Obsession to drink coming back
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Obsession to drink coming back
Hello, I got sober 13 years ago and all desires to drink were removed. This year I moved, got sick, and left my husband for someone else. 3 months ago the obsession and urges to drink started coming back. I have gotten a new sponsor, started my steps again, am involved in a bunch of meetings and I'm sponsoring. I am scared I will never be free again. The obsession is with me every day and I would rather die than drink again. I think of suicide all the time. Has anyone ever had this happen to them after years of sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
not after years of sobriety but there is definitely a link between drinking obsession the inability to stop and the result is desperation that make you feel checking out is the only way out
this is very dangerous thinking because at some point things will get better again just hold on tight . you have experience a lot changes lately and this may have brought up the desire to drink back
keep posting theres a lot of good people here that can help you
keep fighting the good fight as they say . all the best
this is very dangerous thinking because at some point things will get better again just hold on tight . you have experience a lot changes lately and this may have brought up the desire to drink back
keep posting theres a lot of good people here that can help you
keep fighting the good fight as they say . all the best
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Suggestion: completely work the 12 Steps again, fresh & new.
Also, find a Fellowship of The Spirit weekend and attend. You can also find Speaker messages from Fellowship of The Spirit conferences.
I have a great Step 10/11 packet that can be done daily for a while, and then as often as needed. Send me a PM if interested and I will reply with a Dropbox link.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE.
Also, find a Fellowship of The Spirit weekend and attend. You can also find Speaker messages from Fellowship of The Spirit conferences.
I have a great Step 10/11 packet that can be done daily for a while, and then as often as needed. Send me a PM if interested and I will reply with a Dropbox link.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hopingtobefree,
Thank you for posting, it would seem that this is a very critical time for you and you are fully aware of that, suicidal thoughts certainly sends alarm bells and I would definitely seek professional help as well as your step work and meetings.
Sharing as you have is very important to all of us, you remind me that even 13 years sober the obsession can return.
I hope you find some peace and keep posting here.
CaiHong
Thank you for posting, it would seem that this is a very critical time for you and you are fully aware of that, suicidal thoughts certainly sends alarm bells and I would definitely seek professional help as well as your step work and meetings.
Sharing as you have is very important to all of us, you remind me that even 13 years sober the obsession can return.
I hope you find some peace and keep posting here.
CaiHong
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
I agree with all the posters here. Do not feel ashamed that you went that long without drinking and the obsession has returned. From what I was taught in AA, the ego gets crushed but it never fully dies. It can rebuild. It's great you're not ignoring it and are doing something about it. Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by Hopingtobfree 
This year I ... left my husband for someone else.
Originally Posted by Hopingtobfree
3 months ago the obsession and urges to drink started coming back.
I know that even if I had a stack of valid reasons a mile high for leaving my spouse for someone else, I'd probably have a lot of unresolved resentments, etc., impairing the state of spiritual grace that was helping to keep the obsession to drink at bay.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
Hopingtobefree writes>>>I think of suicide all the time<<<
In what context are you thinking of suicide, are you planning suicide or are your thoughts and feelings just a way of thinking that if you didn’t exist, you would not be in the pain you’re experiencing?
I solute you for being of service to others in the AA fellowship, but if I was panning suicide, I’d get medical help.
I’ve known many that panned suicide, but got help outside of AA, and after they got better, I’ve heard some say, if they had killed themselves, they would have killed a stranger.
In what context are you thinking of suicide, are you planning suicide or are your thoughts and feelings just a way of thinking that if you didn’t exist, you would not be in the pain you’re experiencing?
I solute you for being of service to others in the AA fellowship, but if I was panning suicide, I’d get medical help.
I’ve known many that panned suicide, but got help outside of AA, and after they got better, I’ve heard some say, if they had killed themselves, they would have killed a stranger.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Andante
What would doing a "searching fearless moral inventory" tell you about a possible cause/effect relationship between these two statements?
I know that even if I had a stack of valid reasons a mile high for leaving my spouse for someone else, I'd probably have a lot of unresolved resentments, etc., impairing the state of spiritual grace that was helping to keep the obsession to drink at bay.
I know that even if I had a stack of valid reasons a mile high for leaving my spouse for someone else, I'd probably have a lot of unresolved resentments, etc., impairing the state of spiritual grace that was helping to keep the obsession to drink at bay.
Reminds me of a men’s AA meeting I attended years ago. A young man shared about pending plans of marriage yet worried because he still had a roving eye for the ladies.
He said he planned to do another inventory with his sponsor for answers. Was he being self-centered etc...
The group all nodded in agreement but all I could think was he needed to see a marriage counselor and pronto. This was not good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Bullwinkle1944
Hopingtobefree writes>>>I think of suicide all the time<<<
In what context are you thinking of suicide, are you planning suicide or are your thoughts and feelings just a way of thinking that if you didn’t exist, you would not be in the pain you’re experiencing?
I solute you for being of service to others in the AA fellowship, but if I was panning suicide, I’d get medical help.
I’ve known many that panned suicide, but got help outside of AA, and after they got better, I’ve heard some say, if they had killed themselves, they would have killed a stranger.
In what context are you thinking of suicide, are you planning suicide or are your thoughts and feelings just a way of thinking that if you didn’t exist, you would not be in the pain you’re experiencing?
I solute you for being of service to others in the AA fellowship, but if I was panning suicide, I’d get medical help.
I’ve known many that panned suicide, but got help outside of AA, and after they got better, I’ve heard some say, if they had killed themselves, they would have killed a stranger.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I STRONGLY suggest you see a mental health professional about your thoughts of harming yourself Hopingtobfree. You are likely dealing with depression. There is a lot of good help out there for this. Seek it out. There is no need to suffer.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Please get medical help as soon as possible. You can walk into any clinic or emergency room and tell them what you've told us and they will make sure you are safe. If you can't get help right now, you can go here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
I have been suicidal several times in my life. The most recent time, I didn't even think I was depressed, because I was never sad or upset. I just calmly "knew" I needed to kill myself. I have told myself it was the logical, rational thing to do in order to avoid further pain. I have honestly believed it was the only way to stop hurting. I have also believed it was the best thing for my husband and children, that I was only hurting them by being alive. I have made pro/con lists that showed I should definitely die. These thoughts, while they seem perfectly rational and logical at the time, are completely flawed. These thoughts are lies.
You are worth fighting for. People love you, and you matter, even if you think you don't. Please get help! There is a season for everything, and you will feel better at some point. You will look back and be completely astounded that you ever thought this way,
I have been suicidal several times in my life. The most recent time, I didn't even think I was depressed, because I was never sad or upset. I just calmly "knew" I needed to kill myself. I have told myself it was the logical, rational thing to do in order to avoid further pain. I have honestly believed it was the only way to stop hurting. I have also believed it was the best thing for my husband and children, that I was only hurting them by being alive. I have made pro/con lists that showed I should definitely die. These thoughts, while they seem perfectly rational and logical at the time, are completely flawed. These thoughts are lies.
You are worth fighting for. People love you, and you matter, even if you think you don't. Please get help! There is a season for everything, and you will feel better at some point. You will look back and be completely astounded that you ever thought this way,
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