Question about Multiple Sponsors
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 33
Question about Multiple Sponsors
Hi all. I just got through another stint of detox. Before that, I have had a sponsor for over a month. I like the guy, he's got 28 years of sobriety, we have alot of good, honest conversations, and we're doing the steps. I an tell he really cares. But he's a tough guy to get a hold of. He's got several other sponsees, and on top of that, he's got multiple health issues, and multiple family members in the hospital. It's not uncommon for me to be in a situation where I get in a bind, and don't know what to do in a given day, and I don't want to drink..... but I also don't NOT want to drink either. I can text him, but it's common for him (edit)to not be able to get back to me that day, and he apologizes a day or two later. Mainly, this is all via text, which would be ok, I guess, if he texted frequently.
I guess all I'm asking is if it is frowned upon to have multiple sponsors. I'm looking into building an AA support system with 4-6 guys with good sobriety time under their belts - I know that helps, but I feel a sponsor plays more of a mentor role, doesn't it? There are definitely plenty of contradicting ideas floating around in the rooms, and while it's always good to have someone to call, I really feel some of those ideas I disagree with can be a personal setback and a frustration, and I don't want to rely on those kinds of people, which is why I'm picky about sponsors, and don't want to give mine up, because I like him, and he gets through to me, when he can.
Thanx
I guess all I'm asking is if it is frowned upon to have multiple sponsors. I'm looking into building an AA support system with 4-6 guys with good sobriety time under their belts - I know that helps, but I feel a sponsor plays more of a mentor role, doesn't it? There are definitely plenty of contradicting ideas floating around in the rooms, and while it's always good to have someone to call, I really feel some of those ideas I disagree with can be a personal setback and a frustration, and I don't want to rely on those kinds of people, which is why I'm picky about sponsors, and don't want to give mine up, because I like him, and he gets through to me, when he can.
Thanx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Building up a support network if def the way forward. However, those people don't need to be 'sponsors'. I have lots of numbers in my phone from people in the fellowship. My sponsor (who is also hard to get hold of, esp recently ), some close AA friends, and a lot of other more general friends. Sometimes they contact me. Sometimes I contact them. The support is mutual. The role of a sponsor is to guide through the program (the steps) rather than our sole source of support. That just isn't practical when people work full time and have facilities etc. I'm a teacher and can't just stop a lesson to take a call. I expect my sponsee to contact other people for support as well as me. But multiple sponsors just sounds very confusing to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Sounds like you know many other ones in AA. You can call on them with issues that need discussing.
There are a couple of guys in AA that I know that also have a hard time sometimes getting hold of their sponsors. They call on me occasionally. It's all good for we all are staying sober.
M-Bob
There are a couple of guys in AA that I know that also have a hard time sometimes getting hold of their sponsors. They call on me occasionally. It's all good for we all are staying sober.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
what berry said.
theres nothing wrong with calling people other than a sponsor when im buggered up, and my sponsor told me that some time ago. in fact, he encouraged me to.
but if multiple sponsors is to guide through the steps? that there can get complicated and this is truly a simple program.
theres nothing wrong with calling people other than a sponsor when im buggered up, and my sponsor told me that some time ago. in fact, he encouraged me to.
but if multiple sponsors is to guide through the steps? that there can get complicated and this is truly a simple program.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I am one of those people who double dated for awhile.
My first sponsor, whom I got on day 97 (it seems lots of people get one right away but I didn't find one person I wanted to approach til then, though I had gotten to know some people earlier). She laid an intense and awesome BB foundation, starting at the very beginning. For various reasons- she was very rigid, demanding and also very busy- I began seeking a new sponsor and actually asked my current one before ending things with my first; I thought for weeks over the decision to do this to make sure my motives were truly to stick to my program and keep progressing. My current sponsor fits with my letter-of-the-BB-applied-with-spirit-of-the-law approach. I will be 7mo tomorrow and my sponsor is sometimes hard to get hold of as well....but I am going on step 6 and I work a very strong program, so I am ok with this. I see her every MWF at my home group and while she doesn't always respond quickly to every text, she does when I really need her via text or phone.
I think a sponsor is very important, yet just one of the keys to a good AA network. The more people who have what you want, the better. I would suggest pray, listen and look, and proceed with a new sponsor if you need to do so.
