talked to sponsor
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
talked to sponsor
I felt a nagging voice today in my head telling me to call my sponsor and be honest with her and i did and it went so wonderfully she thanked me for being honest. She told me she was proud of me for coming so far. She said not to fire her yet. She said to tell her not exactly but what types of things I want to talk to my therapist about for my 4th step and 5th step she said that was wrong and hasty of her and not fair of her to tell me not to talk to my therapist doing the 5th step. She also said that i can look at the 4th step workbook and see what it is all about. I asked if we could discuss some parts of the big book and she said yes. I was going to be petty and just leave her a voicemail firing her but I knew i would feel bad about myself if I did that. She still doesn't want me to talk to my therapist about what i talk about with her which i still disagree with. What I realized you have to try and talk to people about what is bothering you never assume. Now I feel so much better. I am not sure what is going to happen but i feel better. She told me she understood if I wanted to fire her she has fired many sponsees and two sponsors.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,986
It's none of your sponsor's business what you say or don't say to your therapist.
Plain and simple.
Until you've actually written your 4th step, how will you know what to share and with whom?
Are you certain she has worked the 12 steps out of the big book as outlined in that big book and has had a spiritual awakening as a result of working through the 12 steps?
Plain and simple.
Until you've actually written your 4th step, how will you know what to share and with whom?
Are you certain she has worked the 12 steps out of the big book as outlined in that big book and has had a spiritual awakening as a result of working through the 12 steps?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
I'm not sure she has had a spiritual awakening. I'm considering not getting a sponsor for a long time if this doesn't workout. I'm just not good with people and relationships. I desperately want one but don't know who else I can ask. You are right I want to have a spiritual awakening and a sponsor that has had one. I'm not sure she has worked all the 12 steps either.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Originally Posted by Anoronha 
I'm not sure she has had a spiritual awakening. I'm considering not getting a sponsor for a long time if this doesn't workout. I'm just not good with people and relationships. I desperately want one but don't know who else I can ask. You are right I want to have a spiritual awakening and a sponsor that has had one. I'm not sure she has worked all the 12 steps either.
But for me, my first real relationship, and by real I mean intimate and honest and truthful and emotionally available, was with my sponsor. Until then no one knew the whole me, the real me. I was pieces of a smashed mosaic scattered and littered on random streets. No one could piece me together and get to know the real me. And if someone could, I feared they would run away from me...far away. That is why relationships scared me. But having my sponsor love me and stay with me no matter what I shared with him, well that was something new for me. I wouldn't exchange that experience for any other.
As for who to ask...pray. I used to pray that the right person would be put on my path. And he did. It may happen overnight, it may take longer, but as long as you are open to it, and are taking the action of overcoming fears of others one small step at a time, it will happen. The right woman will present herself to you, and you to her. You can also ask the secretary at an open meeting about available sponsors, and they can point you to the women who are available. Talk to them. This is your life here, and you're on a journey...get the guide to help you, connect to your Higher Power, get the spiritual awakening...and then you can pass it on to another woman just like you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Anoronha
I'm not sure she has had a spiritual awakening. I'm considering not getting a sponsor for a long time if this doesn't workout. I'm just not good with people and relationships. I desperately want one but don't know who else I can ask. You are right I want to have a spiritual awakening and a sponsor that has had one. I'm not sure she has worked all the 12 steps either.
All the best.
Bob R
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
I'm going to tell her I disagree with her telling me that I am not allowed to talk to my therapist about what I talk about with her. You know honestly the petty part of me wanted to just leave a voicemail firing her or not tell her and get a new sponsor but I knew I could not respect myself if I did that and that would be disrespecting her and just plain mean. Im not deciding anything till after the discussion and reading the 4th step workbook. I'm going to pray for the right person to be put in my life to help me and maybe I can help her.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,986
None of us are perfect, our sponsors, but seriously, it's none of my business what another says or does and I don't expect them to tell me these things.
A sponsor's role is to guide you through the steps, not to tell you how or what to say or do. We all have free will, but it's up to us and our higher power to be useful.
My sponsor doesn't sponsor me without a higher power present or without discussing some things with their sponsor, who in turn may also speak with their sponsor. That was discussed when we talked about our guidelines for working together.
Just talk with your sponsor. Set up some guidelines. Make sure you have a network of women to talk with on a regular basis.
A sponsor's role is to guide you through the steps, not to tell you how or what to say or do. We all have free will, but it's up to us and our higher power to be useful.
My sponsor doesn't sponsor me without a higher power present or without discussing some things with their sponsor, who in turn may also speak with their sponsor. That was discussed when we talked about our guidelines for working together.
Just talk with your sponsor. Set up some guidelines. Make sure you have a network of women to talk with on a regular basis.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,986
(my computer and I had a moment and that last post was messed up)
None of us are perfect; all of us are on our own journey. Seriously, it's none of my business what another says or does and I don't expect them to tell me what to do or say, either.
A sponsor's role is to guide us through the steps, not to tell us how or what to say or do. We all have free will, but it's up to us and our higher power for us to be useful.
My sponsor doesn't sponsor me without a higher power present or without discussing some things with their sponsor, who in turn may also speak with their sponsor. That was discussed when we talked about our guidelines for working together.
Just talk with your sponsor. Set up some guidelines. Make sure you have a network of women to talk with on a regular basis. Work with your sponsor!
None of us are perfect; all of us are on our own journey. Seriously, it's none of my business what another says or does and I don't expect them to tell me what to do or say, either.
A sponsor's role is to guide us through the steps, not to tell us how or what to say or do. We all have free will, but it's up to us and our higher power for us to be useful.
My sponsor doesn't sponsor me without a higher power present or without discussing some things with their sponsor, who in turn may also speak with their sponsor. That was discussed when we talked about our guidelines for working together.
Just talk with your sponsor. Set up some guidelines. Make sure you have a network of women to talk with on a regular basis. Work with your sponsor!
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