Feel like my head is going to explode
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Feel like my head is going to explode
Ok. Am not sure if this is going to make sense and am going to talk to my sponsor in the morning but I am lying in bed and need to get this off my chest.
I am nearly 6 months sober. I have a solid Step one. I am powerless over alcohol and I have come to believe that only a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and I have daily conscious contact with my HP. I go to as many meetings as I can and have got a home group where I now have 2 service positions. So far so good.
I have 2 issues that I am struggling with
Issue 1. Personalities.
Now, I know we have to place Principles before Personalities. I get that I really do. I am in AA to save my life however....a few weeks ago one of the regular girls in my meeting was being unkind about someone else and what they share about. I felt upset about this and walked away (it wasn't said directly to me but I was in the vicinity) but It left me feeling uneasy and a bit shocked.
Today there was a guy in my meeting who I have seen onky twice before. He shared he had had a relapse and was due to go to rehab and was tapering off. He said he wrote poems about his addiction and started singing one to us. It was a bit surreal but quite sweet. With about 20 mins left to the end of the meeting, 5 of us had shared and 5 hadn't and there was 5 minutes of silence, no one else seemed to want to share so he came back in. He said silence made him feel uncomfortable and he started talking about all these poems he had written and then he broke into song again. I haven't experienced anything like it, he was in his own little world bless him obviously very sick. So when he had finished one of the girls next to him sort of broke the ice with him saying he should go into the AA talent show that is being held tomorrow evening and he started talking a bit and to be fair it started become more of a social meeting than an AA meeting but I could see where this girl was coming from she just wanted to help him. At this point one of the regular women with long term sobriety just snapped!! She started yelling "I just can't take this, this is meant to be an AA meeting not a social one. People come here to share not chat. I dont have anything to share but I'll share anyway.." and started to talk about her new puppy! Her face was all screwed up. She looked pyscho. It was horrible. How can someone who has long term sobriety act like this??? It has left me really shaken and unsure today which leads me to issue 2.
Issue 2. All the talk in the meetings from people with long term sobriety (Well maybe not ALL the talk, that is a bit of a sweeping statement) but alot of talk is about how alcoholism is a SOBER illness and how our thinking is warped and just all this work I am doing to change my thinking and thoughts, I feel I am so aware of every little fleeting thought now that goes through my mind and I have to analyse each and every one and I am so bloody exhausted by it and I am lying here this evening thinking I just don't know if I can do this anymore.i don't want to drink but to put every single thing I feel or think down to my alcoholism us driving me more insane (I think! Even though my sponsor tells me NOT to think so much!)
I feel frazzled and a bit disturbed to be honest and am starting to question if AA is for me. I am going to pray and then sleep on it.
Thanks for letting me share.
I am nearly 6 months sober. I have a solid Step one. I am powerless over alcohol and I have come to believe that only a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and I have daily conscious contact with my HP. I go to as many meetings as I can and have got a home group where I now have 2 service positions. So far so good.
I have 2 issues that I am struggling with
Issue 1. Personalities.
Now, I know we have to place Principles before Personalities. I get that I really do. I am in AA to save my life however....a few weeks ago one of the regular girls in my meeting was being unkind about someone else and what they share about. I felt upset about this and walked away (it wasn't said directly to me but I was in the vicinity) but It left me feeling uneasy and a bit shocked.
Today there was a guy in my meeting who I have seen onky twice before. He shared he had had a relapse and was due to go to rehab and was tapering off. He said he wrote poems about his addiction and started singing one to us. It was a bit surreal but quite sweet. With about 20 mins left to the end of the meeting, 5 of us had shared and 5 hadn't and there was 5 minutes of silence, no one else seemed to want to share so he came back in. He said silence made him feel uncomfortable and he started talking about all these poems he had written and then he broke into song again. I haven't experienced anything like it, he was in his own little world bless him obviously very sick. So when he had finished one of the girls next to him sort of broke the ice with him saying he should go into the AA talent show that is being held tomorrow evening and he started talking a bit and to be fair it started become more of a social meeting than an AA meeting but I could see where this girl was coming from she just wanted to help him. At this point one of the regular women with long term sobriety just snapped!! She started yelling "I just can't take this, this is meant to be an AA meeting not a social one. People come here to share not chat. I dont have anything to share but I'll share anyway.." and started to talk about her new puppy! Her face was all screwed up. She looked pyscho. It was horrible. How can someone who has long term sobriety act like this??? It has left me really shaken and unsure today which leads me to issue 2.
