First Time Posting.. Having a rough Time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 4
First Time Posting.. Having a rough Time
Hi Everyone,
I'm a 25 y/o alcoholic that wants to quit. Five years ago, I went to AA and had 7 1/2 months sober before relapsing. I controlled my drinking to the best of my ability and had some success with moderation until recently. I now find myself in that awful place again but have mixed feelings about entering recovery.
For one, I have zero friends that aren't drunks. My life long friends drink almost every night. The difference is, they can leave the bar at midnight, and I'm there til 5am. I also feel like a lot of people in my life don't realize I have problem. The first time I sought treatment, most of my friends said "you don't have a problem, you're fine, etc..". I know it doesn't matter, I guess I'm just sad because I feel like I'm going to have to say bye to my friends. And, I feel like most people don't want me to get help. My parents acted like they were ashamed and humiliated when I told them I was going to AA for the first time.
However, I know I'm not happy now and being sober is the first step to changing my life. I feel so guilty for abusing my body like I have. I'm just scared and sad right now and needed to vent to people that might understand where I'm coming from.
I'm so happy there is a place like this to find the support I need! I do feel hopeful now, it's just a scary feeling.
I'm a 25 y/o alcoholic that wants to quit. Five years ago, I went to AA and had 7 1/2 months sober before relapsing. I controlled my drinking to the best of my ability and had some success with moderation until recently. I now find myself in that awful place again but have mixed feelings about entering recovery.
For one, I have zero friends that aren't drunks. My life long friends drink almost every night. The difference is, they can leave the bar at midnight, and I'm there til 5am. I also feel like a lot of people in my life don't realize I have problem. The first time I sought treatment, most of my friends said "you don't have a problem, you're fine, etc..". I know it doesn't matter, I guess I'm just sad because I feel like I'm going to have to say bye to my friends. And, I feel like most people don't want me to get help. My parents acted like they were ashamed and humiliated when I told them I was going to AA for the first time.
However, I know I'm not happy now and being sober is the first step to changing my life. I feel so guilty for abusing my body like I have. I'm just scared and sad right now and needed to vent to people that might understand where I'm coming from.
I'm so happy there is a place like this to find the support I need! I do feel hopeful now, it's just a scary feeling.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
hi kate
welcome!
alot of what you wrote is about other people who have no knowledge of what is true for you, and what they think.
the most important thing is what is true for you, and that you know what that is. you know you're not happy, you know you're scared, you know you're sad and you know you're aware that you need to get sober to start changing your life.
so, you are in the right place. its an excellent first step!
sr is really amazing and a great support. read a lot, share some more and let us get to know you more.
all the best,
mc
welcome!
alot of what you wrote is about other people who have no knowledge of what is true for you, and what they think.
the most important thing is what is true for you, and that you know what that is. you know you're not happy, you know you're scared, you know you're sad and you know you're aware that you need to get sober to start changing your life.
so, you are in the right place. its an excellent first step!
sr is really amazing and a great support. read a lot, share some more and let us get to know you more.
all the best,
mc
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Hi Kate,
My name's Ed and I'm an alcoholic. My daughter lives in Manhattan on E. 87th Street. I live in Tennessee and I'm so glad you're here. I know how scared you are. All my so-called friends were drunks as well. Since you've been to AA before, I assume you heard talk in the meetings about changing your playmates. I know it's not easy thinking you'll be all alone. I can tell you that you never have to be alone again. It may not seem like it right now, but in AA you have many friends, you just haven't met them yet.
The reason why your friends said you don't need AA is because then they might be admitting that they need help. No one likes to admit that when they're drinking. It's also odd, but think of you and your friends as a circle. If someone steps outside the circle, the natural reaction from those still left might be, "Is there something wrong with us?" They will do everything they can to convince themselves that there's nothing wrong with them. They will try to convince you to come back. If you do, then that validates their thinking that they're okay.
As far as your parents are concerned, they are probably proud people who certainly don't understand what alcoholism is. They come from a generation that generally swept problems like these under the rug. "God forbid that anyone would find out they raised an slcoholic!" They think about how it reflects on them, rather than thinking about what they can do to help you.
The guilt you feel is natural at this point. But keep in mind that just because you've hurt yourself and others in the past doesn't mean you will in the future. You obviously have the good sense to try to change. One thing we alcoholics have a tendency to do is define ourselves by the actions of the past. Eventually we will look back and realize that the person that did those things, thought those thoughts, is not the same person we've become. We can define ourselves by the way we act now...sober, caring, understanding, and interested in be guided by our Higher Power. That's where you can put your faith...in a God that will change you into what He wants you to be.
So...keep your chin up. You have the courage to admit you're having trouble. You're reaching out for help. It's not easy to admit you're scared and sad. You were brave enough to post here. Granted, no one sees your face and this is about as anonymous as it gets, but you did take the risk.
I'm with you Kate. You already have a friend who understands. If you keep staying in touch and get back to meetings, friends will pop up everywhere.
