Were you 12th stepped?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Were you 12th stepped?
To save argument I'll loosely define that as "inspired to give AA or sobriety a go" from someone who was already enjoying the fruits of a sober life. If so, please share what worked, or didn't. That's what I'm gonna do 
.
This idea was inspired by another thread regarding gratitude towards 3 people. When I was drinking, there was one club, Lamour, in Bklyn. where I spent waaay too much time. They were open every Tues, and Thurs thru Saturday. I was pretty much there all the time, until I was incapable of going. The club had a bathroom attendant, an old irish guy, who had to hang around until the club was empty. At times he needed a ride home, and for no good reason I could think of, would take one from this drunken fool. This was over 30 years ago, you know... when there was no such thing as drunk driving.
As I was always in a heavy haze, things were foggy about our encounters, but several times we'd stop at a diner and eat some breakfast before going home. He would buy me and whoever I was with bkfst, and more drinks if we wanted them, but would never drink. When I asked what was up with that he said he was an alcoholic, went to AA, and doesn't drink anymore. It baffled me, as for me at that time that was absolutely impossible. He seemed happy and content. Pretty sure he was retired and working the bathroom gig to keep busy. Anyhow, he never preached a word about AA or getting sober, just used to tell me that he believed I would one day be sober, and that it would happen when the time was right. He listened to me, a lot, but was a quiet, peaceful kinda dude... and inspired me most by his lack of judgement, and faith in me, faith that I absolutely didn't have. That was my first impression of sobriety, and what AA might be able to do for someone. I'm grateful to that dude. Jim, Mc-something that I can't remember.
Anyhow, that was the extend of my being 12th stepped. While I was still drunk at least. I think that's what inspired me to never lecture, judge, or interfere with anyone who's still active. I'll tell them my story if they ask, or the opportunity arises, but aside from my first month or 2 in AA (when I wanted to get the world sober) I've never tried to "recruit" anyone.
Jest felt like sharin.
.This idea was inspired by another thread regarding gratitude towards 3 people. When I was drinking, there was one club, Lamour, in Bklyn. where I spent waaay too much time. They were open every Tues, and Thurs thru Saturday. I was pretty much there all the time, until I was incapable of going. The club had a bathroom attendant, an old irish guy, who had to hang around until the club was empty. At times he needed a ride home, and for no good reason I could think of, would take one from this drunken fool. This was over 30 years ago, you know... when there was no such thing as drunk driving.
As I was always in a heavy haze, things were foggy about our encounters, but several times we'd stop at a diner and eat some breakfast before going home. He would buy me and whoever I was with bkfst, and more drinks if we wanted them, but would never drink. When I asked what was up with that he said he was an alcoholic, went to AA, and doesn't drink anymore. It baffled me, as for me at that time that was absolutely impossible. He seemed happy and content. Pretty sure he was retired and working the bathroom gig to keep busy. Anyhow, he never preached a word about AA or getting sober, just used to tell me that he believed I would one day be sober, and that it would happen when the time was right. He listened to me, a lot, but was a quiet, peaceful kinda dude... and inspired me most by his lack of judgement, and faith in me, faith that I absolutely didn't have. That was my first impression of sobriety, and what AA might be able to do for someone. I'm grateful to that dude. Jim, Mc-something that I can't remember.
Anyhow, that was the extend of my being 12th stepped. While I was still drunk at least. I think that's what inspired me to never lecture, judge, or interfere with anyone who's still active. I'll tell them my story if they ask, or the opportunity arises, but aside from my first month or 2 in AA (when I wanted to get the world sober) I've never tried to "recruit" anyone.
Jest felt like sharin.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
12 stepped - never really thought about it but I guess I was.
I was lost last summer. I knew by about June that my drinking was a problem. I had become clean from cocaine June 16th, 2013. But I continued to drink. I didn't want to drink but I had no idea how to start. Then I kept having events that I "had" to drink for, like my brother's wedding, work conference, Formula 1 event in Singapore...
