Have I accepted Step one?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Have I accepted Step one?
I have relapsed after nearly two months of sobriety. I worked through step one with my sponsor and she said I have accepted this step. Since my relapse two other aa members says I haven't because I wouldn't have drank. They say that I still have cravings because I haven't accepted step one.
I know I am an alcoholic. I know I will never been cured. I know I am powerless over alcohol. I know my life is a mess when I drink. I know I can never moderate..ever. But I have cravings.
What's everyone's thoughts on this?
I know I am an alcoholic. I know I will never been cured. I know I am powerless over alcohol. I know my life is a mess when I drink. I know I can never moderate..ever. But I have cravings.
What's everyone's thoughts on this?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
If we all stopped drinking after step 1, there would be no need for the other 11 steps.
My advice would be to work through ALL the steps with your sponsor, and to do them as quickly as you are both able. Being remorseful and upset over drinking doesn't last long, as alcoholics we can re-write the script easily.
Keep going, and never give up xx
My advice would be to work through ALL the steps with your sponsor, and to do them as quickly as you are both able. Being remorseful and upset over drinking doesn't last long, as alcoholics we can re-write the script easily.
Keep going, and never give up xx
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
My advice is that if you trust your sponsor then listen to what she says. If you don't trust your sponsor then find one you trust.
All step 1 was for me was defining the problem...nothing is fixed yet, I still had cravings. If I smell smoke in my kitchen I'm going to go find out what's going on. Once I realize that my kitchen is on fire...well...I've defined the problem but that didn't put out the fire. In step 2 you'll move on to defining the solution...hmmm...I bought a fire extinguisher awhile back just in case this happened. Step 3 is making a decision to apply the solution to the problem...I'm gonna go get that fire extinguisher and put out this fire. Steps 4-9 are going and getting the fire extinguisher and putting out the fire. Somewhere along the way while doing steps 4-9 the cravings went away for good (the fire was put out so to speak).
That's not to say that the cravings didn't get better before then, but they certainly didn't just disappear for me once I fully admitted that I was powerless over alcohol--that my life was unmanageable. It was a gradual process that happened over time.
All step 1 was for me was defining the problem...nothing is fixed yet, I still had cravings. If I smell smoke in my kitchen I'm going to go find out what's going on. Once I realize that my kitchen is on fire...well...I've defined the problem but that didn't put out the fire. In step 2 you'll move on to defining the solution...hmmm...I bought a fire extinguisher awhile back just in case this happened. Step 3 is making a decision to apply the solution to the problem...I'm gonna go get that fire extinguisher and put out this fire. Steps 4-9 are going and getting the fire extinguisher and putting out the fire. Somewhere along the way while doing steps 4-9 the cravings went away for good (the fire was put out so to speak).
That's not to say that the cravings didn't get better before then, but they certainly didn't just disappear for me once I fully admitted that I was powerless over alcohol--that my life was unmanageable. It was a gradual process that happened over time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
When I last relapsed I was told the same thing. My first sponsor kept me on step one for a long while and everytime I relapsed, she said I wasn't ready for the next step as I'd stay sober if I had achieved step one.
I have a new sponsor now as my previous one moved and I now haven't had a drink for over 3 months which is the longest period of time I can remember for years.
My sponsor sounds like Jeni26! We went to a coffee shop a couple of days after I met her, she'd told me to read as much of the BB as I could and we literally sat there for around 5 hours talking and working through as much as I could. The thing I'm realising now is that step one is a continual process. I can't just "do" step one like I did 3 months ago and that's that. I have to take it everyday, often more than once a day! And that's okay.
Whatever works for you and keeps you sober, is the most important thing.
I don't mean to sound dismissive to the other AA members you mention, but your sponsor is the one that knows the details and can guide you.
I have a new sponsor now as my previous one moved and I now haven't had a drink for over 3 months which is the longest period of time I can remember for years.
My sponsor sounds like Jeni26! We went to a coffee shop a couple of days after I met her, she'd told me to read as much of the BB as I could and we literally sat there for around 5 hours talking and working through as much as I could. The thing I'm realising now is that step one is a continual process. I can't just "do" step one like I did 3 months ago and that's that. I have to take it everyday, often more than once a day! And that's okay.
Whatever works for you and keeps you sober, is the most important thing.
I don't mean to sound dismissive to the other AA members you mention, but your sponsor is the one that knows the details and can guide you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
My sponsor went straight to step 4 with me, I already knew I was powerless over alcohol for a long time and it didn't stop me drinking. Alcoholism is a form of insanity really, we use it as a solution even though the evidence mounts up against that idea. We only really scratch the surface with step 1. The rest of the steps are about dealing with the underlying causes, which is what helps us stop drinking.
Find a sponsor that'll take you through the steps quicker. You can go back to them in the future but right now spending a long time on the first step isn't working for you.
Find a sponsor that'll take you through the steps quicker. You can go back to them in the future but right now spending a long time on the first step isn't working for you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,986
My obsession and desire to drink or use was lifted from me after I got past step 7.
I kinda disagree with what you've been told based on my experience.
Get past step 1 and continue with those steps so that you can have a spiritual awakening, too!
I kinda disagree with what you've been told based on my experience.