Issue 2. All the talk in the meetings from people with long term sobriety (Well maybe not ALL the talk, that is a bit of a sweeping statement) but alot of talk is about how alcoholism is a SOBER illness and how our thinking is warped and just all this work I am doing to change my thinking and thoughts, I feel I am so aware of every little fleeting thought now that goes through my mind and I have to analyse each and every one and I am so bloody exhausted by it and I am lying here this evening thinking I just don't know if I can do this anymore.i don't want to drink but to put every single thing I feel or think down to my alcoholism us driving me more insane (I think! Even though my sponsor tells me NOT to think so much!)
I feel frazzled and a bit disturbed to be honest and am starting to question if AA is for me. I am going to pray and then sleep on it.
Thanks for letting me share.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Perhaps instead of going to Open Discussion meetings, try to find a Big Book, Step, or Speaker meeting.
Back when AA was first created, the idea wasn't to make it about group therapy. It was supposed to be a place for one alcoholic to take another alcoholic through the 12 steps using the big book as a guide, to have a spiritual awakening and recover.
Back when AA was first created, the idea wasn't to make it about group therapy. It was supposed to be a place for one alcoholic to take another alcoholic through the 12 steps using the big book as a guide, to have a spiritual awakening and recover.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
there is all levels of insanity and spirituality in most AA meetings my second sponsor told me
He was right.The insanity in some meetings is pretty bad. I usually go to solution based meetings like step studies,big book studies,literature studys or speaker meetings.Some meetings I shy away from.There is some insane drama(I call it)that floats around some meetings that will make me sick.I escaped from that some years ago and found the message of the big book.
He was right.The insanity in some meetings is pretty bad. I usually go to solution based meetings like step studies,big book studies,literature studys or speaker meetings.Some meetings I shy away from.There is some insane drama(I call it)that floats around some meetings that will make me sick.I escaped from that some years ago and found the message of the big book.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree 
Perhaps instead of going to Open Discussion meetings, try to find a Big Book, Step, or Speaker meeting.
Back when AA was first created, the idea wasn't to make it about group therapy. It was supposed to be a place for one alcoholic to take another alcoholic through the 12 steps using the big book as a guide, to have a spiritual awakening and recover.
Back when AA was first created, the idea wasn't to make it about group therapy. It was supposed to be a place for one alcoholic to take another alcoholic through the 12 steps using the big book as a guide, to have a spiritual awakening and recover.
image a group of insane people sitting talking....or whatever?
without some good direction in the midst of it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
These days members often pull out their cell phone when someone goes off on a tangent.
Back in the day when I was fairly new one member made a point of sharing first. He always went on and on.
What I did was get to the meeting late when I was sure he had finished.
Back in the day when I was fairly new one member made a point of sharing first. He always went on and on.
What I did was get to the meeting late when I was sure he had finished.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Tommyh
there is all levels of insanity and spirituality in most AA meetings my second sponsor told me
He was right.The insanity in some meetings is pretty bad. I usually go to solution based meetings like step studies,big book studies,literature studys or speaker meetings.Some meetings I shy away from.There is some insane drama(I call it)that floats around some meetings that will make me sick.I escaped from that some years ago and found the message of the big book.
He was right.The insanity in some meetings is pretty bad. I usually go to solution based meetings like step studies,big book studies,literature studys or speaker meetings.Some meetings I shy away from.There is some insane drama(I call it)that floats around some meetings that will make me sick.I escaped from that some years ago and found the message of the big book.
Some type of structure is need or meetings generally turn into a group therapy session.
However, I am not a fan of BB thumper meetings either which I sometimes feel are fear-based recovery.
Over the years I have found plenty of meetings I have enjoyed attending. If I don`t like a particular meeting I don`t go. If there is a particular person I don`t like I avoid them.
And there`s nothing wrong with that.
It happens in the outside world and it happens in AA.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes, that sounds intense and i,too, would suggest checking out other meetings.
ones that focus on the suggested solution instead of degenerating into what you described.
way to go on six months, snitch!
ones that focus on the suggested solution instead of degenerating into what you described.
way to go on six months, snitch!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. How my home group works is someone chooses a reading from any AA literature and the shares are generally based around that reading although some people do tend to go off on tangents and yesterday was just..Wow! Surreal! There are alot of wise people in my home group that I have learned alot from and I feel I focused more on one negative experience than all the positive ones I have had. My sponsor would say that it my alcoholism!! Maybe it is. Maybe I am just naturally negative. Maybe both! The programme does help me to look at my thinking and turn it around.