My first sponsor, whom I got on day 97 (it seems lots of people get one right away but I didn't find one person I wanted to approach til then, though I had gotten to know some people earlier). She laid an intense and awesome BB foundation, starting at the very beginning. For various reasons- she was very rigid, demanding and also very busy- I began seeking a new sponsor and actually asked my current one before ending things with my first; I thought for weeks over the decision to do this to make sure my motives were truly to stick to my program and keep progressing. My current sponsor fits with my letter-of-the-BB-applied-with-spirit-of-the-law approach. I will be 7mo tomorrow and my sponsor is sometimes hard to get hold of as well....but I am going on step 6 and I work a very strong program, so I am ok with this. I see her every MWF at my home group and while she doesn't always respond quickly to every text, she does when I really need her via text or phone.
I think a sponsor is very important, yet just one of the keys to a good AA network. The more people who have what you want, the better. I would suggest pray, listen and look, and proceed with a new sponsor if you need to do so.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
When I was first starting out in AA, I got one sponsor and a whole passel of folks for my personal support group. My sponsor's first suggestion to me was to get two new phone numbers at each meeting I attended, and to call, and speak with at least three folks every day; answering machines didn't count, and there was no voice mail or text available either; people actually speaking with other real people. What a concept...................
(o:
(o:
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I have one sponsor and 4-5 guys with 25-35 years sober I refer as mentors!! I can call them anytime with an issue and if they don't know the answer they will find some in in the fellowship I can call regarding my concern
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I found a step sponsor to be a good idea and yes, a mentor - bridge between the outside world and AA. Today I interact more with friends in the rooms that any one particular person. This interaction is via phone, text and f2f.
The base for all that is meetings - I went 5-6 times per week the first year. Now 2-3 per week typically. Just depends. Meetings today are a great pleasure.........
We can have sponsors, mentors, friends and acquaintances. My experience is that none of them make me drink or keep me sober. That first step......that's the issue. The addiction - compulsive drinking which leads to powerlessness once we take that first drink leading down the road to unmanageable lives.
The step is all me, reflective in nature as is the second step.........The entire crux of our program is written on page 112 - the first three words. Do that daily and one will rarely fail.
The base for all that is meetings - I went 5-6 times per week the first year. Now 2-3 per week typically. Just depends. Meetings today are a great pleasure.........
We can have sponsors, mentors, friends and acquaintances. My experience is that none of them make me drink or keep me sober. That first step......that's the issue. The addiction - compulsive drinking which leads to powerlessness once we take that first drink leading down the road to unmanageable lives.
The step is all me, reflective in nature as is the second step.........The entire crux of our program is written on page 112 - the first three words. Do that daily and one will rarely fail.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I`m a one sponsor at a time guy
my present sponsor,if I call him with a problem,he will ask me if I prayed about it and if I say no,he usually says,get off the phone and pray,then we`ll talk if necessary.He don`t want my dependence on him but on God.Nowadays I rarely cal him except to say hi and maybe set up a breakfast meeting somewhere down the road.We both love that.I do have several close buddies and sometimes we just call each other and talk life or AA
one exception
a service sponsor
I got one once who was a past area delegate to NY and he helped me with those Traditions,Concepts and how AA works worldwide.I learned a lot from him
my present sponsor,if I call him with a problem,he will ask me if I prayed about it and if I say no,he usually says,get off the phone and pray,then we`ll talk if necessary.He don`t want my dependence on him but on God.Nowadays I rarely cal him except to say hi and maybe set up a breakfast meeting somewhere down the road.We both love that.I do have several close buddies and sometimes we just call each other and talk life or AA
one exception
a service sponsor
I got one once who was a past area delegate to NY and he helped me with those Traditions,Concepts and how AA works worldwide.I learned a lot from him
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Originally Posted by Tommyh 
I`m a one sponsor at a time guy...
(o:
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by NoelleR
I'm with Tommyh on this one. If, when I was new, I had chosen more than one sponsor, it would have been to always get the answer I wanted..............I'd already done that for 38 years..........hadn't worked out so well........it time for a change.
(o:
(o:
The whole point of me (eventually) finding someone who had what I want is so that I could listen to her suggestions and act on them, because I trusted that it had worked for her, while my way obviously hadn't worked for me. That said, it took me 7 months in the rooms doing things Berry-style before I reached that level of pain and desperation which brought with it the willingness I needed.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Brody, I'm all for more information........kinda.
If I were in your shoes myself, with all the knowledge and experience I have currently, I'd be thinking the NUMBER 1 goal would be to recover from alcoholism. To do that, in AA we establish a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves. To do that, we work the first 11 steps and to keep it, we work the 12th step. One person who understands the program (ie, understands the steps/book) is sufficient to do that. Bill didn't write it in a complicated fashion. It's simple enough you could probably do it on your own.
