let down. I was kidding myself for too long. Rehab, AA will help me. I need people. I tend to be a loner, a do-it-yourselfer, a self-helper. I realize I cant do it alone.
Thanks again folks.
Going to rearrange my way of thinking and get help. Docs, therapists, this SR site, all at my reach, but i denied for too long.
Intro
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
I was kidding myself for too long. Rehab, AA will help me. I need people. I tend to be a loner, a do-it-yourselfer, a self-helper. I realize I cant do it alone.
The "thank you buttons" don't work, Intro, but I need to say thank you for your post. You touched me and I am not the A. Everything you say about yourself here, could be what I believe to be true about XABF but he hasn't reached your level of understanding yet. That's a huge step for you! All the very best!
ARL
The "thank you buttons" don't work, Intro, but I need to say thank you for your post. You touched me and I am not the A. Everything you say about yourself here, could be what I believe to be true about XABF but he hasn't reached your level of understanding yet. That's a huge step for you! All the very best!
ARL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by Introvrtd1 
Im here b/c i relapsed this weekend. I drank. A lot. Fri-Sun binge.
Knowing what bingeing does when i come down, is anyones guess why i find it worth the trip. Terrible panic/anxiety, restlessness, agitation, apprehension, shame, guilt, low self esteem, on and on.
Im ashamed of myself. I often post here with good tidings. Offers of encouragement, coaching success and coping skills. I meant well, but it all seems a big front. Im putting on a face.
To those i encouraged, i let down. I was kidding myself for too long. Rehab, AA will help me. I need people. I tend to be a loner, a do-it-yourselfer, a self-helper. I realize I cant do it alone.
Intro
Knowing what bingeing does when i come down, is anyones guess why i find it worth the trip. Terrible panic/anxiety, restlessness, agitation, apprehension, shame, guilt, low self esteem, on and on.
Im ashamed of myself. I often post here with good tidings. Offers of encouragement, coaching success and coping skills. I meant well, but it all seems a big front. Im putting on a face.
To those i encouraged, i let down. I was kidding myself for too long. Rehab, AA will help me. I need people. I tend to be a loner, a do-it-yourselfer, a self-helper. I realize I cant do it alone.
Intro
You didn't let anyone down except yourself...Remember, we have a disease that tells us it is ok, one more time, to drink... forgive yourself...
Keep posting here...
Thinking of you....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
Thanks for the post intro. Even posts like this are helpful to alkies like me because you remind me of me. You remind me how easy it is to fall off the wagon. Hope you climb back on that wagon soon and are back on the road to recovery again. Keep posting and I'll be thinking of you too.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
as my sponsor says, put away the bat and quit beating yourself up!
Welcome back. Those are the words I always heard when I returned to AA after a relapse.
I am an alcoholic. That is why I drink. For me, drinking is the most natural normal thing to do. It is how I have coped with everything in my life.
Problem is I can't stop (or stay stopped) and that's a rather large issue.
So Intro, WELCOME BACK!
I am glad you are here. The rehab sounds like a good idea.
Best to you my friend,
Ted
Welcome back. Those are the words I always heard when I returned to AA after a relapse.
I am an alcoholic. That is why I drink. For me, drinking is the most natural normal thing to do. It is how I have coped with everything in my life.
Problem is I can't stop (or stay stopped) and that's a rather large issue.
So Intro, WELCOME BACK!
I am glad you are here. The rehab sounds like a good idea.
Best to you my friend,
Ted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome back, Intro. I understand what it's like to relapse, and I also understand what it's like to want to do things on our own.
Like Stoney said, it was a turning point for me too when I started asking for help and realizing that I needed other people (and God).
Keep coming back, my friend.
Rowan
Like Stoney said, it was a turning point for me too when I started asking for help and realizing that I needed other people (and God).
Keep coming back, my friend.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Intro,
You have not let anyone down except yourself. Alcoholism has its own set of rules, and the first one we have to contest is that: "I am not worth it." When we truly start to believe otherwise, much changes. One stops putting obstacles in front of growth, and starts to see how we can have self-esteem-by doing esteemable acts.
Do you have any idea what it took for you to post here at goodness knows what time it is where you are? It took courage, and the conviction that there is a better way.
None of us is strong all the time, but some of us are always here, feeling good, and as tho we have "this" beat. Let me tell you, I know way too many people who have "relapsed" after 30+ years of sobriety, or who have not grown in that time.
You are trying...HARD...SO GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT!
You have not let anyone down except yourself. Alcoholism has its own set of rules, and the first one we have to contest is that: "I am not worth it." When we truly start to believe otherwise, much changes. One stops putting obstacles in front of growth, and starts to see how we can have self-esteem-by doing esteemable acts.
Do you have any idea what it took for you to post here at goodness knows what time it is where you are? It took courage, and the conviction that there is a better way.
None of us is strong all the time, but some of us are always here, feeling good, and as tho we have "this" beat. Let me tell you, I know way too many people who have "relapsed" after 30+ years of sobriety, or who have not grown in that time.
You are trying...HARD...SO GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
Thanks all for the kind words.
Arrived very early for work this monday morn. Sitting at my desk, clinging to this SR site. Feeling a little better now. Very mild withdrawals and p/a, subsiding.
My doc has me set for rehab/therapy this morning at another clinic. Good guy my doc. Lucky to have him.
With this I'll try to let them help me and most importantly, ASK for help.
Thats my biggest hang up. All my life I felt like a do-it-myselfer. Needing help was not an option. Man! What was I thinking!
I'll keep u all posted on how this new help goes. Its scary, 'cause Im not used to coming out of my shell. Walking into that clinic and exposing my soul will be difficult. I've always felt self-sufficient. I was wrong.
Intro
Arrived very early for work this monday morn. Sitting at my desk, clinging to this SR site. Feeling a little better now. Very mild withdrawals and p/a, subsiding.
My doc has me set for rehab/therapy this morning at another clinic. Good guy my doc. Lucky to have him.
With this I'll try to let them help me and most importantly, ASK for help.
Thats my biggest hang up. All my life I felt like a do-it-myselfer. Needing help was not an option. Man! What was I thinking!
I'll keep u all posted on how this new help goes. Its scary, 'cause Im not used to coming out of my shell. Walking into that clinic and exposing my soul will be difficult. I've always felt self-sufficient. I was wrong.
Intro
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
I tried over and over to control this thing by myself.
Never could.
It took me years to come to that realization.
Now I ask people for help and they are glad, no more than glad, they almost seem honered to help.
Ted
Never could.
It took me years to come to that realization.
Now I ask people for help and they are glad, no more than glad, they almost seem honered to help.
Ted
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Holland
Posts: 90
Man, this is so ****** up, i could just take 1000mg of Valium I had for withdrawal and just end it here. Only thing that holds me back is the pain I will cause to my mom and sister when I will pass away.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Holland
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by laurenlanai25
hey just remember that this will all pass, you wont feel this way permanently!
good luck!
L
good luck!
L
losing 800 dollars to booze and poker in one hour is not something i will easily forget
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lancaster Ohio
Posts: 81
The relapse thing. I am struggling with that as well. I just cant seem to stay stopped. Thanks for the post. I am a do it yourselfer for sure. Im a loner for sure. But with that being said. I am alone. I had a little over 6 months of sobriety this year. I acquired some nice things but i could never shake that loneliness. Its kind of like what does it matter if im sober. Im not sharing anything with anybody. It was selfishness on my part. So what i will be working on is making my meetings and giving a little more of myself. I wish you the best. You can stay sober, keep the faith.
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