Hush007

Sounds like a good plan,... I'll do that too.

Or maybe not, after all I am an alcoholic.

Mercedes1

To me its not the amount of alchohol it is what it does to you.

Eventually all alchhol catches up. I change when i drink. I can be nasty or overly mushy but mostly for (me) I just am not myself. Regardless of the degree it is not good. If you have children down the road a bottle and half clearly effects your judgement. Are you prepared to ever stop indefinitly. There lies your answer. It just isn't good to rely on a substance for a good time..relaxing etc. First of all, relaxing is not really what wine or alchohol does. It "distracts" and eventually all those simple stresses become less relileved and you will end up finding yourself needing alchohol for everything. Learning to relax healthly is more positive. Facing the pain if you will. That's my 2cents.

Tazman53

In a way, a silly way... Tom..... an alcoholics way, if you are able to cut back and stay cut back with no regrets then you will be living what I wanted to live, being able to drink like a normal person. Alas I am an alcoholic, so be it, in another odd sort of way, I am glad at this point in my life I am, because in AA I have found some of the best people I have ever known in my 53 years and every one of them is a sober alcoholic.

came2believe

Good luck with that. I tried that too. For me, it did not ever work long-term. My ability to "moderate" went on a downward spiral too. Two years before I quit drinking I was able to quit for 12 days, then as a reward for being so good I started drinking again. One year later I couldn't even put four days together. That was when I realized I needed help.

Maybe you will be able to moderate. Maybe keep a journal or something so you can get a realistic assessment of how you are doing and if you are satisfied with it.

All my best!

Jfanagle

Mr. Thumb,

The fact that you have the desire to examine your alcohol consumption and where it might be taking you is much more than some do. However, it is something that a great many of us did several years before we somehow lost "control" of a situation that we only "suspected" might be a problem.

Perhaps the most astounding insight that I had after I began the road to sobriety was that alcohol had never been the catylast for enjoyment of life and it's situations that I had thought it to be. In short the world, my family, business success, and life in general was in no way enhanced by beer, wine (no matter how fine and rare a vintage), or even 50 year old scotch! My life was as good or as bad as I made it.

Just a suggestion, try life without any fermentation and see if it is in any way diminished. If it is then you might want to evaluate the part that alcohol is playing in your life. I can say after these past few years without booze that my life is improved. I too was very sucessful at 30 and 40 and at 46 decided that I no longer was "my own man" but was sharing life with Canadian Club and even though I didn't see that I had "lost" anything, I knew that I had altered my ability to live life on life's terms.

I can't say that I have regretted the choice of abstinance these last 8 years and the doctors tell me that my long term health prospects haven't suffered for the lack of that 5TH food group (booze) either.

Best of luck to you no matter what your particular path may be.

Missminime

I wish you the best of luck.
Take care

//Minnie.

hope3

Check it out...from the NIAAA, site,
Exerpt from NIAAA.
10. How can you tell if someone has a problem?

Answering the following four questions can help you find out if you or a loved one has a drinking problem:

Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?
Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?
One "yes" answer suggests a possible alcohol problem. More than one "yes" answer means it is highly likely that a problem exists. If you think that you or someone you know might have an alcohol problem, it is important to see a doctor or other health care provider right away. They can help you determine if a drinking problem exists and plan the best course of action."End exerpt

Best wishes, Hope3

Nuudawn

Every evening you are choosing to "escape"...not suit up and be present in your leisurely life. Who is it that your fiance actually knows...some fellow in a constant mood altered state. You are not truly you...you are some dude with a bottle of wine under his belt nightly. What so wrong with you or your world that you can't be head on, bang on and fully present in this life?