I had been talking to a guy on my tennis team for about four months about getting sober. I felt guilty around him and tried to avoid him and I did not know why. Maybe bc I knew I was failing inside.
My brother's wedding was overseas and before I went over I was in pretty bad shape. I reached out to my tennis friend and we hit balls together and talked about possibly getting sober but I was still not ready.
I joined SR but I felt inauthentic to post until I was sober - this is not judgement but just how I felt personally at the time.
I went to my PCP and got a script for Antebuse, which I took 17 years earlier the last time I gave sobriety a chance. I figured the Antebuse could help me through the early days knowing it was a huge risk if I developed DTs but I felt like that was part of the risk.
I had my moment on the flight back from Europe on 8/26 and new I was done. 8/27 I took 250mg of Antebuse and reached out to my sober tennis friend and he helped me get into AA. I found a sponsor the next week and stopped the Antebuse bc I felt I needed to do this without the help of drugs.
I posted my first post on 8/27 on here.
I was lost last summer. I knew by about June that my drinking was a problem. I had become clean from cocaine June 16th, 2013. But I continued to drink. I didn't want to drink but I had no idea how to start. Then I kept having events that I "had" to drink for, like my brother's wedding, work conference, Formula 1 event in Singapore...
I had been talking to a guy on my tennis team for about four months about getting sober. I felt guilty around him and tried to avoid him and I did not know why. Maybe bc I knew I was failing inside.
My brother's wedding was overseas and before I went over I was in pretty bad shape. I reached out to my tennis friend and we hit balls together and talked about possibly getting sober but I was still not ready.
I joined SR but I felt inauthentic to post until I was sober - this is not judgement but just how I felt personally at the time.
I went to my PCP and got a script for Antebuse, which I took 17 years earlier the last time I gave sobriety a chance. I figured the Antebuse could help me through the early days knowing it was a huge risk if I developed DTs but I felt like that was part of the risk.
I had my moment on the flight back from Europe on 8/26 and new I was done. 8/27 I took 250mg of Antebuse and reached out to my sober tennis friend and he helped me get into AA. I found a sponsor the next week and stopped the Antebuse bc I felt I needed to do this without the help of drugs.
I posted my first post on 8/27 on here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ct.
Posts: 173
In a way, I guess I was. I was trying to quit drinking "on my own," again, in my mid 20's, getting ready to be a Dad, trying to make a living and going crazy( kind of literally), trying to control everything. A former coworker (a counselor) from a hospital that I was a psych tech at a few years before, started eating regularly at a small restaurant I was running. She said she wanted to see how I was doing and found out I worked there. We'd chat when I had free time. She predicted my troubles years before when I worked with her and at the time I hated her for it, but she was right. I came clean with her what I was going through, and she invited me several times to a meeting, and I finally went.That's how I "came in."
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I got in one step ahead of the law.
I did have to actively try and find meetings in my town though.
For those of us that live in smaller towns, the a anonymity makes a aa hard to even find.
I've mentioned this at meetings before.
I went to any length to find a meeting might have been a divine intervention at work
I did have to actively try and find meetings in my town though.
For those of us that live in smaller towns, the a anonymity makes a aa hard to even find.
I've mentioned this at meetings before.
I went to any length to find a meeting might have been a divine intervention at work
Friend of Jimmy B
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 667
This reminded me of a time when someone tried to 12th step me. I didn't know it at the time and only see it with the gift of perspective.
I was maybe 18 and had already been in a therapeutic community for 9 months. I left and picked up where I left off and them some. I was working for my family when one day my uncle introduced me to a guy who had come to the office. At the time I assumed he was a customer and me being me at the time, I'm sure I didn't hear a word he said. After the guy left my uncle told me that he had been a homeless drunk on the Bowery but had stopped drinking and turned his life around.
Meeting him or something he said must have made some impression for me to remember it after all this time. All I remember is "some guy". I wouldn't know him if I tripped over him. For all I know I've been sitting in meetings with the guy for 30+ years and have no clue who he is.
