trigger for drinking - may trigger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
trigger for drinking - may trigger
After counselling on Friday I went to the pub and have been binge drinking all weekend, sunday comes and I'm drinking again. I can't seem to ground myself, everytime after counselling I find it so difficult to control how I'm feeling and head straight for the drink, I drink and drink and then become more depressed and the thoughts of suicide increase, sometimes I end up od' and other times I pass out from the drink. I'm despreate to stop drinking..but the few days I wasn't drinking I didn't cope with the memories, nitemares, not sleeping, increased paranoia, extreme emotions I just couldn't deal with it. I will go and see my doctor, but because of su* tendancies they won't prescibe any drugs to take the edge of thinks. I don't know what to I want to stop drinking I want to deal with the past but it feels to big for me. 50 minutes once a week, doesn't feel enough. that sounds so selfish sorry. Sorry everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi lost, I am were you are and yes it is freakin awful. I can't offer advice cos if I knew the answers I would be doing it. I can be your friend tho. Just say whatever is on your mind, it helps. Just keep talking, whatever your triggers are they are personal to you but kind of universal too. Just remember the more you are down on yourself the harder it is to not drink the next day. So forget today or yesterdays mistakes and just don't drink tomorrow. I am starting again tomorrow. I will not give in.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
To Stone and L Child,
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will become well.
This is a terminal disease, some die quickly, some die a slow tortuous death.
Do you want to die sober? I do.
I really don't know what to say. If we could stop on our own there would be no sober recovery or AA.
You don't have to be alone anymore. It is your choice.
(((hugs)))
Ted
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will become well.
This is a terminal disease, some die quickly, some die a slow tortuous death.
Do you want to die sober? I do.
I really don't know what to say. If we could stop on our own there would be no sober recovery or AA.
You don't have to be alone anymore. It is your choice.
(((hugs)))
Ted
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
Can't imagine life with or without drinking - sounds like a line out of the big book. Unfortunately, most of us have to get there before we'll do anything about our drinking. For me, it was the jumping off point for a much more rewarding life.
How does that whole trigger thing work anyway?
How does that whole trigger thing work anyway?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
50 minutes a week isn't a lot.
I still go to AA every day. I've been doing it for 6 months, and I've been sober for 6 months. Hmmm.
Those symptoms of early recovery still ring loud in my ears. Not to mention withdraw. But, I don't have to do that anymore. Neither should you.
I still go to AA every day. I've been doing it for 6 months, and I've been sober for 6 months. Hmmm.
Those symptoms of early recovery still ring loud in my ears. Not to mention withdraw. But, I don't have to do that anymore. Neither should you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi LC
My triggers include counselling. Also happiness, sadness, loneliness, anguish. Get this - I am so down and sick today I didn't even get to my 50 minute session so I will have to wait until next week. These things can't be rushed. It took my whole life to get this stuffed up and it takes time to learn to live differently.
I am with you. We are all here and we are going through the same stuff or we went through it once. We are a team. Join in. You are welcome.
My triggers include counselling. Also happiness, sadness, loneliness, anguish. Get this - I am so down and sick today I didn't even get to my 50 minute session so I will have to wait until next week. These things can't be rushed. It took my whole life to get this stuffed up and it takes time to learn to live differently.
I am with you. We are all here and we are going through the same stuff or we went through it once. We are a team. Join in. You are welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Steph's right, lost child - there are triggers everywhere, and they almost always seem to pop out of nowhere...we just have to learn to deal with them in a different way rather than reaching for the bottle - you and I, and everyone else here, knows that doesn't work in the long term...it doesn't even work in the short term for me these days...these things do take time...it takes a lot of patience to undo the knots we've tied in ourselves...
but we're all at various points in that journey,every one of us...don't stop posting...this place is for you as much as it is for me, or anyone else who wants to change their lives
D
but we're all at various points in that journey,every one of us...don't stop posting...this place is for you as much as it is for me, or anyone else who wants to change their lives
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 80
Don't Understand Something
You said that your doctor will not prescribe anything to you to take the edge off because you are sucidal...I was feeling like that a very short time ago, that I went to the ER...I was prescribed a medication...It may be another medication I may become addicted to..However, I am doing much better.. I do believe I would be dead now, if I wasn't prescribed this medication.. I believe that sometimes it is okay to be prescribed a medication to help one cope...Couseling also brings out memories, nightmares, and such...It just totally does me in both physically and emotionally..I have joined a gym and workout 3 times or so a week. The exercising has helped me a lot..However, I still struggle..I did drink last night...However, I did stop after one wine cooler.I will usually start drinking around 4 p.m. and not stop drinking until midnight or so.Stopping after one wine cooler is strange for me...I do not believe I will ever get to the point where I will be able to control my drinking..Last nigfht was just a odd thing for me that probably wouldn't happen again..So, one drink for me is really one drink too many...I will pray for you. Please know that your not alone. Feel free to send me a message, if you just want to talk..Sometimes just having someone to listen you helps...
