Jsober

Lately I have been in self-will and have been impatient. I didn't realize this until my wife pointed out how irritible I have been. I have been overly stressed about money-pressures I put on myself, trying to control the market. And just trying to control people and things in general.
My question is how do you get back to being right-sized? What are things you do to stay humble? The ego for me is a tricky foe and continues to take control.
I am in AA but have not attended a meeting in a couple of weeks. I do see the correlation there. But I will not be able to attend for a couple of days so any ideas would help.

suki44883

Do you have a copy of the Big Book? Maybe read that until you are able to get to a meeting? If you don't have one, you can find it online.

fraankie

the answer is make more meetings
and share about it

eventually, this too, shall pass


fraankie

UncleMeat69

Have you worked the 12 Steps ?

sugarbear1

The real answer is in working the steps and then establishing and maintaining a relationship with a power greater than you....

Fluttering

Great questions J

All the above posts are fantastic suggestions are ones that work.

In addition to the above suggestions what I learned to do is what is in the 24 hour plan outlined on pages 86-88; it begins with
"When we retire at night..."
then it goes on to "On awakening..."
"In thinking about our day..." and so on

Within this one day at a time there are a few things as explained to me as daily disciplines...these pages explain those "daily disciplines". In reading thru those you will note that many of them, if not all, include instructions on what or How to connect to your Higher Power to include that Power in your day

I found when my Higher Power is in control there is no room for my ego. He helps me to stay "right sized" and out of self will.

Peace on the journey my friend

"Pause when agitated or doubtful.."
When

Louise82

I can relate Jsober. Lately I've been egotistical, self-obsessed, proud, impatient and lacking in faith. I'm dealing with it by handing it over to my HP and asking for it to be taken from me, stepping up my meetings, sharing about it and praying, meditating and reading the BB every day and night instead of only when I feel like it. I'm going to be working the steps again soon so that should help as well.

GracieLou

I was doing the same thing and I did not even realize I was doing it. It was not so much myself. I think I have handed myself over but I was not willing to hand others over. I became angry. I was trying to control.

I kept looking back and hoping for a happy ending, well the more accurate truth was I was looking for an ending I was happy with.

I will not regret the past not wish to shut the door on it. I realize I am not going to get what I want. It is in the past and hanging on to it will not make it change. It is over and done and I had to move on.

I have changed my outlook to new beginnings which are much more positive not only for me but for everyone around me.

Climber122

Hi JSober - Well you must be doing something right because you are self-aware, so that's huge. At least you can identify the problem, so excellent work on that.

Fear and control seem to be what get us down more often than not. As simple as it sounds, the serenity prayer could really help here. The financial markets are something we can't control - trying to "win" at them is a game best left to people without our addiction. Usually when I am angry about losing control it is because I am afraid I am going to not get what I want, or lose something I have. Release yourself from the fear entailed in entertaining the disaster scenarios you are trying to avoid by "winning" and you can live more serenely and free.

A friend of mine recently reminded me that the human brain is far more capable at projecting negative results than positive ones - but it's ALL projection and not based in fact. However we are more than ready to believe our negative mental projections than our positive ones, when in fact neither are valid, because they are not based in reality. When or IF things do start to go "wrong," try and remember your gratitude list and look for the opportunities that are presented to you in the new paradigm.

I know a MAJOR change occurred in my life when what I thought was my most important career goal completely fizzled out. But out of that I found a much more satisfying and fitting career path to pursue. I attribute the resolution of that search to staying sober, prayer to my Higher Power, and the support of my AA friends. Good luck and get to a meeting

muvinon

You don't say where you are with the steps or if you have a sponsor, so I'm not sure what to suggest, really.

jdooner

I can relate to your dilemma quite well. One you cannot control the mkt this is just deluded thinking, so stop. Two, I am not sure you ego is the issue about money concerns. Money concerns are real and the only way to address is to make a plan and execute. When I get concerned over money, I typically adjust my five year plan and it provides the comfort that I should not be concerned. Financial independence can be part of this plan and I suggest saving 10% of your income and not spending. This will provide a nest egg.

Your ego is always going to be the part of you that wants to puff up. This is not a bad but normal thing. The issue is not acting on the impulses. Becoming self aware and understanding that when you go into a situation your ego is likely to try and tell you you deserve that new Porsche but not acting on this is how you control it. You ego might tell you you deserve that drink you done such a good job, disassociate and be aware not to act. Your ego does not define you - this took a bit for me to understand.

To stay humble, try volunteer work, starting a charity, giving back - the service aspect of AA is great here.

Good luck!

deeker

When I began to know what peace was after a few months sober, I realized that whenever I didn't have it I was living in self will.

Today I cherish my peace so much that I am not willing to give it up for anything or anyone.

You seem to know what the problem is. The answer is acceptance, giving it to God and letting go. Lowering your expectations. Have no expectations.

God Bless!

You may want to Read Step 3 in the 12 and 12

WMJ1012

I start my day in my knees but the prayers I do are important.
I had to do all 12 Steps first (out of the BB of course) to know how to pray etc.

I suck up emotional pain.
I don't fight anyone.
I think of who I can HELP, not worry about what I won't get.

I trust God to meet my needs

We have to stay on the firing line of life if we want to stay unharmed.

RobbyRobot

Ego for me is self.

With this in mind, I can easily keep an open mind on myself ie my selfishness. Keeping an open mind gives me a huge critical and essential advantage that I didn't have while being drunk, of course, but still not enough in itself to be all that I can be in life - being in action is still the best way forward. All the ideas in the world are like dust without action to bring them into reality. All too often great ideas are put on the back burner, and here they stay, useless. In fact such back-burner ideas can create an overblown ego state which is not something we want to desire goes without saying.

Selfishness is a trait which can be highly moderated when one decides to live a lifestyle which supports service in kind to others. I spent many years doing pro bona work with addicted clients from the street-level populations very much giving away what I had to give. I gave up plenty of early financial "success markers" to be of service in the trenches. The point here is I put my then relevant ideas into real action, and so became a person who understands giving is better then getting. Nowadays, I can reap the benefits of my years of hard work. I'm now retired in my mid-fifties, and I've become my own stock investor working with seven figure portfolios. So, I understand firsthand the "want" to control the market, but as JD mentioned, "control" is impossible. It might seem weird that being humble and self-aware is an amazing advantage in stocks analysis, but there it is nonetheless, in my experience. It's a fact that much of the market is created on traits of greed, and so taking advantage of these trends within the market is a (relatively) no-brainer. Having a plan and bringing that plan to the table and working it is essential. Being a person who understands their own motivations is a huge advantage in stock trading, imo. I'm a rags to riches kinda guy, just to qualify. Back in the day I lived on the streets, dirt poor. Today, not so much. I'm living the dream!

tomsteve

"My question is how do you get back to being right-sized?"
start at step 1
"What are things you do to stay humble?"
gods will, not mine.