safe2breathe

so i have a pretty alcoholic family -- my dad being one of them.
I have talked to him about going to meetings and just about alcohol in general before with no luck. we never had a very good relationship but the past few years it has gotten much better.

November 6, on his way to work, an 18wheeler pulled across the road in front of him and he hit the ass end of the trailer at around 70 mph.. and somehow lived. Broken vertebrates, broke nearly all of his left ribs front and back, cracked skull , left arm in 2 places, left leg in 2 places .. just all around NOT GOOD. He spent about 5 weeks in ICU was moved to acute rehabilitation , and is now in regular rehabilitation.... That means for 2 months now he has had zero alcohol.

He is looking at being released this friday ... and i am scared... now partially disabled, probably more depressed than ever, and going to be home since he cant work, i am terrified that he will take to drinking worse than before...

i want to help him stay sober... actually i dont care if it is me- i just want him to be sober-- i dont want to lose him to alcohol after already almost losing him. but i dont know what to do or how to help him....

Dee74

It's really tough to be the loved one of an alcoholic, cos as you know, the motivation to clean up has to be an internal one.

Have you considered AlAnon, Colton, or our Family and Friends forums here?

D

safe2breathe

i have... and even thought about copy/pasting to the forum dedicated to it ... just to get "their" side of opinions... didnt know if that was "legal" or considered a double post or anything like that-- just as an alcoholic my first instinct is to go to "my people" for advice lol.

Dee74

Sometimes when the forums, and the audience, are different enough I think it's ok
I'll vouch for ya

D

TigerLili

Does he think he has an alcohol problem? I'm wondering if alcohol rehab might be a step before coming home?

Otherwise, yeah, hook in with the 'family and friends' group. I have to detach from a friend who is on a downward spiral. I have offered that I will be with him all the way if he stays in recovery, but if he chooses to use/drink again I can't be around him. I cried all the way home because every day I worry that he's lying dead in his apartment from an overdose.

tomsteve

how bout leaving a copy of the big book and a few copies of the grapevine with him?

safe2breathe

i tried that approach...

Mountainmanbob

the best thing that you can do is
share your thoughts above with you father - straight out

MB

muvinon

You are sober? Then you are already giving him the very best you have to offer.....a role model. And, yes, parents learn from children.

He is watching you. Show him what recovery can do for someone. If he asks, share about your AA program. Then, hush. lol He will ask.

Family members are the last to be able to 12-step others, but they are the BEST in planting the seeds.

I was in recovery for 7 years before anyone in my family showed interest beyond curiosity. Today, one entire generation is in recovery. And the younger ones are watching.

safe2breathe

you are right... maybe it will have no effect at all but at least he will know.

deeker

safe2breath I just wanted to say I have really enjoyed reading your posts. Sorry bout your Dad, you have so much to offer to SR we r glad I an glad r here!

safe2breathe

well thank you for the kind words ... it is refreshing to find SR - I recently moved out to the middle of no where -- and it is fantastic -I have land and chickens and a garden, A DONKEY, wood burning stove -- plan on getting a few cows (never would have happened if i didnt get sober) -- downside is I am about 35 minutes each way to the nearest meetings - so i dont make it often...

so the thanks should go to all of you on the site - who make it possible and share, ask for help, advice, or just need someone understanding

PaperDolls

I'll add to this - share your thoughts and then let go of the outcome.

You are not responsible for your fathers sobriety. I have a feeling you know this but I say it because even though I knew I was responsible for my mothers sobriety (and life) I realize now, that I had this overwhelming feeling of responsibility because if I didn't do it no one would. It drove me crazy. Like, really crazy. I was scared and depressed all the time because not matter what I did or said would make her get sober.

She did eventually get sober but I had nothing to do with it. This was after I kicked her out of my house because she broke one of the two rules (stay sober). It was after she ended up in ICU from drinking herself nearly to death. She's been sober for over 10 years now.

Good luck to you!


P.S. You have a DONKEY?! That's so cool!!

WMJ1012

Your answers are all in the Big Book.
For started look at page 83 paragraph 2.
But you have to be doing your own work in that book for its promises to come true.

In fact sometimes focusing on others is a way to stop doing our own work, and I mean the real work.

safe2breathe

ha - yea he is alright.. Finley is his name.
i also have a great dane that is almost the size of a donkey ... what was i thinking.