How much time is to much time?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
Talia, let me add my voice to this AA tabernacle choir by saying "get a new sponsor!" I've had the same sponsor for over 7 years, and I meet with him once a week. I used to call him every day, but I don't do that any more. He doesn't try to run my life and never did. He taught me how to do the steps. He wasn't easy on me, but he wasn't controlling either. 2 times in those 7 years he almost fired me, because I wasn't following directions. That's how I sponsor people too. If they're willing to follow the step directions I give them, great! If they're not, well, I have other things to do with my time. I sure as heck don't have the time or patience for a lot of BS. I'm not a marraige/financial counselor/child psycholiogist/whatever. I'm there to teach the steps and the program.
I absolutely couldn't have done this alone! I wouldn't ever have even found the instructions for the steps, let alone did them! If it wasn't for what my sponsor taught me, I'd be out drinking now, or dead, or in a wet brain hospital. A suggestion: Go to a closed big book or step study and pick one there. I've found these people are often the most serious ones about their sobriety. Say a prayer first too, I hear that helps. Funny, most people I know who complain about their sponsors say they don't get enough face time with them!
I absolutely couldn't have done this alone! I wouldn't ever have even found the instructions for the steps, let alone did them! If it wasn't for what my sponsor taught me, I'd be out drinking now, or dead, or in a wet brain hospital. A suggestion: Go to a closed big book or step study and pick one there. I've found these people are often the most serious ones about their sobriety. Say a prayer first too, I hear that helps. Funny, most people I know who complain about their sponsors say they don't get enough face time with them!
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: N.Y. N.Y
Posts: 101
Hi Talia,
GET RID OF THAT SPONSER!
A sponser is a person that you pick to help you with your recovery. This person should be someone that you can consult with and guide you along, nothing more.
I went thru a couple of sponsers before finding the right one. The right one for me is a friend of mine that I went to gramma school with. He has 17 years sober.
I can see that He made significant changes in His life for the better. He is a good power of example for me.
I personally didn't need a lot of guidance following the 12 steps. I did get all of the help from the people in the rooms of AA. We all have different ways of recovering, but, I don't fear to good with someone trying to rule my life. When I sponser someone I offer any help I can without being too pushy.
Take your time and pick the right one! You pick them they don't pick you.
GET RID OF THAT SPONSER!
A sponser is a person that you pick to help you with your recovery. This person should be someone that you can consult with and guide you along, nothing more.
I went thru a couple of sponsers before finding the right one. The right one for me is a friend of mine that I went to gramma school with. He has 17 years sober.
I can see that He made significant changes in His life for the better. He is a good power of example for me.
I personally didn't need a lot of guidance following the 12 steps. I did get all of the help from the people in the rooms of AA. We all have different ways of recovering, but, I don't fear to good with someone trying to rule my life. When I sponser someone I offer any help I can without being too pushy.
Take your time and pick the right one! You pick them they don't pick you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Hi Talia,
When I was new to AA, I chose a sponsor from where I was at on my own insides. Yes, it took me 3 sponsors before I found one that offered to take me through the 12 Steps, make suggestions and share her own experience, strength and hope with me.
An AA sponsor is there to guide, to share their own ES&H, and to help take the sponsee through the Steps. They are not there to control newcomers, to run anyones life, to tell them what to do, how to do it, why or how. We simply do not do those things when we are working this simple program in our lives first.
My 3rd sponsor was a God send. She was the first to share with me that if anyone in AA tells me what to do, how to do it, when, where, how or with who ..... then get away from them, because this is not what this simple program is about, and its not what we do here in the halls of AA.
Having shared that with you, I would strongly suggest Talia that you stick with the winners. You will know the winners because they will be smiling, reaching out to newcomers, sharing their own experience, strength and hope and they will have a sponsor of their own. They will be walking their talk here in the halls of AA.
Sponsors are not there to control, to tell you what you have to do or how to do it. Yes, my sponsor would make suggestions, at times strong suggestions, she would help me to take a look at myself, and then offer guidance. The choices were always mine, and my sponsor was the first one to share with me that she couldn't give me what she has, and that she wouldn't give what she has even if she could, because that was her journey, and my journey is mine.
