Pathwaytofree

How do you all take your sponsees through the first three steps after she reads the first 63 pages?

How much time do you leave for this?

Gottalife

How did your sponsor do it?

sugarbear1

I have a lengthy chat terminating with a commitment for a date and time for the 5th step, allowing them some time prior to the 5th step meeting to work on the 4th step, the first time through the steps. My sponsor guides their sponsees this way, allowing for this 12-step process 3 times by about 8 months of sobriety. After 8 months and 3 times working the steps with a sponsor and then learning the sponsor's role during the 3rd time through, the sponsee is then able and encouraged to guide another through the steps.

I've been sponsoring since 8 months of sobriety and I've stayed stopped for over 6 years now. I just remembered, I once had a really, really hard time staying stopped for 1 day! Amazing.

DayTrader

I don't have a set strategy anymore. I found that was too much about me with a plan on how to fix them.... how I'm going to get them to do x, y, and z so that this or that will happen - yet another example of me thinking I can control God.

Now, I relax and let some inspiration flow.

I've taken guys through them in 5 minutes and I've had guys spend months on them. Sometimes we read page by page, other times it was just talking and the book wasn't ever opened. In depth sometimes....quickly over the basics the other times.

I think God can reach a newcomer no matter how they do it.....so long as they're a willing participant in that connection .

Pathwaytofree

It was years ago so I didn't remember the details.

Pathwaytofree

DayTrader I really appreciate this so much. I did this with my first sponsee and she burned out during column 3 of her 4th step. I know now I tried way too hard to control how step 1, 2, and 3 should go to "fix her" and make sure it was right.

Beautiful.

This was very helpful to hear.

That is such a good point and takes a lot of the pressure off of me wanting to do a perfect step 1, 2, 3.

Thank you so much.

Pathwaytofree

Thanks for sharing how you do the first 3 steps, sugarbear. It's interesting to read how everyone does these steps. Congrats on 6 years!!!

tomsteve

yeah, the program doesnt have a promise that our memory will be sharp as a tack.

justa few words from dr bob via daily reflections is all i got:

"LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE"
A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. . . . The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, "Remember, Bill, let's not louse this thing up. Let's keep it simple!" I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214
After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: "Can it be this simple?" Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and skeptics who have walked the A.A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn't always easy, if I keep it simple, it works.

Pathwaytofree

Lol tomsteve! Ain't that the truth! Honestly from what I remember, my sponsor was very calm and patient while I tried my best to use self will to do steps 1,2,3 my way. ;-) We did go through some of the book together.

Oh wow did I need to read this!! When I got together with my first sponsee, I had all kinds of notes with me scribbled down to go over. I'm certain I overwhelmed her with too much information.

I'm adding a prayer to my morning now thanks to your reply: "God, please help me keep it simple." :-D

I was just thinking, that I'll stick with the words of the actual steps and use that as a guide. Oh and I'll ask God to guide me, too!

Tommyh

I use the Hyannis format the big book step study groups use
Dr Opinion and Chapter 3 is step one
we look up word definitions and write them out as we go also.Usually we go thru those chapters together and the sponsee goes thru them at home.4 trips thru them for the sponsee

step 2 is
Chapter 2 and 4,plus the Spiritual Appendix


step 3 is how it works up untill step 4 in chapter 5

again,the sponsee goes thru them 4 times,twice with me and twice at home

we set weekly meetings at a certain time and place

thats a overview,more to it than I posted


keeping it simple don`t mean-don`t do it

Grungehead

When I went through the steps with my sponsor he had me highlight everything he thought was important as we went through the BB. I think he was not only helping me through the steps but helping me build a reference for taking others through the steps in the future.

So I guess the short answer is that I use the BB and pass on what was passed on to me.

Pathwaytofree

That sounds very thorough. I remember hearing a speaker say that Step 1 isn't 40+ pages for nothing. How is it 4 trips through for the sponsee if it's once with you and once at home?

I like that you include the Spiritual Awakening Appendix. Anything in particular that you speak about with it?

Same with us.

Thanks Tommy this was very helpful and different than I did with my sponsor. She and took about an hour or so to just go over certain parts from the title page to page 63 and then she gave me my first writing instructions. It worked, but I like to hear how others did it because I want to be thorough.

Well said.

How much did you focus on your own experience, strength and hope during steps 1 2 and 3 with your sponsees?

Pathwaytofree

I think I'll do that and pick out key words/phrases that were important to me back when I was new.

I like the wording of the actual steps of 1, 2, and 3 and plan to focus on that.

Tommyh

ok,4 trips thru a chapter
take the Dr`s Opinion for example
we go thru it at home looking up and writing out word definitions,and underline or highlight anything we feel is important or jumps out at us.We meet the sponsor and go over what we have found.
We go back home and reread that chapter,this time looking for the problem as it is concerned with our illness and the solution,highlighting in a different color.I put a "S" or a "P" in my margin to quickly show me what is where.
Thus 4 trips
in the rest of the chapters,we go thru the chapters like we did first time before,but the second time we look for the directions,warnings and promises,highlighting each one a different color and I put a D W or P in my book margin

so,it is simple,if i am not living in the promises,I probally be living in the warnings and if I get into the directions those promises are back again.Those warning are put in there by the founders to warn us we may be in danger of drinking again.

now,after you sponsor a handful of sponsee`s this way,you get the book marked up because you are always finding something else besides the pages will start falling out

Pathwaytofree

Hi Tommy,

Thank you so much for spelling this all out for me. I'm going to get another big book, mark it up just like this, and use it just for sponsoring people.

I met my new sponsee before seeing your message. Although I had some notes on what to go over with her on the first 63 pages, I just sort of went with the flow. I focused mostly on the main points of the Dr.'s Opinion, Bill's Story, etc. She had no problem with Step 2 so I just summarized that. She misunderstood what Step 3 was about, so I was able to simplify it.

Anytime she shared something about her alcoholism, I listened and then shared a similar story. I was very careful to keep them brief, because she seemed to get caught up in the "you too??" stuff. I gently would take her back to the spiritual solution that helped me and how I think and act now.

My group doesn't go over the pages thoroughly with highlighters and all, but sometimes I wish we did. But I guess at this point I have to trust that she got out of the reading and our talk what she was supposed to.

What I think I'll do, is anytime she calls me during her 4th step work, I will point out warnings/promises/solutions/problems in the 63 pages as they apply to her.

She seemed to really get the powerlessness of our alcoholism and the spiritual solution. At least that's what I sensed. I'll be able to tell as time goes on if she was just parroting back to me what she's heard in meetings, or if she really feels that way. She was much more along getting steps 1, 2, and 3 than I was at the time.

I think I will also offer her another time to meet with me if she thinks she'll get more out of understanding the reading more in depth.

My favorite part of our meeting? Keeping Step 3 really simple.... When she panicked because she didn't understand what turning her life over to the care and protection of God meant, letting her know that step 3 is just a decision and you follow that decision by starting step 4. :-)

One other thing noteworthy to share. When I went over the 3 pertinent ideas when I felt she was ready to move on to Step 3, I reminded her that no human power can save her from alcoholism includes me as her sponsor.