Now, as for the advice and all the input... if your goal is that you can gather a ton of knowledge and lessen the pain and turmoil in your life I'd suggest either you haven't really taken the first step (which is OK....we need to start at the beginning anyway) and/or you haven't really made the 3rd step decision. Between 1 and 3, I've admitted and recognized me........with all the knowledge in the world........can't run my life so I decide in 3 to have God do it. Once I've done that, I goto God / that Power first, sponsor a distant second.
I wouldn't want to turn my life over to another alkie, sponsor or not. I wouldn't want to turn it over to a team of alkies.....no how matter strong they were. My reliance MUST be in a power greater than me that's always available, able and willing to help with perfect information + power to make up for my shortcomings. No person i've ever me can or will do that for me...... it's gotta be God.
You're welcome to do whatever you like, of course. It's your life to live you'll be living and you'll need to reap the rewards and pain of the decisions you make - nobody else will do that for you. With that said, I limit (to a degree) the amount of human-based input my sponsees get from me and instead encourage building a relationship with their HP. That's where the real answers come, that's where the real power comes, etc. Want to line up 20 ppl to give you advice and "help" you.......my experience is it'll never be enough. And even if it is enough to satisfy your thirst for information and knowledge.....it won't help at recovering from alcoholism.
If I were in your shoes myself, with all the knowledge and experience I have currently, I'd be thinking the NUMBER 1 goal would be to recover from alcoholism. To do that, in AA we establish a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves. To do that, we work the first 11 steps and to keep it, we work the 12th step. One person who understands the program (ie, understands the steps/book) is sufficient to do that. Bill didn't write it in a complicated fashion. It's simple enough you could probably do it on your own.
Now, as for the advice and all the input... if your goal is that you can gather a ton of knowledge and lessen the pain and turmoil in your life I'd suggest either you haven't really taken the first step (which is OK....we need to start at the beginning anyway) and/or you haven't really made the 3rd step decision. Between 1 and 3, I've admitted and recognized me........with all the knowledge in the world........can't run my life so I decide in 3 to have God do it. Once I've done that, I goto God / that Power first, sponsor a distant second.
I wouldn't want to turn my life over to another alkie, sponsor or not. I wouldn't want to turn it over to a team of alkies.....no how matter strong they were. My reliance MUST be in a power greater than me that's always available, able and willing to help with perfect information + power to make up for my shortcomings. No person i've ever me can or will do that for me...... it's gotta be God.
You're welcome to do whatever you like, of course. It's your life to live you'll be living and you'll need to reap the rewards and pain of the decisions you make - nobody else will do that for you. With that said, I limit (to a degree) the amount of human-based input my sponsees get from me and instead encourage building a relationship with their HP. That's where the real answers come, that's where the real power comes, etc. Want to line up 20 ppl to give you advice and "help" you.......my experience is it'll never be enough. And even if it is enough to satisfy your thirst for information and knowledge.....it won't help at recovering from alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Sounds Like...
Sounds like an AA group, to me. A bunch of people getting together with the singular purpose of helping someone get and stay sober?
Why not rotate the leadership to gain benefit of different perspective on a singular topic? Maybe y'all could get together and share experiences on a particular Spiritual Principal? Maybe have a couple guys go out and find other helpless alcoholics find hope...
Stick with the winners, do what others have done, work the steps and stay in the middle of AA. It's a proven, repeatable process for getting and staying sober...
Why not rotate the leadership to gain benefit of different perspective on a singular topic? Maybe y'all could get together and share experiences on a particular Spiritual Principal? Maybe have a couple guys go out and find other helpless alcoholics find hope...
Stick with the winners, do what others have done, work the steps and stay in the middle of AA. It's a proven, repeatable process for getting and staying sober...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: PRINCETON, TX
Posts: 113
I had two sponsors for several years. One I saw at AA meetings frequently and helped me work steps 4-5. The other I saw in Overcomers Outreach meetings and later we started a Celebrate Recovery group at our church. Today we are best friends. But I had scores of friends in recovery. That is a great benefit, I went from Zero friends to scores of friends. Some I have lost track of since I have moved but their presence in my life was immense. Unfortunately one of my closer friends "went back out", moved to Florida and I never heard from him again. As they say, life happens. In my opinion you can never have too many people to talk to about a sober life!
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