This website helped save my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hanover, PA
Posts: 74
This website helped save my life and I will be eternally grateful for the support, experience, strength, and hope it gave me during early recovery.
My story: I had been thinking about quitting after 15 years of daily drinking, losing 40 pounds, experiencing panic attacks, and generally just losing my mind to the point where speaking became difficult. That was on 9 pints of beer a day, every day, sometimes more, during my last year of being a drunk.
After reading this site I summoned up enough courage to make a doctors apointment - I thought I was dying - maybe I was. I told my wife I had a drinking problem (which she found hard to believe as she grew up with an alchy father, but thats a whole different story). Anyways, to make good on my apointment I told everyone close in my family what I was doing, to keep me accountable.
I had some idea what to expect from this site but imagine my amazement when the doctor said he couldn't treat me until I had not had a drink for 15 days as my blood pressure was 180/something rediculous.
15 DAYS? WTF? I'm dying over here...He told me to get to an AA meeting.
A meeting? I thought there was no way in hell of me stopping without rehab, jail or a straightjacket involved so he recommended me to 2 rehabs in the area.
So, home I went with phone numbers, vitamine perscriptions, and an antidepressant. This was around 2:30 PM, and I began calling the rehabs.
The bastards wouldn't take me because of insurance complications (I wasn't a repeat "offender" so insurance wouldn't cover my stay) or the beds were full. Suffice it to say I never made it into a rehab.
So I did all the searching I could to try to find AA meetings, but I was so whacked out of my skull I couln't find the facilities where they were held.
Now I read that I could die during withdrawl so that had me worried, and I told my wife to call 911 if I became unconscous or if she just thought it might be a good idea.
One thing I did read on this site that has paid dividends was to write down your experiance of your last drunk and first few days of recovery.
All I can say is DO IT! When the cravings got so strong I was ready to kill anyone who got in my way while going to the bar I would read my first two days experience over and over again. It saved my ass more than once in the first three months.
Hallucinating was fun on the second or third night. My house went all technicolor and the plants were waving at me. All the normal symptoms on this thread I experianced except for vomiting and no DTs. How the doc figured I would probably be OK is beyond me and I remained scared ******** until a week was up.
Oh, and I got into AA on day two. That has been the other lifesaving decision I have made. They said don't leave until the miracle happens, which for me hit around the third month of sobriety.
So hang in there! Early sobriety ain't easy but if I can do it, so can you. And God willing I will have many years of sobriety ahead of me.
Again, thanks to all (and I mean ALL) the contributors to this site. You helped save this life.
My story: I had been thinking about quitting after 15 years of daily drinking, losing 40 pounds, experiencing panic attacks, and generally just losing my mind to the point where speaking became difficult. That was on 9 pints of beer a day, every day, sometimes more, during my last year of being a drunk.
After reading this site I summoned up enough courage to make a doctors apointment - I thought I was dying - maybe I was. I told my wife I had a drinking problem (which she found hard to believe as she grew up with an alchy father, but thats a whole different story). Anyways, to make good on my apointment I told everyone close in my family what I was doing, to keep me accountable.
I had some idea what to expect from this site but imagine my amazement when the doctor said he couldn't treat me until I had not had a drink for 15 days as my blood pressure was 180/something rediculous.
15 DAYS? WTF? I'm dying over here...He told me to get to an AA meeting.
A meeting? I thought there was no way in hell of me stopping without rehab, jail or a straightjacket involved so he recommended me to 2 rehabs in the area.
So, home I went with phone numbers, vitamine perscriptions, and an antidepressant. This was around 2:30 PM, and I began calling the rehabs.
The bastards wouldn't take me because of insurance complications (I wasn't a repeat "offender" so insurance wouldn't cover my stay) or the beds were full. Suffice it to say I never made it into a rehab.
So I did all the searching I could to try to find AA meetings, but I was so whacked out of my skull I couln't find the facilities where they were held.
Now I read that I could die during withdrawl so that had me worried, and I told my wife to call 911 if I became unconscous or if she just thought it might be a good idea.
One thing I did read on this site that has paid dividends was to write down your experiance of your last drunk and first few days of recovery.
All I can say is DO IT! When the cravings got so strong I was ready to kill anyone who got in my way while going to the bar I would read my first two days experience over and over again. It saved my ass more than once in the first three months.
Hallucinating was fun on the second or third night. My house went all technicolor and the plants were waving at me. All the normal symptoms on this thread I experianced except for vomiting and no DTs. How the doc figured I would probably be OK is beyond me and I remained scared ******** until a week was up.
Oh, and I got into AA on day two. That has been the other lifesaving decision I have made. They said don't leave until the miracle happens, which for me hit around the third month of sobriety.
