karenf

Hi all

I live in a developing country with no meetings, but have some good people I can call. I have a 'surrogate sponsor' a man, as I haven't been in a country with meetings to meet a woman.

Anyway, I recently took a break and went to meet my sponsor, and it was great. He has been very supportive, I have learned so much from him and he is great company.

On the break though, he hugged me quite a lot. That is great and probably not an issue, however, in the past, I have gotten myself into blurry situations because of situations like this. Men who have been friendly then want to take it further, and either I have because I felt guilty, or I felt guilty cause I felt I led them on.

I know he would understand, but I didn't bring it up.I was afraid he might be hurt.

'Is me that has to do something so the next time I meet him, it will be okay?

Thanks fpr the support

Hadenuff

Karen,

I'm sorry you are finding that there are no women you can connect with for the sponsor / sponsee relationship.

I would not recommend this situation. People often have motives underneath their motives.

my opinion.

I had a tempory sponsor who was hugging me way too much, it became obvious that he wanted to help me....help me out of my pants.

this guy could just be a good guy. be honest with him. I know for me I had to learn to tell people how I felt and not worry whether it is going to be something they don't want to hear cause I really needed to take care of myself.

H

best

Some people like to hug, some don't like being hugged.
I am reversing who I am in that area. I am starting to feel comfortable with myself and liking the hugs as well as giving them but still am watchful that my hugs to a woman could be taken out of context, so they are limited and will remain so.
Still though even if my hugs are sincere, it is the small things such as a hug or a look or just a cup of coffee or ...
It is the small things that can bring out the deep emotions that have things get out of hand.
Maybe you should tell him you don't feel comfortable being hugged but thank him for his kindness.
Keep looking for a woman sponsor. Keep watching out for such things as you are.
If it doesn't feel right... you are correct to question it and do something about it.

MootPoint

I had a male temporary sponsor (not that many females in my next of the world) who hugged too much. I talked to him about it and he stopped. A good experience.

You won't know how it goes until you do bring it up.... but I'd definitely bring it up!!

Sandy Marie

Hi Karen,
If you have concerns about it and feel safe about mentioning it to him, I would. His reaction will tell you if you need to move on. If you have any reservations at all, I would move on.
Sandy

karenf

Thanks for the sound advice.
I slept on it last night, and realised it was my issue totally.
He is a good guy and I need to say it to him if it's a problem, otherwise, what's the point in me trying to be honest in other areas..

I am sober 7 months and it's great, all these issues are new and dealing with them sober for the first time is scary and good

Paulie

Scary and good, OH I do know that feeling. Keep questioning and asking, that is growth!! I was told a few years back by a wise person here at SR that as long as I keep asking questions and remain teachable.....I can stay sober.