RiverFriendAgn

Hello,
I'm coming up on 90 days of sobriety and have been working a good program with several AA meetings a week, step work with my sponsor, service at meetings, and nightly rehab through a local hospital. I am considering leaving a very secure/comfortable job that I've been working at for the past 12 years to make a career change and take a bit of time off in between. I am deathly afraid of leaving the security of this job because of the health benefits and steady paychecks however I feel this job is really killing my soul and has been for several years now. In fact, the high stress and drinking environment of the law office is almost unbearable.....I'm looking into the possibility of going on disability to focus on my recovery before hoping to start a career as a real estate agent (I have my license). My boss jokingly hassles me about leaving early for rehab and sometimes very seriously tells me to pour a drink though he knows I'm in recovery...he means well just doesn't understand.

I'm concerned because I know people say don't make any major changes in the first year however my old sponsor thinks that perhaps this will be okay. He believes I'll do well in a new line of work and encourages me taking time off to focus on my family and recovery. Sometimes I think the only way I was able to stay at the job the last few years was because I would get high in the morning and drink at night to numb my discontent and just go do the same thing day in and day out. I hope this is not self-pity but I'm confused and really feel on the verge of leaving the office. Any advice or suggestions appreciated. Thanks and staying sober today.

Clutch B

Personally ... I don't recommend making any major changes before working all 12 steps. In working the steps, we learn how to cope with life as it is and maintain responsibilities, instead of running away when it gets intolerable.

It sounds like (from your post) that you really need your job for the stability of benefits and paychecks. The Big Book says that if we're spiritually fit, we can do everything we need to do. (see p. 100, starting from the bottom)

If this job is a true responsibility, it might be a good idea to take a few weeks off for FMLA (leave). Spend that time going through all 12 steps with your sponsor. After doing that, you might be in a better place to make that kind of decision. You may just decide you're exactly where you need to be.

But I'm just a stranger on the internet This is just my experience. Good luck to you!

heartcore

Riverfriend -

I am also in a very high stress job (political), I recognize that the intensity of my work, the high level of scrutiny and criticism, and the demand to be "on" and "clever" at every moment are contributors to a sense of dis-ease and tension that led me to abandon my recovery and begin drinking again. I am newly re-sober, sitting at the desk of that job, and noticing that my jaw muscles are already tight as I "hold."

Because of the nature of my work, quitting mid-term would not only lose me money and benefits, but would be a black spot on my resume. I worked hard to get here, and am resisting impulsively "calling it," but am tempted daily. I, too, want to focus on my recovery, go for a hike, write in my journal, figure it all out.

I don't have any advice for you, but wanted you to know that there is someone else - far away - who is sitting inside the same quandary.

For now, I am simply praying for guidance, trying to be helpful and connective at work, and allowing my exit plan to grow in my soul and mind until it is fully formed. I also asked for a week vacation at the end of the month, and looking forward to that is sustaining me for now.

I do want to affirm for you that there are jobs that damage us. There are jobs that don't fit us anymore as we change. There are jobs so demanding, that many people work all day and drink all night to cope and then just wake up and do it all again.

It sounds like you're in law. Most of my heaviest drinking buddies have been lawyers. There are work cultures that are less healthy than others.

Hang in there and know that whatever you decide, it will be correct for you!

RiverFriendAgn

Thank you both very much for your insightful responses. Heartcore I feel for you and sounds like we really relate to each others situations. And I see you're from Alaska!! I love it there and my dream is to eventually move there - even if for retirement part of the year. My wife and I won the Denali Road Lottery and really enjoyed our trip last September. Clutch - I took a lot from what you had to say as well and it was such a good reminder that I need to focus on my stepwork right now....I'm on 4 and it's taken a back seat to some of my craziness. Time to jump on it.

After some down time and reflection I submitted an application for a job with the State of California in a similar field of work yet away from the law office. I think even a change of environment would do me some good right now and certainly the possibility of moving up or over within the State would be additional security for my future. Even if I took a pay cut, which would be hard, I would still retain a steady paycheck and benefits. This too shall pass. I have to keep reminding myself about that and leaving this office will certainly be bitter sweet.

I think I will try to take a week off for mental health and to celebrate finishing the first major stage of recovery. I'm hoping to get to Step 8 before taking that time off so I can dedicate a lot of myself to really working that step. Anyway, trying to stay calm and rational and reaching out to people in recovery to bounce this all off of as I cannot see clearly at this early recovery point. Thank you truly for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Hang in there Heartcore - we have better things on the horizon.

Climber122

A practical exercise that might also help with your predicament is a priority list. I too have been struggling with a career dilemma that has emotionally "poisoned" my life lately. I finally let go of my stubborn reluctance to call my sponsor on the issue (it's been a while) and he reminded me to go back to my priority list that we wrote up a few years ago. Everyone's is different by mine goes:

1. Higher Power
2. Sobriety
3. Wife
4. Children
5. Job

I could go on, but the point he made to me that might help you too, was reminding me that each priority is dependent on the one before it. He reminded me that if I'm not sober, my relationships to my wife, children and job all go to pot. If I'm not focused on cultivating my relationship to my HP, good luck with sobriety etc. It helped to see that I needed to reduce the importance I had placed on my job. Do I hate it? Yes - but I can't always have what I want, I'm doing what I can to change it, and in the meantime (as I chip away at another degree) I just need to remember that it's priority #5, and really not as big a deal as I can make it when I focus on the negative. Lowering expectations are in order.