So hang in there! Early sobriety ain't easy but if I can do it, so can you. And God willing I will have many years of sobriety ahead of me.
Again, thanks to all (and I mean ALL) the contributors to this site. You helped save this life.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
O.K. Wow. Now, try taking a mega mult vitamin supplement. Your body has been depleted of everything.
Okay old timers and vets, now is the time to jump in here and help this one.
Grizzled, i am so ashamed of our system for not helped you.
If...... if you have trouble in the future.. go to the emergency ward and tell tem you are in danger.
I am incensed. I have to calm down.
Keep posting, keep posting.
Love,
Sherry.
Okay old timers and vets, now is the time to jump in here and help this one.
Grizzled, i am so ashamed of our system for not helped you.
If...... if you have trouble in the future.. go to the emergency ward and tell tem you are in danger.
I am incensed. I have to calm down.
Keep posting, keep posting.
Love,
Sherry.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
grizz, nice to see ya here again... met ya back in oct/06...
grizz, read your share last night, was tired out... wanted to get back today... well, here i am...lol
grizz, ya know where i was last night... why of course not zip... wad'a ya think grizz is a mind reader?
grizz, i was at the ole HG... it was anny night... one of the celebrants... me... zip, aka:jackass buster... lol... long story grizz...
when i read your share, it brought tears to my eyes.. i did a bit of tear'n at the meets too...
tears of happiness grizz...
as yourself, a real long road to hell...
the helping hand of A.A. helped to save my (_rz_)
you brought me back, as i was at the meets last night to my beginings of recovery...
grizz, last night i got a double reminder.. the meets grizz, and yourself...
the keep'n it real machine of why we do what we do to keep from head'n back to hell... ya know what else grizz... i didnt like it, it was filled with dispare, and its too hot there... lol
grizz, your what recovery can be about... with persivarance, honesty, willingness, and much more... a dedication to better ones life and soul...
grizz, i love you... you cant imangine what you have done for me, or maybe you can... you've help'd another drunk keep that fire lit...
xxoo, and blessings grizz...
patrick
ps, hiya IO...
grizz, read your share last night, was tired out... wanted to get back today... well, here i am...lol
grizz, ya know where i was last night... why of course not zip... wad'a ya think grizz is a mind reader?
grizz, i was at the ole HG... it was anny night... one of the celebrants... me... zip, aka:jackass buster... lol... long story grizz...
when i read your share, it brought tears to my eyes.. i did a bit of tear'n at the meets too...
tears of happiness grizz...
as yourself, a real long road to hell...
the helping hand of A.A. helped to save my (_rz_)
you brought me back, as i was at the meets last night to my beginings of recovery...
grizz, last night i got a double reminder.. the meets grizz, and yourself...
the keep'n it real machine of why we do what we do to keep from head'n back to hell... ya know what else grizz... i didnt like it, it was filled with dispare, and its too hot there... lol
grizz, your what recovery can be about... with persivarance, honesty, willingness, and much more... a dedication to better ones life and soul...
grizz, i love you... you cant imangine what you have done for me, or maybe you can... you've help'd another drunk keep that fire lit...
xxoo, and blessings grizz...
patrick
ps, hiya IO...
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Grizzled:
Hey, how are you today.
Even if you went to rehab, or not, let us know, we care.
Oh, if you are getting advice privately, it helps us all to
have a public word of "Hello".
Love,
IO Storm
Hey, how are you today.
Even if you went to rehab, or not, let us know, we care.
Oh, if you are getting advice privately, it helps us all to
have a public word of "Hello".
Love,
IO Storm
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
So you rode it out too ?
Not suggested BTW, It's dangerous. If you're reading this, and thinking about it, SEE A DOCTOR. But yeah, I did it too. And I know a couple of fellow AAs that also self-detoxed. And being an ex hallucinogen user, the hallucinations didn't bother me. Did you get the aural ones too (hearing things) ?
AA was a God send for me too. After riding out the initial de-tox, I was also in AA on day two. Still pukin' and shakin' most of the time. My body is still recovering....
It's been 149 days now. Things are looking up, and I've never been happier.
Thanks for sharing frizz. If we can do it, others can.
Not suggested BTW, It's dangerous. If you're reading this, and thinking about it, SEE A DOCTOR. But yeah, I did it too. And I know a couple of fellow AAs that also self-detoxed. And being an ex hallucinogen user, the hallucinations didn't bother me. Did you get the aural ones too (hearing things) ?
AA was a God send for me too. After riding out the initial de-tox, I was also in AA on day two. Still pukin' and shakin' most of the time. My body is still recovering....
