Anybody raised kids in AA?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
Great thread, thx!
I go to a meeting that is closed AA, but very welcoming of addictspeak & some other slightly off-AA talk. But the meeting every few years goes through turmoil when a new parent in recovery brings their infant into the meeting (early Sunday mornings). The meeting is tolerant of once or twice, then a group conscience is taken, and the person is politely asked to not bring their child to the closed meeting anymore. Some have taken offense & never come back...
There's another club I go to that actually has a little play room fully stocked with toys & games & a TV. I have never taken my kids there because they're a bit older, but such settings do exist in some cities.
I am now wrestling with the issue of how to frame my recovery to my sons. The 13 yr old definitely knows something's up because all of his pals' dads drink and his doesn't. I've had a few talks with him, am now considering dropping him off at an Alateen mtg.....I figure the more info his has, the better.
I go to a meeting that is closed AA, but very welcoming of addictspeak & some other slightly off-AA talk. But the meeting every few years goes through turmoil when a new parent in recovery brings their infant into the meeting (early Sunday mornings). The meeting is tolerant of once or twice, then a group conscience is taken, and the person is politely asked to not bring their child to the closed meeting anymore. Some have taken offense & never come back...
There's another club I go to that actually has a little play room fully stocked with toys & games & a TV. I have never taken my kids there because they're a bit older, but such settings do exist in some cities.
I am now wrestling with the issue of how to frame my recovery to my sons. The 13 yr old definitely knows something's up because all of his pals' dads drink and his doesn't. I've had a few talks with him, am now considering dropping him off at an Alateen mtg.....I figure the more info his has, the better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by coraltint 
I am now wrestling with the issue of how to frame my recovery to my sons. The 13 yr old definitely knows something's up because all of his pals' dads drink and his doesn't. I've had a few talks with him, am now considering dropping him off at an Alateen mtg.....I figure the more info his has, the better.
I feel like it would be counterproductive for me to shy away from talking about it until she's a teen and then springing it on her, "Oh, by the way, your dad and I are both recovering alcoholics!"
Who knew being a parent would be so difficult?!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,256
Both of my kids were quite young when I
entered recovery back in 1990. Family
intervention took place and I spent 28 days
in rehab away from my little family, putting
a strain on them while I was away from them.
However, they all survived and when I returned
home i began my recovery journey explaining
all along the way to my "normal" family with
no addiction. With me in recovery and them
not, it made communication and understanding
difficult.
My 2 kids went on to graduate college with no
addiction problems, which is a blessing and now
they are grown and gone living awesome lives.
With knowledge available to all members in
the family for the taking is very helpful to keep
a family united and strong. My little family
supported my recovery, but it was all mine
where the rest of the family sort no need for
extended help. They survived a household
with one in recovery and they all moved on.
Today, im remarried after a 25yr marriage
and so did my ex husband. We all live
own own lives as meant to be and that is
also a blessing.
I always made recovery available to my
family so they could feel comfortable coming
to me in such case of emergency with addiction.
What better place to learn about addiction
then right there in the home where recovery
is working.
entered recovery back in 1990. Family
intervention took place and I spent 28 days
in rehab away from my little family, putting
a strain on them while I was away from them.
However, they all survived and when I returned
home i began my recovery journey explaining
all along the way to my "normal" family with
no addiction. With me in recovery and them
not, it made communication and understanding
difficult.
My 2 kids went on to graduate college with no
addiction problems, which is a blessing and now
they are grown and gone living awesome lives.
With knowledge available to all members in
the family for the taking is very helpful to keep
a family united and strong. My little family
supported my recovery, but it was all mine
where the rest of the family sort no need for
extended help. They survived a household
with one in recovery and they all moved on.
Today, im remarried after a 25yr marriage
and so did my ex husband. We all live
own own lives as meant to be and that is
also a blessing.
I always made recovery available to my
family so they could feel comfortable coming
to me in such case of emergency with addiction.
What better place to learn about addiction
then right there in the home where recovery
is working.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Sorry,
I was a bit stressed and upset about some outside stuff when I posted. I started AA when he was 5. Prior to that I was a constant drunk. Between his 5th year and his 21st year he never saw me drunk, although I did have a few slips. After 7 years of sobriety I drank for 8 years (he was 21 when I started again). He hated AA from the age of 5 because in order to get sober I went to 2 meetings a day for 2.5 years. He was more abandoned by my meeting attendance than he was by my drinking. However when I drank for 8 years, when he was age 21 – 29….he told the women who took me to treatment “it’s what she needs to do” and always encouraged me to go to all the meetings I needed to after that.
