Judgements
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Judgements
I have recently been involved in a a spate of threads where opinions have become obvious by the OP and the contributors. In full disclosure, I am as guilty of providing judgement as any one of you - a simple search in my threads and responses will confirm that point. However, I read two books on the plane over the past 28hours. Neither are directly tied to addiction/alcoholism both however, have to deal with spiritual practice (Awareness and Mindfulness for Beginners). I find my recovery is broadening beyond the scope of simply not drinking and I am starting to take a hard look at the conventions and construct of my ideals, most of which I now believe are preprogrammed by others that I have adopted (brainwashing I guess). Anyhow, I thought this passage highlights the negative impact judgement has on learning:
Do you want to change the world? How about beginning with yourself? How about being transformed yourself first? But how do you achieve that? Through observation. Through understanding. With no interference or judgment on your part. Because what you judge you cannot understand.
When you say of someone, “He’s a communist,” understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. “She’s a capitalist.” Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse! How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter? All of this sounds like a new world, doesn’t it? No judgment, no commentary, no attitude: one simply observes, one studies, one watches, without the desire to change what is. Because if you desire to change what is into what you think should be, you no longer understand. A dog trainer attempts to understand a dog so that he can train the dog to perform certain tricks. A scientist observes the behavior of ants with no further end in view than to study ants, to learn as much as possible about them. He has no other aim. He’s not attempting to train them or getof awareness settles on your darkness, whatever is evil will disappear. Whatever is good will be fostered. You will have to experience that for yourself.
But this calls for a disciplined mind. And when I say disciplined, I’m not talking about effort. I’m talking about something else. Have you ever studied an athlete. His or her whole life is sports, but what a disciplined life he or she leads. And look at a river as it moves toward the sea. It creates its own banks that contain it. When there’s something within you that moves in the right direction, it creates its own discipline. The moment you get bitten by the bug of awareness. Oh, it’s so delightful! It’s the most delightful thing in the world; the most important, the most delightful. There’s nothing so important in the world as awakening. Nothing! And, of course, it is also discipline in its own way.
Mello, Anthony De (2011-08-31). Awareness (p. 38). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Do you want to change the world? How about beginning with yourself? How about being transformed yourself first? But how do you achieve that? Through observation. Through understanding. With no interference or judgment on your part. Because what you judge you cannot understand.
When you say of someone, “He’s a communist,” understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. “She’s a capitalist.” Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse! How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter? All of this sounds like a new world, doesn’t it? No judgment, no commentary, no attitude: one simply observes, one studies, one watches, without the desire to change what is. Because if you desire to change what is into what you think should be, you no longer understand. A dog trainer attempts to understand a dog so that he can train the dog to perform certain tricks. A scientist observes the behavior of ants with no further end in view than to study ants, to learn as much as possible about them. He has no other aim. He’s not attempting to train them or getof awareness settles on your darkness, whatever is evil will disappear. Whatever is good will be fostered. You will have to experience that for yourself.
But this calls for a disciplined mind. And when I say disciplined, I’m not talking about effort. I’m talking about something else. Have you ever studied an athlete. His or her whole life is sports, but what a disciplined life he or she leads. And look at a river as it moves toward the sea. It creates its own banks that contain it. When there’s something within you that moves in the right direction, it creates its own discipline. The moment you get bitten by the bug of awareness. Oh, it’s so delightful! It’s the most delightful thing in the world; the most important, the most delightful. There’s nothing so important in the world as awakening. Nothing! And, of course, it is also discipline in its own way.
Mello, Anthony De (2011-08-31). Awareness (p. 38). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
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For me this brings to mind the words of Dr. Carl Jung to Rowland Hazzard in 1931 when he defined a psychic change or as he called it a "vital spiritual experience." He said:
To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men (alcoholics) are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd. Edition, Page 27.
To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men (alcoholics) are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd. Edition, Page 27.
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My job isn't to change what is into what I think it should be. My job is to make changes within myself to adapt to the sort of life I want to live. In order to do that, I have to make judgments. I don't pretend to try to change people. I don't have the right to do that. I do however, have the right to judge actions and make a decision as to whether or not I want to be involved to any extent, with a person, place or thing that fits into, or doesn't fit into the kind of life I want for myself.
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I make decisions about whether I want to involve myself in situations or debates...usually that involves making a judgement about where I am, how it will affect me, and whether the outcome will benefit anyone. This means I set boundaries for myself. It is a new skill that I'm only just developing.
It doesn't however involve me making judgements about others. I do not know what place they might be in or the thoughts or motives behind their words or actions. I simply stay or I go...
I hear AAers talk and gossip about each other a lot outside meetings, and that's one of the reasons I don't attend many. We can only share what's worked for us can't we? We haven't the right to judge anyone else I don't think. Empathy, understanding, compassion...
I sat next to a woman in a meeting last night I've known from my first days in AA. She sat shaking and said quietly that she had just relapsed after almost 2 years. It was a shock for her...she couldn't understand how it had happened...it may have been more obvious for those who knew her well, but even so..no judgements about that from anyone. We can share our experience not tell her where she's gone wrong..
It doesn't however involve me making judgements about others. I do not know what place they might be in or the thoughts or motives behind their words or actions. I simply stay or I go...
I hear AAers talk and gossip about each other a lot outside meetings, and that's one of the reasons I don't attend many. We can only share what's worked for us can't we? We haven't the right to judge anyone else I don't think. Empathy, understanding, compassion...
I sat next to a woman in a meeting last night I've known from my first days in AA. She sat shaking and said quietly that she had just relapsed after almost 2 years. It was a shock for her...she couldn't understand how it had happened...it may have been more obvious for those who knew her well, but even so..no judgements about that from anyone. We can share our experience not tell her where she's gone wrong..