It's been 149 days now. Things are looking up, and I've never been happier.
Thanks for sharing frizz. If we can do it, others can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: .
Posts: 299
Grizzled - reading your story was the first thing I did today. It'll probably be the best thing I do today too. Congratulations on what you've survived. Fantastic!
It reminded me of this poem I read once upon a time:
Gravy
Raymond Carver
No other word will do. For that's what it was.
Gravy.
Gravy, these past ten years.
Alive, sober, working, loving, and
being loved by a good woman. Eleven years
ago he was told he had six months to live
at the rate he was going. And he was going
nowhere but down. So he changed his ways
somehow. He quit drinking! And the rest?
After that it was all gravy, every minute
of it, up to and including when he was told about,
well, some things that were breaking down and
building up inside his head. "Don't weep for me,"
he said to his friends. "I'm a lucky man.
I've had ten years longer than I or anyone
expected. Pure Gravy. And don't forget it."
It reminded me of this poem I read once upon a time:
Gravy
Raymond Carver
No other word will do. For that's what it was.
Gravy.
Gravy, these past ten years.
Alive, sober, working, loving, and
being loved by a good woman. Eleven years
ago he was told he had six months to live
at the rate he was going. And he was going
nowhere but down. So he changed his ways
somehow. He quit drinking! And the rest?
After that it was all gravy, every minute
of it, up to and including when he was told about,
well, some things that were breaking down and
building up inside his head. "Don't weep for me,"
he said to his friends. "I'm a lucky man.
I've had ten years longer than I or anyone
expected. Pure Gravy. And don't forget it."
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
thanks Grizzled -
welcome back!
I detoxed on my own, too - no $$$ - BUT - was under 'supervision' of a doc.
I was so bad - I had to train for this job ... twice.
God is good!
welcome back!
I detoxed on my own, too - no $$$ - BUT - was under 'supervision' of a doc.
I was so bad - I had to train for this job ... twice.
God is good!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Grizz you brought a tear to this old drunks eye, I was lucky and my insurance did cover de-tox if a doctor refered you to one. I was also very lucky that a nightly "real" AA meeting was part of out program, of course I really had no idea what the heck was going on in those meetings until about my 3rd or 4th day sober which was also about the same time that I started to understand some of the stuff going on at detox, like them telling us "If you want to stay sober go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor"
I had not found this site 7 months ago, I wish I had, but detox and AA saved my life.
AA has been the key in keeping this drunk sober for 6 months without a single relapse.
Grizz congrats on the over 3 months sober.
The miracle has happened for me also, it does my heart good to know that others have been blessed with the miracle and for this drunk all it took was following directions!
I had not found this site 7 months ago, I wish I had, but detox and AA saved my life.
AA has been the key in keeping this drunk sober for 6 months without a single relapse.
Grizz congrats on the over 3 months sober.
The miracle has happened for me also, it does my heart good to know that others have been blessed with the miracle and for this drunk all it took was following directions!
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Grizzled:
Love and prayers for you.
And thankful you are all right.
And thankful for all the friends in SR.
Thankful for the experiences we have suffered that enable
us to share strength and hope to those who suffer now.
Sherry
Love and prayers for you.
And thankful you are all right.
And thankful for all the friends in SR.
Thankful for the experiences we have suffered that enable
us to share strength and hope to those who suffer now.
Sherry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hanover, PA
Posts: 74
Six months yesterday. Wow, that went by quick.
You know, I used to think that life was something "you had to get through". I read the promises of AA for the first time the other day and realized that I have become quite a different person from what I used to be.
I have gone from a depressed, irritable, joyless, isolating pain in the ass to someone who is finally enjoying what life has to offer. I have always been a bit reserved (read shy) but now I find I am more at ease around people than I can ever remember. I actually enjoy talking to new people (that's a big deal for me)!
I remember wondering, with much apprehension, what I would do for fun once I stopped drinking. It scared the hell out of me. I didn't realize how much freedom there is in sobriety. I only wish there was more time in the day to do all the things that now interest me.
But, one day at a time. I think my in my newfound enthusiasm I am in danger of trying to bite off more than I can chew, and have to remember "Easy does it" and "First things first". Just like an alchy to want instant gratification and a lot of it.
Anyways, thanks to all the replies to this thread.
I really apreciate the support.
You know, I used to think that life was something "you had to get through". I read the promises of AA for the first time the other day and realized that I have become quite a different person from what I used to be.
I have gone from a depressed, irritable, joyless, isolating pain in the ass to someone who is finally enjoying what life has to offer. I have always been a bit reserved (read shy) but now I find I am more at ease around people than I can ever remember. I actually enjoy talking to new people (that's a big deal for me)!
