Gal220

Being on SR, I am constantly surprised at how different AA can be in different places. Sometimes I feel when I'm reading posts that I may be misunderstanding the terminology because it may have a different context. So just out of curiosity, what are "speaker meetings" like in your area?

Where I live, speaker meetings are where one person shares for the entire hour. There is no other sharing, questions or commentary. Generally, the person basically gives their life story, which can include a whole lot more than just the alcohol. Most who are good at it do follow the format of "what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now". Some are more general and keep it strictly to alcohol, but for the most part people sort of throw out everything about themselves - their upbringing, "side dishes" (a term I've picked up on SR - never heard it before), relationships, etc. that all led them to where they are today. I have mixed feelings about them. In a way, it's kind of cool to hear people's stories. But it also seems a bit self-centered. Our chairperson for that meeting is pretty lackadaisical, so he doesn't seek out speakers. It's just whoever signs up. Sometimes he asks people right then and there in the meeting if they want to speak! So it's the same people at our club all the time basically. I've heard of some people who say their sponsors suggested to them that they do a speaker meeting once a year to help the newcomer. I've never done one.

So what are they like in your area? Do you think they are important?

freethinking

The last speaker meeting I was at had 2 speakers (each went about 1/2 hour). Speaker meetings are my favorite at this point. Oh, and this last one I went to....the people who spoke were from another town. Some people from our group went to speak at their meeting the week before, and this past week it was their turn. We were their "commitment" for that week I guess.

Gal220

That sounds really cool! It would be good to hear people even from different parts of our city. Do you find people stick to alcohol, or do they talk about their whole lives?

CAPTAINZING2000

Can you define your last question a bit more?

Gal220

"Do you think they are important?"

I guess what I mean is, do they have value to the spirit of AA? Maybe in the spirit of anonymity? Do they help the newcomer? Speaker meetings where I live seem very personal and focused obviously on one person. Whenever it's been suggested to me that I speak, I always feel like it's a bit self-centered to stand up and talk about myself for an hour. That may be just me being self-conscious, though. I do like hearing other people speak.

freethinking

It varies. At the last one I went to, the first person did their whole life. The 2nd guy, refused to even go into detail about what his drinking was like because he said he considered that a "drunkalogue". He really focused on what his recovery has been like.

Personally, since I am coming back I suppose, I do like to hear a bit about what it was like when people drank so I don't feel so alone in the horrible mistakes I made. I'm not terribly interested in what the person's life was like was before drinking.

CAPTAINZING2000

Someone might have a different version speculating the speaker meetings coincide with the stories from the big book.
The way I look at it, I will stay sober for an hour even if, I'm unable to relate to the speaker . I also believe, just because I didn't relate doesn't mean someone else didn't .
I just spoke at a meeting last week. I gave the way it was like, what happened and the way it is now.
This area doesn't have questions afterwards.'
I have been asked questions at another area in Illinois after I was done speaking.
When, I spoke in St. Louis there were three speakers that night and I spoke last.

The group conscience dictates how each area does their meetings. I've only been in meetings in 7 states might vary more in other states or cities

yeahgr8

In the UK and Europe the speaker meetings generally consist of the speaker going through their story for about 20-30 mins then the floor is open for sharing.

GracieLou

In my area they are called lead meetings. A person is asked to lead. They talk about "what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now".

They can vary as people, their story and their personalities vary. Some are really good, others not so much but it is not always about what I may or may not get from their story. Sometimes I may get nothing but I was their to support them so as a member of AA, I am doing my part.

After the lead, if there is time, people comment to the person. Most are comments how they can relate to their story or some just comment that the person has become a special person in their life, for whatever reason. The comments can vary as much as the the story given by the lead.

I am giving my first full lead tonight. I will try not to wonder in my story but I can tell you there it the lead you practice, the one you give and the one you go over and over again after the fact.

I have been told the one you give is the one that comes from the heart.

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org

20 minutes to over an hour talks.....from many places....

PaperDolls

The ones in my area are just like this. Often there are 2 speakers during the hour but not always and it's not uncommon for 1 speaker to not use up the entire hour. No one minds that though.

At my homegroup, and most meetings around here, it's suggested you sign up for your 1+ year anniversary. I've spoke four times, missed one year because I was pregnant and huge and grumpy.

I've found it very helpful for myself. Helps me reflect on myself and my recovery and take an honest look at where I am.

