90 Days? One year?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florham Park, NJ
Posts: 174
90 Days? One year?
Hi, I was wondering the complete story on the 90 days and one year theory>? Someone mentioned that is the date "habits" form? What habit? To not drink or go to meetngs? Do I need to attend 90 to want to stop? What If i want to stop now and have only been to a few meetings?
I am going through a huge depression thing. It sucks. I also don't have the best patience. Is 90 days the magical number to start feeling better? If so...then I am hopeful. Please don't tell me its longer?
What other stipulations apply to this and other dates I have heard through aa thinkers? I am 45, single mom...I read AA recommends one year with no relationships? That seems harsh. I need to have a life. What about dating and not drinking as long as I don't drink.
I am going through a huge depression thing. It sucks. I also don't have the best patience. Is 90 days the magical number to start feeling better? If so...then I am hopeful. Please don't tell me its longer?
What other stipulations apply to this and other dates I have heard through aa thinkers? I am 45, single mom...I read AA recommends one year with no relationships? That seems harsh. I need to have a life. What about dating and not drinking as long as I don't drink.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Actually the recommendation is NO MAJOR CHANGES the first year, only because the first year can be very intense for an alkie trying to maintain sobriety, figure themselves out, learn balance in their lives, etc etc. Yes if you are in a relationship then if possible stay in it, if you aren't give yourself time, a new relationship would just be a distraction. Same thing goes for jobs and changing residences, etc etc
I believe the 90 meetings in 90 days is to give the alkie HOPE. Everyday I went to a meeting and sometimes especially on weekends I went to 2 or 3 a day, I felt SAFE in the meetings. I was meeting NEW PEOPLE some who have become life long friends, in the meetings. I was listening and learning how to live sober, how to deal with different things that were happening in my life and would probably happen in my life.
Alcohol is a depressent and it takes a while to get all the alcohol out of our bodies and to start to feel better physically. Emotions can and usually do take longer.
It's only a short time out of your life, why not give the 90 in 90 a try. Like they say in the meetings, at the end of 90 days if you aren't satisfied we will gladly refund your misery..................................I never asked for a refund, lol.....................my life was starting to get better.
And it has continued for many many years now.
Welcome to the Road of Recovery!!
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!
Love and hugs,
I believe the 90 meetings in 90 days is to give the alkie HOPE. Everyday I went to a meeting and sometimes especially on weekends I went to 2 or 3 a day, I felt SAFE in the meetings. I was meeting NEW PEOPLE some who have become life long friends, in the meetings. I was listening and learning how to live sober, how to deal with different things that were happening in my life and would probably happen in my life.
Alcohol is a depressent and it takes a while to get all the alcohol out of our bodies and to start to feel better physically. Emotions can and usually do take longer.
It's only a short time out of your life, why not give the 90 in 90 a try. Like they say in the meetings, at the end of 90 days if you aren't satisfied we will gladly refund your misery..................................I never asked for a refund, lol.....................my life was starting to get better.
And it has continued for many many years now.
Welcome to the Road of Recovery!!
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florham Park, NJ
Posts: 174
Thanks Laurie, I can start now to find a sponsor right>? I don't need to wait 90 days? I agree I need time..just feeling lonely and depressed right now. Would like to start working the steps..I don't need 90 days to figure out I need them. I will try to do 90..but realistically can't . I have my daughter over certain nights/days and don't want to put her off...as long as I don't drink....anything positive is better than drinking. So if I don't go to an AA meeting but spend time with her..it's still good, right?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Yes you can start looking for a sponsor at anytime. go to different meetings, listen hard. Look for wsomeone that seems to "walk the way they talk". Get phone numbers of others of the same sex (yes it is advisable for now, lol) and use those phone numbers when you are having a rough spot.
I usually tell newbies, partly in jest and partly serious, "look around the rooms and listen, find the one that really pisses you off with what you are hearing, because usually its a truth you are not ready to hear, and pick that person to be your sponsor" lol.
Usually on the literature table at most meetings is a pamphlet on sponsorship. I would suggest you get it and read it. Hopefully that will help you to understand exactly what a sponsor does. A sponsor is a guide, to help guide you through the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA.
Now that's not to say that many us of us over time haven't developed an extremely close relationship with our sponsors because we have, but it has come over time. I had a wonderful relationship with mine, and her husband until their individual passings.
I am going to say here, please do not be in such a big hurry, this is something that will take you the rest of your life............slow down, get yourself a copy of the Big Book, start reading it, attend as many meetings as you can (I do understand you having your daughter with you) and as you attend meetings narrow down the 'prospects' of those you think might be a good sponsor for you.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,
I usually tell newbies, partly in jest and partly serious, "look around the rooms and listen, find the one that really pisses you off with what you are hearing, because usually its a truth you are not ready to hear, and pick that person to be your sponsor" lol.
Usually on the literature table at most meetings is a pamphlet on sponsorship. I would suggest you get it and read it. Hopefully that will help you to understand exactly what a sponsor does. A sponsor is a guide, to help guide you through the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA.
Now that's not to say that many us of us over time haven't developed an extremely close relationship with our sponsors because we have, but it has come over time. I had a wonderful relationship with mine, and her husband until their individual passings.
I am going to say here, please do not be in such a big hurry, this is something that will take you the rest of your life............slow down, get yourself a copy of the Big Book, start reading it, attend as many meetings as you can (I do understand you having your daughter with you) and as you attend meetings narrow down the 'prospects' of those you think might be a good sponsor for you.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Mercedes:
Everybody has their own opinions and theories on how to work a program.
