turniptheheat

I've worked the steps and have been sober for 4+ years. I am involved in AA service. With my 4th birthday in May, my sponsor didn't bother to call, give me a coin or a card. I was hurt, but not surprised.

I'm not sure what to do. Part of me is thinks that I should continue to go to meetings, but not have a sponsor. The other part of me is thinking about walking away from the program after my service commitments are up in December. Is it possible to do the program without a sponsor at 4+ years sober?

Dee74

Sorry wrong forum
congrats on 4 years Turnip

D

Eddiebuckle

Congratulations on four years Turnip. It's natural to be disappointed with your sponsor under the circumstances, but possibly he/she simply forgot your sobriety date? The only way to know for sure is to ask the question.

If for whatever reason you cannot continue with this person as your sponsor, don't give up. The first word of the first step is "we" - stay close to the people who have what you want, and chances are you will find someone in that group who could be your next sponsor.

nez

It is entirely possible to be a fully active and participating member of AA without a sponsor. A sponsor's job is to show the ropes to a newcomer and then to be of help and guidance when they start working the steps. Usually by the time one gets to the part about living in the 10-12 steps, the sponsor's part is done and it is time for the baby bird to fly on it's own so that the transformation can take hold and come to fruition. Sometimes a sponsorship morphs beyond completion of the steps into either like a mentor or trusted friend to go to for advice, but a member can also have multiple people that fill that role as their own personal circle grows.

To me, the program of AA is the 12 steps. When I got to the 10-12 steps and started living in them, I felt immense gratitude and a desire to pay it forward by continuing to participate in meetings to help insure that the hand of AA will always be there when anyone anywhere reaches out for help. "We can only keep what we have by giving it away." I owe a debt to those who so freely gave to me, and it is one I am gladly working on.

Free2bme888

Big hugs to you!

I get so hurt by other people action/inactions, when most of the time it has nothing to do with us.

You are doing it, four years is awesome. That satisfaction comes from the inside………

🎊🪅🎏🎉🪄🎁

sugarbear1

Congratulations on 4 years!

You might want to look into this resentment with your sponsor........

AAPJ

Depends on what you expect from your sponsor I guess. I have been to my sponsor's celebrations but to be honest I don't remember his sobriety date. I don't think he remembers mine either. But if I have a problem and need to talk to him he's there.

PidgeGAP

Has your sponsor been there when you needed? That is more important (I think ) than you getting a coin from them. If they haven't been there at all for you, can you find another sponsor? Especially if you have needed one, or don't have other support system.

Farrier

I'm brand new to the sobriety life, AA, rehab, et cetera. I haven't found a sponsor yet, but if I did and I followed their guidance and advice to a T but they did not support my needs afterwards, I'd be looking for a new sponsor.

Tommyh

I would not go without a sponsor myself.I really love it when we talk.I walk away from our conversations feeling like a better man.

aasharon90

I formerly had a sponsor when I began my recovery journey,
and never replaced her. Over the yrs i knew I could call upon
her if needed up until she passed away several yrs ago.

She introduced me to her circle of friends in recovery at
the beginning so that if she wasnt around I would feel comfortable
reaching out to them if needed.

For the most part of my 31 yrs, i have used the program
of AA recovery as my guideline to living a healthy, honest,
sober way of life without the dependance on a sponsor.

As long as I hold on to my recovery lifelines, SR now, and
continue to share my own ESH, experiences, strengths and
hope with the new comer, then I have faith that I will lay
my head down tonight sober.

God willing I wake up tomorrow, I will repeat what I am
doing today to remain sober all to the best of my human
ability.

sugarbear1

If ya worked the steps and are still trying to make everything about you, there may be a problem here......

thirdperson

Why would you quit a life saving program because someone didn't do anything for you on your birthday? Aren't you helping other alcoholics?

Db1105

If you have completed the 12 Steps, the sponsor has completed their job. We keep sober by helping others (Sponsorship, service, etc.) Nust as long as you have close friends you can confide in, you should be fine. However, the response of just walking away from the program throws up a major red flag.
12 Step Recovery works by working The Twelve Steps. We are not cured of alcoholism. We are granted a daily reprieve based on our spiritual condition. I found the best place to work Step 12 is in an AA meeting