This is something I wished my church couselor and the women in my group would understand..Sometimes, I just want to know that someone cares enough to just listen and not pass judgement or advice...not that I am not willing to listen to any advice...I think you understand what I am saying..
This is something I wished my church couselor and the women in my group would understand..Sometimes, I just want to know that someone cares enough to just listen and not pass judgement or advice...not that I am not willing to listen to any advice...I think you understand what I am saying..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Hi Karlee,
Its not just because I'm feeling suicidal I have taken several overdoses, 2 in the past week, which is why I'm now close to being sectioned unless I can get how I react to my emotions under control, the only reason I've not been sectioned is because of my counsellor, who used to work in the MHT department. I was prescribed anti-depressants but was taken off them because I drink too much, I was prescribed zopiclone but was takin off them because I was taken coke.
My doctor referred me to a psyciatrist cause she didn't know what to do for me, she refused to give me anything because as she said "I don't want to have to tell your mum that you killed yourself on something I prescribed". The doctor is a family doctor and was until recentely my doctor of 27 years. The psyciatrist, who i've not seen since January, wrote to my doctor advising that I wasn't to be given any tablets until I committed to stopping or cutting back on drink, my psyciatrist said I was making things worse for myself because of the drink, and unless I was willing to do something for the drink she wouldn't be able to do anything for me...I was meant to see her in February but the appointment was cancelled and was meant to be re-scheduled however nearly 3 months later i've still not heard anything...I've tried to get help but when I explained that I couldn't just stop drinking because then I don't relax, I have no confidence, nitemares are worse, I don't sleep well as it is and when I don't drink its none existing...I'm in a vicious circle with no break in sight. I have now changed doctors, but I don't know if she will respond the same as everyone else has.
Ur right, sometimes u just want someone to care, to listen, to understand and u know I'm not a cuddly person, but sometimes I just want to be held and told it will be ok..instead at the moment all I get is a slap around the head and told to not be stupid. My ex (whose still very much in my life) doesn't use he's hands to cuddle u, but to hit u, all I've wanted was someone to care....but I can't get that. Sorry, feeling really emotional and crappy tonight. sorry
Its not just because I'm feeling suicidal I have taken several overdoses, 2 in the past week, which is why I'm now close to being sectioned unless I can get how I react to my emotions under control, the only reason I've not been sectioned is because of my counsellor, who used to work in the MHT department. I was prescribed anti-depressants but was taken off them because I drink too much, I was prescribed zopiclone but was takin off them because I was taken coke.
My doctor referred me to a psyciatrist cause she didn't know what to do for me, she refused to give me anything because as she said "I don't want to have to tell your mum that you killed yourself on something I prescribed". The doctor is a family doctor and was until recentely my doctor of 27 years. The psyciatrist, who i've not seen since January, wrote to my doctor advising that I wasn't to be given any tablets until I committed to stopping or cutting back on drink, my psyciatrist said I was making things worse for myself because of the drink, and unless I was willing to do something for the drink she wouldn't be able to do anything for me...I was meant to see her in February but the appointment was cancelled and was meant to be re-scheduled however nearly 3 months later i've still not heard anything...I've tried to get help but when I explained that I couldn't just stop drinking because then I don't relax, I have no confidence, nitemares are worse, I don't sleep well as it is and when I don't drink its none existing...I'm in a vicious circle with no break in sight. I have now changed doctors, but I don't know if she will respond the same as everyone else has.
Ur right, sometimes u just want someone to care, to listen, to understand and u know I'm not a cuddly person, but sometimes I just want to be held and told it will be ok..instead at the moment all I get is a slap around the head and told to not be stupid. My ex (whose still very much in my life) doesn't use he's hands to cuddle u, but to hit u, all I've wanted was someone to care....but I can't get that. Sorry, feeling really emotional and crappy tonight. sorry
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
we're all here to listen, LC...and to care and understand.
I think you should chase the psychatrist up...I know it's a a pain, and difficult to 'make noise' but sometimes you need to follow things up, or get lost in the bureaucratic cracks, and that hurts no-one but yourself...
I think you need to tell the Psych about this vicious circle medication problem...and does the fact you 'don't know how your new dr will respond' mean you haven't seen them either ?....
this isn't an endurance contest, LC...no one can do this alone, OK ?
D
I think you should chase the psychatrist up...I know it's a a pain, and difficult to 'make noise' but sometimes you need to follow things up, or get lost in the bureaucratic cracks, and that hurts no-one but yourself...