I know in your situation that legal culture can be a very difficult social environment to be newly sober in too, and we often say we need to change people, places and things to protect our sobriety. If you do move it sounds like it's for the right reasons and not just running away from a problem, as is my modus operandi Sounds like you're working a pretty good program there...

Ken33xx

Sounds great. Hope it all works out.

RiverFriendAgn

Thanks guys and I'm really trying. I appreciate the advice Climber and I really like the idea of the priority list. Mine would look exactly like yours in that order. I'm sitting here with some downtime finishing up the last few resentments on my 4th step in hopes of starting on my 5th tomorrow (well, I did some with a priest earlier this week but he majority will be with my sponsor tomorrow). It's amazing how doing this step pulls me out of myself and grounds me a bit.

I am really scared that I may also be bipolar 2 or suffering from real severe depression physiologically too. I've put urgent calls in to my pysch for the past 3 days and still no phone call - unfortunate really as I'm trying to get meds re-evaluated at the suggestion of my rehab counselor. It's embarrassing to say that here but I can't really trust what I'm feeling or my first thoughts. Even today I was thinking that maybe I should go back to just smoking weed as that really helped to balance me before but I know that is not the answer. The answer is to try to get connected spiritually with my higher power and other folks in recovery. At 33, I actually told my mom today that I was thinking about going back to pot and though she's supportive of my recovery (she's not an addict) her response of 'maybe just don't go back to smoking it to save your lungs' was fuel for my addict fire. What the hell am I asking my mom for anyway - one messed up alcoholic/addict here haha. I really tried to internalize that and use that as an excuse when I know that I need to be reaching out to other alcoholics and not family members.

Ugh, living and learning. I think a meeting tonight would do me some good. In the meantime, I submitted two more applications with the State. I figure now is the best time to do this while I'm still employed. Anyway, have a great weekend everyone and thanks again. Staying sober today.

DayTrader

Hey River... I'm going through a similar deal myself, but over a long time frame. Two and a half years ago (with about 5 years of sobriety/recovery) I left a career as a financial planner - a job I'd had for about 18 years when I dipped out. I can also admit that it occurred to me several years before I left......that I should probably leave but it took a while before I was convinced. More importantly, it took a while before I was ready to take some action. And if I'm honest, I took the actions (I quit my job....) before I was 100% convinced. It was more a leap of faith than anything.

The whole "no major decisions....." deal, I agree with in a general sense. But, like most things in life (and even more-so in recovery, it seems) there's a big paradox going on. Here's what I mean: Someone posted earlier, "no major decisions before working the steps." Makes sense to me..... stamp of approval. But........... What about the decision to get sober. That's a pretty f-ing major decision, isn't it? HUGE decision. And you made that one with NO program, NO steps, NO big book, nothing..... (I'm assuming here but if you didn't, I'm sure some ppl in AA did). So what's happening here? I'm telling you that the biggest life-changing decision to make a change you've likely ever made - to get sober - was ok, right, spot on......but every other decision you make is BS, don't trust yourself, your crappy thinking got you here, yada yada yada. If your job was "bill collector for the mob" and you made your living by beating people up and intimidating them.......I'm sure everyone would agree that you should move on. What if your job was a more "noble" like a successful doctor, or a priest, or......a successful stockbroker like I was? You'd probably hear an equal number of people......probably the same ppl who'd tell you to quit the "mob job" tell you to quit being so hasty, stick it out, see what happens. .....maybe not.....but it's a hunch.

I heard it at the meeting tonight, "I need to give up my will.....give it to God....." I don't see that happening. I mean, I hear ppl SAY it.....but I don't see it. Not often anyway, and not consistently. What I do see ppl do, what I AM able to do, and what I see working......is not the giving away of our will but the ALIGNING of our will to that of some Higher will.

The program.....the book..... they challenge me to seek God. Where? Not in the book. Not in church. Not really in prayer or meditation but THROUGH prayer and meditation to look where???? --- Deep within myself. And they don't just say it once either.... Over and over they tell me that it's only there, withing myself, that the Great Reality can be found. So the program it TELLING you....... make decisions.

And I'll be honest here....... I think about myself a lot, OK? lol. Probably the biggest piece of the pie-chart of my day is the part where I'm thinking about me, what I should do, should have done, will do, etc etc etc. If God wanted to get my attention.......wouldn't the easiest point of entry to be so pop up in one of my thoughts? "Ya know Mike.....you should do X......" And if I'm practicing a 3rd and an 11th step.....and I'm seeking God's will for me and trying to put it into action, right? But what, I don't do that till I have a year sober......or until I finish the steps........or until I've had some flash-of-light spiritual awakening and am suddenly cured of bad decision making? Hogwash.