I know at least one person, a very close friend, that had gone to some open meetings with a friend. They were all speaker meetings. After the second one, he realized he had a problem. He didn't attend those meetings because he wanted to by the way, he was hanging out with a friend and didn't have a ride home so he was just killing time. He's been sober for a few years now.

Gal220

Thank you! I guess I'm really asking because I sense that my sponsor is nudging me to do one. She has mentioned it in passing a few times. We don't have group conscience meetings, so it's hard to get advice that way. It just seems like sharing at a speaker meeting seems to be the exact opposite of sharing in a meeting. People give lots of personal details; I guess they figure background and upbringing contributed to why they became drinkers. People talk a lot about resentments to family and religion, sometimes about abuse. And then it seems there are a lot of specifics about what happened while drinking, which during a regular meeting might be considered a "drunkalogue". Sometime there is discussion of other addictions, too, like drugs or food. Usually they tie it all around to the solution and what it's like now, but still. It seems contrary to the guidelines I've received about sharing in general.

My drinking career was very short, so I don't really know what I would talk about. I don't have any funny stories or anything. I have been sober six years, and I have never done a speaker meeting. My sponsor has implied that it's part of 12th step work, and that I should be doing them occasionally.

freethinking

Maybe talk more about your recovery then? Maybe someone else will still be able to identify.

Also, I forgot to add that where I live anyway, you only have to have 90 days to speak. While someone with 90 days might feel unworthy to share, people often times comment that the person with 90 days helps them too because it reminds them of how grateful they were in the beginning for what little time they had accumulated. Not sure my point here...guess I'm just saying, if someone with 90 days can do it - I am sure you can too...someone might really identify.

jdooner

I have been to speaker meetings. I have a group that is a big book study group. However, one a month someone who has completed the steps will share their story. I find this particularly useful, as it give great insight into the person. i like this format, which may be a bit unorthodox bc then in the other 3 meetings we study the book and I feel like I really know the people I am sharing with.

I also go to a Mens meeting that the chair will share for 20 minutes and then open it.

The speaker meetings I have gone to are good but then I might not see the person again, as most speaker meetings I have ben to rotate other home group guest speakers through. So for me I don't find them that useful - just my take for what I need currently.

feeling-good

For the newcomer or anyone struggling or in fact anyone, it is all about listening for identification; to someone in the room, the most 'irrelevant' thing you say may in fact be the most relevant to them. Don't be afraid to say whatever you feel like saying Keep us posted on how it goes once you do it!

Finnie

Can I join in?
I went to my first aa meeting on Sunday. About 20 people. Nearly everyone spoke. I was sat up the front and after the chairman and his assistant spoke for about 5 minutes each about their history, recovery etc I was asked to introduce myself.
The comments then zigzagged around the room.

Great stuff, drinking history, types of alcoholics, b12 deficiency, higher power, feelings of inadequacy, etc. couple of older guys spoke to me after, asked me how I was. Told me to keep in coming and I was welcome. One guy told me a story about a young man who was afraid of missing birthdays, Christmases etc in the future. He said give aa three months and you can always go back drinking if you still miss it.

I was disappointed with one thing. The group was quite old and settled, like they all knew each other. A bit off putting, but can't be helped I suppose.

feeling-good

Finnie - sounds like it was a good meeting It won't be long until you feel quite settled, believe me! Just keep going back

freethinking

Yes, I get this feeling from certain meetings and even certain towns. I recently sort of "switched towns" because I felt the other area I was going to was a bit clique-ish. This new area gives me a better vibe. All in all, the people in AA are very helpful and well-meaning...but it can be clique-ish in some areas.

Gal220

This happens; it's actually encouraged! AA is supposed to be about fellowship. We are anonymous to the outside world, but not in the rooms. In the rooms, we get to know each other. Old-timers because they have been around for years. We are grateful they stick around even though they don't "need" meetings to pass on the message. Newcomers tend to come a lot, often daily or even several times a day. So it's not surprising that everyone gets to know one another. Sometimes when I go a few months without a meeting, I come back and it seems like a whole new crowd and they think I'm the newcomer! This was especially interesting when I was pregnant and all the newcomers thought I was drinking during my pregnancy, lol!

CAPTAINZING2000

Thank you for adding that.

While we don't have someone greeting people at the door, I've been to a meeting where there was someone at the door to greet people.
All the meetings I've attended do ask if there is a newcomer and if they are visiting.
The old timers that have been going to meetings together for years are understandably going to be friendlier among them selves. We are usually good about giving out an area meeting list with phone numbers.