Phew it is exhausting all this working on myself but I have to remember how ill I was through drinking and it is worth the hard work to not pick up a drink.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I will try out more meetings especially a Big Book study or a Living Sober one. Well any actually. I love AA and I don't want to stop going, everyone is human in the rooms and some are sicker than others.
Thank you.
Phew it is exhausting all this working on myself but I have to remember how ill I was through drinking and it is worth the hard work to not pick up a drink.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I will try out more meetings especially a Big Book study or a Living Sober one. Well any actually. I love AA and I don't want to stop going, everyone is human in the rooms and some are sicker than others.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by snitch
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. How my home group works is someone chooses a reading from any AA literature and the shares are generally based around that reading although some people do tend to go off on tangents and yesterday was just..Wow! Surreal! There are alot of wise people in my home group that I have learned alot from and I feel I focused more on one negative experience than all the positive ones I have had. My sponsor would say that it my alcoholism!! Maybe it is. Maybe I am just naturally negative. Maybe both! The programme does help me to look at my thinking and turn it around.
Phew it is exhausting all this working on myself but I have to remember how ill I was through drinking and it is worth the hard work to not pick up a drink.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I will try out more meetings especially a Big Book study or a Living Sober one. Well any actually. I love AA and I don't want to stop going, everyone is human in the rooms and some are sicker than others.
Thank you.
Phew it is exhausting all this working on myself but I have to remember how ill I was through drinking and it is worth the hard work to not pick up a drink.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I will try out more meetings especially a Big Book study or a Living Sober one. Well any actually. I love AA and I don't want to stop going, everyone is human in the rooms and some are sicker than others.
Thank you.
Now if someone is going to moan/ groan after each meeting that's another story. Otherwise it's par for the AA fellowship.
I've been going to meetings in a variety of large cities both in and out of the US for over 25 years and have seen my share of weird ****.
There will always be meeting which are annoying. And members which one doesn't particularly care for.
That's the nature of any large fellowship.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are sharing and there are really good suggestions and shares (ha, pun intended) above.
I sometimes found the process, work, sober life in general exhausting sometimes! I had to remember that everyone, alcoholics or not, finds life just hat at times. Six months is awesome, and very early. That whole time takes time thing was annoying and frustrating to hear in my early days, but it made sense in time and also gave me some relief hat I had to have it all figured out right THEN! I couldn't, actually, since I learned it is a process and that progress not perfection thing is a permanent truism.
Continuing to work through the steps was the best way to get out of my head when it started spinning, and get better.
Keep going.
I sometimes found the process, work, sober life in general exhausting sometimes! I had to remember that everyone, alcoholics or not, finds life just hat at times. Six months is awesome, and very early. That whole time takes time thing was annoying and frustrating to hear in my early days, but it made sense in time and also gave me some relief hat I had to have it all figured out right THEN! I couldn't, actually, since I learned it is a process and that progress not perfection thing is a permanent truism.
Continuing to work through the steps was the best way to get out of my head when it started spinning, and get better.
Keep going.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by snitch
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. How my home group works is someone chooses a reading from any AA literature and the shares are generally based around that reading although some people do tend to go off on tangents and yesterday was just..Wow! Surreal!
There are alot of wise people in my home group that I have learned alot from and I feel I focused more on one negative experience than all the positive ones I have had. My sponsor would say that it my alcoholism!! Maybe it is. Maybe I am just naturally negative. Maybe both! The programme does help me to look at my thinking and turn it around.
Phew it is exhausting all this working on myself but I have to remember how ill I was through drinking and it is worth the hard work to not pick up a drink.
Thank you for all your suggestions. I will try out more meetings especially a Big Book study or a Living Sober one. Well any actually. I love AA and I don't want to stop going, everyone is human in the rooms and some are sicker than others.
Thank you.
Thank you.
The problem is, like Tommyh mentioned, when we go into an AA meeting full of sick people and all the group therapy sharing just makes everyone sicker. I've been to meetings like that. I've also been to meetings where there are a few well people, but the sick people just take over and monopolize the meeting. It doesn't do anyone any good.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'll add that I know one of my character defects is judgmentalness, and I'd say impatience, too! When I find myself annoyed at someone I try to reframe it as hearing them where they are at that time...sometimes that means hearing them at the same place at pretty much every meeting. When I am frustrated or thinking a meeting was pretty much cr*p, I try to find ONE good thing from it. There just has to be one....a wise person told me once to "wait for the miracle" - that can mean a lot of things, even something as "Simple" as hearing that one AHA thing at the very end of a meeting I wanted to cut out of early.
Someone told me early on to "go to a meeting when you want to, go to a meeting when you don't, just GO"....and over time I have found that advice to be very solid over and over again.