-allan
I was maybe 18 and had already been in a therapeutic community for 9 months. I left and picked up where I left off and them some. I was working for my family when one day my uncle introduced me to a guy who had come to the office. At the time I assumed he was a customer and me being me at the time, I'm sure I didn't hear a word he said. After the guy left my uncle told me that he had been a homeless drunk on the Bowery but had stopped drinking and turned his life around.
Meeting him or something he said must have made some impression for me to remember it after all this time. All I remember is "some guy". I wouldn't know him if I tripped over him. For all I know I've been sitting in meetings with the guy for 30+ years and have no clue who he is.
-allan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Were you 12th stepped?
yes Joe way back in 1989
went to Employee Assistance at work
in a strong way we could say they 12 stepped me
first the Lady asked if I would prefer
outpatient or inpatient
being the drunk that I was I chose outpatient
she said that in my case that was not going to work
next day I entered a 28 day spin dry
it was the best place for me to be (learned a lot about sobriety)
stayed sober that time 2 weeks short of three years
but
the seed of sobriety was planted but mowed down a few times
MM
yes Joe way back in 1989
went to Employee Assistance at work
in a strong way we could say they 12 stepped me
first the Lady asked if I would prefer
outpatient or inpatient
being the drunk that I was I chose outpatient
she said that in my case that was not going to work
next day I entered a 28 day spin dry
it was the best place for me to be (learned a lot about sobriety)
stayed sober that time 2 weeks short of three years
but
the seed of sobriety was planted but mowed down a few times
MM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
I was schooled by sponsors. Yes I were 12 stepped.
I tried it on my own so many times, and failed everytime.
I could not save myself, my sick mind could not save me.
I needed help. So I asked, and I recieved.
Glad to have found the correct information in sold AA members, rather then the mass of misinformation called meetings.
I tried it on my own so many times, and failed everytime.
I could not save myself, my sick mind could not save me.
I needed help. So I asked, and I recieved.
Glad to have found the correct information in sold AA members, rather then the mass of misinformation called meetings.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Several years ago my insurance agent had to inform me that I had been rejected for a rather large "key man" insurance policy due to high liver enzymes. He said, "Usually that is related to too much alcohol consumption.” He suggested that I should see a Dr. and get a checkup. BINGO! The Dr. told me I was clinically an alcoholic based on my consumption per day. A fifth of Canadian Club per day was apparently beyond the recommended daily dosage.
Fast forward and that same insurance agent who was then 16 years sober, "suggested" that he participated in some meetings of people who faced similar issues. I went and really hated the meetings, but ultimately determined that I respected many who attended and the lives that they had. I was surprised to see a couple of attorneys a doctor and one City Councilman that I knew from my business community at these meetings. In fact my agent was a guy who I really admired, in time as he and others related their stories to me I decided to stick around. That was 1999 and it has been pretty good since then. I ended up getting what these others had by doing what they did. Boy, wouldn’t that make a catchy saying?
I really never thought of it as 12 stepping, just a guy who saw what I didn't and decided to offer the hand of AA. I am glad I took it and have tried to do the same for others since then.
Jon
Fast forward and that same insurance agent who was then 16 years sober, "suggested" that he participated in some meetings of people who faced similar issues. I went and really hated the meetings, but ultimately determined that I respected many who attended and the lives that they had. I was surprised to see a couple of attorneys a doctor and one City Councilman that I knew from my business community at these meetings. In fact my agent was a guy who I really admired, in time as he and others related their stories to me I decided to stick around. That was 1999 and it has been pretty good since then. I ended up getting what these others had by doing what they did. Boy, wouldn’t that make a catchy saying?
I really never thought of it as 12 stepping, just a guy who saw what I didn't and decided to offer the hand of AA. I am glad I took it and have tried to do the same for others since then.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ct.
