Huge resentment....please help!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Snitch, I love this story! Why? Because YOU did what you needed to do in a calm and self-aware manner, and you were present for that little girl. Just in this thread both your inner thoughtfulness (ie consideration of what to do, how things make you feel, what your reactions are) and your desire to improve how you handle things sober and make relationship choices and more, is evident- and growing. Proud to hear it.
Also - I am someone who also chooses my friends carefully. I say it often - "only people trying to live their own best lives, alcoholics or not, get a seat at my table." And my friendships are outstanding, real and vibrant. I can socialize with anyone but I have built a true inner circle that has the same perspective of being their best selves as I do. Definitely a gift of sobriety to have "risked" this approach vs worry about "losing" friends.
Also - I am someone who also chooses my friends carefully. I say it often - "only people trying to live their own best lives, alcoholics or not, get a seat at my table." And my friendships are outstanding, real and vibrant. I can socialize with anyone but I have built a true inner circle that has the same perspective of being their best selves as I do. Definitely a gift of sobriety to have "risked" this approach vs worry about "losing" friends.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
One of the things I do well at times, and horribly at other times, is separating an action from the person behind it. Ideally, I'd really like to be able to love everyone in spite of some of the things they do (or don't do, in the case of lack-of-action). I understand the actual person IS lovable, but I often forget that their actions are the things they do, not the real person. Their actions may or may not be to my liking but the person is always lovable.........and forgivable.
Like I said, sometimes I do a really good job at this. I can condemn an action but not take it out on the person in question. Other times, I lack the maturity, or maybe it's spirituality, to look past something I judge to be especially egregious.
Like I said in my earlier post though, this burden is on me to change, not the person I'm judging. As I grow closer to God, it's easier for me to recognize when I'm being judgmental and let go of it.
That you even started the conversation Snitch......and asked about it......is really encouraging. It's indicative of your willingness to grow in YOUR spirituality. Wanting to be better ourselves, even when it's with ppl we don't necessarily like or agree with, is a pretty high-level aspiration.
Like I said, sometimes I do a really good job at this. I can condemn an action but not take it out on the person in question. Other times, I lack the maturity, or maybe it's spirituality, to look past something I judge to be especially egregious.
Like I said in my earlier post though, this burden is on me to change, not the person I'm judging. As I grow closer to God, it's easier for me to recognize when I'm being judgmental and let go of it.
That you even started the conversation Snitch......and asked about it......is really encouraging. It's indicative of your willingness to grow in YOUR spirituality. Wanting to be better ourselves, even when it's with ppl we don't necessarily like or agree with, is a pretty high-level aspiration.
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