Why? Because the 12 Steps of recovery are not there to bring me to who my sponsor wants me to be, or to who my sponsor is... the 12 Steps are there to help me to become the person that my HP and me are meant to be. My sponsor guided and helped me through the 12 Steps of recovery to become who I really am on my insides and learning to become comfortable in my own skin
To Thine Own Self Be True...... with the help of God, the 12 Steps, a sponsor who is working, applying and practicing the 12 Steps in their own life first, who has a sponsor of their own and with help from all the wonderful people in the halls of AA.
Talia, I would suggest getting a new face to face sponsor. Using a recovery site, imho, is a wonderful tool as an addition to..... not as a replacement for real live AA meetings, with a real live AA group, and a real live AA sponsor.
God Bless,
Patsy
When I was new to AA, I chose a sponsor from where I was at on my own insides. Yes, it took me 3 sponsors before I found one that offered to take me through the 12 Steps, make suggestions and share her own experience, strength and hope with me.
An AA sponsor is there to guide, to share their own ES&H, and to help take the sponsee through the Steps. They are not there to control newcomers, to run anyones life, to tell them what to do, how to do it, why or how. We simply do not do those things when we are working this simple program in our lives first.
My 3rd sponsor was a God send. She was the first to share with me that if anyone in AA tells me what to do, how to do it, when, where, how or with who ..... then get away from them, because this is not what this simple program is about, and its not what we do here in the halls of AA.
Having shared that with you, I would strongly suggest Talia that you stick with the winners. You will know the winners because they will be smiling, reaching out to newcomers, sharing their own experience, strength and hope and they will have a sponsor of their own. They will be walking their talk here in the halls of AA.
Sponsors are not there to control, to tell you what you have to do or how to do it. Yes, my sponsor would make suggestions, at times strong suggestions, she would help me to take a look at myself, and then offer guidance. The choices were always mine, and my sponsor was the first one to share with me that she couldn't give me what she has, and that she wouldn't give what she has even if she could, because that was her journey, and my journey is mine.
Why? Because the 12 Steps of recovery are not there to bring me to who my sponsor wants me to be, or to who my sponsor is... the 12 Steps are there to help me to become the person that my HP and me are meant to be. My sponsor guided and helped me through the 12 Steps of recovery to become who I really am on my insides and learning to become comfortable in my own skin
To Thine Own Self Be True...... with the help of God, the 12 Steps, a sponsor who is working, applying and practicing the 12 Steps in their own life first, who has a sponsor of their own and with help from all the wonderful people in the halls of AA.
Talia, I would suggest getting a new face to face sponsor. Using a recovery site, imho, is a wonderful tool as an addition to..... not as a replacement for real live AA meetings, with a real live AA group, and a real live AA sponsor.
God Bless,
Patsy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Talia,
Hang in there. Tough go with your sponsor. I've always been told that we should pick a sponsor who has the kind of sobriety we would like to have. would you want your sponsor's sobriety?
My first sponsor was a doozie. I picked a guy that I grew up with. I confided in him about problems that I was having with my roommate, who ws also in recovery. My sponsor told some girl he was trying to impress everything I said, she called my roomie and added a few embellishments, and he was in my room screaming at me within twenty minutes of my original conversation with my soon to be ex-sponsor. We're still friends though. He's human, although i didn't want to acknowledge that at the time. Good luck and find someone you can trust.
Hang in there. Tough go with your sponsor. I've always been told that we should pick a sponsor who has the kind of sobriety we would like to have. would you want your sponsor's sobriety?
My first sponsor was a doozie. I picked a guy that I grew up with. I confided in him about problems that I was having with my roommate, who ws also in recovery. My sponsor told some girl he was trying to impress everything I said, she called my roomie and added a few embellishments, and he was in my room screaming at me within twenty minutes of my original conversation with my soon to be ex-sponsor. We're still friends though. He's human, although i didn't want to acknowledge that at the time. Good luck and find someone you can trust.