Posts: 173
Sorry about that, I'm having a bad day. My spoiled 22 year old(which I helped create) wants to return to University, and expects me to pay, which I agreed to do. Now I'm feeling the fear etc. knowing I'm probably gonna be writing some more checks pretty soon(affects my security/fear lol). Logically it seems like the right thing to do, but my gut is screaming. Have a good weekend!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
I was 12-stepped many years before I ever wanted to be sober. In another program, but it was recommended to attend open AA meetings, which I did.
When I found the desire for sobriety, I knew exactly where to go and knew it worked.
When I found the desire for sobriety, I knew exactly where to go and knew it worked.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
Originally Posted by youbetcha 
Oh, I probably should've mentioned my multiple arrests and what an awful garbage can I was, but I tire of war stories and living in the past at this point.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Thank you for this thread. I really needed to see some hope that 12 Stepping or interventions do sometimes work because of what is happening in my life right now.
I was 12 Stepped by a judge at the age of 21 when I got my first and only DUI. He sentenced me to 6 AA meetings because of my BAC and said he thought I was an alcoholic. It did not stick for me as I went to the first meeting and instead of seeing similarities I saw the differences; I saw a bunch of middle aged people and figured that I was way to young to be an alcoholic so I just signed the rest of the paper myself and turned it in. It took me 15 years to find my way back to AA and finally admit that yes, I am an alcoholic. That was in 2001 and I have not had to take a drink since. I have been skeptical of interventions/12 Stepping because I have not really heard of many people with long term sobriety that started out because of a 12 Step call.
My daughter has been caught up with social services due to neglect of her 5 year old autistic son because of her alcoholism. Long story short he was missing 2 hours before anyone noticed he was gone and since he can not speak because of the autism the police had no idea who he was or where he belonged until she called because they realized he was missing. When they came to her house they found it filthy and littered with alcohol bottles. The only way she was able to get him back was to go stay with her sister until her home could be cleaned up and pass inspection. She only got him back because she happened to be at an appointment during the time he went missing. But the babysitter, her roommate only did what my daughter does, sleeping while she was supposed to be watching him, so really my daughter is just as guilty of neglect as it could have happened while she was with him.
The social services person wants to do an intervention on my daughter on Tuesday. I have been very skeptical of this as I don't think it will do any good because she truly does not believe that alcohol is a problem for her even though her life has spun out of control and is completely unmanageable right now. She has not worked in months because she drinks all night and sleeps all day, she called in sick so much they quit calling her to work. She totaled her care the day before her son went missing. Granted she was not drinking at the time but since she has no job she can't afford another car and I am sure not buying her one as I had just told her in February that I would no longer be paying her rent which I had been paying for her for nearly 8 months because I did not want to see my grandson homeless and I did not realize how bad the drinking actually was until her sister told me. She quit taking my grandson to his autism, Head Start, classes because she was too hung over to get up in the morning and get him ready. She has burnt her bridges with friends and family so that none of us want to help her anymore. But yet she still can not put two and two together and see the link between her drinking and her life spinning out of control. I don't see what the social worker thinks can be said on Tuesday that we have not already said. But at least the previous posts do give me a little bit of hope which I had none prior to reading them so that is a positive thing.
Thanks everyone for your replies to the OP and thanks Joenerv for the topic. I needed to hear it today.
I was 12 Stepped by a judge at the age of 21 when I got my first and only DUI. He sentenced me to 6 AA meetings because of my BAC and said he thought I was an alcoholic. It did not stick for me as I went to the first meeting and instead of seeing similarities I saw the differences; I saw a bunch of middle aged people and figured that I was way to young to be an alcoholic so I just signed the rest of the paper myself and turned it in. It took me 15 years to find my way back to AA and finally admit that yes, I am an alcoholic. That was in 2001 and I have not had to take a drink since. I have been skeptical of interventions/12 Stepping because I have not really heard of many people with long term sobriety that started out because of a 12 Step call.