My name's Ed and I'm an alcoholic. My daughter lives in Manhattan on E. 87th Street. I live in Tennessee and I'm so glad you're here. I know how scared you are. All my so-called friends were drunks as well. Since you've been to AA before, I assume you heard talk in the meetings about changing your playmates. I know it's not easy thinking you'll be all alone. I can tell you that you never have to be alone again. It may not seem like it right now, but in AA you have many friends, you just haven't met them yet.
The reason why your friends said you don't need AA is because then they might be admitting that they need help. No one likes to admit that when they're drinking. It's also odd, but think of you and your friends as a circle. If someone steps outside the circle, the natural reaction from those still left might be, "Is there something wrong with us?" They will do everything they can to convince themselves that there's nothing wrong with them. They will try to convince you to come back. If you do, then that validates their thinking that they're okay.
As far as your parents are concerned, they are probably proud people who certainly don't understand what alcoholism is. They come from a generation that generally swept problems like these under the rug. "God forbid that anyone would find out they raised an slcoholic!" They think about how it reflects on them, rather than thinking about what they can do to help you.
The guilt you feel is natural at this point. But keep in mind that just because you've hurt yourself and others in the past doesn't mean you will in the future. You obviously have the good sense to try to change. One thing we alcoholics have a tendency to do is define ourselves by the actions of the past. Eventually we will look back and realize that the person that did those things, thought those thoughts, is not the same person we've become. We can define ourselves by the way we act now...sober, caring, understanding, and interested in be guided by our Higher Power. That's where you can put your faith...in a God that will change you into what He wants you to be.
So...keep your chin up. You have the courage to admit you're having trouble. You're reaching out for help. It's not easy to admit you're scared and sad. You were brave enough to post here. Granted, no one sees your face and this is about as anonymous as it gets, but you did take the risk.
I'm with you Kate. You already have a friend who understands. If you keep staying in touch and get back to meetings, friends will pop up everywhere.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 4
Thank you so much MC! You're right, and inside I know you're right. The alcoholic in me is trying to come up with any excuse to not got to a meeting, but I'm going to this weekend. The good news is, today I didn't drink. 
It's a start..
It's a start..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 4
Wow, thank you Ed!! It's amazing how just reading your message made me cry and feel so happy. I'm so excited I found this sight today and decided to share. That's great that your daughter lives on E. 87, I also live in the upper east side. Small world
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
kate,
thats great. i live in ct, and sometimes get into the city, and i love love love aa in nyc.
there are so many meetings to choose from, over 5000 a week! you will feel like you've come home once you walk in, sit down and listen.....
you deserve peace in your heart.
hugs,
mc
thats great. i live in ct, and sometimes get into the city, and i love love love aa in nyc.
there are so many meetings to choose from, over 5000 a week! you will feel like you've come home once you walk in, sit down and listen.....
you deserve peace in your heart.
hugs,
mc
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I was a drinker so were all my friends.
We shared the same lifestyles...depressing and pathetic.
Now that I am sober so are all of my friends.
We share the same goal..joy in sobriety.
Welcome to SR Kate!
We shared the same lifestyles...depressing and pathetic.
Now that I am sober so are all of my friends.
We share the same goal..joy in sobriety.
Welcome to SR Kate!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 146
Hi Kate,
I just finished my first day too (over here in the UK) so it seems we're both giving alcohol the boot at the same time after failing in our previous methods / attempts.
I thought your post was excellent and it gives us all strength to know that other people (across the whole world) are going through the same trials and tribulations.
For what it is worth I thought Golfmans post was excellent. If your friends are drinking nearly every night until midnight then they certainly drink too much (ergo they have a problem too) and his point, that your stepping out of the circle might make them all look more closely at themselves, is bang on.
Anyway - if they are true friends they will
a) Want to see you on their sober nights (assuming they have any),
b) Encourage you like good friends should.
I have a friend who knows I am desperate to quit but once every few weeks he rings me to go round his house and get smashed with him? He reckons that moderation can work for anyone but in reality he's just being selfish. Because he can moderate (as he is more an occasional binge drinker than an alcoholic) he thinks I should be able to do it too. Essentially he's just being selfish and wants my company, which flattering as that is, doesn't do me much good when I end up in the Liver ward at the local hospital one day.
Anyway - I'm rambling. Good luck Kate from your new friend in the UK.
I just finished my first day too (over here in the UK) so it seems we're both giving alcohol the boot at the same time after failing in our previous methods / attempts.
I thought your post was excellent and it gives us all strength to know that other people (across the whole world) are going through the same trials and tribulations.
For what it is worth I thought Golfmans post was excellent. If your friends are drinking nearly every night until midnight then they certainly drink too much (ergo they have a problem too) and his point, that your stepping out of the circle might make them all look more closely at themselves, is bang on.
Anyway - if they are true friends they will
a) Want to see you on their sober nights (assuming they have any),
b) Encourage you like good friends should.
I have a friend who knows I am desperate to quit but once every few weeks he rings me to go round his house and get smashed with him? He reckons that moderation can work for anyone but in reality he's just being selfish. Because he can moderate (as he is more an occasional binge drinker than an alcoholic) he thinks I should be able to do it too. Essentially he's just being selfish and wants my company, which flattering as that is, doesn't do me much good when I end up in the Liver ward at the local hospital one day.
