Resentment towards aa
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 6
Resentment towards aa
Lately I’ve been thinking about getting back into the rooms( yes I’m sober) . Been struggling lately, not in the sense of wanted to pick up but with my emotions. I’m not good at letting people know what’s going on in me , I have a hard time expessing myself. It’s almost impossible to try to get myself to a meeting without talking myself out of it. When I was younger I went to A.A., had a sponsor, who half asses worked the steps with me, he was more concerned with me going to meetings, sitting up front and sharing. What he didn’t understand what I realize now is I had social anxiety, I was a mess inside, I dreaded going to meetings. He thought I was just a tough case , but didn’t realize he was stressing me out. To cut this short my anxiety is keeping me from going to meetings and my resentment, but I love the whole concept of the fellowship. Like I said I suck at sharing but I’m not sure how I can stop talking myself out of going to meetings. And please don’t tell me I’ll drink if I don’t go because the obsession was lifted out of me.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I'm confused as to what your resentment is except that it's against yourself or that one sponsor. It's YOUR recovery. You don't have to stay with a sponsor who isn't working the steps first (the program of recovery IS the steps).
Ask the universe to help you get through the door, grab a coffee and sit down and listen.
Find a sponsor who can guide you through the steps.
Keep moving forward!!!!!
Ask the universe to help you get through the door, grab a coffee and sit down and listen.
Find a sponsor who can guide you through the steps.
Keep moving forward!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Like I said I suck at sharing but I’m not sure how I can stop talking myself out of going to meetings.
Daily Reflections
LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES
All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
Daily Reflections
LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES
All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
If I were you I'd make a commitment to myself to attend a few meetings as long as that's what you think is in your best interest, but not to say a word until completely comfortable doing so. You have no obligation to speak, no obligation to get a sponsor and no obligation to please anyone there.
Don't let anyone pressure you to do what you are not comfortable with. You can't help anyone else till you help yourself.
Don't let anyone pressure you to do what you are not comfortable with. You can't help anyone else till you help yourself.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I would agree with Awuh, that you might just gently test the water to start with. Certainly there is no obligation to share.
The other thing that struck me was that the work you did with your sponsor must have been effective because the obsession was removed. Only you know how you and your sponsor got to that point, but there are plenty of people in AA who would dearly love to know how it is done. Maybe it is something to meditate on, like instead of sharing in front of a group, just find yourself a newcomer who is interested, and pass on what you have learned, just quietly, one on one, over a coffee.
One thing I have found for myself, if I just go to meetings like it is a metaphorical well where I get to fill my sobriety bucket, I find it singularly unrewarding. But if I get to share hope with just one guy, I'm on top of the world.
The other thing that struck me was that the work you did with your sponsor must have been effective because the obsession was removed. Only you know how you and your sponsor got to that point, but there are plenty of people in AA who would dearly love to know how it is done. Maybe it is something to meditate on, like instead of sharing in front of a group, just find yourself a newcomer who is interested, and pass on what you have learned, just quietly, one on one, over a coffee.
One thing I have found for myself, if I just go to meetings like it is a metaphorical well where I get to fill my sobriety bucket, I find it singularly unrewarding. But if I get to share hope with just one guy, I'm on top of the world.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
apologies- my laptop has gremlins
Every meeting I go to has a book to record my name (or anyone's) in. The chair of the meeting uses said list of names to invite people to share. Just write next to your name- 'just listening tonight'..or something like that. Or if asked to share- say you will share by listening. I know people whose sponsors have to old 'if you are asked to share- I expect you to!'.....but in the main, I think meetings are pretty flexible.
Support to you.
Every meeting I go to has a book to record my name (or anyone's) in. The chair of the meeting uses said list of names to invite people to share. Just write next to your name- 'just listening tonight'..or something like that. Or if asked to share- say you will share by listening. I know people whose sponsors have to old 'if you are asked to share- I expect you to!'.....but in the main, I think meetings are pretty flexible.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
Like I said I suck at sharing but I’m not sure how I can stop talking myself out of going to meetings.
Daily Reflections
LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES
All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
Daily Reflections
LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES
All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sponsors are only human and may be poorly qualified to give life skill advice for a myriad of reasons. Naming these reasons would be offensive.
In my humble experience w AA the syllabus interpretations vary from meeting to meeting. There are formal leaders and informal leaders. The person leading the meeting may have less sober time than you.
Aa was a way to stay sober. I could go to a meeting at 7 am and every hour after that until 9 pm or later. Keeps a person busy. Working the steps, reading the big book all keep a person busy.
In time the brain can heal and normalize. My brain is in a lot better shape these days than 5 years ago. Being booze and drug free let me get to know the real me.
No reservations, no regrets. Stable. Confident.
It took a long time of clean living to get here. My av is whispering at times, but I know better.
I suffered hell on earth to get here. I still do at times. I am not looking for an atta boy. I offer my experience to those that might benefit. Helping others helps me.
