elihoping

This isn't really an AA related question but I've been in the fellowship and sober for nearly 3 years and I thought it'd be good to put this question to other AA members.

I got into a relationship earlier this year. My first in sobriety as I was waiting until I felt well and sane enough. He isn't in the fellowship but is very supportive even if he doesn't always understand alcoholism.

I never had good romantic relationships when I was drinking - shocking I know! Lol. I would be both very co-dependent and at the same time, always avoiding commitment. Like, I would CLING to the other person but if we had an argument, I always wanted to just break up with them immediately. There was no middle ground.

Anyway, fast forward to now and I'm pretty much the same in this current relationship. I care a lot about him but I always think it's about to end and I worry about the future so much that it stops me enjoying the present. Our relationship is so up and down and I just find myself absolutely exhausted by the whole thing. It's really bringing out all of my defects.

So I suppose my question is this - how have other members handled new relationships and could anyone recommend any good books/websites that give good relationship advice? I grew up in an alkie home too so my concepts of boundaries and appropriate behaviour are quite shaky. I suppose I want to give this relationship a chance but I also want to be fully myself and not lose myself in the relationship.

Sorry for going on for so long!

Gottalife

I reccomend step 11, the 24 hour plan. From the bottom of page 85.

Tommyh

the big book has some helpful stuff too,in the family afterwards