Anyway - I'm rambling. Good luck Kate from your new friend in the UK.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Welcome Kate,
You may find as I did that this is a wonderful place filled with kind and loving folks.
I found this somewhere else on this site and I thought you might like it:
Be like a tree in pursuit of your cause.
Stand firm, grip hard, thrust upward, bend to
the winds of heaven, and learn tranquility.
--Richard St. Barbe Baker
Again, please let me welcome you on your journey of new beginnings,
Ted
You may find as I did that this is a wonderful place filled with kind and loving folks.
I found this somewhere else on this site and I thought you might like it:
Be like a tree in pursuit of your cause.
Stand firm, grip hard, thrust upward, bend to
the winds of heaven, and learn tranquility.
--Richard St. Barbe Baker
Again, please let me welcome you on your journey of new beginnings,
Ted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by katenyc 
Hi Everyone,
I'm a 25 y/o alcoholic that wants to quit. Five years ago, I went to AA and had 7 1/2 months sober before relapsing. I controlled my drinking to the best of my ability and had some success with moderation until recently. I now find myself in that awful place again but have mixed feelings about entering recovery.
For one, I have zero friends that aren't drunks. My life long friends drink almost every night. The difference is, they can leave the bar at midnight, and I'm there til 5am. I also feel like a lot of people in my life don't realize I have problem. The first time I sought treatment, most of my friends said "you don't have a problem, you're fine, etc..". I know it doesn't matter, I guess I'm just sad because I feel like I'm going to have to say bye to my friends. And, I feel like most people don't want me to get help. My parents acted like they were ashamed and humiliated when I told them I was going to AA for the first time.
However, I know I'm not happy now and being sober is the first step to changing my life. I feel so guilty for abusing my body like I have. I'm just scared and sad right now and needed to vent to people that might understand where I'm coming from.
I'm so happy there is a place like this to find the support I need! I do feel hopeful now, it's just a scary feeling.
I'm a 25 y/o alcoholic that wants to quit. Five years ago, I went to AA and had 7 1/2 months sober before relapsing. I controlled my drinking to the best of my ability and had some success with moderation until recently. I now find myself in that awful place again but have mixed feelings about entering recovery.
For one, I have zero friends that aren't drunks. My life long friends drink almost every night. The difference is, they can leave the bar at midnight, and I'm there til 5am. I also feel like a lot of people in my life don't realize I have problem. The first time I sought treatment, most of my friends said "you don't have a problem, you're fine, etc..". I know it doesn't matter, I guess I'm just sad because I feel like I'm going to have to say bye to my friends. And, I feel like most people don't want me to get help. My parents acted like they were ashamed and humiliated when I told them I was going to AA for the first time.
However, I know I'm not happy now and being sober is the first step to changing my life. I feel so guilty for abusing my body like I have. I'm just scared and sad right now and needed to vent to people that might understand where I'm coming from.
I'm so happy there is a place like this to find the support I need! I do feel hopeful now, it's just a scary feeling.
Well.....first of all,...the "friends" have to go. By the way,.....they arent you friends. They are "life long" DRINKING BUDDIES. And THATS the real reason they tell you "You're fine". THATS the real reason they dont want you to get help. They may appear to be doing just fine or better than you,...but, they too are alcoholics and are dealing with similar personal struggles,....believe me. Soon,...they WONT be able to leave the bar a midnight. Even now,....they, more than likely, are leaving the bar at midnight, but, going to ANOTHER bar by themselves or stopping at the liquor store to get more to pound at home when they are alone. Even drinking buddies have shame. Even drinking buddies dont want the others in their group to know the gravity of their drinking. Leaving them out of your life is the only way you are going to remain sober, once sobriety is acheived. And that wont EVER be achieved as long as they are STILL in your life. They will chip away at your progress inch by inch until they convince you that "you can handle a couple". Plus,...all alcoholics who attempt hanging out with old drinking buddies once they have found sobriety, tell the same story. They say its boring. That watching them act drunk and immature is embarrassing. The "good time" you once had is shown to you in a sober light and really seems rather pathetic. They want you to remain actively using. Why, you ask? Why would people who you call life long friends want to see you suffer? Because, like the old saying goes,....misery loves company. They are miserable and want you there too. Alcoholism is progressive. That is a proven medical fact. If they arent as bad as you,.....they SOON will be. You cannot drink daily or almost daily your entire adult life. The human body simply wont allow it. Cut and dry. Alcohol is a form of poison. In large, frequent amounts,...its lethal. Do yourself a favor,....get rid of the "friends".
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello kate, and welcome. my daughter is 22 and in early recovery from alcohol and cocaine addiction. she had the same kind of friends before sobriety and said the same exact thing as you - the difference between her and them was they could stop at midnight and she continue to drink and use all night. when she decided to quit, she had to walk away from many of those folks - it's not they're "bad people", they just don't understand her new way of thinking.
blessings, k
blessings, k
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