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm been in a huge state of confusion. Confused on many aspects of my life. Indecisive on simple matters. I'm not sure how I feel about AA and it's practices. I do know I have been sober for the past 76 days, the longest run I've ever managed to accomplish during my lifetime. There is no question that I want to remain sober and work on making my life better. Facing life sober and taking chances, and then failing…is new to me. I know it beats the alternative though. The alternative is simple, failing drunk. That is familiar to me. I know what I’m doing is the right thing and I should be happy. Why the blue mood? I want instant gratification. The old familiar drill. I recognize that is the pattern I’ve fallen into. I’ve been good for X amount of days, so my life should be fixed. That’s not realistic. It takes time…I know. I’m heading in the right direction, reading the road map is the difficult part.
I picked my sponsor because they know their stuff. I felt comfortable sharing with them and respected them for the progress they made in their own life. There are many other reasons why I chose this sponsor as well. I also wanted someone that would be firm and direct with me. I can be controlling and manipulating at times. I did not want to take the easy rode because that would not benefit anyone. This is about me getting better and learning to cope with life in a sober manner and working towards resolving my problems. The easy rode by passes these issues. Butting heads and conflict is understandable to a degree. The process can be grueling. Many instances were unnecessary in retrospect and handled poorly. I’m guilty of this as well. Although I do hold a sponsor accountable for their actions based on their previous experience in sponsor, sponsee interactions. I’m a newcomer and I’m sure I never threw anything new my sponsor’s way. After 13 + years, they’ve seen it all before. Experience should of prevailed and taken it’s course. Enough of that, we all are human and make mistakes. Moving on.
Is a sponsor a mentor, friend, both, or neither? Somewhere the line got crossed and differentiating between sponsor/friend became difficult. Things that were meant in a well-meaning manner were taken as judgmental on my part. Then...well meaning turned into an all out war in being right. None of that matters now. What matters now, is I try to find someone that doesn't make me feel inferior and incompetent. These feelings are the root of a lot of my problems today. I’m not being overly sensitive. There are ways to handle situations and being called names and being yelled at, is not proper behavior. Who benefits from that? This works both ways, of course.
I understand that old feelings are going to be dug up. That is apart of the healing process. The use and manner of certain words and actions, has created allot of conflict within me. This has caused me to question the AA process. I shouldn't allow one person to cause conflict. I know this. I will continue to explore AA or other programs and carry on. I’m not throwing in the towel, just waiting for the dust to settle. My sponsor is not a bad person. They have helped many people and will continue to do so.
This is another learning experience. I’m not permanently scarred and have taken some good things along with me. It isn’t the first time I’ve been hung up on, cussed and screamed at or called names and I’m sure it won’t be the last either. Let’s be realistic, we don’t always react in the manner that we would like to, in certain situations. This is a small bump in the road. Anyway you look at it, I’m much better off then I was 3 month ago. It is a win, win situation. Hopefully we can both put our differences aside and remain friendly. I wish my sponsor nothing but the best and owe them a great deal of gratitude. I haven't forgotten what they have done for me. I’d like to thank them for the time and efforts they have put forward in helping a fellow drunk. I will do my best to treat them with the respect deserved and earned. I know the same goes for me. Things aren’t so bad. Day by day I continue to cross hurdles and learn to deal with life’s problems, sober. That can’t be bad. Moving forward…I feel much better now, than I did at the beginning of this post. Things have taken a turn for the better and I don’t feel as cluttered. My 2day rule has been helpful. Never hold anything in and allow it to eat at you for more than 2dayz. I like that rule.
Thanks guys, I love you all. I can always count on you here, when I need support and start doubting myself. The support and understanding is greatly appreciated. Truely...
Talia :rose
I picked my sponsor because they know their stuff. I felt comfortable sharing with them and respected them for the progress they made in their own life. There are many other reasons why I chose this sponsor as well. I also wanted someone that would be firm and direct with me. I can be controlling and manipulating at times. I did not want to take the easy rode because that would not benefit anyone. This is about me getting better and learning to cope with life in a sober manner and working towards resolving my problems. The easy rode by passes these issues. Butting heads and conflict is understandable to a degree. The process can be grueling. Many instances were unnecessary in retrospect and handled poorly. I’m guilty of this as well. Although I do hold a sponsor accountable for their actions based on their previous experience in sponsor, sponsee interactions. I’m a newcomer and I’m sure I never threw anything new my sponsor’s way. After 13 + years, they’ve seen it all before. Experience should of prevailed and taken it’s course. Enough of that, we all are human and make mistakes. Moving on.