earlybird

Well,..I can tell you this. EVERY SINGLE alcoholic had a point in life where they could still say that they got up and made it to work bright and early every single day with no repercussions. We all had a point where we were able to say that we didnt drink during the week. We all had a point in life where we could say that our drinking wasnt seeming to progress either. That we were staying at 2 whatevers or 5 or 6 somethings a day or a week with no progression. We could also say, at one point, that alcohol and drinking had no ill effects on our lives. I could say that for almost 4 or 5 years. Then,....I DID drink and drive,...even though the thought of people doing that before sickened me to the point that I joined MADD and DARE. Then,....I did start to have trouble with my quality of work even though I DID still get to work everyday and on time. Then,...I DID start to show up late. Then,...I DID start to miss days at work all together. Then,...I DID lose my job. Then,....I DID get a DUI. Then,...friends and family DID start to seriously question my drinking. Then,...I did have all sorts of consequences and repercussions due to my drinking. All the things that I used as my reasons why I WASNT an alcoholic because they hadnt happened to me yet and could NEVER envision happening to me in a million years, started happening. I realized that it wasnt that they WERENT going to happen,...it was simply that they HADNT happened yet. It is inevitable. It WILL happen. How can you drink everyday and have it NOT effect you, your life, and your health and relationships? You cannot. Do you really see yourself going the next 30 or 40 years ( 14,600 days ) drinking? That means you have to HOPE that you dont ever have to be someones savior in an emergency (because you dont drink and drive). Life, for the next 14600 days just needs to go smooth and unexpected activity-free for you. No problem....

earlybird

My point is that alcoholism is a progression of "no problems" -to- "A ton of problems"

Its a slow progression most times. You dont go downtown to cityhall and proclaim yourself an alcoholic and they then give you, your finger-less gloves, brown trenchcoat, and assign you an alley.

earlybird

Your drinking hasnt progressed???? I beg to differ. So,....are you suggesting that the first time someone said to you "Would you like some wine?", you answered...."Yes,...a bottle and a half, please" Doubtful. You used to have "a glass" of wine. That turned into a bottle and half over time and you didnt even notice it. A year from now, you will be drinking three and half a day and will have completely forgotten that you used to drink a bottle and a half.


If you asked anyone what they would call someone who drinks a bottle and a half of wine a day, they would answer "An alcoholic" 100% of the time. I would bet my life on it.

Would you go into a restaurant alone for dinner or lunch and order a bottle and a half of wine? No. That would be embarrassing, right? I mean,...who DOES that, right? Well,...the fact that you wouldnt, means their is some shame attached to your drinking. Honestly,...would you tell people at work or prospective clients that you ingest almost two bottles of wine a day? Of course not. That would be viewed abnormal. Again,...theres the shame. If you wouldnt tell others about it,....its because you dont WANT others to know. You dont want others to know, because you know that its a problem.

Pilgrim

Hi TomThumb,

I am Stephanie and I am an alcoholic. I have an amazing job - very highly paid career in a very large organisation. I am relatively young. I am highly educated and from a successful and higly educated family. I never drank and drove. My children are still with me. I lost nothing because of drinking thank goodness. At least nothing that people see as a mark of a person's ability to function socially. I lost me. I lost countless afternoons and evenings by being numb. I lost a whole huge part of my life because I used alcohol to blunt my feelings. The whole time I was using I was numb. I can't get that back.

My drinking was exactly like yours until only about 6 months before now. I had never had a blackout until about 6 months ago.

What worries me most is the fact that you can drink all that wine and stay so in control. Apparently normies feel like stopping after 3 or 4 glasses. They start to feel off colour because their liver is working overtime to break down the alcohol.

I was the one in the room who had had a half bottle before I left home, a whole bottle at the function and I could still hold an intelligent conversation. with no obvious sign of drink. Until about 6months ago. It started to become obvious and I could see it in people's faces. The half bottle before the function turned into a whole bottle somewhere along the way. I started having blackouts and when they started, they got bad very fast. There was more - embarrassing stuff. I couldn't ignore it any more.

You don't sound like you are where I was at the end. I pray that you never get to that. You may be a normie. You may not have the enzyme that uses alcohol for nutrition (although at that level of drinking, I would say your liver is definitely not behaving like a normie liver). Or you may be an alcoholic and this story may be your future. I truely hope it isn't because it is hell.

