RedFox

So it's currently 3:38am and I'm wide awake. That isn't entirely out of the ordinary, but irritating nonetheless. I was sitting here at my desk watching a tv show online and there was a scene that really got to me for some reason. One of the characters was a recovering alcoholic and there was a party at her apartment, she was drinking again, and for some strange reason that I don't understand the site of her drink triggered something. Throughout the 4 other episodes I watched tonight (I don't have a life, lol) a lot of it takes place at a bar. Seeing those drinks didn't even phase me, but for some reason seeing her with a drink in her hand just really slapped me backed into reality. I've been feeling so good lately, but damn I want a drink SO BAD right now. I started getting a little cocky recently because I've been feeling so good about myself for making into the 100's of days sober now. I kept telling myself not to get too complacent, because once I get there something is going to slap me back into reality. Low and behold it happened tonight. I've been forgetting to take my anti-depressant lately, so I'm sure that has something to do with my sudden mood change.

I think I just need to go to bed and try to get some sleep. I think I'll feel better in the morning. I just had to vent.

Thanks for reading.

Dee74

Movies and TV shows are like that Jenn.
Try watching *any* British show - the number of scenes set in a pub where the characters merrily carouse, and overdrink, and have a GREAT time is amazing.

But it's all smoke n mirrors

sweet dreams !
D

Pilgrim

Hi Jenn

It's good that you came here and told us about it. Well done. Maybe just take it back to one day at a time for a while? Do you have a programme or anything to keep you sober?

My old timers told me not to fight the desire, but to acknowledge it and even imagine the drinking. It's normal but dont forget why you stopped either.

Stay close and post lots for a while. I am sure you will feel better when you wake up to. Sleep is a good idea.

xx

Pilgrim

Kiwis in Disneyland

f911

It's times like these that chocolate was invented for.

jane

baggervance

I hate small world freaks me out that music and all those freaky little dolls.Made me want to jump in water and get the HELL out of there.

Anna

Hi RedFox,

I do find the sleepless nights difficult, too and it was for that reason that we stopped keeping alcohol in the house many years ago. Those are the dark hours for me. Hopefully you will sleep better tonight.

And, yes, I think complacency is the enemy. This disease is always lurking.

BP44

Yep, some movies can get to me. Last night I watched "When A Man Loves A Woman". I was only able to sleep for 3 hours. Just too close to home. So, I got up at 4:30am, made coffee, cleaned the kitchen, read my meditation, prayed, read the second step in the 12 & 12, logeged on here for a while and listened to some Patty Griffin. By the time I did all of that it was time to get ready for my 9:00am Sunday morning meetings( one of my favorites ). A nap will be good this afternoon. Remember feelings aren't facts. Just because you're wigging out and having cravings or obsession doesn't mean you have to feed it. You have the option to DO something. Call an alcoholic, read the BB, pray, hit a meeting. These are some of the options and tools I have available in the toolbox. The option I do NOT have is to take a drink. That one has been crossed off the list for today anyway.

RedFox

I was finally able to get to sleep some time after 4am. I do feel better today. I guess it was just one of those sudden craving kind of things. I can hardly keep my eyes open so I think I'm going to have to go for a nap. I'll have to finish my reply later. Just wanted to thank all of those who responded

GlassPrisoner

Hey Red, I found (and still do actually) in early recovery to sleep when I could. Naps rule !!!!!

RedFox

Yeah, I guess I'm surprised at how hard it hit me. I didn't expect it to be like that after almost 4 months of sobriety. I still feel a little weird right now, but much better after getting some sleep today.

Good idea, I should get myself some chocolate.

lol, I didn't go in there when I went to disneyland. I think I'd feel the same way and I know that song would've been stuck in my head forever, driving me absolutely insane.

I think it's time for me to give my drug counselor a all tomorrow to see if I can get an appointment soon.

Dee74

Glad you got some sleep at least Jenn
D

Khrobin

seeing all you people sober for so long, and still talk about triggers, is somewhat scary for me. when do they start to slow down? will they ever stop?? do I really have to live the rest of my life wanting a beer, but stopping myself from having one?? where do you guys get the will power for that!? my will power is really bad ><

RedFox

I'm not sure if it ever completely goes away, but it definitely fades over time. I used to get triggered all the time and this is the first time in a couple months at least. We'll have to wait for the people with more time and experience to answer the rest of your questions.

Pilgrim

Sorry! I only just realised I posted that photo on the wrong thread. Must be the jet lag. I am really sorry Jenn.

SofaKing

lol for the photo

Tazman53

Red as you are already finding it does get better with time. Keep in mind HALT.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When we walk in these areas triggers seem to be more powerful, avoiding those 4 things has helped me a lot, that and what I am going to reply to Khrobin.

Khrobin they slow down with time, for me with 309 days I have reached the point where if I think about having a drink it is but a fleeting thought.

That being said, I can honestly say if I was not working and living to the best of my ability the 12 steps of AA I would not be where I am at today. Without AA I would not have lasted a week after I detoxed. I am working on step 12 now with my sponsor and can tell you that I have not had a strong craving for a long time, as I have completed each step I have found that the promises in the BB have been coming true for me, the urge/need to drink for this drunk with a 40 year drinking career has been lifted and I owe it all to my HP & AA.

parentrecovers

just wanted to send you some hugs and support, k

RedFox

It's ok, it made me laugh, lol.

I've never heard that. That's good to know, thanks a lot

collinsmi

Sounds like you did the right thing. If you work the program it does get better. Once I couldn't imagine going without drinking, now it's not a problem.