I think you need to tell the Psych about this vicious circle medication problem...and does the fact you 'don't know how your new dr will respond' mean you haven't seen them either ?....
this isn't an endurance contest, LC...no one can do this alone, OK ?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
I did speak to them in early March and they said they would re-arrange a meeting, I don't want to pester them and become a pain and a burden. ur right it does only hurt me. I've not seen my new doctor, I need to see her for a few things but when I made an appointment I couldn't go, I just couldn't get the courage up and had an aniexty attack and closed the door and stayed at home.
I thought I could do it on my own, but I guess I can't, I can't do it on my own. I can't do this alone. sorry I can't stop frecking crying, i'm an emotional wreck.
I thought I could do it on my own, but I guess I can't, I can't do it on my own. I can't do this alone. sorry I can't stop frecking crying, i'm an emotional wreck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
[QUOTE=lost_child;1302664]I did speak to them in early March and they said they would re-arrange a meeting, I don't want to pester them and become a pain and a burden. ur right it does only hurt me [QUOTE]
I'm not being critical, because I have to fight against the same kind of logic, believe me - but isn't it kinda weird not wanting to be a pain or a burden to others, yet by not doing anything about it we'll take on that pain and that burden ourselves ?
There's no shame in not being able to do this alone...yet, I've only recently accepted that...I struggled alone and beat myself up for 15 years because of not being able to 'fix' myself. Please don't follow me into years and years of this stuff.
Sometimes we're too close, too entwined in the problem, to get proper perspective...sometimes it needs that outside eye, and that other pair of hands. But I'm not trying to pressure you or anything - just think about it - and keep posting, cos there's lots of people here who care and lots of good advice and help.
thinking of ya
peace
D
I'm not being critical, because I have to fight against the same kind of logic, believe me - but isn't it kinda weird not wanting to be a pain or a burden to others, yet by not doing anything about it we'll take on that pain and that burden ourselves ?
I've not seen my new doctor, I need to see her for a few things but when I made an appointment I couldn't go, I just couldn't get the courage up and had an aniexty attack and closed the door and stayed at home.
I thought I could do it on my own, but I guess I can't, I can't do it on my own. I can't do this alone. sorry I can't stop frecking crying, i'm an emotional wreck.
I thought I could do it on my own, but I guess I can't, I can't do it on my own. I can't do this alone. sorry I can't stop frecking crying, i'm an emotional wreck.
Sometimes we're too close, too entwined in the problem, to get proper perspective...sometimes it needs that outside eye, and that other pair of hands. But I'm not trying to pressure you or anything - just think about it - and keep posting, cos there's lots of people here who care and lots of good advice and help.
thinking of ya
peace
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I drank and got high 24 hours a day anytime, and everywhere.
Just becuase it's a monday, it's would be a trigger for me.
"Don't pick up no matter what"...that includes triggers.
One day at a time...
sometimes, it's five minutes at a time.
well, becuase of the triggers of course.
It's cool that I don't have to do it alone. People share living
tools with me. Sometimes I need a second and thrid opinion
other then of my own thinking.
Just becuase it's a monday, it's would be a trigger for me.
"Don't pick up no matter what"...that includes triggers.
One day at a time...
sometimes, it's five minutes at a time.
well, becuase of the triggers of course.
It's cool that I don't have to do it alone. People share living
tools with me. Sometimes I need a second and thrid opinion
other then of my own thinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 80
I understand a little better. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone..I am having a hard time getting a new phschrist. The doctor I was
seeing had to have emergency heart surgery and because of this he closed his office. Now my health insurance is giving me problems about getting a new doctor...My husband makes too much to qualify for any state assitance...Please know that I am praying for you and that you are not alone.
seeing had to have emergency heart surgery and because of this he closed his office. Now my health insurance is giving me problems about getting a new doctor...My husband makes too much to qualify for any state assitance...Please know that I am praying for you and that you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Hey LC, perhaps fifty min a week is lots for dealing w/ the past, but maybe add in a few more sixty minute sessions with AA to help you not drink in between.
After counseling, maybe arrange to go straight to a meeting so you are not alone and can't drink. Just a thought.
I remember when I went through counselling, there were days when I would run out of the building tears over whelming me (and I was a 'real man' and refused to cry) and I would run until my soul could not take it any more, then I would crash. Reality check, it is painful, we have to work through it, be gentle with yourself. Drinking is not being gentle.
Peace, Levi
After counseling, maybe arrange to go straight to a meeting so you are not alone and can't drink. Just a thought.
I remember when I went through counselling, there were days when I would run out of the building tears over whelming me (and I was a 'real man' and refused to cry) and I would run until my soul could not take it any more, then I would crash. Reality check, it is painful, we have to work through it, be gentle with yourself. Drinking is not being gentle.
Peace, Levi
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