maya23

i dont no whether 2 tel my mum or not. i think shes geting close 2 truth and support would be good but im soo ashamed...

St_Kurt

Would you be ashamed of having cancer? Or another disease like it?

Alcoholism is considered a disease that affects over 14 million people in the US alone. (47% of which are women)

Why be ashamed of that?

~SK

leeside

If you don't think you'll get support it could make it harder for you.

maya23

people dont usually see it like that though do they? its not any of r faults but the unafflicted ones of society think its our fault n weakness of character..

Rowan

Hi Maya,

If you think that she would support you, then why not tell her?

Please don't feel ashamed. It takes courage to get well and to ask for help.

GlassPrisoner

Everyone around me knew anyway........

I advise this : Don't say anything, just go and get some recovery for a while. After maybe 60 or 90 days, say to her that you have a problem and have been going to meetings (or whatever) since some date in the past.

They've all heard "I'm going to quit" 2 days after our last binge, only to see us go out again.

barb dwyer

I'm fairly predictable in this area. Honesty is always the way to go.

Then again, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to call up and say, 'Hey Ma guess what I've been doing???" either.

One thing at a time.
One Step at a time.
If it's not time yet ... we don't push it.

What's going on right here - right now?
Right here - right now is the place to start.

Taking5

I am with GlassPrisoner....my family knew something was wrong and I lived 2000 miles away.

I tried AA a couple of times and kept it a big dark secret from everybody. This just gave me permission to go out and get drunk again after a period of sobriety. So the last I came to AA, I told my family, some friends, and even a few business associates.

They ALL knew I had a problem and were very supportive. I would bet that unless your mom is a real a-hole she will be very supportive too.

Kellye C

My mom knew as she was the one who drug me into my first meeting. Having said that, her support as well as the rest of my family and closest friends were invaluable to me. I don't know your relationship with your mom but if you're close and she would be supportive then I'd probably tell her. It's amazing the relief once you get past that awkwardness. Now if you think she'd just criticize you or discourage your efforts or anything else that is toxic, then I'd keep my mouth shut and just let my actions speak for themselves.

findingout

I told my family after 30 days and by the end of the first year I had told everybody I cared about how bad it had gotten at the end and what I was doing to prevent it from getting that bad again. I needed to do this. I spent way too many years pretending to be things I wasn't and I needed for there to be only one of me - the recovering alcoholic.

I think this disease ( problem/issue/insert your word of choice here) cannot survive in the light of truth and honesty, it needs half-truths and outright lies in order to flourish.

maya23

thanks. i think she will at 1st be shocked slightly cos she'l be disappointed in me but she will support me, we are close. i feel positive 4 the 1st time 2day.. im still scared and dont feel safe or secure without drink but i simply can't go to the effort and panic and shame of going to a shop, buying alcohol whilst trying to act like a normal person, like as u put it on the counter im trying to mentally convince them 'don't judge me, im normal like you and i won't be going home and drinking this bottle of vodka all 2 myself!' lol. talk about paranoia being tiring- did someone see or hear a bottle in my bag? does my room smell of alcohol? did my mum smell my empty glass? she must know... na she can't its impossible... but what if she does.... do i care? yes i do she must... and so on and so forth!! im tired of it!

AcceptingChange

my thoughts exactly! It gets so tiring trying to do what i thought was my 'relaxing' activity. it felt like a battle rather than enjoyment. and that was just one of many problems this 'relaxing' activity caused. sheesh! the problems it caused grew little by little each day. and each alcohol-caused problem became a reason to drink. when it's all laid out in words, it amazes me how stupid i was in that behaivor.

carl11

I told my team leader and manager at work....I told them I had issue with alcohol and I am active now in a prgm.......it was the hardest thing I have had to do in, well many many years..admitting that you are powerless over something, anything, is an ego deflating event....,.UNTIL, I realized that without that honesty and getting it out in the open I was dead..a goner..I knew, that if I kept it to myself, I would drink again...to measure perhaps to someone else’s expectations...screw that.....if they truly love you, they will understand..if not, what? You’ll hit bottom and wind up having to admit it at that point ..... all will see it then anyway...zero sum gain...

I have expectations for myself...and realizing and telling those that you know or love you that you have an issue in which you cannot deal with out abstinence, is well, a strength that many others could benefit from and I am not just refrecniung alcoholics either.......humans incubate guilt and depression half the time because we don't want to cope with the truth......and part of that truth inevitably is, recognizing it and letting it hang out...at least for me....
be well.........

Cathy31

This would be my suggestion too...I waited until I was convinced I had a problem, and had about 60 days sober time and was going to AA then I told my folks - LOL i was drunk when I told them - over the phone - fake it til you make it - now I'm 16 months clean serene and sober thanks to the program of AA...get some recovery and then tell her would be my advice.


Good luck!
Cathy31
x

thisisme

I made myself accountable. I told everyone. If I failed I would loose face with them. Made me stronger and increased my resolve.

GreenTea

Love that!

Me too AC... me too... (Of course, in my case I'm still pretty stupid)

. . .

Overall, I'm with Barb on this one...

Me personally, if someone has a need to know then fine, I'll tell them. Otherwise its none of their business.

Regarding work, I told my boss and my closest co-worker. No choice really -- its not something I could "hide" from them, (AA and recovery, that is). Besides, they were both involved in some of the events leading up to me finally quitting alcohol. I felt I owed it to them to keep them apprised of my recovery. Keeping them "in the loop" was a good decision and they've both been extremely supportive, (especially my boss).

As far as the other members of my team, I haven't mentioned a thing to them. I'm sure they've "heard" through the "grapevine" that there's a problem and that I'm doing something about it, (and they may have noticed some differences). No one on my team has asked me yet though. If they do, I'll be completely honest with them about it.

Family... Now that's a tough one... For my particular situation, the best course of action is for me to avoid the topic completely with them, (although I think step-dad suspects something). If I let them know I'm in recovery, it will open up a world of ridicule and manipulation attempts. Someday that may change, but I'm not too hopeful about it.

As for "day to day" people interactions, again its really no one else's business. Take work functions for example. If I'm asked, "What will you have to drink?" I simply respond "Lemonade, no ice please" and no one really cares either way.

If I'm pressed to give more information... As an example, at a birthday party I recently attended -- I wasn't the only one not drinking, but people seemed surprised that I wouldn't even taste the wine that others had brought... My usual response is, "No, I don't drink -- alcohol gives me nightmares" which is true -- bad dreams, bad realities, bad handcuffs, bad emotions, bad life, you get the idea. (I have to give credit to the movie "Ghost Rider" for that one!).

If I'm pressed still more then it depends on who is asking. I'll either repeat myself and then walk away, or if I think the situation requires some elaboration, then I'll calmly tell them, "...No, I don't drink... Not at all... There was a time when I drank, in fact, I drank quite a bit. But one day, I had had enough, and so I quit. I feel a lot better now". I've only had to do that once or twice so far, but the people asking seemed satisfied with it.