But he has been honest that he has “abandonment issues” about the time I was gone when he was 5 to 11 years of age. It’s not that I shouldn’t have done it…it’s that it had an emotional effect on him (rational or not). There were also the phone calls to sponsors, the overheard conversations about stuff he probably should not have heard (newly sober I wasn’t always aware that he could hear me even 3 rooms away…)
I took him to meetings with babysitters (volunteers to handle the kids in another room) once a week. However I have watched parent/children and experienced sibling attendance. Depending on the group it can be an issue that makes it hard for the child who ends up alcoholic to recover. And I think for relatives it can be a big problem to getting help from the program if you know a relative has shared intimate details (even if they aren’t all that intimate) with others who they now need help from…they have one side of the story in advance…it’s awkward. That said, it’s doable. Fortunately, my first home group was able to be supportive and not “choose sides” with couples, siblings etc. Not all groups or people are able to.
My son is probably alcoholic, though he is “managing at the moment”. But he will never go to AA in this town. Those people are “mom’s” (in his mind, and he may be right in a way). He knows where the help is, but since his alcoholism involves me….as the alanon…he would never go to a group that I have relationships with…I don’t blame him…it just doesn’t feel safe. Fortunately, in my area there are meetings fairly close by that I’ve never been to and he could go to “safely”.
Just more information cause you asked (LOL)’
Nands
I was a bit stressed and upset about some outside stuff when I posted. I started AA when he was 5. Prior to that I was a constant drunk. Between his 5th year and his 21st year he never saw me drunk, although I did have a few slips. After 7 years of sobriety I drank for 8 years (he was 21 when I started again). He hated AA from the age of 5 because in order to get sober I went to 2 meetings a day for 2.5 years. He was more abandoned by my meeting attendance than he was by my drinking. However when I drank for 8 years, when he was age 21 – 29….he told the women who took me to treatment “it’s what she needs to do” and always encouraged me to go to all the meetings I needed to after that.
But he has been honest that he has “abandonment issues” about the time I was gone when he was 5 to 11 years of age. It’s not that I shouldn’t have done it…it’s that it had an emotional effect on him (rational or not). There were also the phone calls to sponsors, the overheard conversations about stuff he probably should not have heard (newly sober I wasn’t always aware that he could hear me even 3 rooms away…)
I took him to meetings with babysitters (volunteers to handle the kids in another room) once a week. However I have watched parent/children and experienced sibling attendance. Depending on the group it can be an issue that makes it hard for the child who ends up alcoholic to recover. And I think for relatives it can be a big problem to getting help from the program if you know a relative has shared intimate details (even if they aren’t all that intimate) with others who they now need help from…they have one side of the story in advance…it’s awkward. That said, it’s doable. Fortunately, my first home group was able to be supportive and not “choose sides” with couples, siblings etc. Not all groups or people are able to.
My son is probably alcoholic, though he is “managing at the moment”. But he will never go to AA in this town. Those people are “mom’s” (in his mind, and he may be right in a way). He knows where the help is, but since his alcoholism involves me….as the alanon…he would never go to a group that I have relationships with…I don’t blame him…it just doesn’t feel safe. Fortunately, in my area there are meetings fairly close by that I’ve never been to and he could go to “safely”.
Just more information cause you asked (LOL)’
Nands
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
My son never went to any recovery program, but I hear him using the tools all the time. BTW, he never credits me. haha
Who cares? I'm with you. The idea of family recovery is to pass along new thinking patterns and solutions to typical problems in life....and, in my opinion, alcoholism is a lot more typical than most of us like to admit.
He definitely learned how to live in solutions. I don't worry about what problems he lands in. I'm pretty sure he'll find his way and learn from his own mistakes.
He DOES have the obsessive nature. But then again, the apple really doesn't fall too far from the tree.
He totally is at ease about me being in AA and is quite proud of that. He doesn't drink, and he tells his friends....."You really don't want me to do that. If you saw my family tree, you'd know......that stuff is bound to be poison in my case."
He's right about that, too.
Who cares? I'm with you. The idea of family recovery is to pass along new thinking patterns and solutions to typical problems in life....and, in my opinion, alcoholism is a lot more typical than most of us like to admit.
