My Husband Outed Me!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tinlizzy I am not sure how I would have dealt with this, I feel you have gotten a lot of good advise on how to handle this and it sounds like you are doing pretty well with it.
I will put a positive spin on this, being outed, this may have very well opened the door for another alcoholic to find recovery. I just recently helped a long time friend through De-tox and speak to him daily in his early recovery. I had been quite open with him about my detox and what a difference AA had made not just in my drinking problem, but the joy it had brought to my life.
He had really sunk into the bowels of hell, we had not spoken for months when I get a call from him at 6AM, I was at work, he was drunk and had been drunk for well over a week straight, he had not been to work in a week, he had simply called his boss and told him he was drunk and could not make it to work!
When he called me he was on the verge of ending it all, he told me everything that was going on, he told me he knew I had gotten sober using AA and that I was very happy, he wanted to know what to do because he was ready to blow his brains out. Long story short, because he knew I was a recovered alcoholic who used AA he called me and I helped him get himself into detox and then into AA. He is doing very well, he calls me every morning here at work and we talk about AA, our lifes, and recovery. If I had not been open about me being an alcoholic and in AA he may very well be dead today.
Being outed is not all a bad thing.
At work I did not advertise that I went into detox, I do not advertise I am in AA today, but in normal conversation at work I have shared about me being an alcoholic and how much AA has done for me.
Now as far as my family and neighbors, they all knew I was a drunk so me going into detox and AA and letting them know about it was a good thing. Hell in my old neighborhood my wife told me that my nickname behind my back was "The one armed man" because they never saw me without a beer in my hand!
I am an oddball about anonymity, I do not advertise me being in AA, I would never dream about outing some one else, but I could care less if some one knows I am in AA or a recovered alcoholic.
The way I look at it is I would much rather be known as a "Recovered Alcoholic" then a "Drunk" which is what every one who knew me before Sept. 18th 2006 knew I was.
Tinlizzy I just read what you posted while I was posting above, what you posted brought a tear to my eye! Wow, the program really does work. You have been doing the next right thing over and over again in regards to this and all has come out very well! It really sounds as though you and your husband have touched each other on a level you may not have ever touched each other before.
I will put a positive spin on this, being outed, this may have very well opened the door for another alcoholic to find recovery. I just recently helped a long time friend through De-tox and speak to him daily in his early recovery. I had been quite open with him about my detox and what a difference AA had made not just in my drinking problem, but the joy it had brought to my life.
He had really sunk into the bowels of hell, we had not spoken for months when I get a call from him at 6AM, I was at work, he was drunk and had been drunk for well over a week straight, he had not been to work in a week, he had simply called his boss and told him he was drunk and could not make it to work!
When he called me he was on the verge of ending it all, he told me everything that was going on, he told me he knew I had gotten sober using AA and that I was very happy, he wanted to know what to do because he was ready to blow his brains out. Long story short, because he knew I was a recovered alcoholic who used AA he called me and I helped him get himself into detox and then into AA. He is doing very well, he calls me every morning here at work and we talk about AA, our lifes, and recovery. If I had not been open about me being an alcoholic and in AA he may very well be dead today.
Being outed is not all a bad thing.
At work I did not advertise that I went into detox, I do not advertise I am in AA today, but in normal conversation at work I have shared about me being an alcoholic and how much AA has done for me.
Now as far as my family and neighbors, they all knew I was a drunk so me going into detox and AA and letting them know about it was a good thing. Hell in my old neighborhood my wife told me that my nickname behind my back was "The one armed man" because they never saw me without a beer in my hand!
I am an oddball about anonymity, I do not advertise me being in AA, I would never dream about outing some one else, but I could care less if some one knows I am in AA or a recovered alcoholic.
The way I look at it is I would much rather be known as a "Recovered Alcoholic" then a "Drunk" which is what every one who knew me before Sept. 18th 2006 knew I was.
Tinlizzy I just read what you posted while I was posting above, what you posted brought a tear to my eye! Wow, the program really does work. You have been doing the next right thing over and over again in regards to this and all has come out very well! It really sounds as though you and your husband have touched each other on a level you may not have ever touched each other before.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Taz -
Again, I've made the "old coot" cry!