Your plan sounds great. I would give anything to be able to live like that. Stick around and tell us how you get on.

big trouble

I only know what my problem is, but I can tell you that I owned a very successfull limousine company since I was 18 years old. I just recently lost it due to drugs and drinking. So I guess I would say just be very carefull, I am only 25 and lost a lot of things that I really worked hard to achieve. I am still not sober but if I had any advice for you I would say, Dont ruin it before you ever really achieved it.

big trouble

If you even had the feeling to come to this website there is obviosly a reason why you are here. I am also having trouble admiting it but I am also here for a reason.

big trouble

Thank you so much Pilgrim I agree.

big trouble

PS Pilgrim I have a dog that looks almost like the one on your picture.

wozzek

Again, IMHO, being an alcoholic is a horrible thing to be and I would be the last one to endorse someone's path to the disease. However, Tom doesn't seem like an alcoholic; I bet he would approach purchase of some shares on the stock market with the same prudence - this is a man who wants to know what's going on and what are his options. AFTER I become an alcoholic and AFTER I quitted as a late stage alcoholic I tried to do the same as Tom is doing, after two and a half years in sobriety. And let us be honest guys, having one bottle of red wine during an evening for a man of my size (240 pounds, 6'2'') was nothing - I had that warm fuzzy feeling, I did enjoy my time and I still did something useful even nice with my evening. The next day I was up, sober and feeling great - in my case even better because I had "The Proof" I can enjoy my wine. I couldn't, for sure, and soon I was in a full blown relapse, drinking vodkas at 10 AM and getting smashed at 4:00 PM, unable to walk, talk or think...

BUT - that's because I am an alcoholic!! Tom did something similar in the college and not a day since. Alcohol progresses, as illness, but for those who are affected by a disease and not for all. Also, a few on this board mentioned that they were doing the same, with a small "difference" they drank and drove. I drank and drove all my life and we did that because we are alcoholics, our drinking progresses as illness does. Tom never drinks and drive. Sometimes I am wary of us "purists" here that believe every single drink is evil, every single person who drinks is going to end up alcoholic and so on...

It is Friday night and I just came back from my friends' place - they have the company and are having fun with some wine and cheese. Sometimes they drink six bottles (four of them), sometimes just one and there were days when they had a case. And the same scenario is going on for the last ten years I know them. Not a single one of them drinks in the morning, not a single one's drinking progresses, none is driving and drinking, no DUIs, no violence, no anger, no bankruptcies, no lost jobs, accidents, divorces, neglected children, on the contrary, they are getting better financially, the families are growing and have healthy, beautiful kids, they are just having a normal, healthy fun a bunch of friends are entitled to. And they are lucky enough to be able to enjoy one of the most beautiful gifts the God gave to the humankind - the wine and the love.

But, what do I know, if I had a drink of that beautiful French Bordeaux they are enjoying I would have gone on a binge drinking, sedating, killing myself with vodkas, beers, whiskeys etc. because I am an alcoholic and they are not. With all my heart I hope Tom is not an alcoholic also.

GlassPrisoner

Ditto. As the disease progresses, we all go through this. The day you wake up and realize it, it's too late. At that point, you're screwed.

If you're like we were, you'll keep on keeping on. Telling yourself it's OK because you still have a job, don't drink in the morning, etc......

And, if you're like us, it's gonna sneak up and bite you in the a**.

Pilgrim

Hi Wozzek,

The first thing that crossed my mind was to write exactly what you had written. It doesn't sound too bad to me either.

All the same, when people come here, they are asking for help, support, guidance and information from struggling, recovering and sober alcoholics. If his life was really that great when it comes to being able to drink, he would almost certainly never have posted here. There is a reason people come to a site where alcoholics and their families support each other and it isn't because everything is fine in their drinking world. We all know the denial can be cunningly convincing. Best to be on the safe side huh? How do we know that there may be a problem? Because he is here.

If Tom is the one person in a thousand who is just curious and ultra cautious then that is really wonderful and I wish there were more happy endings like that. It sounds like that could well be the case and that is something for Tom to celebrate if that is true. I agree that we shouldn't ask people to stop drinking if they don't have a problem and never will- that would be silly.

Telling our stories and our experiences might help Tom to decide for himself.

Sorry to talk about you in the third person Tom.

collinsmi

Doesn't sound like it. Have you tried cutting back for a significant period of time? I'm no doctor, but that does sound like a tad much. Nothing like I used to drink but you might seek medical advice. My guess (an uneducated one) is that they'll tell you to get it down to a glass or 2 a day.

Man, I never drank like a normal person, I wanted to drink, keep drinking and not suffer ill effects or criticism. For me, there was no regaining control. Control meant there was more beer in the refrigerator.