soberhal9

My sponsor brought me through the steps, and I call him every once in a while. I often hear people call their sponsors a few times a day, everyday, or other sponsors who never work their sponsees through the steps. Sponsors who don't work their sponsees through the steps are killin' people in my opinion.

Jeni26

I guess we are all different, and the type of sponsoring we need will vary. My first sponsor took me through the steps and I saw her at meetings a few times a week. I rarely called her though and was more likely to lean on support here on SR than talk it through with her. I'm not sure why that was really.

My current sponsor has supported me by working through the steps for a 2nd time, and we are in contact almost daily. She is the first person I speak to about anything that's on my mind.

They are very different people and I value them both. The purpose of a sponsor I would say is to guide someone through the steps and help them find a solution. That's the whole point. It doesn't really matter how often the contact happens as long as the message is being shared effectively.

GracieLou

First off, I try hard these days not to take other peoples inventory or stick my nose into their recovery. Everyone is different and what works for one person does not mean it will work for another.

That said, I love my sponsor. I could not have found a better example to follow and to learn from. I have no doubt that God sent her to me.

She walked me through the steps and she gave suggestions. She also supported me when I did not follow those suggestions. I was lucky that none of them backfired on me to bad but even if they had, she would have been there for me.

She was the first person, I feel, that ever showed me unconditional love. I am close to completing the steps and I find that now not only is she my sponsor and my mentor but she is a dear friend. We laugh so easily and she understands me so well. She is my sober sister. I did not only learned the steps or the program from her, I learned how to live. I learned how to be a woman and to love other woman. That is something I never in a million years thought I would feel. Not only did I get love but I have learned how to give it and to truly be a friend.

She saved my life. I am so very blessed and grateful. One thing I can do to show that gratitude is to hopefully be able to take what I have been given and pass it to another. They talk about living amends and that is important but I also want to be able to show living gratitude.

I don't know if everyone gets what I have gotten from my sponsor. I am not them and they are not me. I do know that it was meant to be because it was Gods will.

paul99

I hear what you are saying, hal. I think that every sponsor-sponsee is different. Some gals and guys need and respond to the "call me at x every day" and who need to have the same home group as their sponsor and all that sort of jazz. Some need and respond to something less stringent. Some are in between. In other words, it's an open world. The sponsor may dictate the initial plan, but I find that the relationship grows organically, as needed by both people.

I used to see or talk to my sponsor a few times a week at first. He gave me lots of hugs back then. We would talk for hours on end. He introduced me to a lot of other men. He stayed close by. As I worked the steps, that relationship changed. Our meetings weren't so heavy, so imperative, so critical. Then I got to point where I started asking his advice about some of the guys I was working with. We saw each other less. These days, I might talk to him maybe once every week or two weeks. Maybe longer. Or we might go through a times where it;s a few times week, if something is going on. Last I saw him, he was at my trial (which concludes in January) and we sat and spoke for an hour or so after everyone left and I consoled him as he told me about a cousin (one of us) who recently committed suicide. So the relationship changes.

So to your questions - there are certainly different relationships in this manner. As for the sponsor who doesn't work his sponsee through the steps - who is to say that they are killing them? Perhaps their HP put that person there for a reason. Obviously working the steps is the program, but not everyone does it. Many fine AAs I know had first sponsors who never worked the steps themselves, but got the person very active in service and other things of AA life. It was perhaps what they needed at the time until they found someone who could work them through the steps.

If calling your sponsor once a week works for you, awesome. Keep a look out for the new guy who comes in and see who you can sponsor next

RobbyRobot

I wouldn't say they are killing anybody, you know? AA is a spiritual program which offers for whomever has a desire to quit drinking a way out of their drinking, and into a life recovered from what AA describes as an illness of mind, body, and spirit: aka alcoholism

Its awesome what all that really means for those that follow thru on the idea of AA being more about what YOU WANT in your non-drinking life by suggesting what works and what doesn't work, based on their own real life experiences. No one person/AA meeting/group speak for how AA is understood by any individual - we're all free to be ourselves as sponsor/sponsee, respectively. No AA thought/action police exist, lol. Its on each of us as individuals to make our own choices.

Judging others has a way of coming back on the one doing the judging. I've learned to keep an open mind on what makes whomever a good member of AA. I do believe a sponsor has an added responsibility to have completed the 12 steps, and has results as they were promised, or else, such a sponsor is wasting time and resources. As for lives lost, that is all on God, for better or for worse, imo.

soberhal9

When a sponsor urges his sponsor NOT to work the 12 steps, that is very misleading, and I have seen people die from sponsors like this.

RobbyRobot

Oh yeah?

No bona fide sponsor from AA would tell anybody to NOT work the 12 twelve steps. Sure, anybody can call themselves a sponsor, doesn't make them one, you know? Some people also attend AA meetings, and they have no real desire to quit either - they would much rather moderate their drinking if they could. Are you talking about these folk?

People die from alcoholism all the time, while being members of AA and while not. There is no cure for alcoholism, as suggested by AA. Its no secret people die from alcoholism. Not sure what your point is, soberhal?

No one member speaks for AA. Never was, never will be.

soberhal9

Let me clear that up "sponsors" people who are sponsoring people have told their sponsees to not worry about taking the 12 steps, and dont worry about the big book. and that hurts sponsees.

There's not cure of alcoholism, but there's a guaranteed solution, in the first 164 pages in the BB.

miap

I also have the similar problem.

sugarbear1

A sponsor's role is to guide someone through those steps.

Signal30

Sponsors don't kill their sponsees. Sponsors are not tying them down and forcing booze down their throat. The sponsee needs to make the effort to find another sponsor. You can't sit there and wait for something to change. You have to take action.

jdooner

My view is the sponsors job and goal is to bring the horse to water, not make them drink. Provide the tools and in most cases this is step work and decipher the meaning within the first 64 pages.

As stated in the BB, not every sponsee is ready to be helped and spending too much time on someone who is not ready is taking away from someone who is - drop and move on.

Conversely, not every sponsor is the right fit and this is not the dating game- drop and move on - easier said than done sometimes.