My daughter has been caught up with social services due to neglect of her 5 year old autistic son because of her alcoholism. Long story short he was missing 2 hours before anyone noticed he was gone and since he can not speak because of the autism the police had no idea who he was or where he belonged until she called because they realized he was missing. When they came to her house they found it filthy and littered with alcohol bottles. The only way she was able to get him back was to go stay with her sister until her home could be cleaned up and pass inspection. She only got him back because she happened to be at an appointment during the time he went missing. But the babysitter, her roommate only did what my daughter does, sleeping while she was supposed to be watching him, so really my daughter is just as guilty of neglect as it could have happened while she was with him.
The social services person wants to do an intervention on my daughter on Tuesday. I have been very skeptical of this as I don't think it will do any good because she truly does not believe that alcohol is a problem for her even though her life has spun out of control and is completely unmanageable right now. She has not worked in months because she drinks all night and sleeps all day, she called in sick so much they quit calling her to work. She totaled her care the day before her son went missing. Granted she was not drinking at the time but since she has no job she can't afford another car and I am sure not buying her one as I had just told her in February that I would no longer be paying her rent which I had been paying for her for nearly 8 months because I did not want to see my grandson homeless and I did not realize how bad the drinking actually was until her sister told me. She quit taking my grandson to his autism, Head Start, classes because she was too hung over to get up in the morning and get him ready. She has burnt her bridges with friends and family so that none of us want to help her anymore. But yet she still can not put two and two together and see the link between her drinking and her life spinning out of control. I don't see what the social worker thinks can be said on Tuesday that we have not already said. But at least the previous posts do give me a little bit of hope which I had none prior to reading them so that is a positive thing.
Thanks everyone for your replies to the OP and thanks Joenerv for the topic. I needed to hear it today.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,620
Yep, twice.
The first was a very kind man who, in 1979 came to the rehab to conduct the AA meeting. When I left rehab he followed up and tried to help me. He was always kind, never pushy, he set an example. I could not follow it at the time, but he planted a seed. Just a couple of weeks ago I looked him up when I visited that city. He is still sober, still keen to help people, and he was thrilled to know his time was not wasted on me.
A year or so later, 1980, another man 12 stepped me, this time I was willing, alcohol had defeated me. he also saved my life. In the course of an afternoon we worked out what my problem was and he outlined the solution. He told me his story and in so doing, won my confidence.
I had terrible fear of going to meetings, so he took me and looked after me. He had expleaned how the meetings work and that I did not have to do anything I didn't want to.
When I got there, I knew I was in the right place. My 12 stepper looked after me for my first few weeks until I found a sponsor.
The process of being 12 stepped helped me understand what AA was, how the meetings went, what I could expect, and why I needed to be there.
I have no way to know for sure, but I doubt I ever would have made it if I had to front up to a meeting cold. Too frightened by half.
The first was a very kind man who, in 1979 came to the rehab to conduct the AA meeting. When I left rehab he followed up and tried to help me. He was always kind, never pushy, he set an example. I could not follow it at the time, but he planted a seed. Just a couple of weeks ago I looked him up when I visited that city. He is still sober, still keen to help people, and he was thrilled to know his time was not wasted on me.
A year or so later, 1980, another man 12 stepped me, this time I was willing, alcohol had defeated me. he also saved my life. In the course of an afternoon we worked out what my problem was and he outlined the solution. He told me his story and in so doing, won my confidence.
I had terrible fear of going to meetings, so he took me and looked after me. He had expleaned how the meetings work and that I did not have to do anything I didn't want to.
When I got there, I knew I was in the right place. My 12 stepper looked after me for my first few weeks until I found a sponsor.
The process of being 12 stepped helped me understand what AA was, how the meetings went, what I could expect, and why I needed to be there.
I have no way to know for sure, but I doubt I ever would have made it if I had to front up to a meeting cold. Too frightened by half.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,100
Yes, I was twelfth-stepped. One week later, I entered detox, and a week after that I asked the guy who intervened to be my sponsor. I am still sober a year and a half later.
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