I also have to admit........I'm a realist. And for me, well I've got a history of making some pretty stupid decisions for a huge assortment of what I thought were valid and important reasons. To make matters worse......plenty of these goofy calls have been made in recovery......with YEARS under my belt, multiple times through the steps, and actively sponsoring other guys. So I've got this knack, sometimes, for making decisions based upon self.....but all the while being fully convinced I'm doing what I think I'm supposed to......or what I think God wants me to do. (there's a pretty good story about that in the Big Book on pages 60, 61 and 62, by the way). Sure, over time and with practice, the goofy decisions have decreased and the good ones have increased...... but it came with PRACTICE. Meaning......I had to make some good ones and some bad ones, so I could learn how to better recognize one of the other earlier.

Because I have this ability above ^^^^ (and I suspect you.......and probably most of the ppl here do as well), it's just good common sense on my part to run my thoughts by someone or some people who REALLY know me, have my best interests at heart, and who are able to see past their own issues to help me deal with mine. Someone who's able to see through MY bs to help me see the truth. And to make matters tougher, even those ppl change from time to time. Some are good in some areas but horrible in others. My mom was a great advisor in most parts of my life when I was a kid....not so much now when I'm a 45year old man. She just doesn't have the same experiences so relating, for her, can be tough. Part of my work in recovery is figuring out 1......what it is I'm supposed to be doing......and 2, figuring out who my guides in that area should be. Then there's the pesky business of actually DOING the work.......but I could write for days on that aspect of it, how to avoid it, and what happens as a result - lol.

My first couple years were pretty big roller coaster rides for me. Emotionally, mentally, intellectually......and many more.......all those areas of my life came under fire from time to time. Also, there were times of great peace and tranquility. Lots of changes though. Just when I'd think I'd figured something out the whole game would seem to change and nothing I'd been doing worked.....time for new tools - or maybe just time to learn new ways to use the tools I had more effectively.

You seem to me to be doing it just right. Bring it up, talk about it, investigate, question yourself on the one hand but don't just write off everything you've though "because you're insane your first year" or for some of the other silly reasons I hear tossed around AA tables. It's YOUR recovery and it's YOUR life....so it's you who's got to live with your decisions......and also your lack of decisions. Keep doing what your doing if it's working. Bring a question up.....don't let anyone make you feel dumb or "not doing it right" for asking, get some feedback, do some seeking of what the Right decision might be.......then it's just time to make a move. Stay......go. And look......we've already discovered that if we can recover from the biggest a$$-kicking we've ever had (active addiction) then I'm sure it's equally possible to recover from a bad decision about a job. So if you make a bad choice....it's not something you can't bounce back from, yanno?

LadyinBC

This is just my experience and what I had to do for me. I went on stress leave before I quit drinking, because I was depressed and I can admit that I needed more time to drink.

When I finally quit drinking I was still on stress leave and I had a big decision to make and I was only 3 months sober. I ended up quitting that job and I did it because deep down I knew that I would use the job as an excuse to drink. I was lucky that I got to collect EI as my doctor said I couldn't go back to that job.

I did it for me because I was no longer happy in that job and I truly hated it. It was extremely stressful, a man's world and I got just got fed up with all the political crap. And yes it paid good money, but my health and sanity just weren't worth it.

I adopted a motto when I first got sober and it is "no person, place, event or situation would ever be more important than my sobriety". This actually helped me focus on doing things that were good for me. And my work environment wasn't a good situation that is how I put it in perspective for me.

I know they say that you shouldn't make any big decisions in the first 12 months, but I needed to do it. Because at the end of the day I just want to be happy and I needed to focus on my recovery.

Good luck, I found that things do have a way of working themselves out at the end.

Patriciae

What a powerful share! So nice to wake up and read this....thanks Climber

david78888

I really like your way of expressing the opinion and sharing the information.

RiverFriendAgn

Thank you all for your responses - they really did help me get through a rough patch and continue on this journey of recovery. 94 days but today is the one that matters now. Wishing you all a good weekend!

uncle holmes

I went through a job change a little over a year ago. I was at the other place for over 20 years and was hoping to retire there some day. But the company was going bankrupt and I was literally working some weeks and not receiving a paycheck.

The new job I have now is in the production field and is very stressful. I have to move fast most of the time. I get yelled at every day. And it's very demanding. 50 hours a week is usually the minimum hours worked. Sometimes it's 58 plus hours. No such thing as a 40 hour work week at this place.

I stay there because I wouldn't be able to find anything that's better pay. I never furthered my education. At the age of 51 I have to physically and mentally work like a 20 year old that works hard and fast.

It can be awful on my recovery. Just saps my energy and seems to rob me of any peace of mind.

Tips on how I get through is at least one meeting a week, reading the twenty four hour book and prayer and meditation every morning before work. And just playing the tape through on what would happen if I ever picked up a drink again.

But I'm not in your shoes. If you stay on a job because of job security & benefits and good pay, but then end up drinking because of the stress, then what good is it?

I would pray about it every morning and ask God for help with this decision. The answer will eventually come.