Is a sponsor a mentor, friend, both, or neither? Somewhere the line got crossed and differentiating between sponsor/friend became difficult. Things that were meant in a well-meaning manner were taken as judgmental on my part. Then...well meaning turned into an all out war in being right. None of that matters now. What matters now, is I try to find someone that doesn't make me feel inferior and incompetent. These feelings are the root of a lot of my problems today. I’m not being overly sensitive. There are ways to handle situations and being called names and being yelled at, is not proper behavior. Who benefits from that? This works both ways, of course.
I understand that old feelings are going to be dug up. That is apart of the healing process. The use and manner of certain words and actions, has created allot of conflict within me. This has caused me to question the AA process. I shouldn't allow one person to cause conflict. I know this. I will continue to explore AA or other programs and carry on. I’m not throwing in the towel, just waiting for the dust to settle. My sponsor is not a bad person. They have helped many people and will continue to do so.
This is another learning experience. I’m not permanently scarred and have taken some good things along with me. It isn’t the first time I’ve been hung up on, cussed and screamed at or called names and I’m sure it won’t be the last either. Let’s be realistic, we don’t always react in the manner that we would like to, in certain situations. This is a small bump in the road. Anyway you look at it, I’m much better off then I was 3 month ago. It is a win, win situation. Hopefully we can both put our differences aside and remain friendly. I wish my sponsor nothing but the best and owe them a great deal of gratitude. I haven't forgotten what they have done for me. I’d like to thank them for the time and efforts they have put forward in helping a fellow drunk. I will do my best to treat them with the respect deserved and earned. I know the same goes for me. Things aren’t so bad. Day by day I continue to cross hurdles and learn to deal with life’s problems, sober. That can’t be bad. Moving forward…I feel much better now, than I did at the beginning of this post. Things have taken a turn for the better and I don’t feel as cluttered. My 2day rule has been helpful. Never hold anything in and allow it to eat at you for more than 2dayz. I like that rule.
Thanks guys, I love you all. I can always count on you here, when I need support and start doubting myself. The support and understanding is greatly appreciated. Truely...
Talia :rose
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Is a sponsor a mentor, friend, both, or neither?
A sponsor, imho is someone who has been right where we are at and they have a solution. A sponsor is one who is applying and practicing the solution in their own life and passing it on. Sponsors share their own ES&H, helping us to stay sober, and guiding us through the 12 Steps of recovery. Sponsors help to clear the roadblocks, they help us to keep the focus on ourselves and our own recovery, and help with any obstacles that may arise.
My sponsor is someone whom I wanted what she had.... physical, and emotional sobriety, peace of mind, and serenity in her heart and soul. The relationship between my sponsor and I started out with her as my guide and mentor.... and it has remained and grown into a beautiful friendship.
Its wonderful that you will thank your sponsor for helping you to get to this place in your journey, on the road to recovery. I would suggest giving it all to God, moving on to a new sponsor, to new lessons, and leave the outcome in God hands.
"I'm been in a huge state of confusion. Confused on many aspects of my life. Indecisive on simple matters. I'm not sure how I feel about AA and it's practices. I do know I have been sober for the past 76 days, the longest run I've ever managed to accomplish during my lifetime. There is no question that I want to remain sober and work on making my life better. Facing life sober and taking chances, and then failing…is new to me. I know it beats the alternative though."
Talia, please do not confuse AA's ways, with some AA members ways. We are all at differing degrees of sobriety and recovery. Just because someone has "time" in the halls of AA, doesn't mean that they can make decisions for anyone else, in the halls or outside the halls, or try to run someone's life. Its not how much time we have in AA that counts, its what we do with that time that counts.
Is your sponsor wrong? Well I don't know, but what I do know is that we do not sponsor to keep someone else sober, thats just not possible. We sponsor others to pass on the message of hope, so that we ourselves can stay sober one day at a time. We reach out to help another sick and suffering alkie, to give away what was freely given to us, so that we may keep it.