I'm an imperfect person in an imperfect program...that works pretty well when I keep going
Someone told me early on to "go to a meeting when you want to, go to a meeting when you don't, just GO"....and over time I have found that advice to be very solid over and over again.
I'm an imperfect person in an imperfect program...that works pretty well when I keep going
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Snitch
Congrats on 6 months. It's good you are sharing your feelings whether negative or positive, better than getting so annoyed you stop going to AA.
Not much else to add to what already has been said, keep on posting
CaiHong
Congrats on 6 months. It's good you are sharing your feelings whether negative or positive, better than getting so annoyed you stop going to AA.
Not much else to add to what already has been said, keep on posting
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Hey, Friend, Kudos to you on 6 months, this is Huge!!!!
My 2 cents.. You're attending meetings, this is "Wonderful!"
I've seen some crazy stuff in my time.. A always say that my HP is testing my tolerance & patients in these situations. I just try to find that one little nugget I needing.
I'm human and can get burned out meeting after meeting sometimes .. our 3 pillars say, Unity, recovery and service.. I'll stop by the grocery store when i'm there and give carts to the seniors and help them load their grocery's in their car...
I have to get out of self.. there's so many things we can do to help others, even in a supermarket parking lot..
Keep up the GREAT work!!, nothing wrong with taking a day off from the rooms
My 2 cents.. You're attending meetings, this is "Wonderful!"
I've seen some crazy stuff in my time.. A always say that my HP is testing my tolerance & patients in these situations. I just try to find that one little nugget I needing.
I'm human and can get burned out meeting after meeting sometimes .. our 3 pillars say, Unity, recovery and service.. I'll stop by the grocery store when i'm there and give carts to the seniors and help them load their grocery's in their car...
I have to get out of self.. there's so many things we can do to help others, even in a supermarket parking lot..
Keep up the GREAT work!!, nothing wrong with taking a day off from the rooms
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 33
Hi snitch
Just wanted to pipe in and say CONGRATULATIONS on 6 months! That is amazing!!!
Like everyone else here that has posted, we have all had some 'interesting' experiences in meetings.
I, personally, have learned after being in the program for 5 1/2 years, that admittedly my mental health and well being are way better and lighter when I attend meetings and am of service. I really love the program, it truly is a way to take responsibility for myself and work (progress, not perfection) towards being the person I can be proud of. For that, I am so grateful for the program of AA.
When I don't attend meetings, (which I stopped doing for a year or so) I stopped working a program. I became selfish, self-centred and very irritable. It really began to affect my relationships.
I went back to the rooms, and am so grateful that we have a place like AA to go to.
All this to say: totally normal and to be expected what you're feeling and experiencing. The fact that you're going, have made such a huge commitment to the program and to yourself is to be celebrated. Kudos and keep it up! You deserve to live a life of freedom, serenity, peace and love.
Just wanted to pipe in and say CONGRATULATIONS on 6 months! That is amazing!!!
Like everyone else here that has posted, we have all had some 'interesting' experiences in meetings.
I, personally, have learned after being in the program for 5 1/2 years, that admittedly my mental health and well being are way better and lighter when I attend meetings and am of service. I really love the program, it truly is a way to take responsibility for myself and work (progress, not perfection) towards being the person I can be proud of. For that, I am so grateful for the program of AA.
When I don't attend meetings, (which I stopped doing for a year or so) I stopped working a program. I became selfish, self-centred and very irritable. It really began to affect my relationships.
I went back to the rooms, and am so grateful that we have a place like AA to go to.
All this to say: totally normal and to be expected what you're feeling and experiencing. The fact that you're going, have made such a huge commitment to the program and to yourself is to be celebrated. Kudos and keep it up! You deserve to live a life of freedom, serenity, peace and love.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Hi Snitch,
I was getting our daily reading together tonight and saw this quote and wanted to share regarding issue #1..
Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book - Book
"Do not allow others to upset you; their only power comes from your reaction".
My Sponsor used to tell me, "Don't let that person live in your head rent free!"
The quote is soo true to me even today, it's my reaction too these things.. I hit my pause button a lot these days and it helps me.. wishing you the best!!
I was getting our daily reading together tonight and saw this quote and wanted to share regarding issue #1..
Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book - Book
"Do not allow others to upset you; their only power comes from your reaction".
My Sponsor used to tell me, "Don't let that person live in your head rent free!"
The quote is soo true to me even today, it's my reaction too these things.. I hit my pause button a lot these days and it helps me.. wishing you the best!!
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