The choice you made today doesn't mean you have to make the same choice tomorrow. Hang in there. We all screw up. That doesn't mean you have to keep on screwing up. Every once in a while I'll be watching tv while holding an unopened bottle of (gasoline) vodka. It's amazing how many hours I can hold it before opening it. Sometimes I don't, sometimes I do. The only difference is my hand twisting the cap. Sometimes I go to bed sober. I wake up feeling great. When I open the bottle, well... same as always. I've heard this attributed to many people in different ways. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You know what will happen if you drink. What if... you didn't drink for a week and decided to learn another language. Spanish, Japenese, Sign language something that made the world a smaller place. What if it sparked your curiosity and you stopped drinking because you knew it stopped your learning. What if every day you picked up a book and learned something challenging instead of devoting hours to listening to the same sad songs. I wish I could be of help. I've wasted years. I really wish I could have learned from the mistakes of others. It would have saved so much time. I hope you get better. The world can be an incredible place but you have to stop poisoning yourself. Alcholol is poison. No matter what flavor. I REALLY hope you get better but you have to know one thing first. YOU CAN STOP. FOREVER. Sometimes you need a purpose. Help others. Keep posting. I hope I read about you resisting temptation. I hope I read about your 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc. You don't have to relapse. You control every moment. Please make the most of them. We don't all have to same amount. DON'T GIVE UP!!!