Thanks.
In my humble experience w AA the syllabus interpretations vary from meeting to meeting. There are formal leaders and informal leaders. The person leading the meeting may have less sober time than you.
Aa was a way to stay sober. I could go to a meeting at 7 am and every hour after that until 9 pm or later. Keeps a person busy. Working the steps, reading the big book all keep a person busy.
In time the brain can heal and normalize. My brain is in a lot better shape these days than 5 years ago. Being booze and drug free let me get to know the real me.
No reservations, no regrets. Stable. Confident.
It took a long time of clean living to get here. My av is whispering at times, but I know better.
I suffered hell on earth to get here. I still do at times. I am not looking for an atta boy. I offer my experience to those that might benefit. Helping others helps me.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Sending support and also agreeing to give it a go. I sat for a long time before saying anything. And I have had sponsors who were quite different (and excellent or not in diff ways) so far, so that is something to consider once you get back to meetings, but you don't have to do it day one. Glad you are sharing with US!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by sobernotsaint
... but I love the whole concept of the fellowship. Like I said I suck at sharing but I’m not sure how I can stop talking myself out of going to meetings. And please don’t tell me I’ll drink if I don’t go because the obsession was lifted out of me.
I absolutely loved the fellowship.
A good plan for you might be to go to the meeting early, help out with setting up, then during the meeting listen (don't say a word) for someone whom you think might be worth having a conversation with, then after the meeting try to talk to them or go out for a little coffee or something.
p.s....Anybody who tells you you have to share or will drink if you don't is an idiot.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by sobernotsaint
Lately I’ve been thinking about getting back into the rooms( yes I’m sober) . Been struggling lately, not in the sense of wanted to pick up but with my emotions. I’m not good at letting people know what’s going on in me , I have a hard time expessing myself. It’s almost impossible to try to get myself to a meeting without talking myself out of it. When I was younger I went to A.A., had a sponsor, who half asses worked the steps with me, he was more concerned with me going to meetings, sitting up front and sharing. What he didn’t understand what I realize now is I had social anxiety, I was a mess inside, I dreaded going to meetings. He thought I was just a tough case , but didn’t realize he was stressing me out. To cut this short my anxiety is keeping me from going to meetings and my resentment, but I love the whole concept of the fellowship. Like I said I suck at sharing but I’m not sure how I can stop talking myself out of going to meetings. And please don’t tell me I’ll drink if I don’t go because the obsession was lifted out of me.
I had an outright panic attack at an AA meeting that I had been bused to while I was in treatment.
My counselor, who had driven the bus, was very nurturing and helpful.
My anxieties ultimately resolved as I continued to attend meetings.
My other social anxieties (e.g. in the workplace and socially) also receded as I continued to plod forward in my new sober skin.
I'm happy to hear that you are contemplating returning.
AA isn't perfect, but it's been perfect for me since I haven't had a drink since I first began attending and I live a happy, productive life.
I don't want for challenges and occasional setbacks, mind you, but it's been a fine life and I owe it all to being sober.
For me, I attribute my sobriety to God and AA.
I hope that you get similar results.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 20
I understand how you feel. I completely cannot form a thought or a sentence when I share. i get real scared. and i'm just trying to get it over with because I dont feel like my shares are worth listening to. But when i did say what was on my mind, i was surprised that a few people actually said something about relating to what i said. I could not believe it. It did not make me want to share any more though,, I still hate doing it. I have to think it's helping me grow somehow to try sharing once in a while.
One time, I am pretty sure all i said during my share was "my mind is racing right now.... a lot of thoughts racing through my head... dont know what to do" and that was pretty much it. I wanted to explode! i was like, everyone is going to think im such an idiot... but then it's like, no, it's a room full of recovering alcoholics. we have ALL been blubbering idiots in the past, most of the time we never remember all the crazy **** we were saying the night before when we were drinking. (I remember a few times my sister did the nice gesture of recording me completely black out drunk, showing how atrocious i looked and acted, falling head first into a closet and throwing up with my pants falling off. absolutely mortifying).
Anyway, .. social anxiety sucks!!!! I keep holding onto hope that the fear of people will happen for me some day. hope it gets better for ya.
One time, I am pretty sure all i said during my share was "my mind is racing right now.... a lot of thoughts racing through my head... dont know what to do" and that was pretty much it. I wanted to explode! i was like, everyone is going to think im such an idiot... but then it's like, no, it's a room full of recovering alcoholics. we have ALL been blubbering idiots in the past, most of the time we never remember all the crazy **** we were saying the night before when we were drinking. (I remember a few times my sister did the nice gesture of recording me completely black out drunk, showing how atrocious i looked and acted, falling head first into a closet and throwing up with my pants falling off. absolutely mortifying).
Anyway, .. social anxiety sucks!!!! I keep holding onto hope that the fear of people will happen for me some day. hope it gets better for ya.
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