This isn't about whether your sponsor is bad or good. Its not about whether you are bad or good. This is about staying sober one day at a time, and learning to work, apply and practice the 12 Steps in our own life first and passing it on. If we are doing what we need to do each day to stay sober, and to work this simple program in our own lives first and pass it on, then we ourselves get to stay sober for this one day, whether they do or not.
When sponsoring, I pay particular attention to my own reactions, and I keep the focus on myself and my own recovery. I am not here to keep anyone sober, its just not possible, because I am simply not that powerful. I share my own experience, strength and hope, and I make suggestions. If my sponsee choses not take the suggestions, then there are lessons to learn, and I can not learn someone elses lessons for them. I have enough to do with learning my own lessons.
I learned that anyone knows the difference between a demand, and a simple request. Making demands or yelling at a sponsee is not about recovery, its about self-will run riot, and trying to control people, places and things.
Unreasonable demands is addressed beautifully in the 12th Step, on page 115 of the 12 X 12.
Page 19 in the Big Book:
"That the man who is making the approach has had
the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he
is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at
the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer,
that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing
whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that
there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to
please, no lectures to be endured these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again."
Main Entry: de·port·ment
Pronunciation: di-'pOrt-m&nt, -'port-, dE-
Function: noun
: the manner in which one conducts oneself : BEHAVIOR
Page 60 in the Big Book:
"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any
life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that
basis we are almost always in collision with something
or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most
people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is
like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever
trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery
and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people
would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody,
including himself, would be pleased. Life would
be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our
actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind,
considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing.
On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical,
selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he
is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off
very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.
He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the
next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the
case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting
he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people
are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying.
What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a
self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a
victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and
happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is
it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are
the things he wants? And do not his actions make each
of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out
of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a
producer of confusion rather than harmony?"
Page 62 in the Big Book:
"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic
is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics
must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it
kill us!"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 4
Talia.....
I dont think I wouold have ever bought into the strong arm sponsorship people talk about in the rooms. It aint found in any of the literature and I'm not sure where it all came from to be so widespread. I was truly "loved' into the fellowship until I could feel better about myself long enough to accept the steps as a course of action in my life. Whatever you do, I hope you find that.
(wishing you well)
Steve
I dont think I wouold have ever bought into the strong arm sponsorship people talk about in the rooms. It aint found in any of the literature and I'm not sure where it all came from to be so widespread. I was truly "loved' into the fellowship until I could feel better about myself long enough to accept the steps as a course of action in my life. Whatever you do, I hope you find that.
(wishing you well)
Steve
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by Talia
Is a sponsor a mentor, friend, both, or neither?
I don't have a lot more to say - Patsy said it all, and better than I could have. Ditto to her entire post.
God bless,
Joe
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
My rants and vents based on my feelings
More sponsor grief. My ex-sponsor just left my house. It was a planned meeting to part ways on good terms. It didn't end up that way. It was another attempt to convince me, my feelings aren't based on truth or fact. I was wrong for posting what I had posted, according to sponsor. Another attempt of controlling the situation and proving I was wrong, about my feelings. I must ask myself these questions. Is that anyway to salvage a friendship? What kind of reaction or resolve are you looking for? Why the need to be right all the time? What about owning your part?
I don't care who is right or wrong! They were my feelings and remain so. I know how someone elses actions makes me feel. Facts, feelings or truth? This has gotten into an over analyzed mess. For someone who wanted to try to salvage a friendship, they sure were pointed the blame finger, in my direction. I stand by my words and feelings. When someone is so h3ll bent on proving someone else wrong, It makes me wonder why. What is it they don't want to see.
I was told, I posted to gain sympathy. I don't care about getting sympathy. I come here to vent and recieve support, advice and opinions. What if I did want sympathy? So what. Is that not allowed? I could have played that card if I wanted to. There is much more to the story then I've mentioned. I choose not to go there. I don't feel it necessary to air the whole mess.
Obviously, we will never see eye to eye on things. I tried to give credit where credit was due, but it was mentioned that I did that to smooth over my words, written in anger. I was angry and frustrated when I wrote my initial posts. I calmed down and wrote with more of a open mind later. Haven't we all done that at one time or another? I believe it to be human nature. I question why I'm pin pointed at being wrong in that, once again.
