Starting over....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 10
Starting over....
Next month would have been 2 years, however, I relapsed a month ago and went on a beer induced binge until July 16th I ended up in detox. Now 15 days later I've been honest with all and have been told by my sponsor to begin the 90/90. I'd forgotten how to follow the path that led to over a year and half of sobriety. I'd stopped going to meetings and really thought I'd kicked this habit. It has been difficult introducing myself as a newcomer but that has led to new friends and I'm trying to really live the life of an alcoholic in recovery. I don't want to feel the way I felt when I was in detox...the panic and fear of losing the trust and support of family and friends. The disappointment and regret...almost losing my job...all the ugliness that comes with active using. I'd really love to meet others on this site so those that have extra time...write me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 10
Starting over makes it sound so glum. I'm now on day 15 of meetings and sobriety with a lifetime of meetings to go but they're carrying me through my days. Life is what I make of it and drinking is not a great option. Thankfully I don't have the cravings but I do keep reliving what I've done and what I did over the past month that I was drinking into oblivion. If I let it I get carried away with remorse and I need to stay in today and focus on today. thanks!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
ness welcome home! Please remember that the doors of AA swing both ways, you can come in and stay as long as you like, you can go out and stay as long as you can, but when you come back we will not say we told you so, we will say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"
Hopefully you have finished your story, you coming here and sharing your relapse has helped me to stay sober today and at least for today has cut down on the possibility of me having a relapse as well as helping others the same way.
You know what to do, and you are doing it, you know where you messed up before and will try to avoid it. Hang around and chat.
Hopefully you have finished your story, you coming here and sharing your relapse has helped me to stay sober today and at least for today has cut down on the possibility of me having a relapse as well as helping others the same way.
You know what to do, and you are doing it, you know where you messed up before and will try to avoid it. Hang around and chat.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 10
I started to lessen my meetings around 1 1/2 years because I really had no desire to drink. I'd been able to throw parties and pick up my social life without the need to drink. This gave me an underlying confidance that I didn't recognize at the time and I had myself believing that I stood on solid ground. I felt secure with my recovery and thought I was good. Then the unplanned and unexpected happened 2 months ago...2 months shy of my 2 years I got a blow in my relationship. My boyfriend wanted to go out and party with his friends and leave me behind. The argument turned ugly and I wanted desperately to numb the sadness. In a desperate attempt to feel better I wanted a drink and without hesitation I went to the store and bought beer knowing that I wouldn't care once I had a drink. I didn't think it through. That night I got drunk and the next morning was feeling hung over and guilty for what I'd done that I used it as my excuse to continue the wreckage and drink for the next month. During that time I was extremely depressed and overwhelmed with trying to hold it together. At the end of that run I was so riuned emotionally and physically I gave up and checked myself into detox. This was where I finally acknowledged what I'd done to myself. my sponsor, family and friends....no more lying. I'd forgotten how terrible and lonely it was to be sick again...the best lesson learned through this all was that I will always need to work my program. Even a meeting a week would keep me humble and in tune with how far I've come and how easy it is to take the wrong path. I'd allowed myself to withdraw from others in recovery and this lessoned the relationship I shared with others who understood me. I had forgotten how it felt to be sick and suffering and quit helping the newcomers. Hindsight is sometimes harsh...how could i have allowed myself to slip. It's easy...I withdrew from those that supported me and offered me hope when I was sick.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ness 
I started to lessen my meetings around 1 1/2 years because I really had no desire to drink. I'd been able to throw parties and pick up my social life without the need to drink. This gave me an underlying confidance that I didn't recognize at the time and I had myself believing that I stood on solid ground. I felt secure with my recovery and thought I was good. Then the unplanned and unexpected happened 2 months ago...2 months shy of my 2 years I got a blow in my relationship. My boyfriend wanted to go out and party with his friends and leave me behind. The argument turned ugly and I wanted desperately to numb the sadness. In a desperate attempt to feel better I wanted a drink and without hesitation I went to the store and bought beer knowing that I wouldn't care once I had a drink. I didn't think it through. That night I got drunk and the next morning was feeling hung over and guilty for what I'd done that I used it as my excuse to continue the wreckage and drink for the next month. During that time I was extremely depressed and overwhelmed with trying to hold it together. At the end of that run I was so riuned emotionally and physically I gave up and checked myself into detox. This was where I finally acknowledged what I'd done to myself. my sponsor, family and friends....no more lying. I'd forgotten how terrible and lonely it was to be sick again...the best lesson learned through this all was that I will always need to work my program. Even a meeting a week would keep me humble and in tune with how far I've come and how easy it is to take the wrong path. I'd allowed myself to withdraw from others in recovery and this lessoned the relationship I shared with others who understood me. I had forgotten how it felt to be sick and suffering and quit helping the newcomers. Hindsight is sometimes harsh...how could i have allowed myself to slip. It's easy...I withdrew from those that supported me and offered me hope when I was sick.
I appreciate this. We could all learn a valuable lesson from it.
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