I remember wondering, with much apprehension, what I would do for fun once I stopped drinking. It scared the hell out of me. I didn't realize how much freedom there is in sobriety. I only wish there was more time in the day to do all the things that now interest me.
But, one day at a time. I think my in my newfound enthusiasm I am in danger of trying to bite off more than I can chew, and have to remember "Easy does it" and "First things first". Just like an alchy to want instant gratification and a lot of it.
Anyways, thanks to all the replies to this thread.
I really apreciate the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hanover, PA
Posts: 74
Update:
OK, I am grateful that I have managed to stay sober for a few 24s and am fast approaching my first yearly sobriety anniversary.
I have been in a good (lets be realistic, fantastic) place for the past few months but I am beginning to get a case of the jitters.
So, calling on the great and good of this site, how do you help manage this time when your "furies" become out of balance.
Any insight is greatly appreciated.
OK, I am grateful that I have managed to stay sober for a few 24s and am fast approaching my first yearly sobriety anniversary.
I have been in a good (lets be realistic, fantastic) place for the past few months but I am beginning to get a case of the jitters.
So, calling on the great and good of this site, how do you help manage this time when your "furies" become out of balance.
Any insight is greatly appreciated.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hey Griz,
I have 7 months myself, but when I'm finding it hard I come here and whine, get support and often a well deserved kick in the butt and step up my meetings. Are you in a position to help another alchie? I know lots of folks recommend that too.
Big Hugs
Karen
I have 7 months myself, but when I'm finding it hard I come here and whine, get support and often a well deserved kick in the butt and step up my meetings. Are you in a position to help another alchie? I know lots of folks recommend that too.
Big Hugs
Karen
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Griz...... I was reading the beginning of this thread and then saw the date!!!! LOL
Hey it is good to go back to see where you started off at.
Karen brought up what I have found to be the biggest help for me besides working the steps...... working with another alcoholic!!! I have gained a far more solid grasp on my own sobriety working with him, I let him know just how much help he is to me, he has picked up on that and he to finds joy and stability in helping others.
Just a few things that have helped me a lot that I continue to do:
1. Keeping in touch with my sponsor and working and living the steps to the best of my ability.
2. Service position/positions, right now I only have one meeting I set up/make coffee at, but I am seeking another service position, my sponsor & I are working on this, because he suggested that I may want to get one a little beyond set up & tear down of meetings. I did have 2 service positions but turned one over to my sponsee, I can attest as he can that service positions help us stay sober and focused.
Have you been working the steps with your sponsor? The reason I ask is because I got a case of the jitters until I really started working the steps with my sponsor.
Of course you may have a case of the "Anniversary" jitters! I have heard old timers still get them around their anniversary date.
Hey it is good to go back to see where you started off at.
Karen brought up what I have found to be the biggest help for me besides working the steps...... working with another alcoholic!!! I have gained a far more solid grasp on my own sobriety working with him, I let him know just how much help he is to me, he has picked up on that and he to finds joy and stability in helping others.
Just a few things that have helped me a lot that I continue to do:
1. Keeping in touch with my sponsor and working and living the steps to the best of my ability.
2. Service position/positions, right now I only have one meeting I set up/make coffee at, but I am seeking another service position, my sponsor & I are working on this, because he suggested that I may want to get one a little beyond set up & tear down of meetings. I did have 2 service positions but turned one over to my sponsee, I can attest as he can that service positions help us stay sober and focused.
Have you been working the steps with your sponsor? The reason I ask is because I got a case of the jitters until I really started working the steps with my sponsor.
Of course you may have a case of the "Anniversary" jitters! I have heard old timers still get them around their anniversary date.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Grizz: Congrats on your nearly one year. There is something about a one-year anniversary that is so special. I'll be going to one tonight.
Re the furies... I was told that anger would surface when I had been sober for a while. I recall being told that when I celebrated my second anniversary. I struggled with anger during my third and fourth years. It has long since subsided enough that I would no longer identify it as a fury, but I had to do a lot of dealing with it back then.
Some sponsors have their sponsees do an inventory of their resentments, using the format given in the Big Book. Many people find that very helpful. Just my Experience, Strength and Hope.
Best from the Snowgoose.
Re the furies... I was told that anger would surface when I had been sober for a while. I recall being told that when I celebrated my second anniversary. I struggled with anger during my third and fourth years. It has long since subsided enough that I would no longer identify it as a fury, but I had to do a lot of dealing with it back then.
Some sponsors have their sponsees do an inventory of their resentments, using the format given in the Big Book. Many people find that very helpful. Just my Experience, Strength and Hope.
Best from the Snowgoose.
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