Get past step 1 and continue with those steps so that you can have a spiritual awakening, too!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
if accepting step 1 meant i wouldnt have cravings or the mental obsession then i wouldnt have had them for 5 or 6 months after admitting and accepting step 1.
what does the program say? hhhmmm.....seems it says at step 10:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. Wereact sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
dr bob said something to the effect he had cravings for 2 years after stopping drinking.
its ALL of the steps that remove the mental obsession.
its not a 1 step program. not 3 steps either. its 12 that must be worked and lived daily.
imo, what ya did is help prove step 1 to be true.
what does the program say? hhhmmm.....seems it says at step 10:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. Wereact sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
dr bob said something to the effect he had cravings for 2 years after stopping drinking.
its ALL of the steps that remove the mental obsession.
its not a 1 step program. not 3 steps either. its 12 that must be worked and lived daily.
imo, what ya did is help prove step 1 to be true.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Don't ever give up!! I memorized the 3rd step prayer and prayed and prayed and prayed, meeting, meetings, I had to change everything in my life! Tomsteve, another member said something that stuck me me, It's HUGE!
"Stay away from wet places and wet faces!"
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
Wishing you the best!! Dial in your program and keep on keeping on!!
"Stay away from wet places and wet faces!"
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
Wishing you the best!! Dial in your program and keep on keeping on!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Mixed opinions....
I just spoke with my sponsor and I told her that I would like to move on from step one and start working the other steps as I think the step program will help me to think differently towards my cravings and triggers.
She said because I drank I cannot move on from step one. She said I havnt accepted step one otherwise I wouldn't have drank so I cant do any other step work. So long as I drink on a future craving I cannot move on to step two.
Well how long is a piece of string? I could be sober for two years and then drink..so I cant do any step work? I don't understand
I thought the step program was a spiritual one which helped
change your way of thinking. How can I change if I don't know how? I cannot promise that I will never have a craving and never drink? So when do I know I have accepted step one??
I just spoke with my sponsor and I told her that I would like to move on from step one and start working the other steps as I think the step program will help me to think differently towards my cravings and triggers.
She said because I drank I cannot move on from step one. She said I havnt accepted step one otherwise I wouldn't have drank so I cant do any other step work. So long as I drink on a future craving I cannot move on to step two.
Well how long is a piece of string? I could be sober for two years and then drink..so I cant do any step work? I don't understand
I thought the step program was a spiritual one which helped
change your way of thinking. How can I change if I don't know how? I cannot promise that I will never have a craving and never drink? So when do I know I have accepted step one??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
If we all stopped drinking after step 1, there would be no need for the other 11 steps.
My advice would be to work through ALL the steps with your sponsor, and to do them as quickly as you are both able. Being remorseful and upset over drinking doesn't last long, as alcoholics we can re-write the script easily.
Keep going, and never give up xx
My advice would be to work through ALL the steps with your sponsor, and to do them as quickly as you are both able. Being remorseful and upset over drinking doesn't last long, as alcoholics we can re-write the script easily.
Keep going, and never give up xx
. But I know that I am an alcoholic. I know all the bad stuff I did when I drank. I know what will happen if I carry on. She told me of all the things that could happen to me if I carry on drinking...losing my son, mI job etc etc. but I know that ;-//
There is no point in scare tactics because I know this already. I need a spiritual program. Just going to meetings isn't enough for me. I want help to change the way I react to my stress. I cant help it if I get cravings at the moment.
.Sigh. This is making me feel like a failure
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
“Step One
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”
WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us..
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”
WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us..
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,245
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/5727404-post1.html
knb, you might get something out of this thread.
knb, you might get something out of this thread.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
do you understand what it means to be powerless over alcohol?
understand what unmanagability is and how it occured in your life?
going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
understand what unmanagability is and how it occured in your life?
going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by tomsteve
do you understand what it means to be powerless over alcohol?
understand what unmanagability is and how it occured in your life?
going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
understand what unmanagability is and how it occured in your life?
going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
Maybe it would benefit me to look at a mindfulness course while I am still attending AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by fini
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/5727404-post1.html
knb, you might get something out of this thread.
knb, you might get something out of this thread.
How long as you suppose to stay sober to have graduated to step two? because that's what this step program feels like.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Keeping it simple ,'' you feel you are ready to go to any lengths '' and you ''are'' ready to take certain steps , end of story if it was up to me I would get a new sponsor as soon as possible , its you that makes your mind up , its you that knows when you feel ready ''not your sponsors opinion '' .
Move on asap get the work done and you will get results as ''action is the magic word '' take care .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .
Move on asap get the work done and you will get results as ''action is the magic word '' take care .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by knb02
I do understand what it means to be powerless over alcohol and that my life becomes unmanageable when I drink daily. Just because I still have a home, my business , my son doesntt mean I don't understand it. I have spiritually hit rock bottom have but it doesn't stop me from still get cravings and reacting to them. That's the insanity of this illness. But I want to get better and I don't understand why I cant do the step work.
Maybe it would benefit me to look at a mindfulness course while I am still attending AA
Maybe it would benefit me to look at a mindfulness course while I am still attending AA
imo, its time to move on in the steps, which i agree with others in a new sponsor should be considered.
you could look into mindfulness courses, but how complcated to you want this to be? the program really is a very simple mindfulness course.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by tomsteve
imo, its time to move on in the steps, which i agree with others in a new sponsor should be considered.
you could look into mindfulness courses, but how complcated to you want this to be? the program really is a very simple mindfulness course.
you could look into mindfulness courses, but how complcated to you want this to be? the program really is a very simple mindfulness course.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
How did you work through step 1 the first time? If it was by working through the questions perhaps there are things that can be added to it regarding what you learned from your recent relapse. If not then perhaps your sponsor has done ideas for how she can take you through it differently the next time so you can get cracking. Are you doing everything else that has been suggested to you to get past the cravings without picking up?
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