in_a_pickle

I'm very serious about staying off the booze. I've known for a longtime that I've had a problem with alcohol but I've only now decided that enough is enough. I've been thinking about all the times I've been drunk and about when it all started.

The first time I made a conscious decision to get drunk was when I was 14 years old. My Father and his fiance were throwing a party to celbrate their engagement. There was loads of drink available and my friend and myself were secretly sneaking vodka into our cola's.

At one point during the proceedings my father made a speech where he announced that they had a big surprise for everyone; they were already married. As you might imagine, this news came as something as a shock, I couldn't believe it, they had just gotten married and not told their own children! I remember actually saying the words, "I'm going to get drunk". Christ, what the hell was wrong with that whole thing, first you drop a bombshell like that then watch your children mess themselves up for the rest of the evening.

That was the first time and subsequently, I started drinking on a fairly regular basis. Soon after the party all of us moved into the house together, it wasn't a healthy situation and I didn't cope very well at all. First I stated to work my way through the drinks left over from the party, there was a whole wardrobe full of booze. I remember I used to go for the Advocaat, buying lemonade from the corner shop and making snowballs (14 years old and making rudimentary cocktails). Then the Vodka and so on. I didn't do this everyday, but often enough.

I reached 16, left school and went to work as a trainee architectural technician, I had already laid the foundations of what would be a serious drinking problem spaning 20 years.

CarolD

I started drinking and smoking cigarettes
at 14.

I consider it was a rebellion against my non
drinking very strict religious parents.

I felt sophisticated and worldly.

It took many years of social drinking before
alcoholic depression lead me into recovery.

I'd rather recall my last drunk
than the first because it's a reminder
to stay ever vigilant!

barb dwyer

OOhhhhhh ... drinking. First time .. DRINKING ...

okay.

wow. catchy thread title.

actually, no.
I don't.

I remember being told about being at my brother's wedding (he's been married more times than me) and that I got into the 'wrong' punch.
I might have been five.

But trying to drink -
I had to try and try.
I remember in school, when others were drinking, I couldn't stand the taste of anything. I don't think I got actually DRUNK ... until in my twenties.
I just didn't like it.
I can remember the first time smoking cigarettes.
The first time doing acid.
First time smoking pot.
First time with other chemicals.
and of course .. THE ... first time.
the big one.

but no.
I don't remember the first time I got drunk.

in_a_pickle

I have the empty beer can from my last drink sitting right next to me as I type, Carol. Last night was scary, it was like my body was shutting down, like it was rejecting the drink. I honestly could barely see the screen when I posted my message last night, I won't be forgetting that in a hurry.

I guess what I'm trying to do is come to terms with the severity of my addiction, the more I think about the beginning the more I realise how much I've been lying to myself about just how depended I became on alcohol.

barb dwyer

it snuck up on a lot of us, hon.

in_a_pickle

Lol, sorry Barb, I didn't think this was THAT kind of message board!

The title is from a song, the chorus, the second line of which is "..Do you remember the worst time?"

Hmmm, might start another thread!

mps101

Yeah, for me, it's been the threat of loosing my job that actually made me aware of the need to change my ways. I've hurt myself for so long...but I've been good about keeping a lot of stuff hidden...but then the job stuff came up and all of a sudden there were people noticing changes in my behavior.

Oh, but my first time was with my best friend and we went to my parent's liquor cabinet and mixed a bunch of stuff together...it was horrible and the we just drank until we got drunk. We were like 14, i think.

in_a_pickle

It's when I finish work, that's when I'd hit the booze. I've managed to keep my drinking a secret, making sure nobody would see me when I was wasted. But it'S started to affect my work.

I've started doing really stupid things to maintain my habit, I meant what I said in my post last night, I really am standing on the edge of a cliff right now, if I fall them I'm going to get hurt. Badly.

mps101

I hear you. If I don't get my stuff together I'm afraid the consequences are going to be pretty rough. It's hard enough to change my ways but digging myself out of a hole while trying to change seems like a lot more work.

barb dwyer

it's so good to see someone trying to make a change BEFORE they hit bottom.

refreshing.

so - what's the plan?

catch-22

I think the withdrawal symptoms will make you realise how bad your addiction is and that you really need to give up the booze if you want to survive. It's a bit of a shock, but a healthy one, paradoxically. I'll never go back to that. I don't want to get through that hell again. I'm still suffering from PAWS after a month sober - headaches, loss of short term memory, lack of concentration, panick attacks - and I know they will continue for some time. It's scary to know what I've done to myself, how I was slowly killing myself.

in_a_pickle

The plan:
I've contacted a therapist, I'm also going to an AA meeting as soon as I can find one. Ive sent them an email so hopefully I'll be getting the support I need sooner rather than later.

I'm going to get myself checked out by a Doc this week as well, better make sure I'm ok.

I actually feel awful at the moment. Physically sick, dull head ache, lethargy, absolutely terrible.

barb dwyer

Pickle -

The feelings are to be expected, I'd think.
You're in WAY better shape than I was.
Thanks for saying you're goin to the doc.
We tend to worry about that around here.

Wow. An AA meeting in Japan.
Post and let me know if y'all sat on the floor, or in chairs, will you?
How exotic.
AA in Japan, I mean.
Anybody can sit on a floor.

You sound like you've a plan.
That, and SR for support is good to have.

BP44

I was 16 years old and on a backpacking trip with the Sierra Club. My folks would send me on these during my teenage years. Anyway, after the trip one of the girls had an end of trip party at her parent's house in San Francisco. They offered Lowenbrau for the teens and Heineken for the adults. I had two beers and thought I had found "THE ANSWER". This was the answer to the question that had baffled me all of my childhood. I had a flight to catch, and was taken to the airport. I wanted so badly to order beer on the flight home, but was afraid to knowing I was underaged and the flight attendants were authority figures. This was not the first time I tasted alcohol. My step father would give me sips of beer as a child, but it was the first time I conciously made a decision to drink. Up until this time I had sworn I would never smoke, drink, or do drugs. I rarely say never anymore.

collinsmi

MAN!!!! I NEVER got invited to those kinds of parties!!!!! ;(

AndrewBeen

I had an experience much like BP44.

I was 15 I think and having dinner with some friends. They were very nice to me and ordered me a white russian, then another. After two, I felt I too had found the answer. I didn't get drunk, but incredibly euphoric, comforted, etc.

Since then of course I have read much about he different chemistry inside the alcoholic, and how they often remember their first buzz in this way. One of the tell tale signs. Too me so many earys to understand the signs.

Better late than never.

in_a_pickle

It seems like what all these stories have in common is that the drinking started during out teens.

collinsmi

Out of everybody I drank with in my teens, I'm the only one who wound up in AA. Most of them moderated sometime in their 20s.