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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I am a very judgmental person - it is one of my biggest faults, I think, when it goes too far. My family and friends have called me out on it. On one hand, I feel like it is something I should change about myself because it actually causes me more stress than is necessary when I get too involved in other people's business! On the other hand, I think that my being judgmental has served me well. I am a very observant person and it allows me to see things before others see them, or weed out people whom I deem dangerous, for lack of a better word.
So how do you let it go? I try to look at myself when I'm being judgmental and ask myself either why am I trying to distract myself from my own problems by getting involved in the problems of others, or what is it that I'm judging in someone else that is actually a reflection of myself?
It is hard work and doesn't always make me feel good about myself...
So how do you let it go? I try to look at myself when I'm being judgmental and ask myself either why am I trying to distract myself from my own problems by getting involved in the problems of others, or what is it that I'm judging in someone else that is actually a reflection of myself?
It is hard work and doesn't always make me feel good about myself...
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by jdooner 
I find my recovery is broadening beyond the scope of simply not drinking and I am starting to take a hard look at the conventions and construct of my ideals, most of which I now believe are preprogrammed by others that I have adopted (brainwashing I guess). Anyhow, I thought this passage highlights the negative impact judgement has on learning:
"In this life - pain is inevitable - suffering is optional".
(unknown author)
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Boleo - six months ago I would have no idea what you are talking about but I really understand your perspective, which I share too.
I posted this, as it caused me to reflect on my motives and I thought it was interesting. Nobody is perfect and we all are flawed. Perhaps the greatest gift of recovery for me is starting to break down the ideals that put others and myself on pedestals that were merely illusions designed for failure. Living in the Now, as Tolle explains for me is about living in the gray, no longer black and white.
I posted this, as it caused me to reflect on my motives and I thought it was interesting. Nobody is perfect and we all are flawed. Perhaps the greatest gift of recovery for me is starting to break down the ideals that put others and myself on pedestals that were merely illusions designed for failure. Living in the Now, as Tolle explains for me is about living in the gray, no longer black and white.
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In my experience, most people who insist on living in "the gray" are deathly afraid to pick either black or white for fear of being wrong. So they go through most of their lives, sitting on the fence which results in nothing but a sore crack. They are unprincipled, and are pretty much willing to "go with the crowd" whichever direction that may take them. They tend to make decisions based on "feeling" rather than "thinking" in an attempt to "feel good" all the time. Like the lyrics in the song go: If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
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Wow music your definition of living in the grey couldn't be any further from mine. Living in the grey means not always having to see things as black or white right or wrong, up or down, good or bad. Their is infinite value in adapting this way of grey thinking. It's not about following others or not taking a stand either way. Its an adaptability one has that allows flexibility in their thinking.
When you think in black or white yes you may not be sitting in the middle of the fence butt,
just might have the post up your 
"To be alive we must appreciate, the beauty of grey"- Ed Kowalczyk
When you think in black or white yes you may not be sitting in the middle of the fence butt,
just might have the post up your "To be alive we must appreciate, the beauty of grey"- Ed Kowalczyk
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Thanks for sharing your perspective Music. I think we just see things differently - not better or worse just differently. At least I now having insight into how you see things and hopefully you understand me a bit more. There is no right way to be sober, so I wish you the best n your journey.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
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I have a challenge staying in the moment.
I have had a very stressful couple of weeks. I slept rather bad last night and when I contemplate on my day today: I have been so stressed and tired that it destroyed all experience I had. It was at no fun to me and I did not have a positive impact on my surroundings.
I do not see it as a question of whether I take a stand or whether I engage or the level of dedication.
I think Boleo has a point that it has something to do with expectations and living in the now.
I see it as burning the emotion out in the situation and not carry worries and irritation from one situation to the next.
I am not good at this but I manage a little better if I mediate every evening to ground my selv and to run longer distances does also help me.
I did a presentation today for some people I met for the first time and probably will work with for some time, it irritates me that I could not be relaxed and open in the presentation – and instead was stressed and controlling. It is a waste of oppertunities for something positive to happen – and it is lack of respect not to engage open and unprejudiced.
I can do better tomorow
I have had a very stressful couple of weeks. I slept rather bad last night and when I contemplate on my day today: I have been so stressed and tired that it destroyed all experience I had. It was at no fun to me and I did not have a positive impact on my surroundings.
I do not see it as a question of whether I take a stand or whether I engage or the level of dedication.
I think Boleo has a point that it has something to do with expectations and living in the now.
I see it as burning the emotion out in the situation and not carry worries and irritation from one situation to the next.
I am not good at this but I manage a little better if I mediate every evening to ground my selv and to run longer distances does also help me.
I did a presentation today for some people I met for the first time and probably will work with for some time, it irritates me that I could not be relaxed and open in the presentation – and instead was stressed and controlling. It is a waste of oppertunities for something positive to happen – and it is lack of respect not to engage open and unprejudiced.
I can do better tomorow
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
Living in the grey means not always having to see things as black or white right or wrong, up or down, good or bad. Their is infinite value in adapting this way of grey thinking. It's not about following others or not taking a stand either way. Its an adaptability one has that allows flexibility in their thinking.
Call it "Power of Now", call it Zen or call it Holy Indifference. When I live life without adjectives, statements or attributes - quality grows outside of the small box of my imagination. When quality grows outside the box - it can be as big as it wants to be. I no longer have a glass ceiling on the quality of my world.
"All expectations are seeds for resentment."
(Zhuangzi)
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