Laurie has given you some great advise on your questions in relation to
sponsors and meetings.
The best piece of advice that she gave you that I would like to reiterate
is do not be in a hurry. That does not mean to procrastinate with the steps,
sponsors, ect.. but rather take things as they come.
As far as the 90 meetings in 90 days thing, it was told to me that the significance of this is to keep AA on the front burner of your life during this
time. It is a fragile period for those trying to get sober and it is a very important time in our growth period.
It's kind of like watering a new plant in your yard. It needs lots of attention when it first starts growing and so do we. The 90-90 to me doesn't mean you have to charge across town to make a meeting every night. It means making sure you are either praying, reading, going to a meeting, or all of the above
on a daily basis for the first few months.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Everybody has their own opinions and theories on how to work a program.
Laurie has given you some great advise on your questions in relation to
sponsors and meetings.
The best piece of advice that she gave you that I would like to reiterate
is do not be in a hurry. That does not mean to procrastinate with the steps,
sponsors, ect.. but rather take things as they come.
As far as the 90 meetings in 90 days thing, it was told to me that the significance of this is to keep AA on the front burner of your life during this
time. It is a fragile period for those trying to get sober and it is a very important time in our growth period.
It's kind of like watering a new plant in your yard. It needs lots of attention when it first starts growing and so do we. The 90-90 to me doesn't mean you have to charge across town to make a meeting every night. It means making sure you are either praying, reading, going to a meeting, or all of the above
on a daily basis for the first few months.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Mercedes and welcome.
What is said are suggestions that others have found work very well.
Building of habits...90 days of staying away from a bad habit and replacing it with good habits. Meetings not only give you that but they also give the added support and infomation to help rebuild ourself from the inside out.
One year...No Major life changes.
It can take the average person a year to fully grasp a quality change that brings us understanding of what life is truly about.
Poor choices brought us to where we are. A good education on life that shows us who we are and how to change in areas that may need changing... after a year of self realization...we make better choices.
Waiting a year can mean the difference between picking a quality mate or picking a mate that could hold us back in our growth. (just one area of example)
Stopping now, getting a sponsor now, going to meetings now...all are great choices. Not doing 90 in 90 won't be the end of the world.
The important meetings are the ones you "need" to be at. If that is 90 in 90 then that is what you should do. If it is 30 in 90 then that will need be what you do. Not drinking and doing what ever it takes to stay that way should be your goal. Yes it does get better. I have many a year collected and it does get better.
What is said are suggestions that others have found work very well.
Building of habits...90 days of staying away from a bad habit and replacing it with good habits. Meetings not only give you that but they also give the added support and infomation to help rebuild ourself from the inside out.
One year...No Major life changes.
It can take the average person a year to fully grasp a quality change that brings us understanding of what life is truly about.
Poor choices brought us to where we are. A good education on life that shows us who we are and how to change in areas that may need changing... after a year of self realization...we make better choices.
Waiting a year can mean the difference between picking a quality mate or picking a mate that could hold us back in our growth. (just one area of example)
Stopping now, getting a sponsor now, going to meetings now...all are great choices. Not doing 90 in 90 won't be the end of the world.
The important meetings are the ones you "need" to be at. If that is 90 in 90 then that is what you should do. If it is 30 in 90 then that will need be what you do. Not drinking and doing what ever it takes to stay that way should be your goal. Yes it does get better. I have many a year collected and it does get better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
hi there! i'm 110 or so days sober.
i couldn't do 90 in 90 either because of young kids at home. i try to consistently make two meetings a week--and go when possible. that's what i can do. you can only do what you can do!
But you CAN do some things from home that might help.
Here's a few other things that have helped me maintain sobriety:
-coming here daily
-reading all i can about alcoholism on-line
-getting lots of aa books and literature and doing a daily meditation
-speaking or emailing with my sponsor
-working out whenever i can
-eating better and taking vitamins and supplements
Best of luck to you! Keep on keeping on!
i couldn't do 90 in 90 either because of young kids at home. i try to consistently make two meetings a week--and go when possible. that's what i can do. you can only do what you can do!
But you CAN do some things from home that might help.
Here's a few other things that have helped me maintain sobriety:
-coming here daily
-reading all i can about alcoholism on-line
-getting lots of aa books and literature and doing a daily meditation
-speaking or emailing with my sponsor
-working out whenever i can
-eating better and taking vitamins and supplements
Best of luck to you! Keep on keeping on!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florham Park, NJ
Posts: 174
Wow, this is so helpful. Thanks to all. Laurie,,,can you be my sponsor? ...kidding..know anyone in Florham Park NJ?? 
Thanks Irish...I thought this am that I don't need to rush this. It is a life long commitment. What I have now is sobriety if I stop. What I gain each meeting is enforcement behind that choice, and ultimately the 90 and on ward will bring me stability... You can't rush it but every step in the right direction is the right time and right thing to do.
Best, thanks for your input...VERY helpful.
Scootinbabe...110 days.. AWESOME! Thanks for the advice and its nice to know the road is flexbile to kids..
Thanks Irish...I thought this am that I don't need to rush this. It is a life long commitment. What I have now is sobriety if I stop. What I gain each meeting is enforcement behind that choice, and ultimately the 90 and on ward will bring me stability... You can't rush it but every step in the right direction is the right time and right thing to do.
Best, thanks for your input...VERY helpful.
Scootinbabe...110 days.. AWESOME! Thanks for the advice and its nice to know the road is flexbile to kids..
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