He definitely learned how to live in solutions. I don't worry about what problems he lands in. I'm pretty sure he'll find his way and learn from his own mistakes.
He DOES have the obsessive nature. But then again, the apple really doesn't fall too far from the tree.
He totally is at ease about me being in AA and is quite proud of that. He doesn't drink, and he tells his friends....."You really don't want me to do that. If you saw my family tree, you'd know......that stuff is bound to be poison in my case."
He's right about that, too.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
you can ask around and try to find a meeting that is"children friendly"
i've been around aa a while
and
i've seen kids at meetings a lot
and
the great thing is everyone is glad they are there
of course a child may be a little this or that
and the parent took them outside for a while
but
give it a chance
usually a meeting is very subdues, quiet, etc
the child will pick up on that
all in all
i never heard anyone complain about a child at a meeting
fraankie
i've been around aa a while
and
i've seen kids at meetings a lot
and
the great thing is everyone is glad they are there
of course a child may be a little this or that
and the parent took them outside for a while
but
give it a chance
usually a meeting is very subdues, quiet, etc
the child will pick up on that
all in all
i never heard anyone complain about a child at a meeting
fraankie
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
I was thinking of this thread at the meeting I was at Saturday night. One of the young ladies who is a regular there (it's not my home group, just the group closest to me, but there often enough) just popped her first child out, and the little baby was at this meeting. The young mother sat in the front row, and the baby was fussing a little. Then a lot. She was trying to comfort it, and was succeeding...sort of. It was then she got up and plonked it right onto the father's lap. The chairperson. Who was in the middle of doing the preamble! So here's the chairperson, baby in lap, trying to quiet it and trying to run the meeting! I wasn't sure why she did that, but then when he introduced the speaker...it was her.
The baby wasn't noisy after that, but I can't say I've seen the chairperson cooing and shushing their child at the same time in doing a meeting.
It is what it is...welcome to AA!
The baby wasn't noisy after that, but I can't say I've seen the chairperson cooing and shushing their child at the same time in doing a meeting.
It is what it is...welcome to AA!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by paul99
I was thinking of this thread at the meeting I was at Saturday night. One of the young ladies who is a regular there (it's not my home group, just the group closest to me, but there often enough) just popped her first child out, and the little baby was at this meeting. The young mother sat in the front row, and the baby was fussing a little. Then a lot. She was trying to comfort it, and was succeeding...sort of. It was then she got up and plonked it right onto the father's lap. The chairperson. Who was in the middle of doing the preamble! So here's the chairperson, baby in lap, trying to quiet it and trying to run the meeting! I wasn't sure why she did that, but then when he introduced the speaker...it was her.
The baby wasn't noisy after that, but I can't say I've seen the chairperson cooing and shushing their child at the same time in doing a meeting.
It is what it is...welcome to AA!
The baby wasn't noisy after that, but I can't say I've seen the chairperson cooing and shushing their child at the same time in doing a meeting.
It is what it is...welcome to AA!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
My wife is a normie, so I'm the only alkie in our family. We're we married for 7 years and I was sober 14 years before we had our first child. 2 years later we had our second. There was never a reason for me to take my kids to a meeting. If I couldn't make it, I couldn't make it. There were several times when my wife's schedule conflicted with my meeting schedule where just staying home with the kids was more important. Especially snuggling up and reading about 300 books before bedtime.
Exposing them to recovering alcoholics was no problem dithers. There was usually one or two hanging around or stopping by the house. Sometimes up to 20. They also got to see the downside and how we help each other. Real life happens the other 23 hours a day when we're not in a meeting.
Both girls are in college now, doing great and well aware of the dangers of alcoholism. A few of their friends have come to us for help. I'm so very grateful for being sober and aware I the tremendous gift and opportunity I was given having my children. I cut back on meetings to be with them, I didn't cut back with the readings, prayers, meditation, and working the steps. You only live once. I'm glad I did what I did.
Exposing them to recovering alcoholics was no problem dithers. There was usually one or two hanging around or stopping by the house. Sometimes up to 20. They also got to see the downside and how we help each other. Real life happens the other 23 hours a day when we're not in a meeting.
Both girls are in college now, doing great and well aware of the dangers of alcoholism. A few of their friends have come to us for help. I'm so very grateful for being sober and aware I the tremendous gift and opportunity I was given having my children. I cut back on meetings to be with them, I didn't cut back with the readings, prayers, meditation, and working the steps. You only live once. I'm glad I did what I did.
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