Nuudawn

Ok...I'm not sure what to do. I despise my job. I dread coming into work each and every day. It's been a bit of a nightmare (and previous excuse for drinking) since I started here last Spring. I have no initiative whatsoever and I am basically apathetic...probably hoping to get fired to light fire under my butt. My sobriety is so new. I have never hated any job so much...the whole environment is toxic. I spend all day on the internet these days cuz I simply don't care. Unfortunately, this depresses me further. I feel useless and wasteful. I don't want to even give notice...just walk out of this sick energy sucking place...unfortunately I have no new job to go to.
Did I not notice just how much time I was wasting in every area of my life previous to dropping the bottle?

Phinneas

Early sobriety awakens all of those emotions - good and bad, that we've been masking with alcohol and drugs so it makes perfect sense that you hate your job more intensely now. How about putting that time and energy you've been spending hating your job and being apathetic into 1) recovery and 2) looking for a new job?

Hang in there. As my recovery friends old me over and over (and I hated every word of it) - you're right where you're supposed to be!

Nuudawn

Thanks Phinny,
My whole life is about my recovery right now...and I'm so incredibly grateful for that. No if only I could fix this. Unfortunately, I don't even know what I want to do professionally...I feel stuck...all I know is I hate coming here. The answers will come I'm sure. I like that...and I believe it....right where I am supposed to be...which I truly believe is on my way out the friggin' door. lol..thanks again.

Tazman53

Nuudawn Phinny gave some good advice, number one is to stay sober, number 2 sounds like finding a new job. I would not quit my job without finding a new one first though, changes especially major ones like becoming unemployed are not a real good thing when one is new to sobriety. If I was you right now I would simply look for a job that would not drive you crazy as your goal. If you have a sponsor you may want to talk with them, they may be able to help put you on to something.

hope3

Hi Nuudawn, Yes I think you were masking everything, and was numb. Now that your feeling so much more, you are awakening to new feelings, at least thats whats happening to me.

I am a teach assistant in a careers class. and we use a web site to help students find there career interest and job skills.

It has a lot of other information as well. The web address is.

www.nycareerzone.org

Best wishes Hope3.

GlassPrisoner

Interesting.

My theory was I hated my jobs due largely to my drinking. But I've been unemployed since I started recovery.

All I can say is pray for an answer. God will put something in your path if He feels it's best.

CarolD

My first sober job was working for non profit
organizations. 3 years later I relocated.

My next was in home health care for elders.
6 years of that and I again moved.

I really felt good to help projects that
I consider necessary and valuable.

LOL I got both from HP
The 1st was to be a practice interview.
I got hired by a guy I later found out was AA.
#2 came directly from a new AA friend.

Answers will pop up when you need them.

Astro

Oh wow Nuudawn, you just brought back some vivid memories for me.

I've been at my current job for 12 years. I thought I'd hit paydirt here when I interviewed for the job at a bar, and found out that my boss was OK with me drinking at work, as long as my performance was good. So every day for almost 10 years I started drinking at my desk in the afternoon to get me primed before I went home to my family. I also have the freedom to bring my kids to the office every morning and leave for awhile to take them to school.

When I sobered up two years ago this dream job became my prison. I hated working, so I took a two week leave of absence to "figure things out" and then returned to work where I spent the next 5 months wallowing in self-pity and miserable with my life. In reality I was the problem, white-knuckling it through AA without a sponsor, refusing to work the Steps, and believing that life was coming to a close for me. When I finally starting "doing the deal" in AA it was like I had a new job, and it really was my dream job.

A few months ago my kids asked me if I loved my job, so I explained to them that it's not a job I love enough to take home with me, but it pays me well enough to feed them and keep a roof over our heads, it's very secure, and it gives me the freedom to come and go when I have things to do.

I'm not saying that you should stay or go, Nuudawn, just suggesting that you look closely at what's making you despise your job before you make any hasty decisions.

Nuudawn

Thank you all for answers that give me pause. I love sobriety. I love recovery. I love AA. I hate my job. I have hated my job since I started. It was a con from the getgo. I made some very life altering decisions to take this stupid job as a project manager with two assistants. It is a toxic place where everyone is unhappy and wants to quit. I am not a project manager....that was a big lie that fell thru. Details don't really matter in this instance. I have been told to quit by loved ones since I started...but while drinking...I didn't much care to do anything about it...cuz as long as I had paycheque and the reward of my booze after work I could get on through the day doing the mundane, beneath my experience tasks. Now there is no booze after work..just the absolute dread of going to work each day. I have always been tremendously lucky in my professional career..and had awesome jobs in my past. I knew when I set foot in this place there was something wrong..but I did not heed my gut feeling. I appreciate you all so much listening to my vent. And Taz, I understand what you are saying....but there is just so much wrong with this place. My boss is on working sabbatical for 5 months..and doesn't attend to anything that he should..didn't for like 3-4 monthsbefore he left.
My sobriety and recovery is first and foremost..I know that deep in my heart and soul. But this place simply sucks at my energy and soul.

I really appreciate the link Hope, that appears to be the first hurdle to overcome..what do I want to do now that I'm growing up...lol.

Nuudawn

P.S. And I do have faith that God/Spirit/Universe...will show me an answer very soon.

chip

Hi Nuudawn,

Project management is an exciting feild. I'm sure you'll be able to find something more fullfilling later on. Your main job is recovery right now.

I guess if it were me, I'd use my spare time at work to read up on recovery stuff. Perhaps you could get some course work done. Your employer might pay for some courses that might help you advance your career?

Here's some really bad advice...

I'd consider using my spare time @ work to work on a personal project. Have you ever thought about starting your own business? A boring job with a pay cheque is a great place to work on other stuff...especially on a private laptop. How about writing a book? I heard about some guys who did this, and the book was a best seller. If I did this, I would put as much effort into looking like I'm doing important work for the company. I'd try and swing things in such a way that I look good while I'm wasting company time.....

Again, my advice is bad and written with a hint of cynicism...

I feel for you. There is nothing worse than a soul sucking enviornment.
Hang in there,
chip

Tazman53

You know Nuudawn I just had an eerie feeling that I should pass this on.

If the job you are in now reachs a point where it may cause you to lose your sobriety it is time to tell them what Johnny Paycheck wanted to tell his boss "Take this job and shove it!". In the same thought I really feel that as long as your present job is not going to threaten your sobriety, pray and seek another job, but do not jump on the first thing offered, pray on that as well. God will let you know where he wants you to be if you will listen and you will be rewarded, it may not be for more money, but with a job that you will go to every day ad at the end of the day you will feel good about yourself and what you did.

Nuudawn

Chip and Taz...thank you so much. Bad advice Chip? Whatcha talking about? Not at all...many of things you suggested are EXACTLY the things I'm thinking about. And Taz, thanks...I do believe that if I stay on much longer this environment may threaten my sobriety. Not one person is happy here...it's a very sad place...with the highest turnover I've ever seen in any professional environment. And I do spend much of my day either on here or reading up on recovery...and I feel soooooooooooo guilty bout that! I don't do much of anything but as I am uninspired and unmotivated for reasons too many to list.
I have come to a decision and that in itself makes me happier.

CodeMaster

Ask yourself and answer honestly if you hated your job before your sobriety... Sometimes I wonder if I was like this or that before this or that happened, and I always realized I was already feeling that way before any changes happened!! But thats just me! Best of luck to ya, hangin there...