The program really does work!! I truly hope that my posts have helped someone else gain some insight - I feel so full, so, just so . . .
Step 2 - Done!!
TinLizzy
Again, I've made the "old coot" cry!
The program really does work!! I truly hope that my posts have helped someone else gain some insight - I feel so full, so, just so . . .
Step 2 - Done!!
TinLizzy
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Again, I've made the "old coot" cry!
Yes tinlizzy, your post help us all, it is odd but every post help in one way or the other, they remind us of where we were or where we want to be, some of them we learn how not to be whcih actually is helpful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In a pickle in White Oak, Pennsylvania
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by TINLIZZY 
Taz -
The program really does work!! I truly hope that my posts have helped someone else gain some insight - I feel so full, so, just so . . .
TinLizzy
The program really does work!! I truly hope that my posts have helped someone else gain some insight - I feel so full, so, just so . . .
TinLizzy
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Valrie he may see it, but he will never understand it. My wife sees it but has no idea what it really is. She loves going with me to an open speakers meeting, she says to hear these people speak of where they were at one time and where they are at now she finds inspirational, she doesn't understand it though.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
Tin, reading the recent posts are particularly helpful. CAME TO BELIEVE. I'm heading over to my sponsor's in a minute. We finished step one the other week, and tonight we'll start on step 2. We do a group meeting with all of his sponsees on Tuesday nights. This is just what I needed. I am the type that faith is built on what I have already seen happen, not what I hope will happen. So seeing this happen for you helps me. Thanks for helping another alcoholic.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
One of the very best concepts that I've learned is "that when I am wrong or someone perceives a wrong on my part, I quickly admit it and make amends"
I have learned that it isn't about being right, it is about being connected. TINLIZZY, I see you're learnin' this one too. Great growth ! Way too go ! We can see it is important to step back and see all sides before we react.
I have learned that it isn't about being right, it is about being connected. TINLIZZY, I see you're learnin' this one too. Great growth ! Way too go ! We can see it is important to step back and see all sides before we react.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Spritual Seeker - You are 100% correct. Stepping back, not reacting as I first wanted to has lead to a great awareness. If I had attacked my husband (my first reaction) he never would have come to me, he never would have thought about my feelings or his, I would not have had a chance to reflect on my actions, and we would not have come back together as we have.
Update:
I went to the 4th party with my husband and neighbors. I was VERY nervous walking in, and was just fine 10 minutes later. We stayed 2.5 hours, and then BOTH my husband and I were ready to leave. No one pointed, no one laughed, no one asked what I was drinking/not drinking.
The only uncomfortable moment at the party - the hostess/my neighbor called me aside and introduced me to the only other AA in the crowd. She thought we'd have "something in common". I truly was not having a problem making conversation with the crowd at large! The other AA and I were both uncomfortable, talked for several minutes about the Program, and then moved on to current events. I felt a little like the "token drunk", but I got over it quickly and did not let it spoit my day.
After leaving the party, my husband and I had fab dinner reservations at a local resort. We had a wonderful, romantic evening filled with good food and a beautiful atmosphere.
I'm 53 days sober today!!!
TinLizzy
Update:
I went to the 4th party with my husband and neighbors. I was VERY nervous walking in, and was just fine 10 minutes later. We stayed 2.5 hours, and then BOTH my husband and I were ready to leave. No one pointed, no one laughed, no one asked what I was drinking/not drinking.
The only uncomfortable moment at the party - the hostess/my neighbor called me aside and introduced me to the only other AA in the crowd. She thought we'd have "something in common". I truly was not having a problem making conversation with the crowd at large! The other AA and I were both uncomfortable, talked for several minutes about the Program, and then moved on to current events. I felt a little like the "token drunk", but I got over it quickly and did not let it spoit my day.
After leaving the party, my husband and I had fab dinner reservations at a local resort. We had a wonderful, romantic evening filled with good food and a beautiful atmosphere.
I'm 53 days sober today!!!
TinLizzy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
