DontRemember

I met a sponsor a few weeks back and everything is fine. He's a cool guy,4yrs sober, we have a lot in common,ect..Probably would have been "great drinking buddy's".. Here's the thing..I met a new guy yesterday..LOL This guy is 45+yrs sober and very cool(Almost like a grandfather I never had?).. I'm in no race to complete my steps..However, I think this older guy is a better 'fit' for me, to work the steps with.. How do I tell my current sponsor? I feel like I'm on a dating website asking "How do I end it?" and I'm a grown ass man..Jeez! LOL I'm not even sure my 'guy #2' is up to sponsor me so, I guess that should be my first step.

Dee74

Why not discuss it with your current guy first - I'm sure it's a situation that's come up before.
D

entropy1964

Maybe have coffe with grandpa first, orwhatever guys do in AA (girls have coffee ). See what you think. Then maybe ask your hp for some guidance.....whatever you decide just be straight with your sponsor. It's pretty common to shuffle sponsors a bit. I do get why it's awkward tho.

paulokes

I can only speak from my own experience...as the 4 year guy I would have no issue with a straight conversation. On a bad day maybe my pride would smart, but that would be my problem

It's good to have support and friends to walk the road with. Strongly suggest keeping both guys in your circle if you can...maybe just pick one for formal sponsorship

P

Mountainmanbob

The sponsor shuffle is nothing new.
And seems to keep the Program healthy.
M-Bob

Dave42001

Our program is based on rigorous honesty right..tell him what you're thinking of working with the other gentleman, it's not a big deal!

45+ years of soberity, wow!! That Awesome! You'll still talk to the other guy all the time.. thanks for sharing, wishing you the best!!

Gottalife

This sentence struck me. Do you know something we don't, like how long you have before the obsession returns?
The fact is that reads like "I am in no race to recover". A more experienced sponsor might pick you up on that. We have this thing about the steps being our program of recovery, and our job as sponsors is to get you through to your own spiritual experience, so you can have your own personal thing with your God, and recover.

As we don't know how long you have before the insanity of the first drink returns, it would be irresponsible for us to suggest you cant take your time, when thousands before you tried that and ended up drunk. So your old guy might encourage you to get moving.

On the other hand, you are doing your current sponsor a great service by allowing him to sponsor you. I know, and hopefully he knows, that the opportunity to sponsor that you have given him, dramatically increase his chances of staying sober. If you work with him, you will grow together and also learn what it is to sponsor in the most practical way, and my guess is your 45 plus man would be all in favour of that.

One of the embarrasing things for an old timer, is that folks sometimes hold us in awe. All that time, all that wisdom, blah blah, there is the risk of becoming dependent, and the thought that my sponsor is so far out there, It will be years before I can sponsor. We oldies hate that. We are nothing special other than the result of God's miraculous works. We don't have any special secrets.

The guy your with now has had a spiritual awakening as the result of working the steps and he knows how to show you how to do that. The huge benefit of working with him will be an altogether more down to earth exerience, and something you will feel much more able to duplicate. My feeling is you will be a lot more likely to get sponsoring yourself much sooner, and thereby increase you own chances of staying in recovery.

Just a different perspective to consider.

tomsteve

check your motives.
as a sponsor, its not a requirement for me to have anything in common with a sponsee.i dont want be be looked at like a grandfather or father someone never had.
its my duty, as a sponsor, to guide a sponsee on working the steps so they can recover from the hopeless state of mind and body- to show others precisely how we have recovered.to carry THIS message to other alcholics.

then theres friendships ive made in AA.

sugarbear1

I'd keep the first sponsor and get through those steps.

Keep the grandfather figure as a friend.....

Tommyh

I was thinking the same thing
great minds do work alike!

tomsteve

that can be said for strange minds,too

Ken33xx

I'd go with that idea. Have coffee with the man a few times and take it from there.

If you both agree to give it a go maybe tell the guy you're with now it's because the other fellow is much older. That you feel more comfortable doing a 4th and 5th step with him.

Because yes it can be tricky changing sponsors

Good luck.

fini

DontRemember,
what comes to my mind is this, from your words:
the sponsor you have now is cool, and has several sober years and everything is fine.
the older guy is very cool, and has more years.
you have something good and now see "better" and want it.

i could be entirely misreading, of course.

maybe it's nothing like that at all.

so much about what you get out of the sponsorship deal depends on what YOU do and not on having the absolute most perfect sponsor.

what would you do if you later met a guy with 50 years who was the absolute extremeness of cool?

DontRemember

Been away for a few days.. A LOT of good insight here! What I mean by "in no hurry" is.. I know that I'm in this for life..it's that. Honestly..the 4th/5th scare the sh*t outta me! I'm about to go down that 'rabbit hole' now.. I helped my current sponsor move over the weekend and like a few have pointed out....it is just working the program that I have to get use to. I can have several "AA friends/support" systems and do...I'm going to stick with my first guy. Thanks for the advice. Hope you are all doing well.

Outonthetiles

Dance with the one whut brung ya.
Loyalty should be a tiebreaker.

tomsteve

"I'm about to go down that 'rabbit hole' now."
I suggest ya change your perspective of this.
youre coming out of the rabbit hole you've been in for years and will see the sun shining for the 1st time in a long time.

Mountainmanbob

Comments made of:
The sponsor I have now is cool.
The other guy is super cool.

A bird in the hand
Is worth two in the bush.

M-Bob

DontRemember

Good point, as usual!