It truely makes me believe that my sponsor doesn't like the direction my replies took. It must have hit home. I again stated, I would stand by my feelings and what I wrote. I was told stand by your lies. I would take that to being called a liar. Are my pants on fire too? I also questioned why we have to continue rehashing the same issues. It has become so tiresome. Enough already. We both made mistakes. I see that the only way for sponsor to find resove in this matter is for me to say I was wrong. I'm not willing to do that. I believe I have every right to come here and voice my feelings and opinions. I will continue to do so. No one is going to change that. I have the same rights as anyone else.
I'm glad it has come to an end. I can not continue on with the same drawn out nonsense. This comes as a great sense of relief. In my past, most of my problems have come from alcohol. Since I've become sober, I've had a constant battle with my sponsor that has left me feeling belittled, frustrated and inferior. A continuing state of conflict connected with my sponsor. I need to move forward and find someone I'm more compatible with. I'll be fine, but there aren't many good sponsors in the area. Things will work out, I can only hope. I'm sure my ex-sponsor has more to say. This will not be the last word about it, I'm sure.
Word...Talia (Controlling, demanding, stubborn and crabby) On a good day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 110
Talia,
I'm so sorry that you and the ex-sponsor weren't able to break up cleanly. I guess that I should be grateful that both my sponsor and I had some Alanon recovery in addition to AA - that loving detachment thing, along with "Say what you mean, but don't say it mean".
I'm not quite sure where I stand with sponsorship right now - nor do I really have a clue which forum I feel a better fit in (unfortunately, the Mental Health forum is starting to look mighty comfy). My ex-sponsor extracted a commitment from me at our parting meeting to get a temporary sponsor, but I never did ask anyone and I don't think that I really felt safe opening up on that level right away after being in such pain. Two weeks ago at an Alanon meeting a fellow with 18 years in AA and some Alanon volunteered to be my temporary sponsor and I said yes - but I can't say that I'm totally comfortable with my decision or that relationship. He's got a lot that I don't want - but he's definitely got some serenity, and he's got ***much*** more experience with sponsorship than my ex-sponsor, and a totally different approach to the steps.
Anyway, I hope that you can find someone you can work with as a sponsor and that you are able to let go of your hurt and anger from this episode a bit faster than I have. I'm sure you'll do fine, even if the next few miles of the road are bumpy and trudgy before you reach the happy destiny part.
James
I'm so sorry that you and the ex-sponsor weren't able to break up cleanly. I guess that I should be grateful that both my sponsor and I had some Alanon recovery in addition to AA - that loving detachment thing, along with "Say what you mean, but don't say it mean".
I'm not quite sure where I stand with sponsorship right now - nor do I really have a clue which forum I feel a better fit in (unfortunately, the Mental Health forum is starting to look mighty comfy). My ex-sponsor extracted a commitment from me at our parting meeting to get a temporary sponsor, but I never did ask anyone and I don't think that I really felt safe opening up on that level right away after being in such pain. Two weeks ago at an Alanon meeting a fellow with 18 years in AA and some Alanon volunteered to be my temporary sponsor and I said yes - but I can't say that I'm totally comfortable with my decision or that relationship. He's got a lot that I don't want - but he's definitely got some serenity, and he's got ***much*** more experience with sponsorship than my ex-sponsor, and a totally different approach to the steps.
Anyway, I hope that you can find someone you can work with as a sponsor and that you are able to let go of your hurt and anger from this episode a bit faster than I have. I'm sure you'll do fine, even if the next few miles of the road are bumpy and trudgy before you reach the happy destiny part.
James
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
(((Talia))). I'm becomming a big fan of the serenity prayer in times like this. For an agnostic who was raised to be deeply suspicious of regligion, I've been using it a ton lately.
Just a suggestion from several meetings I attended last week, you might consider praying for her too. She sounds like she's in a lot of pain. Sorry you got wrapped up in it, but I think you're right to get yourself clear.
Best,
Joe
Just a suggestion from several meetings I attended last week, you might consider praying for her too. She sounds like she's in a lot of pain. Sorry you got wrapped up in it, but I think you're right to get yourself clear.
Best,
Joe
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